waiting game -my first time on this roller coaster!

Hi Everyone,

i got an urgent referral through by my GP as I felt a lump in my left  breast (upper) and the lump grew so much so quickly i nthe week it took me to see the specialist.  I had a shocking couple of days -first day was the triple assessment (dual aspect mamaogram, ultra scan and triple biopsy). -the ultra scan showed up two lumps -one in the matching arm pit -my lump in my breast is about 4 cms already!!  have been told it’s not a cyst.  the doctor who did the Ultra scan looked really worried and said ‘this is serious stuff now’!  and insisted on taking my notes down after doing the biopsys to talk to the specialist doctor herself.  So I then got sent for bloods, CT scan ( full body ) and Spectrum scan full bone scan -the latter the second day.  I feel knocked sideways.  I am really impressed with how fast they have all moved but also scared!  

Am back at the hopsital on the 6th to get all the results and meet the Consultant Surgeon -all the specialist doctor would say is: you have brought us the problem now we need time to look at what we are going to do about it so I should know the team are on to it and therefore not to worry as it woudn’t do me any good…I really didn’t know what he was on about -so I asked is it cancer -he wouldn’t say  but said we are treating this as ‘suspicious’…but judging by all the worried looks am guessing so. I told him -it is bit of tall ask to tell me not to worry!  

 

I was given a card so I could contact the cancer care team in the meantime but I don’t really want to as I know they can’t tell me anything more until all the tests come back.  The full spectrum scan on the bones did not require me to go for further x rays so hopefully that is good news.  

 

I find myself oscillating between pure practical -get the house all sorted and everything tidied up, paper work all in order, jobs I have bee nthreatening to do done etc…to waves of panic.  Most of the time though I am just keeping busy! I feel like I have entered a whole new world and currently I don’t have any landmarks to know where I am and how to handle this. I am a solution focused person so being in limbo is hard…but i guess it is hard for everyone!  However am also dreading going back on the 6th! Lol…

Hi Waveylocks

Welcome to the BCC discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for some good, honest support from the man informed users of this site, who I am sure will be along soon to offer their support.

In the meantime if you need to talk to someone in confidence, away from family and friends then our helpline team are just a free phone call away, 0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2, don’t sit worrying alone, they’re here to support you both practically and emotionally through this.

Take care

Jo, Moderator

Hi wavylocks, sounds like you’ve had a really tough couple of days and as all of us know, a horrible week of waiting to come. Be prepared for the roller coaster of emotions that you have mentioned - from keeping busy, focused, strong and positive to the worry, lows and tears. I described it as a “can’t get out of a wave pool” feeling. Waiting is horrible, its like everything goes on a false hold. I think you’ve been left in a very very difficult position and it won’t be the easiest of times until you go back. When I went, amongst lots I didn’t like about the hospital, they at least were very vocal and honest at every single stage. They said it didn’t look good on the mammograms, they got me back in for magnifying ones and again I got the “oh it doesn’t look good”, “do you have anyone with you” but when I asked if it looked like cancer they bluntly said “yes, it looks suspicious”. Then at the ultrasound when I could see black circles and asked again, they were very honest and blunt and repeated they were concerned, it looked suspicious etc etc but when they did the biopsies, drained cysts and extracted/evacuated two lumps they then have me a very clear verbal opinion with %'s. For me, despite the negativity all the way I have a visual 90% that it is not cancer (I’m taking this as very very good news although dont get final results til this week). I really appreciated their bluntness and honesty (and believe even if it was bad news they would also have told me straight) and its helped me get my head straight and deal with this week. The only advice I can give is to do what feels right; if you have questions definitely phone the helpline (even if its only to ramble or wonder out loud) or speak to whoever you feel most comfortable with. Even you GP might be helpful if you need it. Hope the week goes quickly for you and things go well. Will be thinking of you. Lorrainne. X