Sorry to sound so negative. Was diagnosed with BC 1st April last year and had mastectomy in May. What a year it’s been!!
I was very fortunate not to require chemo or radiotherapy but am awaiting delayed reconstruction, which will hopefully be within the next few months.
The things I really find difficult are: lack of confidence, lack of money, lack of self worth and to be honest(some) other people’s attitudes!
Even some of my own family say things like, ‘Well, you don’t have cancer anymore as you’ve had the all clear’!
Also, the fact that I’m going ahead with the Reconstruction Surgery. My own Sister’s attitude is that she thinks I’m mad to go ahead with such a major operation. At 44 yrs of age and a size 38G, I really feel I don’t have any other choice. I’ve really taken it hard losing my Breast and would have thought most people, especially women, would understand!
Sorry to be a moan but would just like to hear if anyone else has had similar experiences.
Anyone on here will understand the feelings you’ve got, even though not everyone has the same treatments.
Cancer is a BITCH and doesn’t spare any part of our lives, but those who haven’t been hit by it simply don’t understand the impact it has. confidence, money, self-worth, femininity, sense of identity, they all go out the window as soon as the cancer diagnosis comes in, and “you’re fine now, it’s all gone, what are you going on about?” just doesn’t do it at all, does it.
I’ve been lucky enough not to need a mastectomy but there are plenty of others who I’m sure will be along to share their experiences so this should bump your post up.
Mobil,I guess the forums are quiet since they have been down.
Its so hard for others to understand what we have been through.Like you I had no chemo and I felt others thought I had “cancer-lite” As if a mastectomy was not drastic enough!
I think one of the vastly misunderstood legacies of a cancer diagnosis is we have stared cancer/our own mortality in the face.That takes a lot of adjusting and acceptance.
I am lucky and its sounds like you are too ,with a very good prognosis.But I still think about it every day.I had a MX in 2008 with an immediate recon and although I am delighted with my recon, its not my real boob so I am aware of it every day.
If you want a recon ,go for it. It was the right decision for me.Unless you have faced the dilema we have ,you have no idea what you would decide.
Be kind to yourself ,try not to take too much notice of others.
Hope you get a date for a recon soon.
Love n hugs
Dot
xxx
I just wanted to say that I feel exactly the same way. I had my bilateral mastectomy done in March last year and, like you, my prognosis was good with no need for chemo or rads, but the impact of the whole thing on my mental health has been immense.
I am also really struggling financially and find the whole benefits system very stressful. This week I had to attend a Dismassals Hearing at work on the grounds of Capability, fortunately they have agreed to a Career Break for more 4 months, with the expectation that I will be able to return to work following my reconstruction op which is due very soon. I came away from the meeting feeling very relieved that I had not lost my job, but the next day I started to feel very anxious that I will not be able to cope with work in 4 months time. I have other issues to deal with which have re-emerged over the past year and also two young children to look after. It is all very stressfull and I wish people would just leave me to try and re-build my life before expecting anything else of me.
Sorry to ramble on, but just to echo that I do understand how you are feeling and am sure that many others on here do too.
Take care of yourself as best as you can.
Best wishes, Samm xx
You’re you and your sister is not you. It’s your body and your sense of (am I right?) not being in balance anymore, your sense of self. 44? You’re a mere youngster with years of life ahead of you. Have confidence in your judgement of what is right for you.
(I love my own sisters dearly, but we don’t always agree, in fact we argued when we were kids and we sometimes argue to the point of quarrelling now.)
Of course you need a recon. If you’re a G size cup, you need to be rebalanced. Anyway, I hate seeing myself without the prosthesis and am not going to go through the rest of my life having to put a stupid fake boob in its box every night when I go to bed. You’re not ‘choosing’ to have a big op, you’re putting things back as good as they can be. If you’d broke your leg, your sister wouldn’t say not to have an op to re-set the bones and to leave it broken, would she?
As for those of us who have had the nastiness of chemo, all that has done for me is kept the mind occupied with side effects and delayed the time when I started really hurting about the lost breast. There is no cancer-lite; there are just differences in treatments needed, which means we all face different things at different times.
Sisters can be strange creatures, as can so-called friends. Sometimes, I’ve taken to being blunt, like with the ‘friend’ who suggested chemo side effects are worse if you’re not in a positive frame of mind when you go for the treatment.
Thanks to all of you who replied. It means so much to have others that genuinely understand what we’re going through! Actually had a wee tear in my eye when I was reading them!
Wish you all the best whatever stage you’re at and I’ll keep you posted regarding my recon op.
I think that other people’s attitudes never fail to surprise me - then I wonder why I am surprised. Last month my cousin, who is a nurse, commented inpassing (we were talking about travel insurance) that I was now “cured” (3 years on from a regional recurrence). I was shocked, and quite upset, and I had to explain that we are never “cured” only NED. I have known 2 people who had secondaries 15 years after first dx and I said so. Well, this was clearly the signal for a very uncomfortable silence and I felt guilty about saying it - but I was just so shocked. It’s such a common misconception - but I’ve been (without really realising it) dwelling on this comment for several weeks. No matter what sort of bc we have/had and whatever treatment, there is no cancer-lite.
Hi Moser.I so agree with your comments,I was DX about a month ago and also diagnosed with lung mets at the same time, I was not sure what that meant and the senior breast care nurse who was giving me the ‘bad’ news said ‘‘well this means its no longer curable only treatable’’ my response was I thought all cancers were not curable you go into remission but are never ‘cured’. Why are we still being told BC is curable and ladies are given ‘all clear’ when later on they get secondaries in some cases. Yes I have 2 family members who have gone 14 yrs and the other 10 yrs with no problems as yet and thankfully I hope they never will , but attitudes are so wrong about BC. I have read many posts from ladies who are distraught at secondary DX because they were under the impression they were in the clear, I wish health care professionals would explain things better in the first place.
Sorry for the rant but it annoys me so much!
Jean
Hi everyone. I was in a really good mood for a change today until i met up with a couple of people that new i had been diagnosed with bc, one of them asked how everything was going and seemed really sympathetic after i explained that i was probably going to have chemo as well as rt and tamox. The other just said well you have had the lump removed you got nothing to worry about now have you the cancers gone.
I was gob-smacked by her response.
It really upset me and i have now spent a few hours feeling really angry with her, people just dont understand what we go through.
Annette
Annette - that really struck a chord with me, as I faced similar comments. (I’ve now done five of six chemo… it’s do-able). My least favourite comment, from people who had no experience of it was:
Oh, but chemo is so much easier these days.
Aaagh! Come and have some with me, then!
Mobil - you go ahead and do what is right for you. Cancer is so much more than physical - it’s psychological too. Anyone who has had a lump removed, whether that is wle or mx, has had a part of their breast amputated… too right we should be able to have it rebuilt! And if you are large chested, then surely the weight difference on either side would cause physical stress too? Family and friends who haven’t had to go through this themselves can often think that once active treatment is over, we’re absolutely fine again - unfortunately, we know that that is very often untrue. You need to be happy with yourself and your body again - take whatever option suits you best, no guilt, no shame - you are worth it.
Fortunately i think i,ve now become immune to some of the silly and thoughtless things people say and have resigned myself to the fact that most people could not understand what we are dealing with, mental or physical.
Try not to let the b*****s get you down, they just don’t have any idea!
Mobil, My OH had similar views when we broached this subject, but it was purely because he didn’t want to see me going through anymore than i had to, but ultimately i know he would support me whatever my decision.
I’ll be having a recon at some point- have got to have a Mx after my chemo and it’s the thought that I will have a recon that is helpng me come to terms with a Mx. I’m a size similar to you and it’s just really not on is it to expect us to not have a recon?
I do get fed up with thoughtless comments, I think family say things without thinking about just how sensitive we are, my mum (bless her and I do love her to bits) asked me if I was pleased with my look after shaving my hair off. No, I wasn’t pleased with it (although I can live with it), I wished it wasn’t falling out so that I had to shave it off, I wished I still had long blonde hair…
Here’s one of my least favourite comments, from a cab driver dropping me off at The Royal Marsden Hospital ‘Doesn’t it make you feel lucky when you come to these hospice type places?’ Boy, did he get a mouthful!
I too am fed up with the cliches of BC. I try to be understanding and I should realise that people really don’t know what to say but I really do get cross with the ‘well, it’s only 6 lots of chemo, then you’re done - all gone, finished’ comment. I’ve started adding ‘yes and I’ve had WLE, MX, possible radiotherapy, reduction and uplift on my good boob, 5 years of tablets, side effects, worry etc etc etc’. AAARRGGGH.
My favourite SIL comment at christmas was ‘well, at least you’re here with us all for christmas’. I LOL at that one and said ‘too bloody right and many more christmases to come thanks!’. Last week topped it all with someone I knew patting me on the head to see if I had my wig on! Good grief … give us strength.
Rachel, too true. I was complaining mildly about manual lymphatic drainage (three years on and only just got the right treatment for breast lymphoedema) and a friend wrote, ‘Well, at least you haven’t got cancer’. I felt like saying, ‘Well, you haven’t got cancer either, and nor do you have to have MLD’!
There have been a couple of previous threads about inappropriate comments and they never cease to amaze me! The latest ones I get are people saying how lucky I am that I will have my breast reconstructed a size smaller (through choice) and the other one uplifted and reduced to match. No its not lucky at all that I have had to have this done due to having cancer! if I had wanted a boob job before I would have paid for it!
Hi everyone. The worst comment i have had came a week after my mastectomy and immediate implant reconstruction. A colleague said" well i always think that if you have to have cancer breast cancer is the best". Well i was struck dumb and then was really angry with myself later for not having said anything.Even comments like"are you ever coming back to work" hurt as we havent chosen to have this disease.Certainly some people i come across think - oh well she’s had the op so must now be fine. They are usually the same ones who look at my chest before my face when i bump into them. Don’t mean literally bump! x
I’m so glad that someone else has noticed that people look at their chest before their face. I too am experiencing this and was beginning to think it was me who was paranoid!!!
Tina
x
Liz3760. I have heard this so much - Breast Cancer is best! Leaves you speechless doesn’t it. I’ve also had one person who very obviously looked at my hairline and and then my chest! What can you say - it was also the same person who said when I was first diagnosed that she was doing the moonwalk ‘just for me’ because she felt so sorry for me. I felt like screaming ‘I don’t want pity, I want flowers, chocolates, a cooked dinner, offer to walk the dog’! Am I sounding ungrateful … ?