Dear rachy7
I have attached a link to an article by Dr Peter Harvey entitled “After Treatment has Finished”.
I do hope you find it helpful
Very best wishes
Janet
BCC Facilitator
Rachy7,can I share a box of tissues with you tonight?
For some reason I have been crying all day.I still have a week of rads to go and I’m already dreading the end of treatment.Everyone expects us to be celebration and in reality we feel lost and vulnerable.
Big hugs to all who need them tonight
Dot
xxx
Hi
thanks for all your comments. The doctor was very good actually and has signed me off for a month. Work appear at the moment to be fairly supportive, but not sure for how long, I get such mixed messages from them. However I am trying to take a step back from everything and try to get myself better and what will be will be. Thanks for the advice on financial support I will look into all that. Also for the article which I have read before and in fact sent to my line manager several months ago to hopefully prepare him for what I may be going through. Unfortunatly managing others expectations is soo hard and you are right Rachy there seems to be little real work done on the return to life after treatment except for by a few specialists.
Please keep in touch all of you and at least we can give each other moral support and understanding.
Lynn xx
How are you today Dot? I think I went through boxes of tissues last night? Lynn, i am glad that your doctor was sympathetic and helped you. The time off gives me time to think but sometimes that is not such a good thing. However, the removal of work from my life has alleviated a stressful thing which made my ability to cope so bad. I have very up and down days now which I expect you will find too Lynn.It feels like that we are all left to fend for ourselves once treatment ends.The nearest we can get for us all is this thread maybe? It is so good to find others in the same position as myself. I think british culture doesn’t help- we are all expected to get on with it and not make a fuss (the pull yourself together school of thought which I have seen another thread !!)If we coul do this we would have done so already. All of us keep talking to each other and maybe we can help each other in some small way.
Rachy xx
just wanted to say hello and to lend my support - I do know how you feel,in my small way…xxchipperxx
I went through a few tissues last night,eventualy cried myself to sleep.It was like a flood I could not stop.Woke up with red puffy eyes. Nice LOL!
I saw the onc today at my rads and she was very nice and understanding.
This will be my second “end of treatment” as I had a Mastectomy/recon last year and found it very difficult afterwards.It had all happened so fast.I had a WLE in August this year and I am now nearly finished rads,so I guess I am anticipating the after treatment blues.
When I eventually went back to work last time it gradually dragged me down further as I wasn’t able to cope.Its no good being told pull yourself together,my GP at one point told me to be positive as positive people do better with cancer…what a lot of twaddle!
I am not an anti-positive person,like some on these forums,but its a word that can be used in different ways and no amount of positivity will alter the course of cancer.I reckon I am pretty positive ,because I am carrying on as normal as possible.But some days I just feel incredibly sad and can cry for no reason at all.Last year I cried all through the Olympics LOL!
My friends and OH are all counting the rads and are under the impression that I will be all Hunky Dory after the last session.The Dr today said now is when the fatigue and skin SEs will get worse.So not much to celebrate there!
Heres hoping we have a better day/evening and if not ,do you think we could get shares in kleenex?
Love n hugs
Dot
xxx
Positive is a funny word. It is over used and ends up meaning something entirely different. I try to use hopeful rather than positive as i know what that means. I think when people say ‘be positive’ about cancer it says more about them than us. It is untrue that ‘positive’ thinking effects the outcome of cancer. One of my cyber friends on here sadly died in April and it always hurts me when people use the p word as it always gives the impression that she was not ‘positive’ enough then to survive. i think this is where the anger about positive thinking comes from. i think shares in kleenex are a good idea for us !!!
Yes Rachy
Positive or realistic but hopeful
McGill
Hello Ladies,
And Hallelujah for you all. I thought it was just me. I am almost 2 years on from diagnosis and 1 year from the end of all treatment. I felt I was the only one who still felt angry, resentful, confused and sad. It seems commonplace that our nearest and dearest assume that once treatment is over we simply move on and get on with our lives as if nothing had happened. They cannot grasp that we live with constant, if low grade anxiety and that that anxiety is fueled by the constant reminders, scars and discomfort, ongoing medication (or as in my case lack of anything else),changes in ones hair (mine went from mid brown to silver grey, and horror of horrors it appears to be thinning again) and continuing hospital appointments.
I too think of my situation last thing at night and first thing in the morning. I too wonder if it will ever end, Rachy.
I attended 4 hospitals for diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy and the breast care nurses were so unsupportive. I had counselling offered by a local cancer charity during my treatment period which was helpful in that it helped me get through each week.
I even had half a dozen visits to a cancer specialist psychologist following treatment which was also helpful … at the time. Once left to my own devices again though my mood tends to dip, note dip not nose-dive.
One of the tactics the psychologist said to use was to note the intensity and duration of the “low mood” and the better times between.
This to me is a practical application of “positive” thinking. When she made me address it, I realised that the bad times weren’t as bad as they had been at the beginning. After all, I was no longer hiding in a cupboard sobbing for hours at a time. That must be progress.
My husband monitors the times when I feel more relaxed about it all by how often I sing whilst doing the housework! Apparently it’s something I used to do all the time and it stopped from the day I had the core biopsy until about 6 months ago.
So perhaps there are signs that it will end … one day.
Oh Lord I’ve rambled on a bit. Sorry ladies, it’s my first ever post
and I seem to have a lot to get off my chest! (no pun intended)
Well I for one loved your post so please keep posting will you? I think you describe beautifully how many of us have felt or are feeling just now. I have been living with the aftermath for 20 years now and I know I am not in the very dark place I was when I was diagnosed with primary BC, then 10 years ago with bone mets. I don’t feel the need to cry anymore and never loose sleep worrying now because I am so glad so still be here. But I am having a tough time just now with tirdness and it is wearing me down as I WANT so much to do things but am not able. I am having chemo and have just finished another cycle. I have spent most of the day in bed, only getting up for a wee while. AND I know I will still sleep all night. The tiredness is killing me ( well it isn’t really!)… Yes it is always in the back of your mind and people do forget that although time has passed, there are still moments when the knowledge that we have BC is around. Keep your posts going, love Val (Scottishlass).
scottishlass, I can totally sympathise with you. When I was on Taxotere just over 2 years ago I was sleeping for anything up to 18 hours a day as the combination of fatigue,joint pains and Tramadol painkillers just totally wiped me out. I never thought I would feel well again, I was like that for 4 months and it was the first time during my treatment that I actually looked like a cancer patient in the mirror. So very scary not just for me, but for my husband and family (my brother turned up just after I started Taxotere and he was so shocked by my appearance that I was worried he would burst into tears as he is a bit highly strung).
Whilst it’s hard, it’s great you have kept going for 20 years. I like to think I’ll be lucky enough to get that far as I had an aunt who went 35 years post BC, and who died of old age.
Hi Cherub, thanks for that. I know I have not felt this exaustion for long as I feel quite well normally. I used to get tired doing things but the doing nothing and feeling so tired is driving me mad. I just hope it is a blip and the build up of chemo that I have been having since April 6th this year. Just hope things improve soon as I want to get back to “my normal”. Thank goodness for this site because I only found this forum by chance a few months ago. At least I can read about people like yourself who know what I am talking about. Where are you now in your own treatment or checkups? Love Val (Scottishlass)
Hi Rachy, How have you been over the weekend? As you will see I have slept for most of it! Hope this week is a better one for everyone on this thread. But Rachy, would love to hear how you are getting on and if yu are still off work.Take care, love Val X
Evening all
Well the clocks went back and now it is even more gloomy being dark so early.
Has anyone tried one of those SAD light devices? They got a thumbs up in a book I’m reading “Healing Without Freud or Prozac”, but they are pricey.
Perhaps I’ll Google and see if I can find a customer review on their effectiveness before I shell out for one.
I suppose I could write to Santa …
Hi to all ladies
I’ve often read this thread, sympathising and agreeing with most of what you are saying, so apologies for taking so long to post myself.
I’ve been on anti depressants since April, but I’ve decided now to start cutting them down so as to stop. I want to see if I can cope without them as I am not sure if they’ve helped or not.
I finished chemo last Oct, then had MX, then finished rads at the beginning of Feb, and finally finished Herceptin in July.
Why oh why am I so tired most days, its seems to be getting worst instead of better, nearly a year past MX I find that most days I seem to sit and fall asleep whilst trying to work at my computer.
like me, some of you may have other issues going on which makes it difficult to move forward.
I wish you all a better week, the sun should be shining and maybe we will all feel more motivated.
P x
Hello to everyone, I am still off sick from work and I certainly feel better for it. My sick note runs out tomorrow. I do not want to go back as I fear i will end up in the state I did before. Nothing at work has changed so concerned about what to do next.Still very hyper sensitive to everything so doesn’t take alot for me to descend down into depression again.
Rachy xx
hi Rachy
tell the doctor. You’re starting to feel better but it sounds like you’re not quite there yet and there’s no point in rushing back before you’re ready or else you’ll end up back where you started perhaps worse.
take care
Katie x
yep, agree with Katie - would be silly to undo the good by plunging back in too soon…trust me, I know…wishing you all the best xxchipperxx
Hi Rachy, Just tell the doctor what you have told us in your post today and I am sure that he will listen and allow you more time to recover. I am glad you posted as we were concerned about you. But you are getting there Rachy but it is early days yet.
Hi Peacock, Are you certain this is the right time to give up your antidepressants? As someone who has close members of her family who have been on them, I would ask you to reconsider and discuss it further with your GP and OH. It is never an easy time of year as we approach winter and the darker long nights. If you finish your antidepressants TOO soon you could end up back where you were in April. It is of course your decision Peacock but take care. You have had a tough few months recently and I am worried for you. Much love to both of you, love Val XX
hello again, I don’t actually think I will ever be able to do this job again. So much has changed and I have changed.I have been to my my workplace today on the way back from the vets and everything is the same as it was when i went sick.
Rachy xx