Really sorry this is going to come out all blubbery. I had a better day then a couple of things happened with others around me and wham I’m back to a wibbling wreck. Im so not like this. I’ve had medical problems in the past but this hits me right between the eyes etc.
Feel very alone - please don’t take that the wrong way, I’m so grateful and thankful for your support- it’s what’s about to come that’s the problem. Dr didn’t think my lump was anything. Almost passed me by and it’s come back not so good. Trying to take things slow and breathe but having a flap. Really upset. Really worried about getting myself through coming months.
Shaking and trying not to think about it but it’s so overwhelming. When I talk with friends they just say ‘ok’ and move on. I want to scream it’s not ‘ok’ how is it at all ok. They say they are worrying and don’t know what to say. I’m asking for us to talk about it but they say nothing. Then move on again and change subject. Everything feels very surreal. Sorry if I sound like a crazy woman and should pull myself together. I just can’t seem to when the wobbles happen.
Cannot say any more…getting too upset and far gone for this time of night. It’s tough being on your own and … sorry I know it must be difficult if you’ve got loved ones there…I’m sorry. Don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling.
Going to make a cuppa…should help… hope to get some sleep…
You helped me hold ot together a few times over the last few days and now its your turn to wobble x Like you said to me feel free to vent and dont be sorry x Thats what we are all here for x Sending hugs and thanks too for the support you have given. Hope you sleep and dont beat yourself up x we are all human
This is a horrible time and a lot of people are only aware of the fluffy pink ribbon BC, not the reality, they don’t understand the terrifying fear you are experiencing. In their minds you are being cured and everything is o.k.
What you are feeling is very normal and I have experienced the same heart stopping, breathless fear and like you I came on here. I always discuss the real stuff on here, but in the real world, I’m all positive & I’m going to beat it attitude.
Thank you so much for what you have said. I’m so glad I’ve been of help to you. That does make me feel better. I think all the odd remarks back from friends have taken their toll and its got to me. Thank you for hugs. Shall try to sleep so can manage tomorrow better. Thank you for posting and being there tlc
Thank you Susan for posting and putting it exactly how I feel. The fear is so tangible it’s unbelievable. Thank you for saying you wish you could take it away for me. Thank you for your kindness.
Yes I can see how that is a very good and helpful way of dealing with the real world. Not to fight other people’s responses to this and to accept - gradually I’m afraid- that they do think it’s a cure and gone. One friend said at least it’s been caught early and the treatment is pretty routine and straightforward. I hadn’t given any info to this person other than I have bc. I think I’m best to follow your lead. Keep the positive gonna beat it of course etc to them and be more true to me and my feelings on here. I certainly have so far.
Thank you for saying it does get better. Thank you for the hope.
Just wanted to pop on and say hello. We are all here for you and have felt just the same. I had so many wobbly days (and that’s putting in mildly…I was a wreck) and never thought that I would get any normality back. It does come back though and you will get there. It’s the uncertainty and the waiting that is the worst.
Keep coming on here and venting whenever you need to. There will always be someone along to talk to you. Be kind to yourself. What you are feeling is very normal but will pass. You will have good days again but for now, cherish the good moments and accept the bad ones.
Hi pineapples, it can feel pretty grim at this part of your “journey” and the fear is overwhelming at times. Just to say that I was were you are at this point last year and it does get “easier” to manage, I had surgery, chemo and rads and have now returned to work and it all feels a bit surreal now. I still have wobbly times but it feels a different kind of wobbly which probably doesn’t make sense but it will at a later date!!! Sending a gentle hug your way xxxx
Hi pineapples ,hope today is better for you .Ive found this bloody thing has taken over my life since diagnose , it sits in the back of your mind even when your trying to have a day not thinking about it .I have some people i have told say the same to me its ok , its fine you just got to get on with it be positive .Day before my bone scan results my shoulders and back was hurting for 2 days so i was in panic mode , i practically jumped down the throat of one of my male friends cause he seemed very patronising like it was no big deal , found myself saying something i shouldnt of said and tbh its very out of character for me .i dont think people realise the constant nagging fear that having this gives you .it has changed me in past two weeks some days i cant see past it and i wish it wasn’t constantly in my head and i could go back to being me before i found out x
Thank you pineapples .i just keep think how long 8 months away is .never had so many thoughts in my head .worry so much about will it spread inbetwen appointments and is it getting bigger .think 4.4 cm is scary enough x
Hi pinapples
I hope you are asleep and not reading this 02.33am. As you can see im awake.
My heart goes out to you. Friends and family can be very cruel and they dont realise it. Its not worth fighting with them as you may need thier suĺoport later down the line. The next on that says that to you say"really. How do you think you would feel if your told you have cancer. I need your support right now not your flipant remarks. Ha did i say dont fall out (lol). It might make them stop and think. Good luck one day at a time xx
Today is my first " wobbly “, one i suspect of many that will come when i least expect it in the months ahead. I was diagnosed 3 days ago and although the results were expected ( having had endometrial cancer before some years ago ), i had forgotton how bad the” wobbly " days can be … so im sitting here reading the threads of all you wonderful brave ladies and i can feel your strengh reaching me . I will let myself indulge in 10 minutes of a damn good cry , then shower , put a face on and get out and walk my lovely rescue dog in the sunshine . " This too will pass " dear friends and we will turn the corner to once again see the sun . Keep strong and seize the day X
Maldives , i agree regarding what to say to some peoples remakes .though it sounds harsh it weedles out who is really there for you . I said to a friend the other day who basically seemed quite patronising " god forbid if you ever go through something like this, then tell me how you bloody feel " .not going to lie i felt awful after as it not in my nature to be horrible , this person has not spoke to me since .guess it showed really .im slowly realising the people who are there though thick or thin for me and who are willing to listen to my fears xx
Hi janet , think we are entitled to wobbles , im normally quite a strong person and ive prob cried more in past 2 weeks since diagnose than about 4 years .it just seems to creep up on me .my worst was yesturday when i told my 12yr old son , in tears before even opening my mouth and i had it all planned id be tuff and hold it together . Just thinking about the look on his face makes me cry x wouldnt wish this on anyone x
Wobbly days allow us to get out all the emotion that we have been building up over a period of time, no matter how long it is we need to be able to acknowledge those days and get through them. You know you are in a safe place here to let out what you do not want to in front of your friends and family, no matter how understanding they are you still see the fear in them and that does get to you.
I think we would all agree that no matter where you are in this journey, we all have those days when it can be why me? what if? , but we get so much love and support on here during those times it allows us to release that and help to pick us up and put us back on our feet again.
The reactions that we get from people vary dramatically and it can be hard to deal with people who appear to be “brushing” off what you have just told them as nothing at all. We need to give them time to digest what we have just told them, quite often we have had longer to come to terms with it than they have. If they come round to it and are able to provide support no matter how much or little, then fab if they dont then you just need to let them go but do not feel guilty about it, this is about you not them you can not own their issues.
Well it is very wet here today in Birmingham after what looked like a promising start so I am going to sit and watch the bowls final on TV this after, then get everything ready for back to work tomorrow, oh joy.
Sending you all loads of hugs and remember we are always there for you
Thank you so much steph , hug has definitely been received ? he is such a kind hearted , well behaved kid and im so proud of him …think he asked me about 8 times after all the treatment will it be gone , all i could say was i had no intention of going any where and the consultants seemed positive …i have such a good relationship with him , to start with he seemed to be just questions , then about 10 mins after we stopped chatting he came down stairs and broke down .today ive had lots of cuddles but he seems ok .think the chemo and little things may knock him more now .next weekend i have to go to london to tell my 26 year old but he has been through cancer himself, so hoping he will handle better …xx
Ladybowler, i am he is an amazing young boy ,i asked his opinion about wigs , as im personally not worried about having one , but told him i just want him to feel ok as possible his reply " i don’t mind , hair or no hair your still my mum and hair comes back " cue the waterworks xx
