Hi
I was 31 when diagnosed in November 2004. I had chemo FEC and Taxatere, surgery 2x lumpectomies, a mastectomy and radiotherapy. I postponed my reconstruction until Feb this year I am still having problems with my tummy, where they took the skin from and am due to go back into hospital for day surgery on the 4th Oct, so this can be sorted.
My problem is my anger mostly directed towards my boyfriend occasionally towards my family. They don’t deserve this as they have been 100% supportive and understanding. I don’t even know myself what happens I get prickly and trivial things annoy me and I blow them out of all proportion. I think I feel bad and have a problem expressing this and as a result I want everyone else to feel bad too. I hope this makes sense. I wasn’t offered any emotional support from the cancer services until I was referred to the plastic surgery department and have had sessions with a psychologist which did help. I have also been on citalopram which has also helped a bit. But I still feel this underlying anger. I know it’s normal to feel angry after all the things we go through during our diagnosis and treatment but I need to learn to deal with it better. Any advice please xxxx
I had the same feelings of anger especially when I was going through the chemo stage…I just warned my family and partner that if I do have my anger fit, I dont mean it, I just dont feel very well, they were fine about it, especially once I explained how I felt, they just ignored it, I am a lot better now my treatment is over, but I am less tolerant of people than I was before this illness…especially of people who blow minor illnesses out of all proportion…I think things like man flu spring to mind!!!
hi
well, i’m no psychologist but it would be amazing I think if sometimes we didn’t feel anger…all this stuff we have to endure…all that ‘normality’ that has been ripped away…all that certainty that is lost, rage, rage, rage…it isn’t their fault of course (the husbands, friends and family) and mine know that the rage just sometimes is misdirected and they let it pass. i think anger can be liberating and energising - i often find an angry morning is followed by an afternoon where i can appreciate my life and all those in it. give yourself a break and rage when you need to. maybe also let yourself cry and be heartbroken for a while if you need to. and try to make sure that those who are around you know how much you love them.
take care
jo
x
Although older than you I have had a very similar course of treatment to you.
I have never had real rage but I have wanted to push folks away and shout stop being so b**dy nice to me!
Husbands/boyfriends can take so much can’t they but I don’t want to have to worry if I am upsetting them or not.
The two most useful strategies I have used (Out of sooo many) are first, take long walks in the country or some where where there is greenery if you live in a big city. Stuff still races round my brain but I feel I can talk to myself or just let my confusion reign. Secondly I have been very proactive in bring my treatment forward, researching and channelling my energy. You see I can not control what this cancer is doing in my body but by being proactive I can get a sense of controlling the treatment I receive. For instance August 22nd I went for my six months check up knowing the lump I found the week before was the third return of my cancer. It was biopsied and I was told I would have to wait about 4 weeks for a CT Scan to check there were no mets and then if I needed surgery a further 3 weeks. I was having none of it. I phone all the top dogs at the hospital and I had the scan and surgery within three weeks. That took a lot of my anger away.
Hi Verity, I know just how you feel I was told I had BC in April of this year and had a full mastectomy im going through chemo now ive got 2 treatments left then its radio and hysterectomy and reconstruction I was doing really well in the beginning hubby was being sympathetic and friends and family called round or phoned but now as the treatment carries on for month and month the symathy has more or less gone and I just seem to gt on with it on my own wanting to shout WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME ? I too are on citalopram and im not sure there working any more as I just feel so low at the moment and cant stop crying even walking around tesco I burst into tears for no reason other than looking at every other women in the shop and thinking why isn’t it you why is it me even though I would n’t wish this on my worst enemy I feel myself getting so bitter and twisted at everyone who is fit and well and wanting to scream at people who constantly complain about their trivial illnesses when Im going through this living hell !! I wish you all the luck in the world and im sure that one day we will all be fit and well again ourselves take care Jo xxxxx
I’m the same as you, I have been angry at times and poor old husband seems to be my target. I think it started with his refusal to talk about it, was diagnosed 2 days before the 1st anniv of his mother dying from cancer, so this left me feeling worthless and irrelevant, I also felt angry with mastectomy and other body changes and was crying out for re-assurance.
Have also had a couple of barneys with my mother, we not the best at mother/daughter relations, fell out big time on numerous occassions when I was in my teens and I just dont relate to her, haven’t for years and dont think I can just switch it back on now.
I have said some truly nasty things to my husband sometimes just to try and kick start a response from him but I always end up feeling awful afterwards, I am also jealous of him as I think he will be around alot longer than me for our children. We are all different and have different reactions, but I am sure we have all been angry and upset at some stage in this nastiness and say things we dont mean to.
Hi Verity After reading your post I felt very sad because thats the way I felt all through my treatment. The nastier I could be the better especially to my husband. I use to say things to him that I didnt think I was capable of saying. The anger I felt was terrible. I use to get out of bed full of hatred if my husband left a cup in the sink I would start there wasent a day he went to work without a row.I use to lie about all day then doing nothing because I felt so tired. I had only just moved house a week before I was diagnosed with BC We moved from Birmingham back to Scotland after living in Birmingham for 26 years. I had to find a new doctor and go to a new hospital so it was quite a difficult time for me.I finished all my treatment in July and I found a new job 2 weeks ago. I had a mastectomy and 8 sessions of chemo I have to take Arimadex for 5 years but now I feel great and all the anger is gone completely. What I am trying to say to you is I think its when you dont know whats in front of you thats when you feel the anger and resentment towards other people.Also going through treatments are hard I use to have moments when I would think God is this the end for me and get all panicky I do hope you start to feel better soon as there is light at the end of that tunnel believe me I am looking forward now to having a good life.And looking back now the 10 months have gone quick and I love my new house now its right in the country and fantastic. I have had some of my friends come to visit from Birmingham in the last few weeks I wouldnt let them come during treatment as I didnt want them to see me without hair. Thats another thing that I think made me very angry was having no hair but now its growing lovely I am so pleased with it Anyway I have gone on enough You Take Care Love Linda xxxxx
I used to get in the car to go to work and when I was on the M23 (I had to drive to Maidstone) I would scream loudly. No-one else could hear but I could express myself. I also swore at bank officials and at anyone who annoyed me. Sadly I still do, four years on. I definitely have a shorter fuse but it was never very long
Although I was dx and treated in 2000, I can well remember how low and angry I felt at the time.
I took so much out on my boyfriend - he was 110% supportive - we split up so many times during that treatment.
I was actually violent towards him and he’s a tough bloke, but he took it.
I really did not like the person that I had turned in to!!! I felt suicidal. It felt like everybody and everything was ruling my life - appontments galore, got to be here, got to be there etc - but when the treatment was over, I felt so alone.
Things do get better but easily 2, 3 or 4 months after the treatment has finished. I suppose that’s the time to adjust back to normality.