Hello, I started back to work this week on part time hours. I have a month of this then going to full time. However, today was my third day and i am so tired and very tearful. I have been off so long that my job has changed so much that I am concerned that I will no longer be able to do it. In addition, my dad who I lived with , died at the end of last month so as well as bc, I have had the loss of my dad to deal with. Work have been very supportive whilst I have been off but now I feel that I cannot pick up all the new stuff given to me and all the stuff i knew how to do has been forgotten. I must work as living alone in the house so must pay the bills alone now (My dad and I always shared them before). I cannot keep bursting in to tears at work as really stressing me out. What have others done when returning to work after treatment? Has anyone had a complete change in direction?
You have suffered a double blow - BC and then your dad…
I started back to work last March after about one year off. It was awful - ki teach and honestly I had forgotten so much. I got into the classroom and honestly though what now. One class i had to show them how to do graphs on excel and when it came down to it there was an empty space in my head (Iblame it on the chemo) It was so embarressing. It does get better though it is hard work and sometime I do crave the safety of the sofa.
Have you considered bereavement counselling? It can help - you have not only lost your dad but your old life as well
3 days is quite a lot to do in the first week. I had a longer and more gradual phased return and decided along the way that 3 days was as much as I could do. So I am now permanently part time. I know that I am fortunate that this is affordable for me and it isn’t an option for everyone. It is tiring when you return and you lose so much confidence in yourself when you are off work for a long time. In addition you are grieving for your Dad, so it is no wonder that you feel so low. But it is possible to get that self confidence back in time and your employer should understand that they need to provide support and training if your job has changed a lot. I didn’t change job but sometimes I have thought about it. My job is very stressful and I think there must be more satisfying things I could do.
Hi
I am back working full time now. have been for awhile and still find it hard get very tired and emotional.
Like Rach i lost my dad, uncle and was dx all within 4 months, think it takes along time for your body to heal it self from all the enormity of it all.
Be gently on yourself don’t expect to much to soon.
Love & Hugs
Jo
I do sympathise with you all. I went back to work recently with 2 half days building up half a day a week but even at that slow pace have felt exhausted. I feel completely out of touch despite having made social visits into work and had kind colleasgues who came to visit while i was off work. You must be kind to yourself rachy and make sure you tell your manager or HR if it is too much. i’m not usually selfish at work but I have decided that if I can’t cope with full days I will make a big fuss about it so i can stay on reduced hours longer. Your boss or HR won’t know unless you tell them how you are feeling. Most people will be sympathetic as BC is discussed so much in the media and the BIG C as it used to be known resonates with everyone. I’m supposed to have weekly reviews (suggested by HR) with my boss to see how I’m coping and so far (week2) this has happened BUT I too work in a school and I know how these things go. Good intentions but usual crisis management mean it will get pushed out unless i insist. I am supposed to be “extra” on staff numbers so can catch up on admin etc but already someone is off sick and won’t be back for a while so I think this will disappear too. I know i sound cynical but experience has taught me … I don’t want to end up just living to work i.e. resting whole time I’m not at work. I’ve learnt so much about myself during the months I’ve had treatment that I don’t want to lose this in the overwhelming burden of working. Having said all that it was a real joy to be back with the kids i teach; sounds like a cliche but young children mainly live in the moment so were pleased to see me but more interested in what the day was going to bring. Really enjoyed their company, unlike some colleagues who obviously didn’t know what to say beyond “how are you?”. Didn’t tell them about back ache, sore foot and asthma thought they wouldn’t want to know!!
Sorry to ramble on so much.
littlemrs
Dear Rach,
So sorry to hear about your dad on the top of everything else. Could I add to everyones comments…you might try ringing the MacMillan helpline re benefits. One of our biggest worries was financial in the early days and we got great advice from a lady who worked for Citizens advice but attended our local cancer support centre. You might find there is help available that you didn’t previously know about or help you to apply if you can’t face doing it yourself right now.
Also good advice given by a branch of the union that I was in - Unison. (maybe you are in one ?).
Love
V.
I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad - that must be so hard to deal with.
Returning to work after such a long break is incredibly difficult, and no matter how supportive other people are, the demands are huge. I went back to work on a phased return last June whilst still on chemo - it was very difficult and I didn’t do more than a few hours at a time. In September I upped my hours but it’s only during the past 3 or 4 weeks that I’ve got back into the routine more and am beginning to settle again.
I honestly didn’t think I would be able to pick up again and am definitely not working at full pelt yet.
I think it’s important not to be too hard on yourself and to accept that it’s going to take time. The skills and confidence will probably return but no immediately. It honestly is one step at a time.
I think the advice to have some bereavement counselling sounds like a good idea if you haven’t already done this … but most important - take your time to adjust and be kind to yourself.