I think this is something a lot of us go through on a daily basis. Where does it hurt, itch, ache, look different feel, different today. This week I have had cancer in my thumb (it was a blister) foot (hard cracked skin, thanks taxotere) head ( sinus, I hope) hip (old age) half a cleavage ( sweating) on and on and on. Can’t possibly be anything else but the worst outcome for the most mundane of ailments. Luckily for me at the moment I don’t get too worked up about it but occasionally when I am tired I feel sick and tired of waiting. I sometimes sit in garden all peaceful and lovely then I get this horrible feeling that these poxy cells are multiplying somewhere and I don’t know where and it’s a really horrible feeling.I know this is a forever situation and is something that we all live with. I never talk about this as family and friends do not want to know. They see you with hair again (hardly any bl…dy eyelashes and eyebrows) legs king kong would have been proud of! huh. They want to think it is all behind you. So you have to pretend that all is well.If I ever say things like “if owt happens to me…” they say " Ohh mum shuddup!!! " accompanied my much eye rolling at each other as if I am being morbid or trying to get my own way. They just won’t do not acknowledge that this may come back. Feel better for offloading come on here most days to check on everyone. Love Eileen
Hi Eileen,
Glad to see another wreck( in the nicest possible way as Kenny Everett would say)…I am with you on most of what you have said. I am having back trouble at moment and even my chiropractor thinks I should have been making a better recovery by now so she wants to send me for back X-ray. My Onc says its nothing to worry about but then he hasn’t got my back pain has he…No.but he is happy to send me for a bone scan…not urgent mind you as he wants to give me time to think it over.
In the meantime I have spent a small fortune on the chiro and was improving…now after 7 sessions I can’t sleep at night as my ribs area is in so much pain…apparently due to muscles, this was confirmed by my GP. But still why the hell now…I am a moody mare cos I am trying to deal with BC and now this godforsaken back pain…still I reckon when I had my mastectomy in Feb this year they did something as only been really bad since then…maybe he left a scapal inside eh…!!! I just want to feel better without this worry too…!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhh my rant over.
Cor feel better for that.!!!
Love P xx
Well, I feel better for your offloading as well, Eileen - coz it means that neither of us is the only one. When down and tired all sorts of pointless thoughts flit through the old brain that are unsharable with family members - not least because they are completely irrational. I like the cancer in the thumb - I haven’t had that yet, but every pin prick to the bc arm marks the onset of lymphodema and as for my deteriorating vision, well, I don’t go there.
I suppose that with time & full return to health this kind of stuff will recur less and less frequently. I have a few friends who are years past their shelf-life date and never give the original condition a thought - bc, testicular cancer, heart by- pass - I’ll be happy to join them.
Cheers, M-L.
Hi
Yes I know exactly where you are coming from.
I have asked for counselling as I know I cant off load everything to my family and friends as I get the same reaction so hopefully the counseller will help me through it.
I think family and friends dont like to think about what might happen so they just brush it off and we think about it more as we have been dealt with this BC.
Im glad I am not the only one going through this sounding off on here does make you feel better as everybody on here knows what it is like.
Hopefully we will all will feel better
Sharon
xx
Thanks for the input ladies. Nice to know I am not the only one. I don’t think I am neurotic the aches and pains before bc would never have bothered me at all, but now every twinge… oh well this is the norm now love to all Eileen
I have to say tho Eileen that I had a little lol at the cancer of the thumb … sorry. Got to laugh tho haven’t we!
So agree with all you say Eileen. At the moment I have painful knee and ankle( not arthritis but bone mets), strange red patches on my hand ( not dry skin but skin mets) and a pink flush on my neck which I have googled and see that its a sign of throat cancer.
The headaches (brain mets) have gone as is the shoulder pain ( recurrance) but I dont know what will come tomorrow.
My friends just think I am a hypochondriac and raise their eyes to heaven when I say “what do you think this pain IS?”. I wonder how they would be if it was them, h’m.
Love to you and all on here, Laine
hiya
I feel the same, have a bad back which only really seems to have hit in since my DX earlier in the year which is why they are saying its stress related, however, the day after my steroids ended on first chemo had awful back and stomach pains, ive mentioned it and they will keep an eye on me and potential scans - its just so scary, I wish they could just figure out a test to let you at least know for now wether it is somewhere else or not
xx
Hi Eileen
Great to hear from you again, I think either our paths have not crossed, or you/me have not been on the same threads for a while.
What you put into words is how we all feel. It may not help you, but your words are a great comfort to me/us. To know I am not alone, and that my recently noticed deterioration in my right eye is not neccessarily Bc on the return, but probably just old age. Oh to have those carefree days back.
This is a part of BC that is definately under estimated. The psycological effect of the threat of re-occurance or worse is with us all and it is so wearing. I am so tired as can’t turn off.
Irene