I was diagnosed in Feb. 25 with high grade DCIS. I had a lumpectomy and 5 sessions of radiotherapy. Treatment went well and I had very little physical pain or burning. I’ve become accustomed to my changed breast if a little sad every time I look at it. I was told I had a 6% chance of recurrence in the affected breast over the next 10 years. My oncologist didn’t push radiotherapy and in fact I almost felt she wasn’t encouraging it at all but felt she had to offer it as her job required.
So I am now approaching a year since my diagnosis. I expected to feel better. I’ve had and continue to receive counselling with a local cancer charity. It has been really helpful but I feel I’d need it almost daily! I am working and trying to keep fit and well. I’m 56 so menopausal too. I’ve not been too adversely affected by menopause except anxiety. I had anxiety before this and really bad health anxiety. So things have not gotten better.
My husband tries to understand but he doesn’t. He thinks I should be happy it’s all behind me. I’m worried all the time about recurrence or getting it in the other breast. Every pain or sensation triggers panic. I dread having a shower and moisturising in case I feel something (even though I never felt anything in the first place). Even though I dread showering I am over vigilant about checking my breasts. Every time I see an ad or social media post about the importance of checking i feel panicked.
I know these ads and posts are important but for people like me it’s torture.
I know I’m probably conscious of the new year looming and my first annual mammogram. How will I cope?
To those further along, does the obsession and overthinking ever mellow? Can life ever feel truly joyful again.
Thanks to anyone who has read this far. Advice welcome.
Hi @charlie55 I’m so sorry you are still feeling the affects of what you went through. I have only just started my breast cancer journey so I can’t offer any advice really. Just wanted to send you a virtual hug
Have you considered any counselling? I see a counsellor at the moment and she really helps me. Often just talking to her, because she isn’t a relative or a friend, has been very helpful.
She also encouraged me to reach out to a local breast cancer charity. I found a group on facebook and they have been very welcoming. There is something very comforting about being with people that have been through the same thing. Breast cancer can make us feel so isolated. I havent spent much time with them yet but I hope to in the new year. Maybe finding a local group like this would also help you
Thank you, yes I do attend counselling and it is helpful but in between I tend to spiral. Not all the time but it’s difficult right now. I think it’s being so close to my anniversary date. It’s all just raw right now.
I hope you are coping ok?
Thanks for replying especially when you are right at the beginning of things.
Goodness I just reread and you said you do counselling. My brain skipped whole sentences I’m so sorry!!! It jumped right to the anxiety part because that’s exactly where I am at most of the time
I do remember my mum dreading the yearly check up. However 8 years later and she is still cancer free. She would tell you that it gets a little easier each time
I am doing very well considering thank you. I have my lumpectomy on Thursday so I have some nerves kicking in now
Oh don’t worry, I just really appreciate you replying. I worried so much about my lumpectomy and it wasn’t bad at all. In and out the same day with a few paracetamol. I was worried my BP would be too high for the operation but they made plenty of allowances.
I woke up from the operation crying. I think I must have been holding so much in.
It’s good your Mum is doing well. That must give you hope. I’m sending good wishes your way for Thursday. It’s over quickly. Waiting around for your slot is the worst part.
Hopefully some people here from the forum can give you some good advice. I will be keeping a close watch as I will be in your shoes one day in the future.
I think on paper the year anniversary is something to celebrate, you found something and treating it has given you extra life. If my mum hadn’t found hers, she wouldnt be here now. So there is a celebration in that and we do try to focus on that. But it is also a big reminder of the stress and worry that finding these things causes. It is no suprise that this time of year is bringing you so much anxiety
Hi @charlie55 thank you for checking in. I am doing ok the pain is managable and I am getting used to trying to relax and recover. It isnt easy for me haha
Hi @charlie55 I just wanted to say I hope you are feeling better. It’s great you have accessed counselling to help. I have heard good things about the Moving Forward course through Breast Cancer Now. It’s something I’ve always meant to join but life just got busy, but I’ve met some of the volunteers who run these sessions and they’re so so lovely, so please reach out if you feel you can. If you have a local Maggies Centre, they also have their own version of this.
I was diagnosed 2 years ago and still have moments where I spiral and panic, so you are not alone. If you are approaching a specific anniversary date (you mentioned your mammogram) then this could trigger that spiral. I hope you have other family or friends who can help you through this? I find sometimes only the cancer people get it, so I try to attend local support groups when I need a bit of a reset.
@foxgem fingers crossed for you, I hope your recovery goes well! X
That’s good to hear. Just listen to your body and if help is offered, take it!
I’m still a bit unsettled but trying every day to find the little moments of joy and focus on them rather than b.c. all the time x
