Worrying about everything - how can I make it stop

I was diagnosed February this year 4.5cm invasive ductal with 8/18 notes had 2 WLE ops , chemo 4 X EC, allergic reaction to Taxotere, so changed to weekly Taxol, 3 weeks rads and now on Tamoxifen. I think I coped really well when having the treatment, although I was worried about every aspect, particularly the chemo but remained positive throughout. I now spend too much time worrying about every little ache or pain, I am 51 and feel about 100 when I get out of bed in the morning. I shuffle like a penguin till the joints and muscles loosen up. My logical head tells me this is probably all menopause related I can’t seem to get the lymph node involvement out of my head, it was such a shock at the time of diagnosis too, but still haunts me constantly. I did have a clear bone scan and CT scan in March. I just wondered how long it takes to move on and put breast cancer on a back burner. I am returning to work in the next week or so after 10 months and although looking forward to it I am terrified too!!!

Hi Jules

The worrying is just awful isnt it. I was dx last November and finished all my treatment at the end of August. I sound almost the same as you. I’m stiff as a board in the mornings and my ribs ache under the breast that was treated. I walk around for half the day convinced my bones aren’t clear. I have met 2 other ladies on this journey who are also going through the same worries. I guess its something we just have to try to put out of our heads.

Best wishes for your return to work. I feel sure your anxieties will lessen when you are back in the swing of things at work. I’m not brave enough to go back full time till the new year but am sneaking in a Caribbean holiday before I go on the advice of my BCN. Have fun when you can grab the chance.

Regards Judy x

I had so many horrible things happen to me and my family during and afterr chemo that the only time I though about my poor prognosis was the night before my checkups! About two years after chemo during the first quiet period I’d had in years it suddenly hit me that I was actually given a 35-45% 5yr survival rate!! I’d spent two years worrying about everything except bc and realised that beating myself up over my prognosis was pretty futile and wouldnt make any difference to the outcome…The only way forward towards the magic 2yr or 5yr mark is head down,blinkers on and carry on as normal.After all someone has got to fall on the good side of the stats and you’ve got as good a chance as anyone.

I understand how you are feeling Jules51…my logical and illogical sides are always at loggerheads!

Take work as it comes…I went back October and found all my colleagues really understanding and it felt really great to be back - normality and the routine of getting up, getting child ready for school was most welcome!

I was dx March this year 15mm tumour, 1 node out of 12 showing signs, 3 FEC, 3 TAX and radio. I am triple negative and therefore cannot have tamoxifen or herceptin. Finished treatment Sept.

I also coped really well with the treatment and am now back FT at work. My only underlying problem is that my ‘inner’ body seems to be getting itself flustered and causing high blood pressure when on the outside I am calm and not strressed. I cannot control it! I can only think that it is my sub-concious!

I am eating (too much!) and sleeping well and coping with work. I have no relationship worries or money worries (not rich or even comfortable - just survive - but very happy like this) and cannot understand - it’s almost like I have got post traumatic shock. My symptoms are classic anxiety and to be quite honest it’s really p*ssing me off! I have arranged through work to see a counsellor to see if this helps and waiting to see if Occupational Health can do anything.

on Tuesday I didn’t feel quite ‘right’ so I nipped along to a local treatment room near to work where they took my blood pressure - it was a scarily high 170/104 which the reading itself shocked me. The nurses were lovely and confirmed it was most likely anxiety causing it. The advised me to see my doctor - which I did last night. This is the response I got:-

“try and forget it now - I had a car crash once and have forgotten about it” - “God has chosen this path for you and you cannot do anything about it” - he also poopoo’d the idea of seeing a counsellor - “Talk to your family and husband” - well I nearly had a thrombosis attack there and then! I was so gob smacked that I just nodded at him - took the advice not to eat too much salt, drink too much alcohol - the usual blah blah blah and came out of his surgery feeling like a neurotic mad woman with my blood at boiling point!

I have had good support from him the last year…maybe he is p*ssed off with seeing me??? I think it is time to look for another doctor!

Has anyone else had ‘negative’ comments from their doctor/health professional?

Anita