I’m sorry, I’ve got to unload somewhere. Talking about a divorced friend who is shall we say ‘picky’ about his ladies, my poor husband clanged big time this afternoon and I can’t shake myself out of it.
He told Alex last night when they were working together that he should maybe be a bit less scared of committment as “you can be a long time lonely”… Maybe I’m super sensitive but for me with secondaries and the consequent prognosis - OK it’s ‘only’ bones and to quote my GP when filling out a travel questionairre I’m not expected to die anytime soon, but I hurt. Not that he meant to hurt me I know - he realised what he’d said as soon as he said it - but it’s so true and I hate myself for leaving him like I’m going to at some point. We’ve known each other 39 years, married 34 of them and have no children - he’s all I’ve got and vice versa. I hate breast cancer.
Thanks for listening
Hold on, you do not know you are going to leave him, and I have seen posts from people living with secondaries for years and years…today I was at the hospital, depressing place but there were people there living with cancer for 20 years…and they were walking talking and apparently living normally…
Sasha well said , I have lived with cancer for the last 17 years and this is my third battle now with secondaries in my lungs and I think I am not that old at 46 years old … I going no where yet and going to live my life to the full . Been off sick for the last six months just finished my chemo which was pure hell But I got through it with the help of my family friends and the wonderful people on this web site … I am finding people do not understand one bit what we are going through . Following a recent ct scan to find out my tumour had reduced in size only to be told by my friend ooh its gone then !!! Totally mis understood what I said . Ignore what people say I am now . They can not or will not ever understand what we are going through …
With Love Rosie
well said sascha and rosiechin
Dear Broomsticklady, I know what you are saying here. I have had sismilar thoughts. I was scared that I would be replaced quickly when I was gone. Not that my OH ever said this. My weird thought was that I didn’t want a close friend of ours filling my shoes. I was really worried she would nab my man when I was gone and I jusy knew she wasnt the right woman for him. This was all in my mind. There was nothing at all in it. It was all in my head. But it was still real. I just know what you mean. PM me if you need to talk about this one to one. My husband knows about my thoughts as I did tell him but had bottled it up for a long time. But we have been together for such a long time and I was jealous about someone filling my shoes too readily. Just to say if I have read it properly this is what is going on in your mind? Or something similar? Hugs V
Hi Broomsticklady,
Bear in mind that your husband may very well be struggling with the thought of what he would do, and how he would cope if he found himself alone. As one who is widowed,I can tell you that it is a scary, scary thought. BUT, also as one who is widowed, I can say that it can be very, very difficult to step into a new relationship when you have lost your OH. I haven’t achieved it - amost 5 years past my husband’s death. I have had offers but I cannot “divorce” myself from the feeling that I still have for my late husband. One can try to rationalise what may be best in a situation before it hits, but it is not necessarily the case that you can act on that when it does hit. I think it highly unlikely that if the worst happened you would be easily replaced!
HOWEVER, I agree with what others have said here about living long with secondaries. Hopefully your husband will NOT have to deal with this in practice for many years to come.
V x
Brromsticklady, Are you okay? Not seen you posting. Verity sorry you read you have been widowed. Not easy. Hugs to both of you. Val
Scottishlass,
THANK YOU - so kind.
V x
Thanks Val - appreciate your ‘explanation’ of what I’m going thru - yes you put it much better than I did. Not doing much right now as struggling badly with post rad fatigue - my legs are jelly, I can’t go out except in wheelchair, my appetite zilch and it does nothing for my mood. The bright side is I have been able to reduce morphine (hydro morphine) from 6 mg to 2mg - I’m told this is like 50mg to 7.5 of oxycodone which I struggled with, so I have a head back at least!
I was VERY low when I posted this - tried to rationalise a bit since but it still sits there raising its ugly head when I try to go to sleep :(.
Thinking of people like you and Dawn helps tho - shining stars for us bone mets people - wjhich hopefully will reflect back on you and help you too!!
Verity - thanks for your kind words too - how you cope on your own with bc after having had such a relationship I cannot begin to imagine - I am so dependent now on David.
Nina
I am struggling a bit too right now Brromsticklady/Nina. But I am getting 2 units of blood tomorrow so am hoping that I will pick up a bit after that. They wanted me to go in at 9am and I would be in the ward for SIX HOURS! Luckily I have had Blood transfusions before so asked if I could go in today to get my bloods done for tomorrow. They agreed to do that ( took all of 5 minutes) and thus I have cut off TWO HOURS off tomorrow’s visit to the ward. Sometimes I do not think some nurses know just what struggling means. To sit in a ward for SIX HOURS is just not an option for me. When I say I am knackered believe me I am trually knackered. They would have put me on a saline drip too when I went in so that saves them looking after ME for 2 hours which surely is more sensible when they are caring for others in the ward. Do I have too much common sense?
It is my 41st wedding anniversary today and my lovely husband offered to take me out for dinner but he knows I just coudn’t manage. So we had a lovely dinner at home instead. Salmon, new potatos and a side salad followed by raspberrries and cream…mind you the raspberries were pretty sour and I like sour but this was just TOO sour even for me.
My husband wanted to pop inot John Lewis so I just sat in the car (no energy) and the same at Sainsbury’s as he was looking for a special light bulb. I was quite happy to wait in the car as I had the radio on and I could people watch while I was sitting there. A close friend asked me tonight on the phone if I didn’t get bored as she would want to be in the shop. Well normally so would I but as I have said before i just cannot do normal stuff right now. Just goes to show that even best freinds have NO IDEA what it is like to have bone mets. Only ladies on here fully understand how it can affect our lives at times. We do not mean a wee bit tired we mean really knackerd! I am not always like this for any newbies reading. It is just a wee hic-cup and normal services will resume soon…I hope. Night night. Going off to bed. OH has put my electric blanket on for me as this helps when bloods are low and I get cold hands and feet. Hope you are all doing okay. LOve Val
Happy anniversary Val. 41 years wow!
Good luck with hospital visit and hope you feel better after transfusion with a bit more energy.Take care.
Lucinda xx