Hi
I went to my local hospital breastcare unit on Thursday. I was seen by a lovely lady doctor who after the initial examination seemed to think I may have a cyst and was experiencing hormonal changes which are all perfectly normal at my age (46). I was sent off to have a mammogram and ultrasound in a different part of the hospital. Initially I felt quite positive and almost guilty that I was just being paranoid and wasting everyones time. However, during the ultrasound the doctor was taking a ot of time and making notes of measurements. Having had three children I knew there must have been something there for her to be doing this. She then explained that she had found two lumps and had also noticed that the gland under my arm was larger than it should be. She told me she would like to carry out biopsies on the lumps and take a sample from the gland and was I happy for this to be done right away. I just knew then that all was not well and was only too willing to have these done so I could find out exactly what was wrong. After this procedure I felt a little dizzy (probably as the room was a little smal and very warm, and I was very apprehensive) and the staff were lovely and told me not to rush and take my time. I was offered a cup of tea and a nurse walked me back to the waiting room which was much fuller than it had been when I’d first arrived. As I was on my own I sat at a table on my own and the nurse brought my tea. I began to feel rather overwhelmed as if everyone was looking at me and noticed my hands had started to shake as I tried to read the after care leaflet I had been given. Then an older nurse popped her head round the door and called my name, she took me to a different room which was quiet and said I should sit there and drink my tea in peace on my own. I coud tell my the look on her face she was handling me with care. I pulled myself together and took a few deep breaths and tried to quell the urge to cry. After drinking my tea and a few deep breaths I did as the nurses had instructed and went back to the clinic where I had originally seen the Doctor having been told to alert the nurses I was back from ultrasound. I was soon shown back into the examination room and when the Doctor came in she had a very different expression on her face as if she was going to give me bad news. Which she did by asking me what I had been told already and then confirming that there were two lumps which had been buried so deep that no one could have felt them there. She told me I had done very well to get there and she said they were very worried. At this point I wished I had taken someone with me as I went into shock and I broke down. I was doing my best to listen but I dont think I took it al in. I just remember her saying how sorry she was and talking about reconstuctive surgery and plastic surgeons and chemo. Then she said to come back next Weds for the results and she would know more then about what treatments were right for me. She reassured me that I am young and they will ‘throw everything they can at it’.
I take this to mean she is fairly certain it is cancer or is this what everyone is told so they can prepare for the worst?
My partner says I must not assume at this stage and wait for the results. I have only told a few close friends and immediate family until I get my results but Icant help fearing the worst and have already started researching because that is the only way I know how to cope. My emotions are all over the place and I find that difficult as I am normally the rock for everyone else.
Hazkev sorry you are having to go throw this and I know it is hard to take everything in when you are upset and worried. Did the hospital give you a number for the breast cancer nurses, if so give them a ring and they can talk you throw what was said again. Otherwise the helpline on here is very good and they will be able to help with any queries and worries. if you want to research then look here on the main site, as the BCC use this information for their patients or MacMillans site, these are the most update and useful. All the best for Wednesday and please take someone with you, they can be up our ears and memory when going to appointments and listening to the information given.
hi hazkev, reading you post was like reading my diary from 10 days ago. I went for my appointment on my own and cant actually remember the journey home. I am waiting for my mri scan at the mo so still on the waiting train but it starts moving pretty quick. My mum was diagnosed a month before me and she has already had her mx. Try to think postive, its highly cureable…thats what i keep telling myself. Good luck.
ps this site is great.
sam
Hi Hazkev
Firstly, welcome to the forums, I am sure you will find it a great source of information and support.
As well as the support you are recieving here as lucylou has mentioned do give the BCC helpline a call. Here you can talk through how you are feeling and share your concerns with someone who will offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open 9 to 5pm Monday to Friday and 10-2pm Saturday.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator
Thank you for your replies and your support is appreciated. I did get a card with contact for the Breast Care Service and I have emailed them with my questions.
I am staying positive and keeping myself busy.
Good luck to you too x
Dear Haskev
The beginning of this journey is the worst possible time to experience. Waiting for results can be agonising and we always think the worst. When you get your treatment plan, you will feel more in control. Although it is a great shock to be told you could have or do have breast cancer, it is very treatable and all the ladies (and gentlemen) on here have been through the same thing or similar as you have. My thoughts are with you, and I’m sending you very big but gentle hugs and wish you good luck.
Poemsgalore xxx
Dear Haskev
Can I add my message of support and comfort to you - waiting is just awful. Take it one day at a time, don’t forget to breathe and talk to your Breast Care Nurses or the helpline from this site. You are not alone and talking to people on here will probably prove invaluable. There is no such thing as a stupid question and though everyone is different, you will be supported by people who understand exactly what you are going through. I know how absolutely miserable you are feeling right now, but once you know what the results are, and have a treatment plan, you will be back in control and will be able to move forward. My thoughts are with you xxx
Hi Hazkev,
I too am on the waiting train, although I got my results on wednesday. I rang the BCC helpline yesterday and was helped by a lovely lady at the other end who gave me very practical advice and reasuured me that it is Ok to feel terrified and emotional.
Do take someone with you for the results as your mind whirs off at tangents as they are talking to you. Dont search too widely on the internet as it is very confusing,
Thinking about you
Jan x