Will I ever stop crying ?

Help…will I ever stop crying ?

I was diagnosed Sept 2003. I have been through all the usual, surgery, chemo, radio and Tamoxifen. But I am finding that I am still, after all this time, so emotional. Take last Thursday for example. I was having a routine trip to hospital, but could not stop crying. From morning till night. Are other people like me ? Do you think it may be Tamoxifen ? My oncologist says that he can’t be certain that when I stop Tamoxifen I’ll return “to normal”. It’s been nearly 5 years for me now. I would love to “be normal” again !! I also find I am prone to bursting into tears when tired or stressed out. Am I alone ?

Hi paganbear

I sorry to read that you are feeling so low. I am writing to let you know about the Breast Cancer Care telephone support group which offers you a chance to get together once a week to talk with people who’ve been there. Linked together by phone in comfortable surroundings, you can discuss the practical and emotional impact of living with breast cancer. The groups are free (we pay for the phone calls) and as long as you have access to a phone and have a quiet private place from which to call, you can join us from anywhere in the UK. There is also the live chat session every thursday between 9pm and 10pm. Here you are able to share your experiences and feelings with other people in similar situation to yourself. This session is run on-line by a trained facilitator and a Breast Cancer Care nurse. For more information about these services please telephone our helpline on 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm) or email:

info@breastcancercare.org.uk

I hope you find this helpful
Best wishes
Lucy

No Paganpear you are definately not alone and it is definately the hormonal effect the Tamoxifen is having on you. I innocently thought that "mood swings " meant anger and didn’t think that it could mean crying. Mine started within a month of going on Tamoxifen. My BC nurse just kept saying that it was “just the Tamoxifen” but had no suggestions. I recently found the leaflet on Menopausal Symptoms on this site which was brilliant but the real life saver for me was the Radiographers refferring me for counselling with a McMillan nurse. My BC nurse is a Mc Millan nurse but was no help at all. The nurse I saw came to my house and just talked to me. I had been to the doctors who point blank refused to prescribe me anything. The McMillan nurse rang my doctors and told them that they had to give me something and they did. I got prescribed 20mg of Citalopram a day which is a ssri drug similar to Venaflaxine which is prescribed for hot flushes. Within days I felt so much better. All my chest pain and panicky feelings disappeared too. This nurse then kept ringing me to check I was ok and even got me some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I will never be able to thank her enough.

If your doctor has not or will not give you a mild anti depressant, I would contact the McMillan service. I have now cut my dose in half and take a quarter of a pill in the morning and evening. I know that when I need to renew my repeat prescription, I will have another row with the doctors and this bothers me. Also there was a small article in the Daily Mirror ( I think) about citalopram and other similar drugs and they now think that they help keep cancer at bay.

I don’t know how you have lasted 5 years. Without being dramatic, I have felt suicidal on the occasions I have decided to stop Citalopram and know that, as long as I am on Tamoxifen, I will need these pills.

Please see your doctor. There is no need to feel like this.

Sorry for the length of posting but i feel very passioante about this and feel that we are given these drugs ( Tam ) i mean, then left to get on with it with no support. If you had a normal menopause, your doctor probably wouldn’t hesitate to give you HRT but with Tam you have all the same symptoms but all at once and not gradually like a natural menopause. I think we need more help in a way.

Love
Debbie

hi paganbear and debbie i also cry alot and i am told it is early days yet I have been on tomoxafin since nov 2007 my doctor gave me antidepressants before i started as i was so low but said they may not work i take 2 a day but sometimes wonder if they really do help.i havespoken to my bcnurse but she says everything that is going on it is understandable why i feel this way. 5 years seems along time to go on like this.

It really does get better with time. I still have bad days but am able to sometimes forget the whole cancer experience for a while now.I do find though that, whenever I don’t take my “happy pills”, I do start to feel low again

Loves and hugs to everyone feeling down…

Debbie
xxx

Hi Pagan
I think we expect too much of ourselves at times and perhaps look at others who seem to be coping so much better than us.
You were bound to feel stressed on the day of a hosp appt, and shedding tears is very normal. I think it brings the whole experience back to us when we go to the hospital.
I cry at times just because i feel sorry for myself getting this ‘crap’ disease and having to live with the fact it may come back and not wanting my life to be like that.
I know anti depressants are wonderful for some people but i wonder if you could have some counselling first.
I had many sessions with a psychologist who works at my breast unit and i know she is always there if i need to go back.
Maybe you would benefit from being able to talk about your fears and tearfulness.
Sometimes i think tears are a safety thing for us and release pent up emotion.

Take Care
Rx