Why Now?
Why Now? Just before my 40th birthday I was diagnosed with high grade DCIS and now 20 months on from a mastectomy with immediate TRAM recon I feel my life is falling apart. I feel very sorry for myself, want to burst into tears all the time, physically struggling at work and at home and suffering chronic pain all the time. I seemed to cope initially so well with the 11 hour op and problems following this and eventually returned to work 9 months later so why now?
All I want to do at the moment is curl up in a ball and hide from the world. I hate my body, feel very vunerable and I know I am not coping very well on a day to day basis. I am a nightmare to live with - grumpy or very quiet and end up in bed most days exhausted by 8pm. Feel guilty coz I was lucky and did not need any other treatment (apart from Tamoxifen) and not suffering the way many of you do. Feel a fraud coz have I gone through all this eventhough it was not fully blown BC - eventhough the rational bit of me knows it was so high grade that there was really no option.
I think the final straw was a couple of weeks ago when I went to a well known department store at the Trafford Centre in Manchester to be fitted for a bra (well if you can call the ugly things I have to wear that !). I had an appointment arranged and had explained why I needed a fitting etc and that obviously I would have scars. The very young girl they sent in to measure me ran out in tears and had to get a more senior member of staff to help me. Felt like frankinsteins monster and felt so sorry for the person I made cry!!! I am a 40 D so and have been all my life and always wore underwired bras. This means nice sexy bra’s are out (been told I can’t wear underwired anymore) and this makes me feel even worse. I think my gran has nicer bra’s than I do. My hubby loves and supports me very much but I would love to feel and look a little sexy for him. Not sure how to anymore.
Sorry for sounding so negative and down. I am struggling to know where to go from here. I would go through it all again although I have had a few doubts over the last few months. I could not live with a ticking bomb or put my family through even more worry.
Any suggestions would be gratefully received…I know I need to move on but …! Is it just a phase I am going through?
Debjay x
Hi Debjay,
don’t apologise for how you feel. We all know what it’s like and it’s perfectly normal to feel as you do months after treatment. It doesn’t matter that you had DCIS and not invasive cancer. You have still been through major surgery and a traumatic time.
I went through some similar feelings about 4 months after my initial treatment, though I haven’t experienced the physical pain you describe.
Have you spoken to your medical team about the pain to see what they suggest? For your mental wellbeing, have you considered counselling? I had 8 sessions of counselling. I had a big build up of feelings about what had happened and being able to talk to a counsellor about it helped me to let all the feelings out and start to make sense of them. I was then able to work out for myself , with some help from the counsellor, ways to deal with them.
As for the bra fitting, what a terrible experience. Have you thought about writing to the store management about it? What on earth were they doing sending in a fitter that can’t cope with seeing scars?
It’s interesting, this question of wearing underwired bras. I had a tissue expander reconstruction and haven’t been given any advice about what sort of bras to wear or not wear so I wear both non wired and underwired without any problems. I think the concern with underwired is that, if they don’t fit properly, they can dig into the reconstructed breast (but then the same applies to real breasts). So, provided you buy an underwired bra that fits, what’s the problem? It might be worth asking your breast team that question to make sure there is a good reason why underwired isn’t advisable.
Counselling Just seen on another thread that you are having counselling so I hope it helps to get you through this.
Everything is so confusing Daphne thanks very much for all the advice and support.
I am in counselling and although it is helping to look at some of the issues I am worried it is making me more down - focusing on things…but maybe this is what I need.
I am off to see a Chronic Pain specialist tomorrow to see if they can help - maybe if I can get rid of some of the pain then I would be able to cope with things better.
Is it just me or is there is so much confusing advice out there regarding what bra you should wear etc. One of my breast care nurses says no, the other only on special occassions. Does anyone know of a a ‘sympathetic’ shop in the North West where I could go to have a nice bra fitted?
Ah well hopefully I may get some answers tomorrow and maybe I just need a little time to feel sorry for myself (not really good at doing that).Its difficult though!!
Debjay x
Woman Zone Hi Debjay
Sorry you are feeling so down at the moment.
I went to a factory outlet in warrington called womanzone for some post surgery bras last year. They also make specialist swimsuits etc.
The lady who runs it told me she works with christies in manchester? Anyway - she was so fantastic and certainly not afraid to see a scar or two, measured me no problem.
You could try searching for it on the internet.
Hope this helps
Jakki
x
why now Hi Debjay, Have you tried the catalogues, such as Empire Stores, Great Essentials and Great Universal you can order on line, there are some really good sales on at the moment and you can order as many as you like and try them on in the comfort of your own home. They do have some nice soft bras I have just ordered some and am pleased with them. Always order a few different sizes just incase.
I am the same as you after having a mastectomy with immediate ld flap recon then I had 6 months chemo, 4 weeks rads, now on tamoxifen aswell as a few other drugs. I am still not at work and struggling with pain from recon and lymphoedema.
I do hope this helps.
Best wishes, Sue xx
Thanks Sue & Jakki
Thanks so much for the suggestions. I will look out womenzone as Warrington is not too far for me. I will also go down the catalogue route and see if I get anywhere with these.
I know I have got myself in a rut and need to strart making small steps forward but have lost confidence in myself. Hopefully things will get better (even if it is slowly) and I think if I can manage to deal with the pain and discomfort things will be easier.
Will let you know if I manage to get some half feminine bras!!!
Thanks a lot and take good care of yourselves.
Debjay x
Women Zone Hi Debjay
Sorry you are feeling down at the moment. I also go to WOMEN ZONE in Warrington they are really good ask for Carole or Sandra Tel No 01925 768992 to make an appointment because it is on a one to one so you get looked after really well. They made all my swimwear for this year and is was great also bought a swiming prosthesis from them which was smashing.
Good Luck
Janet x
Bras Hello Debjay
I’m sorry that you’re feeling so low at the moment and hope that life improves for you soon.
There are lots of beautiful bras out there that would be suitable for you but I think it’s better to buy from a company that specialises. Womanzone has already been suggested and I particularly like the ranges at:
www.amoena.co.uk
www.nicolajane.com and
www.eloise.co.uk
I’ve bought from all of them, been given first class advice and service and have been pleased with the bras that I’ve purchased. You can send back any that you are not happy with and get a full refund.
I hope this is helpful.
Best wishes,
Janice.
I know what you mean I had mastectomy and recon 2 years ago. I had widespread DCIS which had not become invasive. I consider that I got off lightly when I read what some people have gone through. The problem is that with DCIS they drop you like a brick after the mastectomy, especally if you do not need further treatment. There was no follow up for me, no support from the breast care nurse , no emotional support etc. They just tell you that you are now fine and to get on with your life.
I don’t know if this is how it was for you but it does leave you feeling a bit shell shocked.
On the bra front there is a mail order shop in leeds called oops & downes. I have bought some lovely bras from them Tel no is 01132587900.
Don’t feel guilty, I think it is so hard to get on with your life as “normal” I can’t even after more than two years. I don’t know what the answer is!!!
Hope you are not feeling too bad today
Suex
Thanks Thanks very much for all the wonderful suggestions re bras. Maybe a bit of retail therapy is what I need right now ! Will give it a good go.
Still feel pretty low and bursting into tears all the time but its a sunny day and hopefully things will get better.
No real answers from the Pain Specialist yesterday - said maybe fibrosis whatever that means. Ah well…!!!
Debx
Liveing with Cancer Hi Hope this will help but don’t know if you live close enough to Bolton. (noticed in your profile you are north and midlands) Breast cancer care do a 2 day course on Liveing with Breast Cancer if you ring KEELEY MATHEWS 0114 263 6480 she will give you all the info.
I have booked on the course because like you I am finding it hard to pick up my life again and think that any little help to do that has got to make us feel better.
Hope this helps you/
Janet x
Trying to Move on Thanks Janet for the advise. I have spoken to Keeley and others and they are sending me lots of information regarding support in general and I am speaking to Liz? next week who will assess if the Bolton course will help me.
Hopefully I might get to see you there - if not have a good time. Your support prompted me to actually ask for help for the first time and they were fantastic.
Deb x
Hi Hi Deb x
Glad the advice helped hang on in there and I keep me posted on BOLTON.
Hope to meet you there.
Sending you lots of HUGS
Janet xx
Moving Forward Thanks to everyone for all the help. Having lots of physio at the moment and this seems to be helping…lots and lots of scar tissue apparently. On Tramadol for the pain which is helping but making me feel quite sick and had lots of wonderful support from this site. Off to the Bolton course at the end of July so will see you there Janet.
Life is slowly moving forward.
Thanks
Deb X
Moving Forward Hi Debjay
Glad to hear you are feeling a little better and great news that you are going to BOLTON I feel that it will help us a lot to move forward.
I see you have not filled in your profile so dont’t know where you are comeing from but will see you there keep posted it is always nice to hear from you.
Lots of HUGS
Janet xx