My brother in law was diagnosed in 2006 with bc and had lymph infection too. Last year he had secondaries in his lungs and bones identified, earlier this year these had spread to liver and brain.
I’ve just spoken to my sister in law and he’s just been released from hospital following a chest infection, but is having trouble breathing. He’s lost about 4 stone very quickly, is unwilling to eat, cannnot take the milky dietary supplemet they use, it just comes back, and he’s in a wheelchair.
His oncologist (at Colchester) came to see him on Tuesday in the ward but when there were visitors about so how could they speak? He’s been made an appt to see onc in 3 weeks but from sound of it I don’t think he’s going to make that.
His son is coming back from Oz next week for a week.
I feel so bad, both for my BiL and selfishly for me. OK, it’s not me yet, but given my prognosis it won’t be that long - I’m 3 years behind him. I feel guilty feeling sorry for myself, so upset for my in laws and I don’t know hat to do. I just wanted to outpour. thanks for listening.
So sorry to hear whats going on.
Its scary seeing someone close to you not make it through when you have your diagnosis to deal with too.
You’re bound to feel like this.
I lost my Mum to Bowel Cancer 3 years ago and I got diagnosed with BC in Feb, having seen the worst that cancer can do, it’s terrifying having seen it so close to home and have a cancer diagnosis!!
Just wanted to say that it’s perfectly normal to feel like that, losing anyone we not only think of them but also OUR loss too.
I voiced my fears to my BCN about this and she said to try and focus on the fact that no 2 people are the same and just because what my Mum went through was on the vicious end of the scale and had a horrible outcome did not mean I would, so perhaps try and think like that, as hard as that maybe.
And do come on here for support, venting etc, we all get it xxx
Have your cry you are entitled to have the release and then do what you can for the family. Remember to rest when you need to cos you have a need to help yourself as well. I wish you well and a big hug. Chris x
Nina, so sorry to read your posting, you must be feeling so sad and probably lost, too. How can you not reflect on your future - it doesn’t take away your care for your family. I think a lot of us will be thinking of you
take care
monica x
thanks for the supportive replies. somehow I feel it’s something I can’t easily talk about with my husband - it’s his brothe rwho’s going thru this.
It’s not helped that we’re in aberdeen and he’s in deepest Essex, and cos one of the tumours is squashing a nerve (they think) he’s got no voice so can’t talk on the phone either, if he wanted to.
I’m now looking at booking a flight down, but I don’t want to interrupt his time with his eldest son - he’s up one minute about seeing him and then down cos it will be the last time.
I just feel so selfish - David’s worrying about me when his thoughts should be with his brother but I can’t stop crying - I suffer with bqad clinical depression from my pre cancer days and the 2 are not good bed fellows.
I’ll use this thread to try and get it off my chest privately as it were - again, thanks for listening.
I’m so very sorry you’re going through all this - my heart really goes out to you! I hardly know what to say to support you, but I just wanted to echo what everyone on here’s saying, and for you to know we’re all thinking about you.
Am really glad you’re pouring it out on here - you really need to just now. Take really good care of yourself, and don’t feel guilty AT ALL about how you’re feeling. Clinical depression on its own is absolutely horrible, without your health problems and those of your b-i-law.
Good luck with getting the flight down there that you need, and I don’t think you’re going to be taking away the time with his son. I really hope you and your David can get your flight down there soon.
Just back from a few days with Alan. Ashamed to say neither of us recognised him - if he hadn’t been lying on the bed in the dining room of his house I’d have walked past him. So gaunt, so much weight loss, just so Not Alan.
I feel a little better having seen him. He’s not in too much pain - headache which won’t go away and occasional twinges elsewhere, but on oral morphine, which apparently helps with th ebreathing too. MacMillan nurse is coming in Monday to arrange hospice stay so they can optimise his drugs. He can get out of bed and to the loo on his own just about, and a couple of times came and sat in a chair in the living room, but not for long each time - I don’t know if it was the discomfort or the chat going on around him he couldn’t participate in.
Two things I didn’t like - his eldest son was over to see him from Oz, and friends kept popping in to see him, and talking. The living and dining rooms are all one, separated by glass door, but noise permeates thru and Alan couldn’t rest as he needed while all the noise was ongoing. the othe ris more obvious - david and I said goodbye yesterday - not quite as baldly as that, but that’s what it was. I looked back as we were leaving, and he was lying on his side, eyes closed and I felt so bad, thinking of what he must be thinking. David tells me he probably wasn’t and I’m imagining it, as his memory isn’t that great, and he’s slow mentally now, but I can’t help it. I transpose myself and how I feel now onto him.
The bright side I look at is spending a few hours ‘quality’ time with him on Tuesday night. His sons had gone to the pub - they don’t seem to realise how feeble he his, they wanted him to go too - and we sat with his wife on the settee next to him and just chatted normally, and it was good.
Now dead tired and have to think of myself a bit and recuperate - just out of bed and not dressed yet. DAvid’s in London so I have eth house to myself just to try and get my head in order - not easy.
Again, thanks for listening - it’s silly how it helps to unload here.
I’m so glad you were able to get to see him while he was still able to respond as himself. That will make things a little easier to deal with when the time comes.
I can’t say antyhing else, really, just continuing to think of you and the rest of the family. It’s so tough watching people deteriorate, and trying to support their close family, particularly when you’re not on top form yourself. Your poor hubby must be feeling so torn, so the best thing for him is to let him know that you’re ok with him not being with you and that you support him being down with his brother.
Can’t believe it’s July I last posted here. A lot gone on in that short period for me presonally which probably explians it - I now have a secondary dx with quite extensive mets in my lower spine, bits in my skull and sternum, plus suspicious nodule in my lung to be CT scanned in 3 or 4 months to assess change. So pretty crap news really.
But not as bad as Alan - he lost his fight about 7am yesterday. His wife was with him, he’d had terminal restlessness the previous night so the clues were there, and Lynne splept with him on the settee. She woke at 7 and his eyes were open so she asked him if he wanted some water. He said yes, had a sip and then just closed his eyes and went off to the permananet sleep from which there is no return.
Oh Nina, how sad for you all. Alan was obviously loved by his family including you and he will have been aware of that until the end. There are no platitudes to say.You will all go through many emotions, sadness,loss,anger, guilt, relief.
I believe MacMillan can still offer support.
Your priority must be you now. Try and take care. Good luck with the scan.
Hi Nina, so sorry for you and your family at this sad time, Alan is at peace now, you have to be strong and look after yourself, hope all goes well with your scan, take care love junieliz x