I’m 41 and recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. With 2 small children it feels like my life is over before it’s even begun! I’ve started FEC-T and only having had one cycle the waiting to see if it’s working is driving me insane.
I’m trying to remain postive but then every second of the day I doubt that it’s working as other than my hair slowly falling out I’ve had no side effects.
The oncologist has arranged another MRI but that’s not until 11th April once I’ve had my second cycle and that seems years away!!
My emotions are all over the place and this is coming from someone who never shows them and is always in control so now I am lost and although I have massive family and friends support I feel alone!
The cancer has spread to my lymph nodes so I know that following chemo I will need an operation and lymph removal but my mind keeps taking me to a dark places and convincing me this is going to end badly!
I’ve read some posts and know none of this is new and many are going through what I am but today is one of those days when I’m feeling low and crazy.
I’m new on here and suppose just want to have a moan and vent what I really want to say to family but can’t but also to hear from others so I can talk to someone who is going through this nightmare wheel!!! X
Hi x
As you say what you are feeling is normal so here is a good place to be. You need to put the thoughts aside and just deal with the here and now or itll drive you mad. Im 37 was diagnosed in October with Grade 3 IDC with a 7-8cm lump in my breast and another in my lymph nodes im er/pr- but her2+ so had the delights of neoadjuvant chemo to deal with. Dont worry side effects have no correlation to the effevtivness of chemo I have had hardly any and those that I have had have been so mild yet at a check recently my lump was hardly there. My CT scans were clear despite the fact my lump was so large it must have been there a while. It gets a bit easier to deal with x
Dont google , be mindful if you find yourself thinking of the future bring yourself back to the here and now the only thoughts of the future you should allow yourself are of holidays, happy times and positive things we cant change whats going to happen to us healthwise in in the future by worrying you deal with that if or when you have to xx
What month did you start chemo? Join the monthly thread for ladies who are at the same stage it helps
Big hug
Jen x
Hi, your post could have been me writing as I know exactly how you feel and have been in the place you describe. I am about to have my first T today so will have chemo number 4 done. It’s hard. Like you I have been ok on the FEC and have been able to function pretty normally after the first week or so.
I am also a strong independent person with a career I love (deputy head of a primary school) and I am used to supporting others who tend to come to me when things go wrong. Despite the absolutely incredible support I have had from family and friends there are times when you feel utterly alone as nobody really understands until they are faced with a cancer diagnosis and the aftermath. My BCN said to me I needed to stop worrying and trying to protect others and start looking after my self. Wise words and I have tried to heed her advice.
However, one thing I have learned ( it’s been a long process for me from diagnosis in September, two mastectomies, chemo starting January and rads after that) is that it’s ok to admit your vulnerabilities. This was very hard for me as I like to be so independent and have tried to protect my husband and two sons. I find talking helps and I’m now not afraid to admit my fears. Mainly that’s it’s spread or will come back. It was in my lymph nodes too. This forum has been a lifeline and has helped me so much. The March chemo thread is up and running so you will find people on there at the same stage as you. Dip in to other chemo threads too as everyone is so supportive.
you aren’t alone and you will get through.
make the most of the good chemo days. The bad days do pass.
i hope this helps
hugs
claire xxxxx
Hi Claire and Jen
Thank you it does help to hear others going through the same and that we’re not alone. I started Feb with chemo so will look at threads there!
My partner has been fantastic but there are times when I need to talk to someone who knows exactly what I’m thinking!
I’m a HR Mgr for a large Council and manage lots of people but again they’ve been fantastic in that I have the flexibility of working at home but at moment I feel so good I’ve been going in for a few hours a week and that’s really helped!
My vacuum period as I like to call it is when the kids are in the bed and my partner is asleep and whilst i watch the TV I’m not really watching it as my mind starts thinking about everything else!
I will heed the advice and am trying to take each day at a time but when I look at my two little ones (2 and 5) I can’t help but wonder about when their older and if I’ll
Be around!!
Very early stages for me and I know I have a long way to go! My tumour is 3cm and multiple lymphs infected, I trust the doctors but hate that the cancer is still inside me!
Hair is very thin now and think today is the day to shave it all off so I thank you once again and wish you both well too
Regards Colista
Hi Warcol so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. This is not easy, particularly with 2 small children. Really pleased you haven’t had too many side effects with the first one. You will get through this & all the ladies on here know how you are feeling. None of us wanted this blo*dy awful disease or to go through treatment. Moan away, we are with you. I agree with Jen, join the monthly thread, so you get to know each other a bit better. You will all celebrate together when it’s all over. You sound like you might benefit from some face to face support too. Depending where you live, there are lots of places like the Haven, Maggies etc, which offer free massages, reflexology, counselling, hypnotherapy etc all of which help keep your spirits up. It’s all so unfair, but you will get through it. Have you told the kids or are they too little? Big cyber hug xxx
Hi
I’ve told my 5 year old and so far she’s not affected by it! She’s very headstrong and older that her years but I will continue to love and support them both whilst I kick this disease in the butt!!
Claire I too had malignant melanoma in 2011/12 and had an op and have been clear since and they too have told me the breast cancer is totally unrelated.
I’m so happy to hear you are still hear 15 years on and this gives me so much hope ?
I’m under no illusions that I will get sick days but I am normally a very positive and active person and want to hold on to that mindset throughout this gruelling time!
I’m so glad already that I’ve joined this forum and thank u all for your lovely comments
Colista xx