I am sorry to have a go … BUT … tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of meeting my OH and I am suddenly totally pppp’d off about the bc
It’s like … well when we met all those years ago where did we think we’d be in 20 years time ? what did we think we’d be doing ? well it WASN’T THIS!!!
I keep thinking of “for better or worse, in sickness etc” and then I think that’s ridiculous as it’s the anniversary of our MEETING not marriage …
I know I am being stupid but I’m just so blooming cross
and according to the original schedule i should be waiting to have my last s*dding chemo (8) and I’ve only managed 5 due to the delays - and the way i’m feeling there will be more leaves on the s*dding track next week - not to mention even more e-coli for me to drop
AND i dropped my s*dding injection today and the top broke off and I didn’t know what to do so i washed it down the sink and then the needle flushed down the sink too so boo hoo hooo I’ve got to make the track to the hospital for another one
I know that I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and i should be grateful (I am grateful) but right now I feel like a broken down old crock! … not the sweet young thing that met my OH 20 years ago
20 years would have been a milestone anyway without all this hideous bc stuff to worry about. You would never have been the same young girl, etc - he’s not the same young man is he?
It’s funny how it gets you, just when you least expect it.
Celebrate the fact that you’ve had 20 years together - that’s a marvellous achievement, and enjoy the anniversary if you can.
Thanks Kinden - at least he weighs the same as when we met! I did have an advantage in the hair department (he’s lost a lot of his) … but I have now lost a lot of mine - so I cut his extra short last time - he could harldly complain could he?
You are right - when you least expect it … I am suddenly having a mid-life crisis
and the funny thing is I forgot !.. he remembered … normally that would PLEASE me !!! …
he did buy me a surprise present yesterday (first one in years) - it was a free mug with the teabags! I loved it as we used to do that sort of thing when we were younger … and then today it all went south!
Fizbix,
I guess you caught site of your dreams again and all the thing that you could have done, (even if you didn’t want to). It does put a bit of a full stop on some things, this BC, like taking your health for granted, etc but there is nothing stopping you from making decisions about a lot of things if you want to. You need something to look forward to or a distraction, something indulgent and fanciful.
Everyone can we suggest lovely things for FizBix, because she does a b…y good job round here thinking of others.
What about planning a trip back to somewhere that is important to you and sitting in a lovely restaurant eating strawberries and cream and just a big day out forgetting it all.
Anyone got a better idea? Hugs
Lily x
Dearest Fizbix - was just thinking about you last night, and wondering how you were getting along. Feel like we’re old friends now! Think I “know” you well enough to be confident that this is just a blip (ok bloody big hurdle) and that you’ll have brighter, more optimistic days ahead. Know just what you mean about taking stock of the years sometimes, and going through this is so challenging and exhausting no wonder we suddenly feel as though the ageing clock has been put onto fast forward. It’s a dreadful shock, and it makes us sad and wistful (well it does me).
As Lily so rightly says, you are just wonderful at thinking of everyone else around here, and you have cheered us up no end with your funny, lovely postings, even if they are at your expense sometimes! Your sense of humour is certainly going to see you through. Lovely things for FizBix - what can I suggest - a bit of retail therapy perhaps?, or fresh flowers? - or just getting OH to be on morning tea duty with that mug of his! Hey, you know you love each other and somehow when that love holds just as strong at this stage in life that’s almost more special than when we were younger, slimmer, had more hair, more libido - it was all so easy then. Now it’s a lot tougher, a lot more serious, this is real life, hurts like hell sometimes, but you know that if you can get through this together you can get through anything - perhaps you should be serving up champagne in that tea mug and taking turns to sip sides! Lots of love. Sarah xx (SSS)
So sorry you are feeling down!! Get him to wait on you all day, relax then shop, afternoon tea, the list goes on - hope you find something nice to do and hope tomorrow is a new day
xxx
Thanks for all that. We ended up having a manic day (rather than manic sex - which is a dim and distant memory …and at this rate won’t be on the agenda until 2009!!).
I think we might do something nice on Sunday - we met on a Sunday all those years ago. It was a blind date and we met in a pub and I insisted on meeting late so that if I didn’t like him it wouldn’t last too long and I wouldn’t have to make an excuse to leave…!
Very nice to hear from you again SSS - are you still in radiotherapy or are you completely finished ??? I think you’re completely finsihed but right now I can’t remember - really sorry. Brain is not all here. But when I go to bed - just before i drop off - my brain chucks out all the info it couldn’t find during the day … there was so much to try and remember for the morning - which was IMPOSSIBLE that I now take a pad and pencil to bed (how exciting heh?) and write it down so I don;t lose it. I putmy head on that pillow and pop … pop …pop … all the thoughts come out. People’s names, jobs i forgot to do, loads of it! Looking to remembering soon … in about 10 minutes!
I run my whole life in lists!
You were one of the first people I chatted to.
Got to go - had a long day - an achievement - with no break. Pooped but would have been anyway.
Hi FizBix - No, not finished yet! Had 12 radiotherapy treatments, with another 18 to come. Uncomfortable week with some kind of breast infection which (apparently) is entirely unrelated to the rads. Had it drained!! Now on antibiotics and left with very solid, sunken area all around scar, which I have a feeling is the way it’s going to stay (well, may get more solid and more shrivelled with the rads I suppose!) Oh well, not a lot I can do about it! I always read your postings, and do hope that the rest of your chemo goes OK - so sorry for all the delays you have had to put up with. Lots of love. Sarah xx
Really sorry to hear you have a breast infection - what a b*mmer. This whole thing is such an emotional roller-coaster isn’t it? Just when you think you know where you are it’s all up in the air again. Hope you are able to continue with the Rads plan and are not delayed.
Whatever you do - don’t get upset about your breast. Once this is all over you can see how it has turned out and then decide whether you want to do anything about it. I’ve still got my crease - I used to monitor it all the time and now I’ don’t bother - I’m too busy worrying about my head.
To cheer you up ! … I have a question for you …
What do you get if you cross an old worn out loo brush with TinTin ?
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answer: a FizBix !
Yes - I have developed one of those funny quiffs on my head that babies get … but you can still see my scalp …
I’m going to post that on the hair thread but I thought you’d enjoy it on here - just for you!
Very nice of you to read my postings - I have tried reading the radiotherapy ones but I just can’t at the moment as it just brings home how delayed I am and I can’t cope with it so I’m avoiding them until I’m ready to do it - next year ??? Quite happy to read the surgery ones as I’ve done that.
Will be thinking of you …
Hope your infection clears up soon
lots of love
FizBix xxxx
Thanks FizBix - was always rather fond of TinTin!! Ok about the whacky shape I am now, had a good feel around, looked in the mirror, regretted my lost youth (but that went a long time ago!) and have moved on! (still going to artist man though - very therapeutic). OH home from Hong Kong tomorrow where he has had half-term with our son (they met in the middle). Will make the most of having him here for a week before he heads to Brussels for three weeks. By then the radiotherapy should be about done. You will get to the rads stage Fiz Bix, but just rotten that everything is taking such a long time at the moment. Hope you can manage some nice times in between the chemos. Lots of love. Sarah xx
Glad to hear the artist is still going strong. You’ll have to find a way of displaying the artwork to us … not quite sure how!
Fab your son is visiting - considering that you live so far aaprt you see each other quite often which is great.
Just off to bed as I may have a treatment tomorrow … then again …bt like “jam tomorrow” although I think “jam” is stretching it a bit …more like “putrid out of date uncooked tripe with fungus growing all over it” … now where did that come from?
