Why me? Why Easter?

6 months ago found vascular mass and ‘a hole’ this has got worse and i have had no call back letter as promised - hospital apologies and have got me an appointment thurdsay afternoon.
This will be the first i have had to atteend with no husband as he walked in October as it was all ‘overwhelming’ since then he has holidayed abroad and circmstances have come to light that i have had to had tests for all STI’s.
just scared now and becoming illogical
love to everyont who is more brave but too much for me at the moment


It is amazing how life can throw so much grief in your direction all at once isnt it?

Like you say your fear is making you illogical, but try to break down your fears. Your priority is your appointment on Thursday, are you taking a family member or friend with you? Write down your questions for the Dr before you go.

STI’s are manageable and treatable and although unpleasant for you to have to go through the tests, at least you are taking the sensible approach and not putting your head in the sand.

You will find the courage you need to get through this time. I hope you are still online tonight to read this.

My thoughts are with you and I hope you get as much support from this forum as you need.


Hi Oldship

Im so sorry about what you are going through. As Jackie said try to take a family member or friend with you on Thursday. Have you spoken to your dr about seeing a councillor just to help you through this horrible time, we can only take so much and someone to talk to face to face may help. A friend of mine split with her hubby and she completely went to pieces her councillor really helped her.

From reading your threads you have been through so much already Im hoping now that the only way you can go now is up and we will all be here to help you.

Take Care of yourself
Yvonne xx

thanks as i have faced this before you think i wil be OK this time but each time is different.
no as hubby walked i have to go on my own; kids all working and need to prepare for maybe long termand not take time out of jobs until necessay (if necessary) just dont think i could be lucky for a third time! particularly as they found the vascualr masss.
thanks for your wishes this site has carried me throught his bit before.
I just look at my self as haunting your waiting room - i have read all the magazines and need some new ones!!!

You can haunt us as long as you want. By the way we are the same age, I was 50 in September.

Yvonne xx

Hi Oldship
How rotten for you, why do some days gang together and hit us all at once! Good luck with your appointment, and all the STI tests.
Don’t know if you work, but if you are “off” over Easter do try to get some time to yourself, even if only by locking the bathroom door and having a theraputic and self-indulgent soak, doing a walk if the weather isn’t too foul, or even curling up with a good book, and Easter Egg, and a glass/cup of your favourite tipple. If ever there was a need for Me Time, this is it.
Hope all goes well,

off for easter dealing with asbestos found in the kitchen; getting roof fixed, and painint every room as i have plans for carpet fitters on wednesday - these plans are being restructured around the hospital and asbestos contractors!!!
my little cup of joy has quite overflowed - i am drowning the the saucer of happiness.
either that or just getting the holes in my brain!!!
good news was STI results were clear!!!
bad news he now considers that being here only at weekends he has paid me too much whilst we were married and want ssome of it back!!!
any suggestions as to comments i can put to him for that one? (remember we are ladies)

What is he on?

Actually I dont think its a bad thing that he is such an a***hole you might get to hate him quicker.

You dont deserve this, rise above him, you can do it. Dont react to him just say whatever.

And as Sue says pamper pamper pamper.

Yvonne xx

Hi everyone, Im also a new girl on here. I just was diagnosed with breast cancer after a routine checkup. i wasnt suprised though, last year was very difficult for me, way too much stress and then bang, when things couldnt get any worse, they just did. A bad relationship together with all sorts of other stuff going on, 2 deaths in family and my friend died just was all too much. Now treading the path that so many here are treading.

Dear Angie

Welcome to the forums, where I am sure that you will continue to receive lots of support and information from your fellow forum members. I also wanted to let you know that Breast Cancer Care have published a Resource Pack, it has been designed for anyone newly diagnosed with information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and various treatments, it is available via the following link or by contacting the helpline:


You may find our helpline useful to call during this time, they can talk to you about our other support services and also offer support, information and a ‘listening ear’. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 Monday - Friday, 9am - 5pm, Saturday, 9am - 2pm. I hope you find this helpful.

You may find it helpful to post in the ‘Newly diagnosed’ room where users are posting with similar experiences to you.
Best wishes

Hello Oldship,

Goodness its took along time to get ur check from clinic… I saw the name (oldship) and thought iv seen that name before!!! had to go back to sep-oct last year and found you… we were both on this board then.
Have you got any friends to go along with you sweetie as you shouldnt do all this yourself… men eh!! - some of them are no good for nothing.

take care lovey
claire xx
(there was me, louby, dawn ect all at the time you were last posting)

No; this time i am going on my own. Been going there since August 2005 when it first cropped up and spent 18 months taking tamoxifen which they think may have hidden ‘it’.
There is a limit to how much even your family can go on thinking that you are not just making it up for attention! but you can visibly see the dimple / hole / grey shading / flattening / pulling / reddening / stipling of breast tissue without getting even close!!!and on bad days (if i were to let you touch) you could feel the heat inthe right breast!
As there is no screening available on Thursday i will go on my own and get family to go if (when) i go back in for testing (again) it will only be a visible check and chat.
my only wish is that they would stop relying on imagery and do the old fashioned go in with the knife and find whatever it is that this vascular mass is feeding - there has to be something other than a black hole! and it hurts so much now that it feels like i am constantly bruised from walking into a door! some tablets caused stomach bleeding so had to stop those; there is now a swelling but it is in the outer side of the breast towards armpit. the vascular mass only showed when they did a doppler scan and the radiographer got quite excited about it!!!
i have been popping in and out of this site feeling a fraud hovering (or hoovering) in the waiting room. I have seen names join treated and leave with a cheery smile and all clear and i am still wiating for a diagnosis. I have seen some sad names too.
all i want is my life back - with or without the breast i dont care but this ‘dont know’ is destroying me; but everyone including my just cannot believe after all this time i am still in this predicament. At hospital when it is seen i get the sympathetic looks and smiles and then surprise when i go back in again weeks or months later; all the surgeon said was that he did not know how to remove a hole and it may be that in removing the breast it would transfer the pain to the other breast! - i want a life outside this.
I have been given numbers by my adult resources therapy team to contact 24 hours over easter weekend as life was unravelled with friends to boot in October.
sorry trying hard not to feel sorry for myself.
Onwards to asbestos removal!!!