Worried about my Mum

Hi everyone - I posted this on the Secondary Breast Cancer forum then wondered if it should be here instead, so decided to post it again.

This is my first post on here, although I have been browsing the forums for a while.

My mother has secondary breast cancer, that has spread to the bones. She also has secondaries in the lung, and on the spine.

She was diagnosed 2 years ago, and at that time was very poorly with a lot of pain in the hips and the stomach. Since then she has had biophosphates (?) to strengthen her bones, chemotherapy, some radiotherapy and Avastin. She successfully got rid of the cancer from her liver earlier in the year, but it came back in the lungs.

Up to now her oncologist has always seemed really laid back, and very optimistic. Recently she’s been getting some numbness and pins & needles in her stomach and chest, which she told him about on Friday. Apparently he seemed very concerned by this, and wants her to have an urgent MRI scan the same day, and some more radiotherapy immediately. They wanted to do this the same afternoon, but my Mum could not stay due to other commitments.

The oncologist has apparently ruled out more chemo, and said that this has done all it can for her now. He also said things like “You have to remember you have done really well to get this far… 2 years is very good, and you really have done so well to be here still” - but this was said in a slightly sombre tone rather than a congratulatory one. At the end of her visit 2 of the oncology nurses came up to her and gave her a hug and said “Don’t worry about anything, you will be ok… you will be ok, don’t worry” (nothing like this has ever happened before).

My stepsister was at the consultation too and said that her impression was that that we could be nearing the end of the line for treatment. Both of them said it was odd that suddenly everything that was suggested in terms of treatment seems very urgent (even though her tumour markers and chest xrays were no worse than last time).

It’s so hard to know what to think. I feel like I’m reacting to something insubstantial, because we have been in a position where it was all doom and gloom before, and she has done really well. I just wish the onc had said something tangible rather than making comments that could be misinterpreted - I feel like life is now back in limbo, because I don’t know if she’s got weeks to go, or if in fact this all just a storm in a teacup. I guess I’m worried that the numbness could be a sign of stomach cancer - which I gather finishes people off very quickly. What makes it all more surreal is that she doesn’t even look that ill.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this on here, but I guess I just need to share my worries with someone.

Thank you for reading.

Hello sparkly, I just wanted to acknowledge your post and to send good wishes to you and yours.

xxx

Hello Sparkly,

My mum was told in November, that there was no more that they could do. (diag. breast ca 1998, secondaries to bone 2006, liver Nov 2008).
She did ask how long and the consultant told us 6 weeks. She is still going but getting weaker each day. I don’t know if it was best to know a est time left but at least it has meant she can get everything in order. It is only a rough guide and who knows what the body can handle, i am hoping she will keep going, she has already outlived the six weeks so who knows.

Get as much support as possible, Gp and district nurses have been excellent, hospice help us with drug info and help with emotional support. we have been lucky with all the outside support we have had.

You need to find out how much your mum and your family want to know, if you do ask what all this means, then speak to the consultant or gp but remember everyone is different and they can only tell you what happens to the average patient.

Take care & best wishes

louiseX