Trust your body and your instincts, don't override them

I just wanted to share this, as it might help someone else. Last summer I had very mild discomfort in my right breast. I have had twinges in both breasts as all of us have, but I became focused on my right breast. My left breast did not bother me at all. I met a breast oncologist at a party, and without making clear what I was feeling, I questioned her a bit (I am a writer, so always question everyone). She said, ‘Women often just know’. So I gave in to my instinct that something wasn’t right, and went to the GP, getting him to refer me. By that time I had no symptoms of ANY KIND. I had kept feeling around, but nothing was there. In the autumn I lost my job, which was a shock and I became quite miserable. Shortly afterwards I went for my mammogram and it came back as needing a biopsy due to some calcium deposits. So I had that, and they found  nothing, so referred me for vacuum biopsy. That came back positive for DCIS intermediate. At which point I was referred for lumpectomy, which I had on 14 March. That came back 10mm DCIS, plus 0.5mm cancer, HER2 negative - clean margins of 10mm. Next thing is Sentinal Node Biopsy on 25 April (I have delayed it by a week or so til then as I don’t want my 16 year son to know anything, and he is with me for holidays revising hard for GCSEs.) They will also offer radio, and I am gleaning advice on here in advance. I will go with radio as a preventative measure. 


Nearly seven years ago, I abruptly halted an abusive marriage by having my ex arrested and removed from the house. I should have left him years before, but one of the reasons I didn’t was overriding my gut feeling that something was terribly wrong. I am an extremely positive, independent person, but have little family support, so just kept battling on to keep my kids safe and our household on an even keel, while he sat around doing nothing, in a permanent rage and spending our money. 


My message to anyone is, if something doesn’t feel right, take decisive action. No one will think you are being neurotic, just cautious. They want to catch these things as early as possible, as mine has been. I had my last mammogram in 20 March 2014, so was due for one anyway (I am 58). But got in there a bit earlier in December 2016, and now am well on my way.


Of course, I feel sad and sometimes incredibly alone, but I am so grateful for the care I receive, and for the friends and unexpected people who have been kind. And I know to forgive those who should be close and careful, who have - even though they know that I was beginning an ordeal - not been in any kind of touch. Now is the  time that a really good husband would have been ideal. Mine was a weak, foolish man who made everything difficult worse, was ungrateful for his great blessings, always hankered after what he could never have. He lost me, and really his children too. I am glad he is not part of this particular episode in my life, grateful that I don’t have to put up with his dysfunction, just when I need to be most strong for me, and for my children.



Beautiful, thank you so much.  I am sitting here with the sun shining and yellow daffodils swaying, your words very powerful and resonate.



A wonderful post, Tigony, thanks so much.
ann x