young mums!

hello out there,
I’m Paula, and would like to say Hi to Sparkler - I think I’ve posted previous scripts in the wrong place!!
I was dx on Jan 2nd with a triple negative, no lymph vascular or node involvement, blood vessel or tissue involvement, but a grade three tumour!, this acme as a huge shock as I’m only 34 (nearly 35) and very scared about things.
I have a 2.5 yr old daughter and a 5.5yr old son, a fantastic husband and good family and friends,I’m a district nurse, which has made me deal with this hard.
I found this website and think its fantastic, there are some many women who i have read about, and whom have given me great inspiration to deal will this awful hurdle in life, I would love to speak to anyone who is out there, so that we can support each other along the way.

Love and hugs,

Paula xx

Hi Paula - So glad that you have found this web site, although I am really sorry that you have joined us here. I’m ten years older than you, but I am sure that you will soon get lots of replies from young mums in your same situation. I never cease to be absolutely amazed and full of admiration for those of you who are dealing with breast cancer at the same time as having to look after a young family. I don’t know how people cope, but they do, and you will too. Really justsending this as one nurse to another (I was a lymphoedema nurse of all things). People often ask me whether having “knowledge” has been a good thing, I think in balance it probably is. I always ask for complete explanations of everything though, just want my “patient” hat on at this time. Only advice I would give you is don’t feel that because you are a nurse you have to “cope” extra well with this - you know what we are like looking after everyone else and their feelings! This is a time for you just to be able to be, to feel, to say, whatever you need, and don’t feel that you have to be “extra” strong, because that’s what you usually do. We can be our own worse enemies sometimes! I have had to quite consciously give myself “permission” to cry, or grieve, or be unreasonable sometimes, and I tell you it does the world of good. Very best of luck, let us know how you get on and the biggest of hugs. Sarah xxx ps - of course you feel scared, but great news that there is no node or lymphovascular involvement, so obviously you got it early and the outlook should be VERY BRIGHT INDEED xxxx

Hi Paula. Shelley here, 37, 3 kids - 2, 8 and 9. Masectomy & recon booked for Sat - this weekend - and feeling no pain! This is because I have had a clear CTscan and no longer go to bed at night thinking my days are numbered! I now have a really strong grip on myself and am not scared. BC is curable, so that’s where I’m heading as my kids really need a mum! I too have a grade 3 and am having all nodes removed in the Op. I also will need to start Treatment programme after the Op for 6-9 months. And you know what? I say bring it on - I have been told by ladies on here that it’s properly doable and I just want to survive - so I will. Yes, I’m terrified of losing my hair (very vain about my appearance), and desperately don’t want to look like or be treated as a victim (I am a Director of a company in a very male-dominated industry) but that’s just the detail - you know? There is nothing you can do to help yourself - other that believing that you can get through - so you will. For me,it’s that simple. I have met people that are walking miracles because they believed they could beat their illness. Do you think you’re up to it yet?!!!

Remember how brave you tell your kids they are and then hold some of that bravery in your hand and save it for yourself.

Good luck.

Hi Paula

I am sorry to read of your diagnosis. I am sure you will get lots of help and advice from the many informed users of this site.

You may also find useful BCC’s resource pack which has been designed for those newly diagnosed. The pack is free of charge as are all our publications. If you would like a copy just follow the link below:

If you feel you would like to talk to someone in confidence then please give the helpline a call, the staff here are all either breast care nurses or people who have personal experience of breast care issues. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 the lines open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.

I hope this is of some help to you.

Kind regards

BCC Facilitator

Hi Sheilleyb,
You are inspiring.

My kids are slightly older and I had also a grade 3 tumour. My BC diagnostic was a pure fluke, I originally went end of Jan to have a couple of lumps removed which were supposed to be benign.
At the end of the op, I was told I had breast cancer. Huge Shock. I since have had a mastectomy and can’t wait to have my MRI and CT scan. As I told my family the waiting is the hardest. I need to know. Thankfully I will be starting the chemo soon, which means that the sooner this start the sooner it ends…
Funny I don’t care about my hair, I know it is part of the getting better process and have opted not to have the cold cap. I haven’t cried (yet?) my lost breast. I don’t know whether it is because I am still under shock or that I think it is also part of fighting this horrible disease.

Are you having a mastectomy or a lumpectomy? No node involvment seems like good news. Keep faith and talk to us; I am sure it will help.


Hi Paula

Sorry you’ve had to join us, but its a fantastic site for getting the support that you need.

I’m 37 and was dx at the end of January with Grade 3 triple negative BC. I had been bfing my 18 month old son up until Xmas, so had put (fairly large) lump down to milk duct blockage or the like, so a real shock to hear it was BC. Had a SNB in Feb, but haven’t asked the results yet - I opted for chemo before surgery, so figure it won’t change things until surgery - bit chicken but that’s how it is. Having said that, due chemo no 2 tomorrow, so will ask then.

Have just shaved off my hair as it was shedding rapidly, but it wasn’t the trauma I expected! Felt quite liberated taking control, and have a nice wig. Shelley’s words rang true - my real fear with losing my hair was looking like a cancer victim … but with ace wigs and great headgear, you really don’t have to! Chemo’s not been too bad either - more tired than usual, but nothing an evening nap every few days doesn’t sort out!

It is amazing where you find the strength to deal with things - and you’ll get so much support from those around you - I’ve been overwhelmed by friends, family, work colleagues etc - they are all so supportive, it feels wonderful. And your kids will keep you going too - my wee one was fascinated by my blue boob after SNB - it gives you a laugh. And he’s not fazed at all by a baldy mummy - I still get lots of hugs n kisses!

Good luck with it all, keep us up to date on how it goes. Take care,


Hi Ladies

Hope you don’t mind me sort of joining in I am still considered a young mum at 43 as I have a 16mnth old and 6yr old. I was dx 4th Jan after 3mnths of tests and a lumpectomy where all the consultants and surgeons thought my lump was benign. Wrong…!!! it was 25mm grade 3 so I asked for a mastectomy and I had all my lymph nodes out too with cancer in 2 /13. Which on all accounts isn’t that bad !! they tell me. Of course I would have preffered none of this as I know we all would.
I am a triple negative too.I didn’t want to know any stats when I saw my Onc…I just don’t do numbers as far as that goes.!! I am me…individual.

I am just waiting to start chemo and am hopefully doing the TACT2 trial.

I keep on hearing my Onc words…the breast cancer as far as we are concerned is gone.!! I just keep on rolling those words over in my head. I do wonder about these CT scans I hear people having and when I asked my BC nurse she said they only do them if they think you are of a high risk…and apparently I am not but hey isn’t grade 3 high !! In my head it is and thats what I have trouble dealing with.

I am going to have a wig day next week and take my 6yr old daughter with me to sort of involve her in the nicest way…!! help god knows what wigs she will choose for mummy !!!

Do you know I am pretty amazed at how many BC chicks I have met at my support group ect who were dx just after or during breastfeeding and so many of us with right boob bc…!!

Anyway I just wanted to say Hi and how wonderful it is to meet such amazing ladies…

Nice to chat to you all…

Paula no 2 x

Hi Paula,
I am Joanne I was diagnosed on 29/1/08. I too am a nurse and a midwife and am 38. I also have a 2 year old like you. My tumour is also grade 3. I had a WLE and node biopsy 2 weeks ago and get the full results this afternoon!!!

My diagnosis came as a complete shock and it still is unreal at times. It would be great to keep in touch and share our journey especially as at times its so frightning. I found this website as soon as i was diagnosed and its helping me get through this.

Hope to hear from you again.

Jo x


I am 40 so youngish. Have two children 4 and 6 and a Paediatric Nurse. Was diagnosed 30th July with grade 3 30mm idc with DCIS (no clear margins form DCIS) so opted for mastectomy with immediate recon and removal of lymph nodes. Found another area of IDC 1.5mm not known about and 12/29 lymph nodes affected. (not bad as presented with arm pain!!). Hormone positive, HER2 neg. Have just completed my chemo - which was doable - definelty more good days than bad. Awaiting to start rads.

Paula - Good Luck for this afternoon - let us know how you get on. I am sure the waiting for results is the hardest - it is the not knowing.

Pleaset take care, love

Anne x

Hey all,

Sophie - let me know how the cold cap goes - I am in two minds!!! Have read the threads on here and am weighing up whether the discomfort is worth it if the hair comes out anyway!!! Could it be down to pure luck as to whether or not you end up with a decent amount at the finish line?!! The problem being that you can’t do it with and then without to see the difference can you!!!

Paula No 2 - I’m a right boober too! Let me know how the wig choosing goes - let me have your top tips for easy wig-fitting!!! And I am constatntly amazed by the discrepancies in advice that BC Professionals dish out - there is such a huge variation in takes on the same theme. E.g. I asked my Consultant what sort of Cancer, grade etc (everybody else seems to know so why not I?) and he was really flaky about the detail - saying at this moment in time it’s not really relevant - he’ll know more after the Op. Am having all Nodes removed and am hoping for low odds - 2/15 will do for me!!! (Clear would be better but I’ll take what I can!)

Hi Jo - fingers crossed for you for this afternoon - being in the trade as it were can’t make it any easier for you!!

Have just been to see my BCN - she wasn’t much more informative!! “Wait until after the Op - more info will be available then” - yes, but I want the info NOW!!!

Frustrated from Wiltshire signing off!!

Hi paula, just wanted to say hello. I was diagnosed 3 years ago this month at the age of 31, my son had just turned one, I was also Grade 3 and had lymph involvement. It was a very hard time (understatement of the century !!! ) but I found this site very useful and supportive through some hard times. Its good to be able to talk to people going through / have been through the same experience.

Lorri xx

I am a year on from treatment and now undergoing reconstruction, at the time my youngest son was 3, he has been fantastic. He was more upset at first be all the visiitors and new babysitters (grandmas and aunties)Organising childcare was difficult but the hospitals were helpful, chemo and rads were timed to fit in with nursery. explaining things could be tricky but he is quite amused by my ‘pretend boob’ to the point i used to find it in his bed sometimes. When i lost my hair he never batted an eyelid, although did remove the hair from all his tweenie dolls so they could look like mummy. i told him the chemo was very strong ‘magic medicine’ to make me better. Only a year later he seems to have very little memory of that time. My tip would be take as much help as you can,get plenty of rest, make the most of your good days, enjoy being off work, and have as much fun as possible and give your children the reassurance the cancer is just a part of your lives that you can all cope with, mine did see me cry , be sick etc but also saw me recover each time. My other tip for getting through treatment is lots of lovely beauty treatments or holistic threrapies just for you. My hospital ran the look good feel good sessions that are gret, lots of free make up.

I was diagnosed in August 2006 and had wle, sentinel node biopsy then rads. My son was almost 3 and my daughter was 9 months when i was diagnosed. It came as such a bolt from nowhere but i too found this site so helpful. I have to be honest, i haven’t been on here for ages now but when i read your post i wanted to reply and let you know that it won’t be an easy road but your children and your husband will spur you on on those low days. Doesn’t mean you have to be supermum though!! You will get lots of support from this site. During my treatment i was on here on a daily basis, often more than once a day and although we all handle things differently, its good to know we are all in this together.


Thank you so much to, Paula No2, Izzy05, Lorri, Shellyb, Anne5, Ferrydene(Joe), Paula43, Scotta, Vercors, Seabird, for all your fantastic posts, it gives me great inspiration to read your sorries. Good luck Joe will your results, I’ve had everything crossed for you this afternoon.

There is on thing bc does, is make you find new finds, I would love to stay in touch with every one on here so that we can all be there to support one another through this B****Y BC thing - We are strong and WE WILL DO IT TOGETHER!!.

Vercors, I had a lumpectomy on Jan 10 and suffered from semona(swelling) for quite sometime, but it is slowy going.Being a nurse defo makes you judge and look at things differently but if there is one thing I am struggling to be is a patient - this does’nt happy me to me, it happens to everyone else.

Take care, Love and hugs to you all
Speak soon

Paula xx

Hi Paula and Other lush ladies

Indeed we will do it together…I am amazed at how many of us there are. I know its a bit strange but when I take my daughter to school I look at the other mums and think "am I the only one "!..out of 200 mums…!! probably not but I feel like it. So Paula, I am not good at thinking why me and I think we have all thought along those lines.

My daughter has been busy telling her close buddies…"my mums booby had some bad stuff in it so its gone now and she is getting new one…!!! "…Kids are such great tonics aren’t they.I am getting some sideway sneaky peeps from these little girls now…bless.
I am actually having a good tear free couple of days at the moment…looking into the future and dealing with it one part at a time.
I am going to see my BC nurse next week to get my new boob fitted…whooo hooo no more shoulder pad lookalike for me. See what fun we have huh…!!
It’s lovely to meet you all and I hope we can all stay in touch too

Hugs to all

P …hey how about that I can just be called as I normally am by all my mates etc…P…!! won’t confuse between us 2 Paula’s

Hi Everyone,

well I think the fingers crossed worked! Tumour grade 3, 24mm, no lymph involvement. However i am oestrogen neg and score badly on the NPI. My surgeon reassures me that its down to the grade. Am seeing the Onc again in 2 weeks to start chemo in 4-6 weels so want to live life to the full till then!

Think the chemo is going to be the worst bit (arn’t they all bad bits??) and the losing the hair thing terrifies me. BC nurse coming out tomorrow so am looking forward to that. Having a good day today.

Hope everyone is well.

Love Jo x

Hi Paula

I was diagnosed with Grade 3 ductal carcinoma in my RIGHT BOOB (weird) when my daughter was 10 months old in May 2006. I was 31 years old. Had chemo and it was reduced to grade 2 even though they said it was an aggressive cancer. Had WLE and axillary clearance (7/18 nodes +) and then Taxotere and rads. Just had 17 herceptin but unfortunately it has come back or I have a recurrence in some old scar tissue. Having a mastectomy on Wednesday and can’t wait to get rid!! Not sure if need more chemo or not.

I too work in the medical industry in the histology department so I was told by my Consultant boss of result which is great. The problem with working in the medical industry is that you see the bad things that happen and it doesn’t help, I can understand your feelings as a district nurse as I used to work in a GP surgery.

When I was first diagnosed I was so scared and didn’t know what to expect and was organising my funeral inmy head but I found as I started having the treatment and things were moving I began to feel stronger. I also found that looking after a baby helped. Occasionally I would have my off days and convince myself of secondaries but then I would come on this website and the support here was brilliant and I would get that one person who would tell me I was normal and it made me feel so much better.

It is going to be interesting this time round as my daughter is now 2 1/2 and is aware of everything. She has told all of her nursery that I have a ‘poorly boobie’ as she saw the stitches from the excision I had last week. Don’t know what they are going to think when she tells them I have ‘one boobie’.

Losing the hair is not as bad as you first think, I just shaved mine off and felt so much better, always wondered what I would look like with short hair.

As my brilliant Breast Care Nurse said ’ take each stage at a time and don’t think too far ahead’ and she was right, it was the best advice I had.

Take care


Hello Mandy,

Great to hear from you, but I’m so sorry you’ve got a reacurrance, what a b****y shock for you, if it was’nt bad enough the first time round!!
I saw my onc yest and I’m due to start chemo once I’ve had a heart scan. I’ll be having 3FEC and 3Tax, not looking forward to it at all, i think its the unknown that worries, once I’ve had my first session I’ll know what to expect.
My son (who’s almost 6) stood up in class and told all his friends and teacher that I’d been in hosiptal to have a nasty lump removed from my boob and that now I was going to have to have some nasty medicine from the doc and will make my hair fall out - but the best news he said was that I would have to look like a pirate!!! Kids are great they just adapt so well, and they really are a boost when youy fell s**t.
I wish you the best of luck with your op, and please stay in touch we will do this together, keep strong and be in touch soon I’ll be thinking about you.

Love and Hugs

Paula xxx

Hi Paula

Thanks for that, you just made me and my husband laugh, Becky will probably do that!!!

I was scared for my first chemo but it is okay, everyne is different wit hthe side effects. I had AC and then tax, tax was a lot better as I wasn’t sick just more tired than usual and achy. You’ll be fine. If you have any worries private message me and I will be happy to share my experiences with you.


To fellow nurses!

I think its very tough being a nurse with BC, im a gynae nurse, but although did the breast and cervical screening course 4 years ago, i really sat in the waiting room thinking i would be in the 9 out of 10 that attend the breast screening clinic that id be ok, it was a cyst! Im 41,3 kids youngest then 6, Grade 3 , stage 1, er/pr pos and her 2 pos, …I begged to get out of hospital after partial mastectomy, really only to reasearch Bc so i would understand the pathology report, because although it was a different hospital had highhlighted i was a nurse and i didnt want to appear stupid!..mymum wanted me to go to her but she didnt have the internet…i went home with my 12 year old daughter…and yes, stupiditely drove the next day…to b*****y independent! (but it was right side…no handbreak ect…

Im back to work since oct…and the lack of knowledge astounds me…one colleague told me about her neighbour with a protein positve BC!!!And she argued with me when i informed her id never heard of this “worst BC”…i get sooo cross

Good luck ,