Will I ever feel really at ease again

Hi, I just wanted to ask, does anyone feel really at ease? Will every headache, leg, arm, back, pain always get me thinking the cancer has returned somewhere else!I wake up in a morning and there is this nagging doubt in my mind that it will come back. Oh I can smile and carry on has normal, my hair is growing back all lovely and curly. I have put loads of weight on since I started Arimidex, so that don’t help. I had my Mammogram about 2 weeks ago and that was all clear. I had my 6 monthly check on Thursday and everything was fine, and because I am on Herceptin and see the oncologist regularly I haven’t got to see the consultant for 12 months. But still in the back of my mind all the time I am thinking what if it has gone somewhere else. When I came out of the hospital Thursday my hubby said are you ok? You look really worried about something. You have just had some great news! and yes it was good news. But what if they had missed something.
I know this probably silly and there is a lot of you out there that have loads more to worry about than me I just cant help it, and then I feel guilty for feeling like this. Maybe one day this feeling of dread will go, and I can carry on has normal.
Sorry for this moan.
Take care
Heather xxx

No Heather you’re not silly…feel exactly the same. Glad your check-ups went well but can totally understand your unease. I never use to take any notice of little aches and pains (in fact very rarely saw my GP & still don’t really) but now its always at the back of my mind “what if”. Maybe it gets better as the years go by…

You are not silly. I am over 5 years down the line. I have had secondary but i am clear and have been for nearly 3 years. Rule of thumb is leave it two weeks…that is for any lump or bump or pain then go to your GP. Best to be safe than sorry. I too go into panic mode when i get a pain etc. It has eased (the worrying)with time but the fear has never gone away. I do realise at some point mine will come back but noone can be sure when. Mean time i have to move on so work and have started to study. Decided not to spend my time worrying about when it is going to return. I imagion that most people go through this and have spells of being down it is only normal. I am sure other ladies will tell you the same. It is OK to feel down it is only normal but tomorrow is another day and summer will soon be here!!! enjoy life and try to move on.
Lots Hugs XXXXXX

Thanks Kyra and Lupin, it is nice to know I am not on my own.Lupin I am so sorry you have had a secondary, it must be awfull to be told that. I think it is because I have to much time on my hands. I had to pack up work 3 years before I was diagnosed because I have got degenerated discs in the bottom of my spine, arthritus in a lot of joints, and Fibromyalgis. I did go through a bad spell off depression when I had to pack up work, I had always worked and then nothing. But I was just coming to terms with it when I was diagnosed with BC. I am doing an OU course, this is my second course, and I am really going to try to get a degree, maybe lol So probably one day I will feel at ease.
I dont post a lot because I never think my posts would be of any use. There is a lot of lovely ladies out there going through so much, and there still on here supporting everyone. I do read most of the posts and that helps because you learn about different drugs and things, and I think this site is fantastic.
I am really going to try and forget, because I suppose I am worrying about something, that has not happened yet. I will give myself a good talking to lol
Anyway thank you both
Take care
Love Heather xx

Hi Lupin

Do you mind me asking what your secondary was? The reason I ask is that I have one small bone met, and am trying to find out if anyone ever gets “clear” from that dx. My onc is reasonably encouraging, but as I understand it having just one bone met is quite rare, so there isn’t much experience to go on.

Thanks finty

Dear Heatheruk, I am one and a half years post dx and I have periods of time when I forget about the cancer and then other times when I get anxious about what could be going on in my body!! If I get an odd ache or pain I immediately think the worse!! When I get into an anxiety I can’t shake off, I usually play a meditation tape and re-connect with my body. I then find I can let the anxiety go and feel much better for relaxing. I think lots of ladies have anxieties, it’s a normal reaction really after what we have been through!! Other cancer survivors do say that as time passes the anxieties don’t happen as much!!
Best Wishes

I am 3 weeks out of my treatment, had my last lot of RT on April 16th. People seem to think that’s it all over and done now you can get back to normal. “When are you going back to work?” is the most common question now.

If I dare raise my concerns about it coming back people shoot me down saying don’t be silly it won’t come back, don’t think like that, you are being negatve.

But our fears and concerns are real and valid and we should not feel bad about airing them. It got us once it can get us again, that is a very real possibility and something we have to find a way to deal with.

It is finding the way that is difficult, as well as dealing with other peoples total lack of comprehnsion of our very real and justifiable fears. I am positive and I am living my life the way I want to as far as finances allow, but that shadow is always with me. Being positive is hard when you don’t have the cancer fear lurking in the back ground all the time. It is even harder with cancer!

You must allow yourself time to face the fear and find a way to live with it.

But one thing we are not, is stupid, silly or irrational. We are women with very real fears.