Hi all been doing this all wrong just found this site, there are so many of you with all my worries it will be 2 years in march since my mastectomy still get very emotional going for mamagram next week, even going for counciling on Friday how stupid is that, will i ever ever relax again, just confided in my mum and daughter how i have been feeling dont like them to know that im not coping well at the moment.
hi enid
Glad you,ve found us now. The people on this site are incredibly supportive and there is always someone there to give you friendly advice. I really don’t think it’s stupid going for counciling. Hopefully it will help you to relax at the prospect of going for your mammogram. I don’t expect any of us will ever truely forget that we have had cancer. It will always be there in the back of our minds, but reaching out to others in a similar situation can help to relieve that stress. I,m not very good at this writing malarkey, but please be reasured i wish you all the best and i’ll keep my fingers crossed for you for next week.
Love maria x
Hi Enid and welcome to the BCC forums
In addition to the support you have here please feel free to call our helpline on 0808 800 6000 where you can talk your worries through with one of our team in confidence, the line is open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 9-2.
I am posting a link to the BCC information page ‘Moving forward’ which you may find of interest:
breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-breast-health/moving-forward/
Best wishes
Lucy
Hi Enid no one will ever understand exactly how you feel, although some of us will come closer than those that have never had the diagnosis or the treatments that follow.
I spoke to my mother earlier, she seems to think that when i have finished rads (tomorrow) it will all be over and I can ‘get back to normal’ and that ‘You should NOT worry about what will probably not happen’. easy for her to say!
I know some people compare the process that you go through after diagnosis to grieving, and I think it is right, you have to let go of the old carefree life and move on to a different place. And like grieving some people keep it all inside, some cope remarkably well and some fall to pieces. In fact probably most people do all of the above in different amounts at different times.
So counselling is appropriate, go for it and don’t feel ashamed. It can take a long time to work through emotional healing. I hope it helps.
X
Rusty
Hi Enid
I only found this site last month. I got BC 6 years ago. I had chemo, mastectomy with reconstruction and radiotherapy
I did not cope well and still dont. I have depression and an eating disorder but I will not give in and keep fighting. I work part time and also do voluntary work with a cat rescue. I am having counselling at my local macmillan centre it is helping but is very hard and I spend a lot of it crying. Keep fighting and it will get better
love Louise
Hi Enid, What you are feeling is quite normal. I’m still having chemo, but I’m sure I will get really anxious before check ups etc.
Here is a link to an article written by a psychologist about feelings after treatment ends.
cancercounselling.org.uk/nor … &Count=500
There is also a thread somewhere ‘thought I would feel great’ in the after treatment has ended section.
Hope the mammogram results are good - it’s always horrible in the waiting times before and after tests.
Counselling is an excellent idea, I’m sure it will help you to cope.
Good luck. Stella
Hi Enid, it will be two years in March since I had my MX and I am still very afraid. I have not been to bed properly since the week before christmas. As soon has I get in bed every thing goes round in my mind. I think it is something that some of us will never get over, but I hope learning to live with it gets better. I know how you feel about the crying, anything just sets me off, and I can be anywhere, its not just when I am on my own. Hope your feeling better soon.
Heather xxxx
Enid,
I spent all weekend crying!!! Im a year post dx on friday and all the emotions seem so raw again. Im petrified of having my yearly mammogram incase I have to do ALL this again - I just couldnt do it!
We have been through something that will change us for life - learning to adjust to that change will take time…something I hope ive got now?!
This site is fantastic and the ladies on here will help.
all the best Enid.
deed
xx
Hi all
Thanks i didnt think i would get all this support, i feel better already knowing i can get all my thoughts out without feeling guilty, thank God ive found you all.
Hello Enid
Ive just found myself screaming at the OH. I went for my five year mammogram last Thursday and he left the house in the morning without comment or wishing me luck. I’ve sat on my resentment till today. I don’t think anyone knows how we feel except us. I went to my Medical Assessment today, and although it was positive and I was pleased with the results, my OH cannot understand why I found the day tough! Going over the effects of radiotherapy, surgery and five years of tamoxifen with the doctor was very difficult, as yet again I have to face the facts that my body will never be the same again. She said in view of the lymphedema I should be considered disabled. When I told OH he said “Does that mean we get a parking badge”
Your Weepy Monday has changed into my Blubbing Tuesday. Tomorrow we will both be up and facing the world again because that’s what we have to do.
Love and affection
Chinook
Hi
I had a weepy tuesday night and wednesday. Went for counselling and I know I have to do this to make things better, was coping well till got BC now the slightest thing makes me cry, its been six years now and my life has changed so much and takes a lot of getting use to. My OH thinks i’m fine and does not know I am having counselling because as a psychologist I feel I should be able to cope much better
love Louise
I don’t find it getting any easier as the various anniversary dates knotch up. In the early days just after dx (Oct 08) i had this vision that i ‘would get better’ but didn’t realise that the ‘I’ , i was then isn’t the i, i am now ( a lot of bl**dy i’s in there)
Cancer took lots of precious things away , things I loved about me only those that have gone through it can understand. I was such a strong , confident person, and now I can only describe myself as wobbly, physically and emotionally. Most days I just brush away the anxiety but there i days when it becomes overwhelming and i just want to crumble I am sick of having to explain , why i don’t cope , whether it be coping with the fatigue still 18 months after treatment finished, or my fat weak arm. Worrying about every ache and twinge. I am scared to plan, but don’t feel I can tell family this. So i cope as I know many of us do. But accepting councelling is not a weakness, its actually a strength.
love r xx
Hi
I think you are right you have to be strong and want things to change to go through counselling because it is far from an easy option. The stuff I am talking about is stuff I have never told anyone and it is very hard and distressing, I cry alot and can come out feeling worse with so much going round in my head.
My husband and I have decided that antidepressants are not the answer so I just try to get on with life while the counselling helps to sort stuff out. Some days are so bad that if it was not for Alan I would rather be dead he keeps me going till things get better
Louise
Hi Louise
see what people are saying on this thread makes me realise i am not going mad, which is a relief, I am considering councelling for similar reasons to you to try and sort these feeling thoughts out, not sure counselling has the answers but just talking can help lift the burden and give clarity sometimes.
if you want to chat please PM me
hug r x
Louise, I always considered myself an enormously strong person who could handle whatever life threw at me and have always had just counselling for my previous life trials. But last year threw too many things at me (with the BC being just one of them) so I decided to put aside my long-held aversion to antidepressants. I have now been on them for two months and they have been a godsend. I’m in no way a zombie, they don’t cut me off from my feelings so I still have sad days and happy days, but my emotions don’t overwhelm me. I can get on with my life, with my work, with planning my future. I am also having counselling which I have long been an advocate of … but there is no need for the decision to be just one or the other. Please do re-consider the antidepressants because feeling as bad as you describe isn’t something you should have to suffer. If you’d like to speak further or ask any questions, please do PM me.
Good luck & take good care whatever you decide.
Debs x
It is 8 years since i was dx with breast cancer, i had 8 months chemo and several ops inc bi lateral mast and receonstruction, my mum passed away 5 years ago after she got an infection following reconstruction. I have many weepy days, and see a councillor. I get really fustrated because i feel so tired alot of the time, i have had various blood tests which have found nothing. I also have pains in my joints especially my wrist, knees and toes. Nobody seems to get to the bottom of why i feel like this, i feel like i hit a brick wall and cant physically do anything and regularlyhave to just go to bed and sleep, though sleep doesnt improve things, does anyone else suffer from fatigue still so long after dx?
Hi
My DX was 6 years ago and I am always tired and have joint pains its hard because you expect to be"back to normal" and your not
Louise
Hello Enid and so sorry to read about how you are feeling.
I finished treatment in July last year and, from June to about mid september I think I cried every day. Then I cried almost every day. now I cry about once or twice every two weeks. And that is absolutely fine. Crying is a great healer, very important and do it as much and as often as you need.
Also, it’s worth remembering that if you are on tamoxifen then you are experiencing menopausal symptoms too and that makes you feel weepy and low, never mind having breast cancer.
I reckon it’s very hard to understand unless you’ve been through it. I know because I look back on how I responded to other people who went through bc in the past and I know now that I wasn’t much use.
Re counselling it’s a lifeline. I found it really helped me. The other thing which helped me turn around was going to reflexology. The woman at the macmillan centre was so calm and her touch so gentle, I used to lie there weeping away, but always came away feeling so much better. For me I felt that some touch was really helpful, after all, your body takes such a battering and you need to pamper it as much as you need.
I think, overall, I’ve been lucky as I am pretty much on track now, but I have some very low moments and have to really give myself time out from work and family commitments to get m head straight and allow myself the time I need. Don’t let other people’s expectations prevent you from getting what you need. You are worth it. And you have survived and coped with an enormous emotional strain and physical assault, so don’t be surprised at these low feelings. They are truthful and honest response to what you have had to deal with. let the feelings in and welcome them as a sign of healing, eventually, as with all things, they will change and probably when you least expect them to. Really good luck
Green fingers x
hi
last wk end i spent saturday and sunday in tears. for no real reason.
i finished treatment in march last yr and am on tamoxifen.
the flushes,tiredness,moodiness,dizziness,lack of sleep all still get me down
im also very anxious now
i am now on my 1st packet of antidepressents and the dr was right when he said id feel worse before i felt better
next month i go to therapy that the dr said would help with the pills,not sure what to expect its the c something one?
Dear Enid, Don’t beat yourself up about not coping and having counselling. Having BC is so tough and it often hits 2 years plus after original dx. I’m 2 years down the line too and have done a lot of crying, anger, scare, anxiety, I think it all comes with the nature of this beast. Get as much support as you can
Best wishes
Leadie