When do you start feeling better

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Hi Ladies,

I have coped really well all through surgery, chem and rads staying pretty up beat and positive. Finshed rads just over 4 weeks ago however now find myself feeling really awful.

I am having Zelodene (Xelodene??) implants and I am suposed to be taking Arimedex. It sounds stupid but I just can’t bring myself to take the pills. My whole body aches especially my arms and legs, my joints ache to the point of being debilitating especially my hands. Overall I feel exhausted and weepy. I just can’t face pushing more drugs with more side effects down myself.

Should be thinking about going back to work but find the whole idea terrifying.

sorry to be such a downer over Christmas (we had a very quiet and peaceful day) I just do not have anyone to say these things to - everyone sees me as being strong and together.

Thank you for ‘listening’ - Swanie

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Hi Swanie,
Sending you a big hug 'cause I know so well how you are feeling! Don’t berate yourself for feeling down at Christmas - you can’t put your feelings on hold because of the time of year.I too thought I had coped well with dx and surgery and couldn’t understand why I now feel so low and weepy - and trying to put on a cheerful face for the family when you feel exhausted both physically and emotionally and suffering from drug side-effects takes it’s toll. I am quite new to this site but have received tremendous support when like you I realised I had no-one to talk to ( tried hard for the family to keep smiling and get back to normal ).

Can’t tell you when you will start feeling physically better but I hope knowing you are not alone in the way you feel at the moment may offer some comfort.

Love Seren xx

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Hiya Swanie

Hang in there sweetie, it does get better. I finished chemo in August and rads at the end of September and, like you, was upbeat and positive all through my treatment. About 3-4 weeks after it all finished I suddenly turned into an old woman, I ached everywhere (even my fingers), had no energy and felt quite weepy. The Onc said that the aching was due to chemo and would pass and he was right! I was probably like that for about 4-6 weeks but it got easier each day and I have been fine since.

Hope this helps.

Julie x

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Dear Swanie

I’m sorry to read you are feeling down, it may help if you talk this through with someone from our helpline. The team on the helpline will be happy to talk to you and just be a listening ear if you feel you want to talk in confidence about your worries and concerns. BCC are here to support you so please use us if it will help. The helpline will be open again on Thursday 27 December from 9am to 5pm and the number is free phone 0808 800 6000.

Kind regards
Lucy

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Serendipity, Julie and Lucy -

Thank you for your kind thoughts it really does help to know that there are people who understand what you are going through. People just seem to expect you to bounce back like a rubber band once the last rads session is done. Thanks for giving some sort of time frame Julie it is easier knowing that things should ease up sooner rather than later. It is especially a relief to know that hand pain happens to others - I was worried it would be long term.

anyway thanks again - already feel better!! Hope you had a grand Christmas and 2008 brings you all sorts of good things
Love Swanie

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Hiya Swanie

Glad I could be of help. To be honest, it was a bit of a rushed reply as I was being hounded into going to the Trafford Centre - nightmare, though I did get rather a nice purse from John Lewis that I thought was £15 and turned out to be £30, but by then I couldn’t be bothered so just paid!!!

I know exactly what you mean about everyone expecting you to be ‘back to normal’. I finished my rads at the end of September and, as I’m triple neg, that’s all my treatment over (eek). We went to the Lake District the following weekend and my husband wanted to go walking the fells. As you may know, the fells are, well to me anyway, mountains! When I told my husband that I didn’t think I could do it, he said ‘but all your treatment is finished, it’s over’, you’ve got to start living your life - b**tard. It seemed like I’d just had a bad cold and everyone was going about their daily business and I was stuck in limbo, not knowing what I was supposed to do, feel or think. Christmas has been a bit of a distraction, but once everyone goes back to work, school, college and uni and the decorations are packed away again, I don’t know how I’m going to be - weird isn’t it. On the whole, I’m quite an upbeat, positive person and it sometimes seems that all this has happened to someone else and I’m half expecting this to come back and bite me on the a*se and I’ll fall apart. I suppose we just have to take each day as it comes, try not to analyse things too much, buy expensive purses lol, drink wine, eat chocolate and keep our fingers crossed. It’s good that we can come here and have people understand how we’re feeling.

My ‘bad’ boob started hurting the other day and I convinced myself that I could feel a lump. I got myself into a complete tizzy and had everyone feeling it (well not everyone, I draw the line at the window cleaner). I remember leaning over in bed to turn the lamp off and felt something pull, so have decided that’s what it is and my husband, mum, sister and friend can’t feel anything (might try the window cleaner lol). Funny, but now I’ve decided there isn’t a lump, it’s stopped hurting - the mind is a powerful thing.

As I said earlier, the aches do go away. It sort of happens without you realising (if you know what I mean) and gets less and less each week. Try writing down, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad it is and then do it again in a couple of weeks, I promise you’ll notice a difference.

I’m here if you need me.

Julie x

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Hey chica

Your going to be stiff and achey for a while…jeesh all our bodies have taken a real hammering in one way shape or form. I finished all my treatment barring tamoxifen in september…same time give or take as jez…then 3 weeks later i had to have a hysterectomy so was back to square one lol. So didnt really get a chance to recover from the rads as got wolloped with more surgery…and it bloomin hurt I can tell you. So I had that op on the 26th october…and its now whatever day it is in december…daughter binned calendar so i havent got a clue what day it is lol…I still get tired…but its taking longer to get tired if that makes sense. Im not all done in by lunch time anymore. Ive had no choice but to take it slow and steady…and thats driven me loopy…mind you I didnt listen and went and got an evening job…and after 3 weeks it was crippling me as it was too much…too soon. The aches do go…its just a time thing…which winds us all up. Take the pills, they are given to you for a reason…and they are necessary. Im sick of needles, tests, scans, treatments, surgery and more pills than you can shake a stick at…but its all necessary. Thing is, now that all your treatment is finished…its a case of…what now, and dealing with the realisation of everything that youve gone through during the course of all the treatment. We can only be strong for a certain amount of time…and then we all have a wobble. Give yourself time chica…its all you can do.

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Hey Buttons and Julie

Thank you again for your supportive messages. Still ache and creak like a 90 year old but feel much better in myself. Had a grand walk along the river in the sun. Fortunately the spouse does not expect me run up mountains yet… unlike some. Honestly Julie where are these men sometimes - playing ostrich I think.

Poor you Buttons you have really been through the mill what with having a hysterectomy on top of BC and you still have the space and time to talk sense. Think you deserve and OBE!! Well I took my Arimedex for the first time last night after having them sitting there for about 10 weeks so you must be a good influence.

enjoy you new purse Julie - my shopaholic niece told me that that good accessories last so you are saving money in the longterm.

Thank you for being there during my sticky - have a good New Year - love Swanie

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Good for you, glad your taking your little white pill. I dont tend to think about it anymore and just get on with whatever i have to get on with for that day…and with two young kids, dogs, busy house…well thats anyones guess as to what the day brings. Case of right then…pill taken…lets make a start! Ive not been through the mill more than anyone else has thats here…weve all been through the mill…but baggsy i get the best seat on the water wheel lol. Keep taking your pills, role with the punches, the side effects will lessen in time, but youve got to give it time. The less you think about it, kind of easier it is…that way your brain doesnt play tricks on you. LOL…as far as the OBE is concerned…as long as I keep getting an NED (no evidence of disease) then that will suit me just fine and dandy lol. Chin up chick