Hi there,
Just needed to off-load a bit. Definitely feeling like I am unravelling at the moment. I was disgnosed last month, had the lumpectomy and the news that my lymph nodes are clear which is good. But, if you had told me 6 weeks ago that my breast cancer was probably contained to my breast then I would have looked at you agog! When I was diagnosed, I was upset a bit but then went straight into research mode, managed the surgery and recovery, really happy about the news last Tuesday, but now feel as tho’ I have hit a brick wall. When I think about it, which is usually pretty late at night as my kids are young (6 and 1), I start to feel completely panic striken - now I know how a rabbit feels with the headlights bearing down on them - and wonder how on earth I am going to get through this.
I know I will, but it would be nice just to be able to think about it without weeping.
Sorry to go on a self-pity fest, I am one of the luckier ones here, Stage I, prognosis good, might not even need chemo (will see Onc on Tuesday to talk it through), I’ve had my kids so no wrestling with fertility issues either. It still feels pretty crap tho’.
Like I said, just needed to off-load a bit. Probably be better in a few days.
Take care all,
Kirsty
Your perfectly normal to feel like this, at this stage. I did the same, DX 29th August, masectomy 8th September, after the initial devestation, I went into auto pilot, but about 7 weeks later before my chemo began, I hit a wall and felt really low. Yes, some prognosis are better than others, but been told you have cancer is still a HUGE deal no matter what grade or stage you are. I call it the rollercoster! Nearly 11 Months on, I’m still on that ride, but the twists and turns aren’t so dramatic. Hang on in there. I did seek councilling through the Tenovus charity around this time which did really help.
All the best, Lisa x
Hi Kirsty,
Good for you - we need to off load on a regular basis otherwise we may end up getting bogged down. I felt exactly the same (diagnosed 7 Jun), the initial shock was not like anything I had ever felt before. The big ‘C’ word is still hard to say and some days are better than others.
The waiting game for results is the worst. I had my op 26 Jun and get results 12th Jul (Thurs), it has seemed like forever.
You know where we are if you need us, take care,
Love Tracy xx
Thanks Lisa and Tracy
It is good to know that I am not alone with the way I’ve been reacting. Many of my friends so happy that its been caught early that I feel like saying ‘but I’ve still got cancer!’. I went to my doctors today and that has helped. Got some light sleeping tablets as I find that by the time my head hits the pillow, my brain goes into overdrive. It was just good to talk to someone who wasn’t seeking reassurance from me that I was okay as well. Let me know how you get on on the 12th Tracy.
Love
Kirsty
Good morning Kirsty,
I am glad we could make you feel slightly better. It does help to talk to someone who knows exactly what you are going through. Friends mean well but I am sick of hearing ‘you are strong, you will get through this’, how the hell do they know?? Be prepared to also feel angry, it doesn’t get me very often but sometimes I feel so angry and cheated, other days weepy. Some days I even forget (honest) and i am laughing and joking, then something happens and I think ’ oh yeh, I have cancer’, then the tears come. Weird I know. I have heard it described as an emotional rollercoaster, which I think is perfect.
Have a good day, thinking of you, I will let you know how I get on tomorrow. Appointment isn’t until 3pm so it is going to be a long day!!!
sending lol,
Tracy xx
Hi Kirsty,
I have posted my results under a new discussion in the treatment category. Thought I would as I feel I am now taking a step forward.
Results were good - cancer hasn’t spread but it was grade 3 and only 15mm wide!!! I start chemo 31st Jul so I am going back to work for two weeks to give me a sense of normality (if possible).
I am feeling very upbeat today and very positive - long may it continue!!!
Thank you so much for your thoughts and kind words - please keep me up to date on how you are getting on, I am thinking of you, I hope today is a good day,
Sending you lol, speak soon,
Tracy xxx