trying hard to be brave

i was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 days ago and told on friday after an agonising weeks wait for the biopsy results i have stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma, my treatment will be chemo, hormone therapy, surgery and radiotherapy i am meeting with the consultant on thursday to discuss starting chemotherapy next week
telling my family and friends was the worst thing ever and everyone has been brilliant but all of this attention is killing me, i am a very private person and i am trying very hard to be positive and be strong but how i feel is indescribable its so hard to talk about it because i can see people getting upset, everyday i become fixated on something else yesterday i was obsessed with peoples hair, today i keep feeling my lump and thinking about it growing inside me
please someone tell me that life will feel normal again eventually x

Hi leilac,

I am sorry you haven’t had any replies to your post before now, but believe that this is due to the technical problems we are encountering with this website.

I hope you are in a better place than you were when you made this post, and hope that you will now be able to get the support you were looking for from the many informed users of this site who have a wealth of knowledge and experience between them.

To add to this support BCC’s free telephone helpline staff are here if you need to talk to someone in confidence, no question is a silly question, just ask.

Take care,

Jo, Facilitator

Hi Leilac I am here to make you feel better, it’s ok to be scared and tearful and it’s hard to hold it together when everyone around you is worried and upset and trying to say the right thing but at the same time you just want them to shut up and stop treating you differently! Here is the good news: in 6 months time you will feel better, life will be more or less back to normal and you will feel better, more able to cope and you won’t be thinking 24/7 about this. Take one day at a time and deal with one treatment at a time and focus on you. When you lie on that operating table you have to say to yourself when I wake up my cancer will be gone and every treatment you have you will grow stronger as you mentally tell yourself this is to protect you. I did this particularly during radiotherapy when you are left alone in the room and the radiographers scurry away for cover. I asked for the lights to be dimmed and treated it as a relaxation session at the same time as telling myself this was going to help and protect me.
Best wishes you will be fine you can do this and there are plenty of us in here to help you on the way x

Hi Leilac I have the same type of cancer as u and am following a similar treatment package -chemo 1st, op then radiotherapy. I dont think i will be having hormone thereapy as i was told last Monday i am HER2 - and that tomoxifen wont really do anything for me. The 1st thing i can tell u is that there is a lot of information u will learn and i found the best way to cope and understand everything was to research. I have asked questions on here, spoken to to 2 friends who have had cancer, read numerous books and magazines and used the internet. Be careful what u look at on the web as there can be some scary stuff. Try to stick to either the reccomended websites like this one, Macmillion or Cancer Research or look up only the subject u are interested in. I googled things like pics and videos of the CT scan machine, information on my type of cancer and i found a brilliant book on Amazon to help explain everything to my son. I found this really helped. When i went for an MRI scan i was really nervous and I didnt know untill i looked it up that i’d have to lie face down on the machine. As i was prepared beforehand it wasnt such a scary experience. Telling family and friends was absolutely horrible. I was in shock when i told mine and just blurted it out. In hindsight i wish i had waited and done things differently but my head was spinning and i needed them to know so they could support me.I have been very open and honest with all my family and friends but i put that down to being a young single woman with no partner. I have nobody at home to discuss my worries with so i speak to anyone who will listen. A friend of mine from work who was diagnosed last year was the complete opposite. She was extremely private and didnt want anybody to know. We all handle things in our own way and u will find your way as time goes on. My next piece of advice goes alongside what Carrie said about taking 1 step at a time. I have found my issues continuosly change. Every time i worry about something and deal with it something else comes along so its like running the hurdles in the Olympics for me. My immediate worries at diagnosis were losing my hair and breast. I had to reign myself in and get through all the scans 1st to see exactly what i was dealing with. The next step was starting chemo. Once i started that i worried about my hair loss. I shaved my head 2 days ago and i have worried about it happeneing for so long but now that its done i feel relief. I have been out in public bald and dont give a stuff, something i was terrified of 3 months ago! I am in the middle of my 2nd dose of chemo now and my worries are shifting towards the op. It wont be untill nearly christmas but i really need to research the different options. Once i have dealt with that i will focus on the radiotherapy then i will be thinking of returning to work. I’m not going to lie and say that chemo is easy but nor am i going to tell u its unberable. Everyone handles the drugs differently so u just need to learn to listen to your body and see how u feel. My sister said she expected me to be in bed for days on end either sleeping or being sick. Truth is i’m almost normal especially on this 2nd dose. I am handling the whole experience better than i thought i would and i have no idea where my strength has come from but i’m so proud of myself for just getting on with it. I am going to have a huge party once this is all over and already have a few ideas up my sleeve so thats something keeping me going for now. I hope you have found my advice helpfull and if there is anything else u would like to know then ask away. Take away.
Sian x

I was diagnosed with a grade 2 invasive ductal ca in feb. I have finished my chemo, and amnoes waiting for surgery. I will then need rads and have hormone therapy. ( I forgot to add I am also having herceptin).
I had the FEC-T chemo regimen. And honestly, it was doable. I worked throughout my chemo. Just took the week after off.
Things do become more normal again. Once you get over the shock of the diagnosis. I was trying for a baby when I was diagnosed (I was 36 wdiagnose dosed, am now 37).
I have a friend that has beenthrough all the treatment and hasknow gone on to get married and have 2 children.
What really helped me was breaking down my treatment in to bite sized chunks and focus on each part. And then give myself treats at the end of each bit.

If you have any questions, about chemo I am more than happy for you to message me privatelyou wish wish.
Take care,

Hi Leilac,
Just jumping in here. Your feelings are perfectly natural. When I was dx in June 2010 I thought my world had ended. But when I started my treatment I did feel better about things and now 2 years down the line am back at work, and feeling well.
It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, but hopefully when you have your treatment plan you will feel more in control. Yes you probably will lose your hair, but it will grow back. Mine grew back really well. I know it’s easy for people to say ‘keep postive thoughts’ when sometimes its so difficult, but it is really important to stay strong, and talk to people about your feelings or come on here and talk to us. We all know what you’re going though.
Take Care.
Dotty2 xx

Hi leilac

I was diagnosed back in July, and we all understand how you can feel like the bottom just feel out of your world , I’m going in for my second chemo next week, and yes its doable when you get past the first week. Agree that you shouldn’t read any other site a then this and Macmillan as there is some really scary crap out there so I would not read it. Ask any qs to your breast care nurse or oncologist, bit always look on here to, feel free to message me if you have any questions

Hugs at this hard time

Victoria xxx

hi i am new to site i was dx two weeks ago i am having masectomy nxt week and delayed reconstruction grade 2 no other results as yet any advice

Just found this thread, Leilac, I am the world’s most private person, i was watching telly when I found my lump and the bottom dropped out of my little world… I was diagnosed this time last year with the same as you, but I was scared of the chemo and had an MX on the right side. I had my chemo after. I can make you feel better as Smc78 says, in 6 months time you will be into your treatment and your life will go back to some semblance pre BC. I didn’t tell anyone about my cancer, only the most people that needed to know, I was obsessed with keeping it a secret and avoided discussing it with anyone except my husband. It worked for me but everyone is different. Because of the delay in getting answers you’ll be into chemo now, it’s hard but it’s doable. 2011 was a rollercoaster for me, I was diagnosed, I had my MX and then I fell off the bus and broke my wrist!!! Please post on here and don’t google, you scare yourself witless…rest when you are weary and when you are p****d off find the thread on here for standing outside the dark dark woods, it kept me sane through my journey… life post BC is different for me than before but better in a way. Best wishes. M PS I chose a wig that resembled my own style and no-one knew the difference until I took it off in July this year because I was too hot.

wanted to add that my MX wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, I wasn’t in any pain at all, the hossie takes pain relief seriously, losing my hair was something I dreaded but even that wasn’t as bad as I envisaged… you’ll find lots of answers on here and I hope all your se’s are small. M

double post again. only clicked once but my pc was new when adam was a lad so could be that!!!