Hello all, I’m week one of EC and I’m mentally struggling a little. I’ve been really strong and positive in the lead up but I’m feeling lost, nothing too worrying at all but just not right. I think it’s really hit me what I’m going through. I don’t know what to do each day as I’m waiting to see how I feel. I’m feeling good. Which is brilliant and I’m so pleased but I feel my life is on hold and I’m struggling to get past that.
I can tell my husband is also struggling a bit. He is keeping himself busy but I’m not sure that’s helping me. All family are trying to help with the kids. It’s all so lovely but im usually the one supporting everyone and it’s hard not being that one.
Any tips and advice on how to get through this. I’m currently out on a walk and I’ve met a friend for a coffee which has helped. But I feel a little spaced out and disconnected.
I’m hoping it’s just these first few weeks of unknown and I will find my new normal
I’ve been through initial chemo (5 months of it), lumpectomy and full node clearance in one side, radiotherapy and now about 1/3 way through after surgery chemo and can tell you you are definitely not alone.
I feel like a total ice queen. Sure I’ve had some weepy moments but not nearly as many as I would have expected. I feel strangely removed from it all, the hair falling out was the weirdest I didn’t cry about it or mope even though my brain would be telling me how sad it was (I was more upset at losing my eyebrows). I used humour instead (very predictable).
It’s a really weird journey and I would say just focus on getting through it a day at a time. You may feel differently every day, so just try to keep yourself going a day at time with the knowledge that tomorrow might be a hard day so you need the strength to get through it, or it may be a great day when you don’t have to think much about it (even though it’s always in the back of your mind).
There’s no right or wrong way of getting through this.
Trust your instincts and give yourself grace. You are going through a traumatic experience and however you get through it isn’t anybody else’s.
I feel awful when I see people going through chemo and what not running marathons and doing amazing things and I’m struggling to just vacuum my house (I had to send my cat to live with my parents cos she was getting anxious about me being ill and started pooing everywhere and I was struggling to keep up with her maintenance). But the thing is others have things going on I know nothing about, different meds to me, different starting fitness or maybe they’re just aliens
Just don’t let others stories make you question your own or make you feel lesser than or that there’s something you’re doing wrong. My aunt is an ex-palliative nurse (sadly was diagnosed with bc a month before me) and she tells me to remember our bodies have let us down in a terrible way, then on top of that trauma we have to pump poison into our bodies and undergo tests and things in a way that feels like assault, of course we are going to be a bit traumatised and not behaving as we think we should be.
We are losing control of our bodies at a time when internally we are feeling like we should be doing something the most, and instead we have to follow instructions from strangers and trust them to make us better (it’s why I hate it when people tell me I’m a hero or warrior, it makes me feel like a fraud cos I’m not doing anything heroic, I’m being strong and brave yes but I’m mostly just doing what the medical staff tell me without arguing). It’s a lot to deal with. Don’t beat yourself up, easier said than done. Take it a day at a time and time will hopefully speed by.
Thank you for those words of wisdom I needed those today I’m on day 3 of 1st cycle of EC and it’s slowly dawning on me that I have no idea how the next six months will be. I’m having a tired day today so it’s not too bad.
@hanb1 have you joined the June 2025 starters thread? There’s a few of us in there now.
So glad we have this forum to support each other cos friends and family are so supportive but honestly if you’re not going or gone through it yourself you can’t fully understand.
I can remember the feeling I had when starting Chemotherapy, I found the first one emotionally challenging but found taking one day at a time helped. Do allow people to help you .
I think it hits us all at different times and I’ve read so many times on this forum that it happens after the first chemo.
Why not give the nurses on here a call? Is there a Maggie’s near you? They are another really helpful place for a chat to noodle it all out. They are there for your husband too. But that’s probably a conversation for you to have with him once you’ve worked things through - men not being great at talking about ‘things’. Perhaps chat on a walk or drive with him - he doesn’t have to face you then. Does he have a brother or good pal you could ask to check in on him?
Keep up meeting friends - I found it’s the ones who listen who were best at that time in my life. I’d killed the “if I was you” one… and funnily enough she moaned at me when she was supporting another pal of hers who was having chemo - said the girl told her “I’m not you, unless you have cancer and chemo yourself you’ll never know, so keep your suggestions to yourself”. I punched the air in delight Anyway, you get my drift.
You’ll get there - you’ve started already by sharing your feelings.
Me too. You are not alone. I’m on Day 8 of my first cycle of EC.
I started off ok. Day 2-3 I was walking and working online from home. Day 4 was like a brick wall. I had no strength to do anything.
I too have read posts of folks still going to the gym, running lots and I’m struggling to walk 5 minutes to a friends house. Had to get her to drive me back! I was a runner. I stopped because of surgery and it’s so hard not being able to do anything normal. I have to listen to my body and take it one day at a time.
I’ve ended up having almost daily calls from the triage service to manage side effects. It feels like you’ve lost control of your body. I totally understand the feeling of waking up and asking yourself ‘how do I feel today?’
Yesterday was hard. Energy levels were improving but they were worried about a clot in my Picc line so I had to go to hospital to get checked. It’s all fine. But my husband is struggling with all of this. The idea of driving me to hospital (1hr away) and hanging around for hours to be seen (they warned me of this on the call) was too much for him. He needs time to decompress too and had been looking forward to doing that. I then didn’t want him to see me cry because he would feel guilty. It’s all a bit much. In the end we were only there a couple of hours but it’s the way this has taken over our lives.
I’m hoping I can get a sense of what’s normal for my EC cycle and can start to know which will be the good or bad days.
It might sound rather strange but I like my cancer to the opposite of pregnancy. Something has taken over my body. It dictates what I can and can’t eat what I can and can’t do. No one talks really openly and honestly about how it feels because they don’t want to scare everyone else who’s also going through this process and also has no control over it. So we focus on the positives we talk about the good days and what we can still do. I did have some times yesterday why I’m wondering how on earth I’m gonna navigate this process for the next four months. But the answer is I have no choice. I don’t feel brave. It’s just necessary and I can only take one day at a time.
Sorry that was a long post. I hope something in there help someone at least we can go through this sharing with each other.
Thank you so much everyone. It’s so good to hear it’s normal and I know it is but always great to hear lots of you experienced the same.
I had a word with my husband last night. I think my family have struggled to know how to be there for me, they want to help but not be too much so they’re all struggling to find the balance. I haven’t known what I wanted so we all just feel a little lost.
Im going to start this week feeling positive and trying to get back to my normal routine which I think will help massively. But also listen to my body if I need to.
I’m feeling a lot better today and thank you all for your replies. It was good to help me hear last night.
I haven’t joined the chemo group yet but I really appreciate that I could reach out here.
I’m on day 3 of 1st cycle of EC and it’s slowly dawning on me that I have no idea how the next six months will be. I’m having a tired day today so it’s not too bad.
Anyway, you get my drift.