Want to support mum

My dad died very suddenly at the end of March. A few weeks later mum found out that a routine mammagram was not clear. After a biopsy she was diagnosed with BC. She had her lumpectomy last week and now we’re waiting for the results of that to see if she needs more surgery and chemo. I can’t believe this has happened to her. I know no-one deserves to be sick, but truly my mum is such an amazing woman-she’s always helping everyone, and she has been through so much, this all just feels so incredibly unfair. I’m trying to be strong for her, but I really dont know what the right thing is to do.

My sister just had her 3rd baby a week before my dad passed, so we’re really worried about her getting depression, and now my brother is the only man in the family - I’m not sure how he’s dealing with the whole breast aspect of it. I keep thinking I’m doing or saying the wrong thing. For the most part I work in a different city (I’m doing a post-grad so I’ve been able to take time off - but I don’t know what to do now - to just quit and move home or keep going). I’m bringing mum up for her results on wednesday - I just don’t wat to say or do the wrong thing. I was reading a post there on the stupid things that people say and I’m trying to wrack my brain if I said something that stupid. In general I’ve tried to stay positive and upbeat. I hope that doesn’t come across as uncaring to my mum, in private I’m a mess - but I think we all are, I just hope that as a family we can help each other to help mum through this.

On a practical note, may I ask if mum needs chemo will she need constant care? Obviously she’s not used to living on her own, I just want to know the level of support she’ll need. I just want to be prepared for whatever news we get on wednesday. I know she’s terrified, I want to be prepared to be strong, and to be able to assure her that everthing wil be ok.

Sorry to ramble on so much, I’ve just been having a bad day with all this,
Thanks
-R

Hi and welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums. You’ve come to the right place for support for yourself and your mum as the many informed users of this site have a wealth of knowledge betweeen them. While you are waiting for your fellow forum users to reply I have put for you below links to 2 of BCC’s publications which you and your mum might find useful. BCC also offer a helpline service where you can ring, free of charge, and talk to the staff here about your concerns and they will also direct you to other areas of Breast Cancer Care that may help you.

Resource pack:
breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.718/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/82

Treating Breast Cancer:
breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.718/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/88

I hope you find this useful. Kind regards,
Jo, Facilitator