this is the hardest time of my life i keep breaking down infront of my boyfriend. im more and more convinced every day its what i imagine it will be. cos ny lumps been there a long time and im now noticeing more symptoms. i ache all i want to do is cry. i can barely eat. what am i going to do if it is… what about work? my boyfriend? my family? i cry when i think about christmas i wont make plans for after christmas although my boyfriend wants to go christmas shopping this weekend he wants to get a christmas tree after my appointment friday then he has to go back to work in the afternoon.
im sorry im being so selfish i just i dont know i literally cant concerntrate on anything else and the what ifs… i have so many scenarios in my head. im young i go to festivals just got my first flat this year mum offered me driving lesson for christmas. i keep thinking what if he leaves me my boyfriend… i wouldn’t know how to tell people if it is what i think. i wanted us to get a dog… i feel like screaming. ive read so many threads on here and you guys are incredible and i dont know how you do it. i feel sick. i panic about loosing my boob or boobs or hair. i have long dark hair. i get my nails done i wear makeup. have piercings tattoos. im not ready for this im 22.
i want to hug all of you and cry. im a massive baby, i barely know how to sort out my own bills. im scared of being alone if it is… and all sorts. i want to send you all massive squishy hugs. and even know i dont know any lf you your amazing. thankyou for trying to make me feel better. i feel so alone and hospital is so far away from where i bloody live. (living in wales is beautiful but isolating)
i rang them and cried and kinda talked. my head hurts from crying so much. i have no energy. yet i haven’t moved out of bed. finding it hard to be positive when i feel so certain on how this is going to turn out on friday. i want to go for a walk but ny face is all puffy and i dont want to put makeup on cos ill probs just cry again xox
i wish i could reach out to you a give you the biggest hug. thankyou some much for trying to reassure me. however my appointment goes i am never gonna forget you ladies words. i just really dont wanna be alone if it is the worst. i used to be very anxious at one stage of my life and stopped going out. had councelling and thought i can only help myself mentally. i know this but sometimes im weak. im my own worst enemy when im on my own. im normally so goofy and weird and funny but my man even said to me last night when i was having a freak out that hes upset cos im not myself. i havent told my mum cos she lives on her own and i dont want her to have a meltdown too. im too scared to tell anyone cos i cant cope with somone else panicing and worrying too yknow. im normally christmas mad and ive come to a massive hult. normally drink red wine when i have a day off next day or on the weekend but cang bring myself to incase i have more of a meltdown. im afraid of alot of future things right now. i miss my cat, she lives with my mum still cos im not allowed pets here. i work in a phone shop. n keep nearly losing my **bleep** cos i have a lot of annoyed customers ranting at me which im usually fine with. im really not good at being alone. i hope you are well sue.
Sue HS will be back, I assure you, but thought I’d reply as I saw your post. I think you’ve put your finger on the key to this situation, and something that will help you in the future no matter what your result is on Friday. Being able to reassure yourself, when nobody else is around, is so important. It takes a lot of practice, and real effort to get to the point of changing your way of thinking, so that you aren’t reliant on others to pull you out of your panic. Have you been offered cognitive behavioural therapy in the past? It can help some people to retrain their negative and non-beneficial thought processes.
no ive never heard of that before? thankyou for replying it means alot. whatever will be will be. im so up and down its rediculous. how are all you guys? sorry im being so selfish.
hope you guys are having nice evening i actually got up and did some cleaning when my boyfriend come home. light hearted question what have you had or having for tea? as my usual self i love asking people this. dont ask me why…
this time tomorrow i will be at the hospital and im totally terrified cos i am certain i will have bad news cos of noticing other symptoms since my docs appointment two weeks ago. i feel so sick and scared and have to work im trying so hard not to cry.
Waiting room is not good. Hi all. I went to docs just under 2 weeks ago. Lump in right armpit. No pain. She did urgent referral and I’m there on Monday at 1.45. I have family history as sis was 36 diagnosed with breast cancer. I feel like I have been stalking this forum for some comfort and have read and followed many posts. You are all so positive and a great comfort whatever the outcome. Any how’s doc tell me the lump cannot be lifted? And she cannot feel around it. ?
My wee head has Been away with the fairies but I have been stalking all your posts. Thank you all for the posts I have followed. You lot have been great as I cannot tell my family and friends how I feel.
Thank you to anyone who reads this and hopefully Monday will be fine.
i fortunately have been very very lucky and its just glandular tissue apprently i have lumpy breasts.
thankyou so much for your support this past couple of weeks. you are all actual saints. i will never forget how lovely you have all been. im sending you all massive posativity and love eternally. but please let me know if there is anyting i can do for any of you.
xoxoxoxox