Thank you Joanne. Glad you are getting over covid. Not nice to get it twice. I am very lucky not to have had it. Wish you well with the weight loss, it’s not easy is it. Take care xx
I’m so glad to have found this thread. I’d never heard of imposter syndrome before, but it describes perfectly how I’m feeling.
I was found to have 30mm grade 2 invasive cancer, ER+, HER2-. I had a therapeutic mammoplasty in September. I’ve had to wait for result after result and each time have been so stressed and worried. I’m fortunate not to need chemotherapy and this was something I’d really worried about so I’m relieved. I still need radiotherapy and hormones. I may need to have aromatase inhibitors plus zoladex rather than tamoxifen. They’re also looking at bisphosphonates. Great! 3 drugs, all with potential side effects. And what am I told by well meaning people? Good there’s no chemo, just a bit of radio and some hormones! I’m worried sick about how side effects may affect my life. Drs talk in terms of preventing recurrence and all I can focus on is that it could come back. And now I’m thinking I should be back at work because I only had early breast cancer and I’ve only had surgery, no other treatment yet. I’ve asked my BC nurse if I’m over reacting. She said everyone recovers differently. I didn’t find that helpful somehow .
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Early Breast Cancer is still Breast cancer. I am in the fortunate position to be able to take time off work and starting Radiotherapy next week after 2 WLE and LICAP. Physically I could go to work but I am emotionally and mentally still processing the last 2 months. So I think you should go with your own feelings - go to work if it helps but stay at home if you feel you need to be home. It’s the reoccurrence in the future that keeps playing on my mind too - Secondary Cancer fear won’t leave my mind.
Sending love
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Hi Shilpa! Thanks for your reply. It helps to know others are feeling similar emotions. I’m beginning to realise the only person nudging me back to work is me. I suppose it’s my expectations of myself and how I think others are judging me, without actually having any indication that’s what they think at all. Even if they did, would it matter? Of course not. I know I have to go with how I feel, but I still feel guilty when I ask for another sick note.
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Hi @flower52
Yes I got to hate asking for another sicknote especially when it got to the stage when I couldn’t really explain why I wasn’t ready to go back. I would say give yourself time though - when you start hormone therapy ( which should be soon ) you may need some time to adjust to that . I don’t know how long the wait is in your area for radiotherapy - you might be able to go back before that but be prepared to need to rest afterwards as I experienced fatigue . You may have the kind of job that you can do some hours at home or take time off go back then go off again but mine isn’t one of those jobs - I’ve learned in the past that it’s easier all round to stay off until you are better.
Try not to pay too much attention to what people who don’t understand say . And everyone needs to process - one friend told me proudly how her brother had worked all the way through his chemo. She didn’t say it to make me feel bad but it did. However she’s since told me that 2 years down the line he had to go into counselling and that she thought I handled my cancer journey really well.
Take care of yourself and take your time
Joanne. X
Hi JoanneN, thank you for your comments. So good to hear someone else with the same feelings.
It’s funny isn’t it, how people say things they think will help, but actually have the opposite effect. Someone keeps telling me about their friend who’s having a worse time than me. I think mostly they don’t realise not all breast cancer treatment is the same and even where it is, not everyone has the same experiences of it. Your friend’s brother may have had completely different chemo drugs so comparison is pointless. But of course, when you’re feeling emotionally sensitive, you don’t rationalise that.
Hi again @flower52
Ah - I don’t think I made myself clear - I didn’t have chemo so I felt bad that he seemed to be carrying on as normal despite chemo and I couldn’t despite not having it . But the point is that he obviously was not doing as well as he appeared to be because he needed help to deal with it later on. And yes because I was emotionally sensitive and perhaps had unrealistic expectations of myself I saw criticism when it wasn’t actually there . Recently a few people have told me how well they think I did though I didn’t know they felt that way at the time.
It’s hard not to make comparisons with other people who have been more severely affected but it isn’t helpful. Sorry that you are having to listen to this stuff - I’ve found that once you’ve had cancer other people think you are interested in it and want to talk about it all the time . Some people ( often the same ones !) have an unhealthy fascination with it themselves .
Hang in there it does get easier
Joanne. X
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JoanneN, ‘this stuff’ is exactly what I need to listen to! It’s exactly how I’m feeling. So helpful to have someone who’s been to similar places, felt similar things and come out the other side. Thank you!
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Hello @JoanneN and @flower52
Your conversation resonates so much with me: I too “only” had a small tumour radiotherapy and I’m now two years into Tamoxifen. Physically I had very few issues with my treatment but psychologically and emotionally I found it really really hard and the idea that I “had” to go back to work
I had a lovely lady oncologist who sat me down and said “if it was me, I wouldn’t return to work until I was crawling the walls and there is nothing else I’d rather be doing” and she was absolutely right! Do not underestimate the effects of being diagnosed with what is a really nasty illness in what ever form it takes. I think it is really hard to know what the “right” thing to say is when you have not experienced a cancer diagnosis yourself
Everybody’s cancer experience is different, and guess what there are no prizes involved for “being brave” or a “warrior” all we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other in the only way we can whatever form that takes
Sending you both lots of love
AM xxx
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Hi adoptedmanc. Thank you so much for your post. You’ve really helped. Great to have people who’ve been where I am and felt similar feelings. I don’t feel I’m the only one feeling as I do any more x
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@flower52 hi im new to this forum
I was diagnosed od DCIS grade 2 and successfully removed 5 weeks ago and the marginal tissue biopsy says clear and not needing any treatment.
Just like to know as well hows your mental health? Because me i feel low,worried and anxious even with the reassurance from bcn.
Having been diagnosed of cancer still makes me feel weak.
Thank you all for your response
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Hi @shilpa
I was diagnosed of DCIS and had operation, marginal tissue biopsy is now clear.
Mentally i dont feel well, feeling sick thinking of having cancer, anxious of everything, have u ever felt the same? Cause i don’t know nowif my feelings are normal.
Thank you for your reply xX
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Hi buds01, I’d say what you’re feeling is normal! I felt (and still feel) my cancer diagnosis was a huge shock. Yes, I feel very low at times and about one broken fingernail away from bursting into tears. It’s still early days for you (and me really). I tell myself I’m lucky as I found it early, so it’s ‘easier’ to treat with better chance if a great outcome. It doesn’t help. In fact it makes me feel worse if anything. Like I’m making a fuss over nothing. I’m realising that’s not the case and am seeking out counselling and other help through local support centres. Is there anything near you? Maybe your BC nurse could advise you. You’re just as deserving of help as anyone else with cancer. You may be able to engage with Look Good Feel Better, who largely help you online. They do sessions via Zoom on relaxation as well as makeup and styling sessions to help you recover. It’s good to do things you enjoy, focusing for a time on things other than your diagnosis. I try to go out walking several times a week because it helps me relax when the hamster wheel in my brain won’t stop spinning. And it’s good exercise.
Look after and be kind to yourself.
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@flower52
Good morning,thank you for your reply it means a lot,thank you again.
Hope you are well,take care xX
Hi buds01 - Firstly sending massive hugs and lots of love and healing power to you 
I am no expert but I think what you are feeling is completely normal. Especially post surgery. I found the initial few weeks I focussed on getting ready for surgery. I hit the wall and had a crisis point around 10 days after my surgery. I wouldn’t leave the bed and cried for 3 days straight and wouldn’t talk to anyone except my daughter. But slowly- very slowly I have got to a place where I feel stable emotionally and mentally today. I start 15 sessions of radiotherapy tomorrow. Things that helped are unfortunately all the cliche things that you get told.
I spoke to breast cancer now volunteers regularly - and went to a therapist for a while. I meditate daily and use a cells healing hypnosis ( free on YouTube)to help me sleep and I do a crazy amount of walking in nature and I have completely stoped sugar and processed foods and started juicing fruits and vegetables daily. Not sure if that helps you at all but I hope you reach out to the numerous helplines out there. I found talking really helpful - especially talking to someone who didn’t know me.
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@shilpa hello.
Thank you so much for the reply, i dont know if im overreacting of what i feel but still i cannot avoid not to think about the cancer that was in me, i am also worried and anxious of what my manager will say or think if i will ask another sick note from my GP.
I am a bit lucky coz i dont need to have treatment after the surgery, i pray that all your treatment will be successful and you will recover fast, big hug from me, take care always xX
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You are definitely not over reacting. I realised after talking to others that DCIS is still a cancer diagnosis - cancer within our bodies will cause us worry. So do not try to overthink how other’s will react and take care of you first. Unfortunately something I learnt the last few months is that actually you have to look after you. I have a loving husband and family and good friends. But I had to do the work to take care of me. They actually couldn’t meet my needs. I realised this was my challenge and life lesson and journey to walk. I am using it to become stronger and you will to. I still have bouts of crying but I actually think emotionally releasing our emotions is healthier than bottling it up. Please find someone to talk to or find a local Breast cancer support group where you can talk to other ladies that can support you. hope you have a happy Sunday. The sun is out where I am so will go for walk soon. Take care Buds01
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@shilpa thanks for your reply.
It really helped a lot this forum.
My partner is as well very supportive but still what is in my mind which made it bad.
Take care and wish u all well xX
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Hi all, I started this thread last year after being diagnosed with DCIS. The surgeon kind of dismissed it as almost nothing but the bc nurse was great, saying any cancer is cancer. I just wanted to say, a year down the line, it took quite a while for me to recognise and allow myself my feelings and that they were justified. I had acute anxiety and low mood after surgery and ended up having 6m off work (luckily work for nhs). In most of that time, i felt like a fraud - i hadnt had a mastectomy, or radio or chemo - what did i have to complain about? But eventually the penny dropped- something had happened to my body, something I’d never imagined would happen to me and my distress was mine- i didnt have to compare to anyone else. We all bring our baggage with us througj life, some are able to kick back and feel like fighters, some feel like crawling in a shell. Any and all responses are valid, normal, human and deserve only two things - kindness and self-compassion. This group helped me through, and also Macmillan centre, and the Hope group where i made great friends. We deserve it all - its a hard adjustment and we have to look at ehat we say to others, and apply that empathy to ourselves. Love to you all 
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Thank you for your update on your post. I’ve been struggling with guilt that I should be back at work following my WLE and SNB in September. I have an oncology appointment tomorrow to discuss a short course of radiotherapy and hormone treatment. I guess I’m just struggling a bit with the whole rollercoaster following diagnosis but I know people go through worse. Your post has made me realise that I’m entitled to feel like this.
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