young kids

young kids

young kids This is my first posting on this forum. Diagnosed last week, and still in the limbo of having scans etc. Have spent the last week trying to sort out family, work etc, and now it’s finally starting to sink in.

I have a little boy who’s nearly 3, and I’d be grateful for any advice about preparing him for me going into hospital, losing my hair etc without making him more stressed than he needs to be. Grandmas and partner are already being organised ( I’ve turned into a controlfreek in 5 days) .
Thanks,

India

Dear India1 You may find Breast Cancer Care’s publication ‘Talking to your children about breast cancer’ helpful to read for advice and information to help you to support your child throughout this time, you can download it from the following link:

breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/talking_with_children_0.pdf

Kind regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care

Young kids I am so sorry that you have had to join us but you will find excellent support here.

My situation was a little different to yours in that my son was only a yr old when I was dx. I did however have to explain my hair loss to my niece, I sat her down on my lap and told her that I was sick and that the medicine that was going to make me better would make my hair fall out.

Kids are very excepting, and this satisfied her completely.

My little boy thought my bald head was hilarious and used to slap it all the time!

To your child you will just be mummy, regardless of what you are going through and the advantage of having a child at this time is that it is extremely motivating.

Best of luck with the surgery.

Regards

Mrs Salmon xxx

Hi India so so so sorry you had to join us.
First time i was dx 8 years ago my children were 18 months & 4 years.
My little girl had no understanding of why mummy was so poorly, especially during chemo. I explained to my son that i was poorly, that i had to go into hospital & that i was going to have to take some special medicine afterwards to make me better.
My husband worked all the way through my treatment, apart from when i went into hospital & with no local family, i relied on friends to have the children during treatment & they were really fantastic.
It all depends what op your having & how long you will be in hospital for! when i went in for WLI in Jan, i was let out the same day (no drains), but when i was in in March for my bilateral i was in 4 days & came out with 2 drains. Oh & my hospital had a policy of no children under 12 on the ward, so take a mobile.
My children had little understanding then, sometimes my son mentions remembering that i had to take some strange tablets that made me ill, besides that they can’t remember! Now they are older & with being dx again, we do talk alot about it & i answer them as honestly as i can (if i know, they know).
As long as your son is happy & you have lots of family & friends that can keep him entertained to take the pressure of you, he will be fine.
You take care & i hope this helped
Louise xxxx

what do you say? hi
my son was 3yrs when i was diagnosed last august . i told him that my boob was sick and the doctor was going to take it away and make a new one for me. i told him that i would be very sore at first but would get better. i also said i wouldn’t be able to play with him in the same way, lifting jumping around etc.essentially i just told him everything and he understood quite well and was ok with things. i told him that i would be having to have very strong medicine ,i told him the various side effects it would have but that it wouldn’t last and that i would get better. for him reassurance that i would be getting better was what he needed most. we tried to include him as much as possible to the point that he helped my husband shave my head , i also showed him all my wounds. he found it all really interesting, he was more upset that i wasn’t in the house ,as soon as i got home he felt he could then help. he also kept wanting to check my wounds every day to see how it was doing. luckily for me and him the dressings my surgeon uses are see through, ben thought this was fantastic.
what i’m trying to say is give them plenty of notice as to what is going to happen and every now and again remind them so that it doesn’t come as a surprise. be as honest as possible ,again if they know what it is , their anxiety will be less and give them something to do to help.
i have probably rambled again , the chemo and my epilepsy makes me prone to idiocy . i hope all goes well with surgery and treatment, let us know how things pan out.
love nicci

My boys were 5 and 6 when I was dx, now 8 and almost 10.

They accepted what we explained to them, if you tell them the things they need to know they are understanding and often repeated my own reassurances later when I was feeling wobbly too, which was amazingly calming when my head was going at 200mph!

I’m waiting for more results now, and explained these to the boys. My younger one told me if I have to wear a bandana again he will too, - it has become nothing out of the usual to have no hair in our house!

It isnt nice, but it is ‘doable’ - make sure you get lots of help over the next few months.

Take care

Steph x

young Kids Hi India,

With regards to your son just be as honest as possible. My daughter was 9 months old when i was diagnosed and my son was 9. I shaved my head before my hair had chance to fall out which i think helped my son as the cancer did not take my hair the shavers did! Get as must help as is offered while you are having chemo, this will give you more energy to spend quailty time with your son

take care bisaj

my daughter was nearly 3 too This is what I did:

Got a book about going to hospital - the book was all about a boy who goes to hospital, but I made the point that it was me who was going.

Explained to my daughter that I had a ‘hurty boobie’ (excuse the baby language, but that made sense to her at the time) and that I needed to go to hospital to make it better.

My daughter came to see me in hospital once and asked in a very loud voice whether my hurty boobie was better now.

Explained to my daughter that I needed to have special medicine which would make my hair fall out.

Shaved my hair off while she was there - so that she could see that it was my choice and that I was OK with that (glass of wine all round helps).

Explained that I wouldn’t feel very well after my special medicine.

Tried to keep everything as consistent as possible as far as I could (childminder, nursery, etc).

She was fine with it mostly - nursery reported some difficult behaviour towards the end of my chemo (which co-incided with her telling everyone all the time that she didn’t feel very well - copying me).

All fine now (a year after chemo)

Good luck!

Thank you Thank you for all your advice. Unfortunately I’ve been told I have lung mets, so surgery is now off, and I will be going over to the secondaries forum. Love to you all,
india

I am so sorry. I have my fingers crossed for you. We are here if you need to talk.

All the best

Mrs S xx

young kids Hi I know what you are going through.In the space of one month I have found a lump, been told i have cancer and had lumpectomy /WLE with node removal. Cancer has spread to nodes so preparing now for chemo and radiotheraphy
I have a six year old son so although i wanted him to know what was happening i knew i had to make it easy for him to understand
re the lump i said ’ we all have cells in our body, some of mummy’s have grown too fast and have clumped together to make a lump which needs to be taken out so mummy needs an operation. Hes been ok apart from being too scared to hug me since my op cos he was worrying i would start bleeding
Re my cancer cells and treatment i said ‘some of mummys cells in her breast want to travel to other parts of her body. Thats not allowed so we need to send them back to where they should be-they are naughty cells’ to do this mummy needs some medicine in her arm which might make her sick and tired. I also said mummys cells need to work extra hard so some cells might not work so well ie hair and so mummy may loose her hair. I have told him that when i go to choose a wig he can come to. I have also asked for him to be able to go and look around the ward where i have will have my chemo treatment so he knows where i go and what will happen. Radio therapy - i said mummys going to stand in front of a big zap gun which his answer was ‘COOL’
i’m not trying to lie to him just explaining it to him so he can understand. I also want him to be involved -he has seen my bandages and my scars
So far he is coping well and I am soo proud of him. My next battle is to get his school to understand what he is going through and to be sympathetic to him -he got upset and a bit silly yesterday and the teacher couldn’t deal with him so sent him to sit outside the head teachers office for an hour.
Being a control freak is fine -i am a person who hates doing nothing so the past week has been so frustrating for me. I am surprised how tired i am from the operation even a week later
do as much as you can before hand and call in any favours possible
best wishes

Julie