Why am I all weepy this pm the oncologist secretary has just rung me to say that they can start my rads on Monday insteed of three weeks time. OH has said good you may be able to go back to work in January, I just can’t help it I want to sit and bawl my eyes out, don’t know if I want to go back to work, although we desperately need the money, I am a bar manager, don’t think I can face all thoose men, when I feel like a freek, sorry everyone I just needed a rant. But I am still crying.
Heather
Hi Heather
Sorry you are feeling so low - I think it may be contagious - at the doctor’s this morning I shed a tear or two (and had a very embarrassing hot flush!) when he asked about my treatment so far - he wanted to know how I felt about the lumpectomy rather than mastectomy option - I hadn’t seen this doctor for quite a while and he was just SO KIND.!!!
Good News - we will be having radiotherapy on the same day as my first two sessions this week have just been cancelled.
I’ve decided to go back to work next week ( I work on a sessional basis in local museums with school children) but I’m not sure how the radiotherapy will affect me so I’m only working a couple of morning sessions at the moment.
It’s ok to be weepy - it’s ok to scream and shout if you want - we’ve been through a lot and it ain’t over yet!!!
Love Maddy xxxxxxx
Thanks Maddy,
My gp has already signed me off until the new year, he said he would not even contemplate me going back until then, and I have to go and see him again before I can go back. I have had a masectomy and am still having trouble with pins and needles under my arm and in the arm pit where the snb was done, don’t think this is helping a lot either as it is making me so frustrated as to what I can manage to do.
Thanks again
Heather
Hi Heather,
Awww. Bless you. It’s rotten when you get the weepies. Here is a BIG HUG for you.
I had a WLE and SNB on the 8th November and I know what you mean about your arm. I am having trouble with mine and although it sounds wimpy - it just gets you down. So don’t worry hon, you are not alone. Like you, I am not looking forward to going back to work, but will have to soon.
I’m waiting to see the oncologist and then it’s chemo time. I am really dreading it and very scared.
I see that you are starting your rads about the same time as Dilys and Maddy and that you posted on our thread earlier. Why don’t you join us on there and the three of you can support each other. You are more than welcome. We are a friendly bunch, we all laugh, cry, rant and rave together!
I am thinking of you.
Love and hugs,
Dyzee. X
God Heather!
You work in a bar! Of course you can’t go back to work! Give yourself a break and look after YOU! This is just so hard for all of us. But working in a bar where we’re supposed to be so glam and all those men! Of course you don’t want to do that. I read the Daily Mail breast cancer blog which was called “Diary of a Tainted Lady”, which in one way I understand, but on the other, we’re not so bad, are we? My OH has been great, We’ve been together nearly 4 years, his wife died from secondary breast cancer a few years ago, we live together with our six children. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say, but understand the bar thing - I was always so glam and now feel tainted. Luckily for me, Ian and his lovely children love me and I suppose that’s all what matters - my own three boys love me too, so they tell me!
Sally xx
Hi Sally
I have been with my oh for 7 years, and he seems to think I am being stupid, which is a shame he has been great all the way so far, its just this back to work thing. I don’t know what I want, my boss is brill and its a family owned pub, but I just don’t feel right, have always had a laugh with the men, the usual thing, like that they tease you about, bit wobbly about anything with two boobs at present, even clevages on the tv get to me. rant over as such my five kids all say they love me and oh says he does to, but he seems to think I should be over the worst now, and I’m b****y not, can’t get throught to him that its a mental thing more than anything.
Thanks and take care
Heather
Hi All
Of for my first rads this pm, am nervous wreck don’t know why when all you wonderful ladies seem to have undergone far worse with chemo. Can’t see my tattoos either so that should make it interesting. Still all weepy and stressed out haven’t done a thing for christmas can’t work up any enthusiaiam suppose this is normal!!
Thanks for listening
Hi Heather,
Sorry to hear you feeling sad. i have finished treatment about three weeks age (6X FEC and 33 rads) like you i work in bar which my partner owns. i have worke there on ad off thrughou treatment but sometimes the thought of going there and facing all those men and sillyintoxicated people is too much to bear. there must be more to life! i too still feel weepy as though people think treatment is finished i must be ok and ‘back to normal’. people do not understand how i can still feel tired and worn out after 2 nights work, when used to work 4 nights on and feel ok after. Sorry thats my rant today as iread your irst post and felt i ul realte. ll the best with the rest of your treament, rads is a breze compared to chemo, the daily trek tohospital canget a bit annoying and you will feel tired. just rest when you can ad listen to yor body. don’t be to hard on yourself. if ou wanna cry, cry!
take care
Nxxx
Thanks Nadia
Its nice to hear that someone else is working in a bar how has this and can understand my feelings. Will let you know how I get on
Heather
Hi Heather,
Just read your link & so sorry you,ve been struggling through this,
as you have probably noticed i,m a man who,s had the old BC.
Had my op 6th August this year and had 3wks of rads soon after,so if you have only just started your rads you probably won’t even feel like work in January, the itching will possibly still be there through that month, mine still has the odd itch even now, so if your working in a bar with men i hope you will be able to cope with any comments thrown your way, maybe you think you can but this BC can affect you in many ways, even i get upset,angry,embarrassed.
So please tell your OH to carry on the good support, your health is more important than money.
I even know of a man who broke down 8yrs after his treatment so just remember as i said before ( we are all different ).
take care Lance x
Hi All
Thanks for your comments, have just arrived back after first rads, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I arrived early coz parking at our local hospital is usually dreadful, managed to park easily today and got to radiology 30mins early, was seen 5 mins after I arrived and was back in the car by the time my appointment should have been. Lets hope it lasts.
Lance thanks for your comments, it is good to hear a view point from a male, on my work, I think its the comments that I am most worried about.
Heather
Hi Heather - Snap !
I was in and out before my allotted time - others using other machines weren’t so lucky though and I’m sure it won’t last - they’ve also rescheduled many of my original appointments - why? it’s a mystery ! Still no sign of my hormone receptor status so I’m still taking the Tamoxifen.
It was a little disconcerting to find that both the staff working with/on me appeared to be just out of their teens - very good looking young Asians - I’m sure they just have very good genes and are older than they appear - very efficient, chatty and reassuring throughout the whole thing. Even though I could only find the one tattoo on my breast bone they managed to find both of the others - I was told they have a special diet high in carrots to make their job easier !
Best wishes
Maddy xxxx
Hi Maddy
Glad to hear of someone else that had a good time with their appointments coz most of the ones you read on hear are having a tough time of it appts running really late etc., I agree the two staff who were working on me one female one male did not look that old. Which means we must be getting old lol.
Best wishes and good luck for todays appt.
Heatherxxxx