I’m just over 3 weeks post DMX and immediate DIEP - I get my pathology results tomorrow and I am feeling as sick as a dog. I had a 5mm IDC ER+ HER2 mass found on USS - feel like I’m just destined to be one of the unlucky ones… I can’t cope with anymore uncertainty - I feel so broken - I have 2 children under the age of 5 so feel like my life is unraveling at a rate of knots 
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Oh bless you - it’s a really tough time and we all understand here how you’re feeling - life has been turned upside down and our minds all go into that black hole. I’ve been having some counselling with the Macmillan service and it’s definitely helping my anxiety - could I suggest that you look into talking to someone in whatever service is close to you? You may find it helpful? And keep posting in here - we are all on this journey and get how you’re feeling. Sending best wishes xx
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I’m so sorry to hear of your diagnosis . I am also HER positive and there is a very helpful and friendly thread called HER2+ and need some buddies. You may want to join as our treatment journey is long. There are a few younger women with children on the thread you can connect with. Here’s the link.
Here are some other links you might find helpful (assuming you are under 45 with 2 children under 5)
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Someone Like Me: Will match you with a trained volunteer who’s had a similar experience to you. They’ll be a phone call or email away to answer your questions, offer support, or simply listen. Call on 0800 138 6551 or contact our email volunteers
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Younger Women Together: For people 45 and under. You can choose the support that suits you: online, one day or 2 day residential events. Find an event.
For you to be able to communicate in an age appropriate way this link for books may be helpful. I worked in primary school for over 20 years and found that children get more than we think. Nursery/ child care can help aswell. Some books can be found on YouTube being read aloud.
Keep sharing and remember BCN nurse can be contacted on 0808 800 6000 m- f 9-4 sat 9-1 , they have a wealth of knowledge and experience and have more time than breasts nurses in clinic.
Take care
Hi like yourself I am HER2 positive start my chemo week Monday as aggressive at stage 3 and already in my lymph glands I have a 5yr old little boy. It’s tough feel free to message me privately if you want to off loads chat ect… I had a massive breakdown the other night just lost it felt like my world was imploding. It tough but we are tough to and with this amazing group of people we can help and support each other. Going forward i will probably look at counciling but don’t want another appointment in my diary at the moment till I get going xxx take care
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That’s the spirit. You CAN and WILL get through this. Just remember, one foot in front of the other and your cancer journey will be complete.
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It’s so tough for you. Of course you feel broken. Please remember you’re just as likely to be one of the fortunate ones. You can read so many positive stories on here. You could just as easily be writing yours to encourage others further down the line. Praying for you for a full recovery from this. 
xxx
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Hi @titch1
I sorry to hear you are struggling, please know there are many people that will be here to support you. Keep sharing, being anonymous really helps.
Please look at the above links.
I would also suggest phoning the BCN nurses on 0808 800 6000 m-f 9-4 sat 9-1 or MacMillan helpline 0808 808 0000 7 days a week 8-8. There is always someone there to listen to you, nothing is too small. Out of these hours Samaritans 116 123.
Having a cancer diagnosis is hard and everyone deals with it differently. There is no right way to behave or think.
Having a Someone like me or a MacMillan buddy https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help/emotional-help/macmillan-buddiesor there 1:1 support via WhatsApp Macmillan 1 to 1: WhatsApp messaging support service | Macmillan Cancer Support
I felt like I was on a ferris wheel going round and round being unable to get off during active treatment, which lasted 15 months. After chemo I have some counselling via MacMillan over the phone (unfortunately they no longer provide this) but months later after finishing Herceptin, I felt like I needed more. I had some face to face locally which was helpful. I also had some with a trainee psychologist a year later as I was struggling with ‘What next?’. For me counselling during treatment didn’t fit in and like you, I didn’t need another appointment to go to. You have to do what is right for you.
Take care
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Thank you xxxx
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@naughty_boob thank you for the above I’ve message the MacMillan one today just so I have a outlet xxx
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Hi @strudderz and @titch1 ,
I just logged on again after a long time of inactivity.
A conversation yesterday (with my newly diagnosed sister) made me realise that I had also been looking for words of hope back in 2014, when I got diagnosed aged 38 with an ER+ T2N2Mx BC. And I am now on the other side of it all.
The NHS gave me everything there was: mastectomy (with DIEP Flap), chemo, radiotherapy, followed by 10 years of Zoladex and Exemestane, after they determined I was still pre-menopausal 5 years in and that I was OK to continue on the meds.
Also, because they took out all of my lymph nodes (7/11 positive), I developed a permanent hand and arm lymphoedema right after surgery adding to my distress.
But even though memory fades, I mostly remember that those weeks and months after the diagnosis felt like a long, dark tunnel, and I was convinced that there was no way for me to become a long-term survivor.
These things helped me back then:
- Free support sessions of any kind by Breast Cancer Now (previously BreastCancerCare), MacMillan and another little charity called The Haven in London, which sadly does not exist anymore
- Realising that my fear of death was paralysing and that I could as well try to push away a stone wall - it wouldn’t change my reality and it was futile, an utter waste of energy
- Some simple “mantras” that I often recited to myself in my mind when I needed them:
- “One day at a time”: when feeling a bit desperate
- “Take the time to live well”: in daily life, because as long as it lasts, I might as well enjoy what I am doing right now
- “Whatever works”: when being confronted with a scary/painful treatment situation
- Resting when my body needed rest
- Keeping busy when I felt well (I worked as a fulltime freelance translator back then, and somehow you need to make a living, even when you are ill)
- Being kind to myself and trying to still trust my body after I felt so betrayed by it (because I didn’t see any of it coming)
There were lots of lovely people I got to know during that first intense year, and who kept supporting me for a long time.
What I am trying to say:
However stuck you feel right now, please do not despair, find your own path forward. You are stronger than you think, a human body has an extraordinary ability to heal, and the possibilities of modern medicine are amazing.
One more story: In hospital, after my surgery, the woman next to me in the ward told me that she had just gotten new nipples - a present to herself for her 10-year-anniversary as a cancer survivor. Back then, I never thought I would be able to write words of hope for other people so many years later. But I can.
Love
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I’m so pleased I could help. I hope you get the support you need.
@sopuli1 thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I have spent the morning planning and controlling what I can for next week even ordered myself and nice “chemo” hat. I will get there I just want to get started now xx hope your keeping well
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Sorry to hear of your misery. But, try to keep in mind, despite the pain, confusion and uncertainty, this is ,as many of us here have experienced,a painful and difficult chapter of your life. Not the end of it. Your results are due today. Please share them with us. And, never, never give up.
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I don’t even know where to begin - all your messages have been so encouraging, compassionate and reassuring. My results came back on Friday and they confirmed that they’ve managed to get all the cancer and the 5 lymph nodes Removed are also clear. They said my tumor profile put me in the low risk category and final was a Stage 1bN0 IDC - they said I can go straight onto endocrine therapy and safely bypass chemo (they said that because it’s ++ - and final size is 7mm it didn’t qualify for genomic testing. I’m in disbelief and so grateful that it is about a good an outcome we could’ve hoped for. It’s weird because right now I don’t feel happy - does this make me a bad person? I just feel utterly numb - how do you start moving forward?
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Hi @strudderz
I’m so pleased your results are so positive. No you are not a bad person for feeling this way. We all deal with this journey differently. It can take some time to get your head around what has happened to you. For me, when my active treatment finished (15months) that is when I felt I really needed help. I ended up having 3 lots of counselling, the final one with a trainee psychologist which really helped me to try to make sense of how I felt and what to do.
Breast cancer now have a great course you can do online or in person. You can meet up with others who have finished active treatment. I highly recommend it, I met some lovely ladies and we still communicate on a WhatsApp group.
Moving Forward: Finishing treatment can be hard, and it can be difficult to move forward with your life. You can access our support online or face-to-face. Our online information hub and Moving Forward journal provide extra ideas and information. Courses run over 2 weeks, with 2 3.5hr sessions. Or trained facilitators and volunteers are there to help. Find a course near you.
For now you may want to talk to someone about how you feel the BCN nurses are great. They can be called on 0808 8006000 m-f 9-4 sat 9-1. No question to small or just there to chat to.
You may benefit from being match with Someone Like Me: Will match you with a trained volunteer who’s had a similar experience to you. They’ll be a phone call or email away to answer your questions, offer support, or simply listen. Call on 0800 138 6551 or contact our email volunteers
MacMillan also have a buddies scheme.
Take care
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That’s excellent news.
Don’t be surprised if the happy feelings take a while. Cancer diagnosis is traumatic and cancer treatment is traumatic. There is bound to be a need to process things now you’re done and possibly some PTSD to deal with.
As @naughty_boob has signposted there is help out there. I’ll add Maggie’s to the list in case you have a centre nearby.
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