why do I cry all the time

why do I cry all the time

why do I cry all the time why do I cry all the time after all I am not the patient What is wrong with me the treatment is going fine the out look is good and all should be well but I am unsettled I dont sleep and the smallist of things takes for ever.
how do I get out of this gloom.

Dear Dave Sorry to hear that you are feeling so low at the moment and I wanted to reassure you that it is normal to be worried about a loved one following a diagnosis of cancer and that there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. It is important that you are able to seek ways of finding support which you have done by coming on to these forums, so that is a good start. You are very welcome on the forums and I am sure you will receive helpful support and advice from the other users very soon.

In addition, please feel free to contact our confidential helpline on 0808 800 6000 where you will be able to talk to one of our helpliners who can offer you support and a listening ear during this difficult time. The helpliners can also give you information regarding ways of you finding further support and help to manage the way you are feeling at the moment.

The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9m-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.

Kind regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care

Hi Dave

If its any consolation my husband is having a tough time coping with my cancer too.
He is fine if we are together but when he has to go to work it bothers him more and he gets to thinking all sorts of things.

In my personal opinion although its hard for me to deal with too (as I also have secondary cancer), ultimately when something happens to me, which eventually it will, he will be the one left to deal with our young children. To him this must be a daunting task and one he has not had much involvement in over the years as he has been working long hours to keep us financially afloat.

I suppose what I am trying to say is how you feel, for whatever reason, is perfectly understandable. Its been a big shock for you too and whilst everyone asks how the cancer sufferer is, a lot do not spare a thought for those who are the carers.
Do you have a MacMillan centre or similar near you where you can go and get support for yourself? Or try your Drs surgery as they can supply counsellors. My hubby took some persuading but has spoken to someone now and will be going every other week…he has admitted it has helped!

Hope some of this makes sense and helps

Good luck and best wishes

Cathie

Oh Dave,

Your post nearly broke my heart too. My husband was devastated when I was diagnosed in January, particularly because I had only just overcome a bout of severe depression caused by feelings of dread that something terrible was going to happen to him!

He said he couldn’t believe that cancer could ever happen to me, he cried, couldn’t eat or sleep but to be honest, it has brought us much closer together if that is possible. We have been married nearly thirty years and although the kids have left home and we are enjoying our freedom, I think we took each other for granted. We certainly don’t now and never will again.

I agree that it is sometimes harder for family and friends to cope than the person who is actually undergoing treatment. My lovely daughter wants to know every detail but is afraid to ask. My husband and I have really intense sixty second discussions about prognosis, recurrence, the future and then settle back down to “normal”.

It is a well worn cliche Dave but it takes a real man to cry and I think your strong emotions describe the intense love you have for your wife.

Good luck to you,

Lolly

It because you care! Hi Dave,

Please don’t feel bad that you cry - Its normal - your human and your scared of what the person you love is going through and that you can’t take it away.

My mum was recently diagnosed with cancer and trust me i thought I was going to cure the drought single handedly - I am lucky I already see a counsellor for depression and as she said - if you didn’t cry your partner would wonder why or fear your bottling it up.

Just let out your emotions - tells your partner how you feels then it opens it up for her to talk and cry together - My mum and I do that now.

Stop being so hard on yourself and just do what feels natural - just keep talking and remember you need to have hope and positivity that you’ll (as a team) beat this disease!!!

Stay strong and talk if you need to.

Thinking of you both
Hev

Your wife is a lucky lady to have such a sensitive and loving partner.It might help you to talk to a partner peer support volunteer who will have experienced similar emotions -via helpline or your local Breast Cancer Care office.
Thinking of you both
sharonx

Lolly,
thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

We are also much closer but I never drifted much. I have always needed to be close to my wife she not so much.

Our children have over the last few years left to follow their jobs and are all a great source of pride to us. Though our youngist (23) is still here while he studies for his professional exams.

I had hoped that this was now our time to be together and to capture all those years and look forward.

In an instant that has been taken away that certainty has gone.

My wife is a very strong and determined woman and up to now this has been enough but this is so much bigger.

My children have all reacted differently but I can see they are woried and scared.

This has set me off again so I will have to stop.

once again thank you you have been a help

david.

I am so sorry to hear of your condition.

we are all in this together I hate the cancer it has come between us.it has taken all the future we will have live every day one at a time there is no planning.

It is at times that you find out who are the real friends and I have been suprised as to who has offered help and who prefers to walk on the other side of the street My own family have been usless. My wifes refuse to understand how this may turn out. We are alone.

I dont want to go to the doctor if I can avoid it.

It has been suggested by my closest friend that I go and see a councilor to try to unravell my emotions I think I may give it a go,.

thanks for your help

david

You know what,

I can’t decide anything ; while walking around the supermarket the other day looking for chick peas I was paralised unable to move because I could not find something that my wife wanted then the tears began. I dont know how long I stood there but tesco must have decided that there was a problem because a young man came up to me and said that he was security and was there anything wrong.

Should I have told him, I think not. Then when I got to the bread counter there wasn’t anybody to slice the bread it set me off again. I can’t live like this.

By the way when I got home I cooked the Chick peas but they made my wife sick so that was that.

thanks for your help.

David

Dear Dave,

You’re right: you can’t live like this.
My husband, like you , is a sensitive, loving man and I was very concerned about him . I’ve had a Reactive Depression in the past and I recognised the signs in him, and I think in you too.
He is also seeing a counsellor, but I felt he needed immediate help also and he went to the GP. He gave him anti-depressants which will help him in the short term - he was petrified of being a junkie! - and will continue to see the counsellor.
Have you tried speaking to your GP? My husband spoke to a couple of them and they were both very helpful and spent a lot of time just talking through his fears and feelings and didn’t just whip out the prescription pad.
This is only our experience and I realise it may not be welcome or helpful, but I felt so very sorry for you when I read your posts that I had to overcome my nervousness about offering advice and reply.
All the best to you and your wife.

Message for Dave56 Hello Dave,

Like others who have replied to your posts, I am concerned that you may be suffering reactive depression.

I have suffered depression for nearly forty years usually controlled by sheer will power and determination but in August I finally sought help from my GP who put me on a low dose of a mild anti-depressant. Since then (despite my cancer) every aspect of my life has improved dramatically, I sleep better, more energy, socialise, feel much more positive generally.

I work in psychiatry and am well aware of the social stigma attached to mental illness but I think you may need a little help to lift your mood during this very stressful time.

I am thinking about you, look after yourself, you will need all your strength.

Lolly

David 56 Hi David - I am a man who has gone through Breast Cancer - very difficult for a partner to comprehend what is going on - the patient goes through the treatment - but so does the partner - check out this website for a booklet called “in it together” - this booklet has been put together by BCC and partners of affected people - you may find answers to some of your questions in there - oh by the way it can be downloaded if you dont want to wait for the posting.

Good Luck to you and the family

David W