Waiting is driving me insane

Waiting is driving me insane

Waiting is driving me insane I have started this topic on behalf of new user Amanda

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Breast Cancer Care

4 days ago I found a lump - my mother is in remission from breast cancer, and two years ago i lost my best friend to breast cancer, which is why i dilligently check my breasts.

I went to the doc today, half expecting her to say it was a gland or something similar, and not to worry, however, she didn’t.

There are some + signs, no discharge from nipple, change in shape of breast, or infamiliarities with the lymph nodes under the arm - however, the lump is still a lump, but she did say it felt rather smooth and flattish - which is uncharacteristic of a cancer lump… however, due to the history of cancer being in the family, she wants me to have it checked further - also to put my mind at ease.

I have just had a phone call from the breast cancer clinic to say that they can see me in 13 days time (hope that’s not an omen) on the 28th June.

I have a big exam in 5 days, and I just cannot concentrate on anything - I feel partly in shock, and partly scared sensless. I can’t tell anyone other than my husband, i don’t want to worry my mother who’s been through it all a few years ago. My husband lost his mother to cancer a year and a half ago too, so the poor guy was silent on the phone when I told him it needed a bit of further investigation.

I have poked and prodded this lump so much that it actually throbs and i am constantly aware of it.

I marvel at how one day you are carrying on in your own little world and suddenly everything comes to a grinding holt. I catch myself thinking such negative things and have to force myself not to think about it. normally i am so positive, but this has totally knocked me.
I can’t even function normally, in fact, I have just locked myself out the house on the way to fetch my son from pre-school, and had to call on my godparents to drive like maniacs round to drop off my spare key!

it has helped reading through these forums, and i’m sure i will be using them for comfort alot through the next 13 days.


waiting is driving me insane Hi Amanda
sorry to see you on here but glad you found the site.I’m waiting as well-strange how the world stops isnt it?The thought of bc doesnt leave you for one moment.I just know all the images and thoughts going round in your head but remember you are not alone and if you cant talk to family then come and talk to us

Hi Amanda

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.

Your GP has probably referred you urgently because of your family history, rather than because he thinks the lump is suspicious.

Please bear in mind though that a family history of breast cancer is only one risk factor among many. Just because your mum had it doesn’t mean you have, too. However, it would be wise to get yourself tested for the BRCA gene which your breast clinic may suggest to you anyway. Even then, being a carrier of the gene does not mean you will go onto develop breast cancer.

From what you have described the lump doesn’t sound characteristic of cancer. But your GP was right to refer you as the guidelines say all lumps should be checked out.

In the unlikely event this is cancer your diligent self-examination will have served you well as they will have almost certainly caught it early.

The waiting is horrible - I remember it well. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible and the 2 weeks went in quite quickly.

Keeping my fingers tightly crossed for you. Let us know as soon as you hear anything.

Lola x