Do you ever stop being scared ?
I am scared all the time, from the minute i wake up i begin to check myself for lumps and bumps, then if i have any sort of ache or pain i convince myself it has begun to spread. I think about cancer 24 hours a day and i want it to stop.
How do you move on, how do you learn to live with it so that you are not scared of it returning all the time. I mean does everyone with breast cancer get a recurrence of it eventually whether that be in 5 years or 25 years.
MELxx
HI Mel,
I dont think anyone with experience of having had cancer ever actually stops being scared, you just have to learn to deal with it in a positive way,
I have had 2 primaries in the space of 11 years I am 45 years old, I try not to think about getting it again, although I do have a passing wobble now and again,
It is scarey, but I know if you arent careful you will become obsessed with it, you do the obvious checks and keep all your appts but you cannot worry constantly about something that may and most probably will never happen again,
I have spoken to a lot of people who have had cancer once, got over it and never had it come back,
my nan is a typical example she had colon cancer in her 30’s had the treatment, and lived to be 98 years young!
Give yourself some time and try to relax a bit, it isnt easy and you are going to be sensitive to the issue for a while,
other than that maybe you could have a chat to your gp or bcn, it might help to talk about it face to face with someone,
all the best keep posting, best wishes Liz x
Hi Mel,
I’m sure others will be along soon with thier experiences and how they have begun to move forward through this, but in the meantime I have put for you below the link to BCC’s new publication ‘Moving Forward for people living with and beyond breast cancer’ which you may find helpful. To order a free copy just follow the link below.
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Hi Beardie
I totally understand what you are saying BUT we must not let BC ruin the rest of our lives, and no not everyone gets a recurrence!
Although I am living my life and having fun with friends and family I realised a couple of weeks ago that cancer was still the biggest thing in my life …it was at this point that my GP suggested I try counselling … I"ve now had two sessions and it seems to be really helping
Perhaps it’s time for you to think about this too
E x
Dear beardie we all feel scared whenever we think about our cancer but that ‘whenever’ becomes less frequent as time goes by.I am now approaching 5 years since dx and while I do think about the worry of ‘it’ coming back it isnt constant.
To answer your other question-NO not everyone who gets breast cancer has it come back.Some do but more dont.You are,I think, still quite close to the initial treatment with its attendant horror.Things will get better-I promise 
Vx
No, I don’t think you will completely, but like grief when someone dies, the edges smooth over through time and it becomes less all-encompassing.
No you do not ever stop feeling scarced. I am 3 years post diagnosis and have now to wait up to five weeks for my last mammogram results… excuse given of a backload of results to be read by radio ography department and because of staff shortages. I have spent the last week waiting on the post man to arrive.
I had my surgical appointment early July with the usual poke and prod for lumps by the breast care nurse. Considering I had no lumps to start with and was then diagnosed with grade 3 invasive cancer with lymph node involvement and Her2 positive…this examination did not inspire my confidence either.
Oh beardie big hugs to your pet, all i can tell you is it DOES get better with time i promise. Its so hard when you are first DX and BC is all-encompassing it seems our lives are put hold with what seems a like a neverending round of hospital appointments and one treatment after the other.
Like you, in the early days BC was the first thing i thought of when i woke up in the mornings and the last thing i thought of before going to sleep,but i can honestly say it isnt anymore,of course i still think about BC everday and yes every ache and pain makes me wonder if its back but in time you learn to accept BC as part of your life and try to put it in a box and push it way back to the back of your mind and only let it out occasionaly ,i think thats the only way we can “move on” and live life again albeit in the “new normal” it isnt the same as Pre BC but life can certainly still be just as wonderfull and rewarding.
Theres are lots of ladies who have had BC and are doing fine now and have not gone on to have a recurrence, i know 2 ladies who i care for both of who had BC 30 & 35 yrs ago when all the treatment back then for them was a MX, one lady is now 85 and the other 94 , sadly for some ladies it does come back sometimes and none of us can realy know for sure that it wont come back for us ,but in time you do learn to get on with your life again and push those thoughts away and enjoy life again and not allow the cancer to take that away from you.
Its still early days yet for you berdie so its still so hard for you ,but be kind to yourself,we all know what your going through right now but it does get better in time i promise.
Linda x
Well I was diagnosed with stage 4 bc from the outset, so I suppose I have never had to worry about the possibility of bc coming back, because I have never known a time when it has gone away (although it is inactive at the moment thank goodness). I suppose I ought to be more scared, because I am possibly facing the big D, which is slightly more scary than the big C, but I figure that we’re all going to die at some stage, and if I went through life worrying about death, I might never actually enjoy life.
Funnily enough, I go to two support groups (one exclusively for stage 4 BC ladies), and it always gets me how much we laugh, so I suspect I’m not alone in this view. I think once you come to terms with the fact that we all die, and can laugh at it, the fear ceases to have it’s grip.
Hi I am like Liz I have had 2 primary dx with 14 years in between and a couple of years older at 48! I did after first dx worry and as the years rolled by it never went away but it was not something I worried unduly about, as the time would approaceh for annual mammo etc… worried more, clear result…worried less! I was single at first dx and I am now marrried and I have 2 chliden aged 7&9’ Now that changes everything for me… I want to stay around…for them,Im not sure considering that they will have to lose me one day doesn’t really help, I am more inclined to think another 14 yrs please ( it being dif between 1st dx & 2nd) then they may understand! also my boy is autistic , now it is true that we don’t know what life has in store for us I mean one day all’s well next day someone tells you you got cancer??? So even though we worry different things can chage how and why we worry!! I never thought I would ever stop worrying, but it did settle down, yes now I am worrying again but as I think Choccie said the edges do smooth out and I for one hope by this time next yr that All treatment , this time, is over this time for good?? I cant say I will never stop worrying but things will continue on the sun will rise and the washing up will still need doing and life with all that is mundane will take precedent…and overshadow BC XXX
hi yes J you summed it up really well there, you have to try and keep it all in perspective, deal with it on a daily basis, and dont expect too much of yourself, you will eventually realise you have to live your life, and not spend it worrying about something that may never happen, love and very best wishes Liz x
J, that was so well summed up. my second dx was 12 years on and while it brought back all the fears, I am settling back down (most days) to enjoying the humdrum of life.
I hope you soon reach a time when the fears are overtaken by ordinary life.
There’s joy in the humdrum
mon xx
Thanks DL
I was in shock at first…just finished chemo, then Mx RADS ect to come, My recent Dx had progressed a little further than 1st dx and yet as I said life does go on I wake in the wee small hours wondering is the treatment working?? Can I get there again? I have to believe I can and keep on going…I got over it before I will again!!!
I am glad that life is returning to the ‘hum drum’ excitment and drama have become very overated to me!!! Give me boredom, predictability and ameasure of reassurance!
I have learned some lessons though:
- Let OH do more …he can he is happy to so why ‘DIY’?
- Apreciate the smaller things in life, like taste ( TAX wrecks em!!)
- Say " sorry no I can’t" … very liberating!
Any others anyone??? JXX