Hi all,
I spent the last 2 weeks reading forums like this, taking fear and comfort in equal measure from every story I read. So I thought I would share my own in case anyone out there reads it and feels calmer or more positive as a result.
27 years old, no history of BC, have never found a lump before but ashamed to say I’ve never really checked before. I was getting dressed the other weekend and turned to the side just in time to see a very prominent bump in the mirror reflected in the light. It was 2am and I’d been at a birthday party that night, so safe to say I sobered up pretty instantly.
I spent that night googling threads just like this, feeling sick to my stomach with every bad story I read, and then praying every time I read a positive one that mine could end up like that.
Called the doctor first thing Monday morning, got an appointment the next day. I went to my GP, who asked me to take my top off and raise my arms. She spotted it straight away - “Ahh yes, there it is” - which of course I was expecting because I could see it too, but somehow having her confirm it was there made it feel so much worse. She asked me to lie down and gave me a thorough examination. She said that breast lumps always concern her, but that she was confident it wasn’t anything nasty. I asked her how she could be so sure, and she said “because it wouldn’t have been so easy for me to find. Usually if it’s anything nasty it’s sitting further back, in the tissue, and yours is on the surface”. Nevertheless because it was there and was undeniably a lump, she sent me for an urgent referral and said I’d be seen within 2 weeks. Her parting words were “my only worry is that the lump is there at all, try not to overthink it”.
Well I went and spent the next 2 weeks doing exactly that! I would forget about it some days, and then remember and my stomach would drop. I’d google it, read threads like this, scrutinise what they were saying and compare it to my own. Basically I did everything except touch or look at the lump which I think says something. I think I was so scared to feel it or see it again, that I just avoided it. I also think this is sort of what I’ve been doing all along in not really checking myself - too scared of what I might find that I’d rather just not go looking.
Today I had my appointment at the breast clinic, and was called in for another examination first. The doctor did exactly what my GP did and gave me an examination, and again confirmed that the lump was there. He said “I think your GP is right, it feels smooth, so I think it’s nothing but want you to have a scan just to be sure”.
Another hour wait in the waiting room, then called in for an ultrasound. This doctor asked me to point out the lump, which I did, and he directed the ultrasound gel to that point and began the scan.
I’d read stories and threads about trying to read the doctor’s face and so I was staring at him thinking every intake of breath was him having seen something horrible. After about 2 minutes which felt like a friggin age he said “ok, you’ve nothing to worry about, it’s a cyst”. I literally felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders. I think I even said “thanks so much”.
I walked out feeling lucky, and almost guilty for all the horrible stories I’d read.
But then thought I would post this anyway in case there is someone out there googling at 2am having just found a lump, wonderig if they’re going to die. I hope this story is comfort that, hopefully, they’re not going to die and that actually the odds are it will turn out to be nothing. 9 out of 10 times and all that.
Moral of the story is I’ll definitely be checking my boobs more. And my heart goes out to those whose appointments went very differently to mine today.
Lots of love to anyone feeling scared out there x