Hi folks
This is my first time here, my wife (aged 56) and otherwise generally healthy has just been diagnosed with secondary bone cancer in her spine, the cause of which (they think) is previously undiagnosed breast cancer. She was admitted to our local hospital about a week ago suffering with increasing back pain, and pretty serious anemia.To date they have done a pretty good job in managing her pain, and have given her some transfusions to help the blood count. They are talking about letting her come home for the weekend, before seeing the breast specialist next week.
I’ve not really had a great deal of sense from the medics, and I have seen all sorts of stuff on various boards etc. So I thought I would ask people who have personal experience of this illness, to give me some idea of what we are facing here.
I appreciate that everyone is different in the way,they react to treatment etc, but any thoughts on the following would be much appreciated .
1 Obviously the condtion cannot be cured, but can be managed. However, from what I have read from where we are know a life expectancy of two to five years seems like a good result. Is this fair?
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During that time, what can we reasonably expect in terms of quality of life, will she be able to drive? What about work(she is a receptionist so no heavy lifting etc). Will she be able to look after herself? What about sex?
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At the moment she is in a lot of pain and needs
Rregular Morphine to keep under under control is this the future? Or is there a realistic chance of her being free of pain?
Sorry for all the questions but I’m confused and very very scared, suddenly being faced with the apparent inevitable death of the woman who your life and your bed for 20 years has been a truly awful experience .
Finally can I ask people not to send comments based on religious faith, the power of prayer etc. Whilst I would not wish to deny anyone thier right to worship, my wife and I are committed atheists.
hello taffyman
so sorry you have had to come here and your wife has been dx with secondary breast cancer.I was diagnosed in exactly the same way as your wife back in may 2009.After many weeks of excruciating bacK pain I was referred to the breast unit because i also found a lump at the same time.
You are right in the fact that it is not curable,but people survive for many years.They will probably offer a blast of radiotherapy to help with the pain.Other treatments will depend upon many other factors.Everyone is different and her treatment will be tailored to her needs.
Why not ring the breast cancer care helpline on Monday morning.They will be able to answer most of your questions and give you support.
I am sure others will also be along soon to offer support.You have come to right place.Once you get a treatment plan you and your wife will find it much easier to cope.
I can assure you we all manage to find a quality of life and have coped with all the treatments.It will not always be easy and she we need a lot of support from you.
Best wishes to you both
L xx
Hi taffyman27
I’m sorry to read of your wifes diganosis, it sounds like you are both having a pretty tough time at the moment. As well as the support you receive from the other users you may find it helpful to talk through your questions with a member of staff on the BCC helpline. Here you can share your concerns with someone who will offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open tomorrow from 9 to 2pm and Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00pm.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator
Hello Taffyman, I am sorry to read about your wife’s recent diagnosis. I first had BC diagnosed 22 years ago and for the past 12 years have been treated for bone mets in my spine, ribs, thorax and pelvis.
I am relatively pain free but I do take quite a lot of painkillers of different types including morphine. Although I did give up work when I got the secondary diagnosis I do still drive and am still enjoying life. My husband gave up work at the same time to care for me and to spend more time with each other. I was originally given a poor diagnosis of a 50% chance of surviving 2 years but that was way back in the year 2000 and I am still here to tell the tale. I do not intend to be going anywhere soon!
Everyone’s treatment is different as all cancers. So do not try to Google for information as it just gives too much information and a lot of it is untrue and even dangerous at times! Try to take one day at a time and encourage your wife to come on here so that we can help her too to get through this scary time. There are lots of different treatments, chemo,radiotherapy, surgery but it really depends on what her Oncologist what will be best for your wife. Try to write down any questions you need to ask her but wait until you have listen to what she has to say first. Then look at your notes to see if there is anything that they haven’t covered.
i have found that the Breast Care Nurses are very helpful and we have a Maggie Centre here in Edinburgh that has lots of good trained staff, leaflets, books and even therapies she may be interested in. There is lots of help out there. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both doing. Val
Hi. Sorry, a quick post… i had spinal met last year. Pain +++ and started to loose function. I had surgery. Took vertebrae out nd made me a metal one. I am now able to control pain with paracetamol and tlc!! I can sit, walk and bend nd drive. There is hope!! The medics are very clever. Pls pm me if you want more details re surgery!
Hugs
Sadie Xx Xx
Hi, I was diagnosed with both breast cancer and bone mets at the same time when my hip spontaneously fractured. I was in my early 40’s and this happened in 2003. I had a hip replacement and my latest CT scan shows my bones are in better shape than they were 8 years ago. I know I’m very fortunate to still be here, 8 years on and pain free but those 2-5 year stats are becoming increasingly outdated and surpassed. I’ve been on continuous treatment but it’s given me, the chemo included, a good quality of life. I’ve had progression but it’s always been dealt with very quickly. I suppose what I’m trying to say, to add to other’s thoughts here, is things can get better…not as it was before diagnosis but you can still go forward. It takes a while but somehow you and your wife will find your way of living with this. Best Wishes to you both.