I went for a mammogram on Monday as I’ve been have pain in my breasts, this has been going on for years and I’ve had previous mammograms which showed dense breast tissue and cysts. This time they said there was a 4cm lump in the right breast, lymph nodes are swollen and a 5mm lump in left breast. They said the 4cm lump is a u4 and the 5mm is a u3. My breast don’t look any different or can I feel a lump. I am so scared that it is cancer and can’t think of anything else. I’m crying all the time but trying to be strong for my children (5,7,13,14). I have had pain in my stomach and right side for weeks now but the gp says it’s acid reflux and a kidney infection but all I can think about is that I have cancer there also. I am trying to keep myself busy but I feel sick to my stomach all the time.
I don’t get the results till next week well hopefully they will be back then they could be the week after because of the bank holiday, I don’t think I can cope that long not knowing. I have a ct scan on Tuesday which is making me worried that they will find out more bad news.
I lost my mum to cancer 18 months ago to ovarian cancer/lung cancer and all I can think about is her and how I might end up like her.
I’m so scared for the results and I’m not coping with the wait.
@ems2007
I am really sorry you’re feeling like this at the moment.
First of all, no breast cancer has been confirmed. There have been women with u3 or 4 and biopsy is benign. So don’t panic yet. Even if this is confirmed as cancer, there is treatment and many many women live normal full lives.
I also panicked and thought I was going to die pretty much straight away but I’m here nearly a year later, living as I did before (altho better work life balance ).
I was also convinced mine had spread to my bones and used to go walking at 4am cos I couldn’t settle. The CT confirmed no spread. All that worry for nothing. The chance of finding breast cancer that has already spread on diagnosis is really small-i think I read 6% (altho there may be someone who knows the figure better than me). My point though is the same-don’t spend time worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet.
you are in this horrible ‘no mans land’ with some suspicion but no facts. Normally once you know, even if news you would prefer not to get, at least you know-be given a plan-get through it and get your life back. If its not cancer-even better, straight back to living.
I have no magic answers to get thro the next week -distraction, taking the kids out and doing something physical so you can’t think too much and get tired out for night (no sleep doesn’t help). Mindfulness apps may help too. I know it won’t be easy though.
good luck, big hugs, let us know how you get on
laura
Hi ems
I’m so sorry you find yourself in this horrible position. The fact is, you ARE coping. It may not feel like your usual kind of coping but you’re managing the situation day by day and you should be proud of that. 90% of all referrals lead to a benign diagnosis. I had a 5 cm lump in my breast in my 20s - it was a fibroadenoma, gristly tissue that was removed. And pain isn’t a usual indicator of breast cancer. Obviously you’re aware that a u4 diagnosis may mean breast cancer but it isn’t definite. Our lymph nodes swell up for all sorts of reasons, mostly inflammation we don’t even know we have and your stomach and kidney issues are indicators of inflammation. So maybe you need to change perspective: you have breast issues. It’s a possibility that you may have breast cancer but there are plenty of other explanations, particularly if you put all the health problems together. It’s a huge leap of imagination to fear that it’s spread when bc hasn’t yet been diagnosed. I have secondary breast cancer and I’ve yet to experience any pain so try not to make assumptions for now. And please, stay away from Google. That’s guaranteed to fuel your fears.
It must be very hard to separate your current experience from that of your mother, especially as her loss is probably still quite raw. There is sometimes a genetic link with breast cancer but your mum didn’t have that. My mum had breast cancer twice, 20 years apart. However there are so many forms of breast cancer and tests showed there was no link to her, it was just my bad luck. However, one thing I learnt from my mum’s experiences was to veer towards optimism rather than fear the worst and it’s true - most breast cancer cases are cured and the treatments are manageable. We get through it.
So it’s your imagination that needs to be reined in as it’s doing a lot of harm. It’s not easy to switch from ‘I’ve got cancer’ to ‘there’s a possibility I may have cancer’ but it really is the only way to deal with the fear. Use this waiting time to build up your resilience - it’s always useful anyway but it should reduce the catastrophic thoughts, the tears and most other distressing signs, and help you cope with the unavoidable waiting. Mindfulness, meditation, diaphragmatic breathing all work well. There are NHS-endorsed apps like Calm and Headspace. I swear by YouTube videos by Progressive Hypnosis. Daily practice has seen me through some tough times.
The CT scan results will take longer to come through so you have more waiting but there is absolutely no reason to assume breast cancer has spread, especially as it’s not yet been diagnosed. The reverse is likely to happen - you’ll be assured all is well. It is routine, btw, to have a CT scan either before of after treatment so don’t worry about that. I hope you get your results soon and you get reassurance. If it is bad news, trust me, you WILL deal with it. Crying and fearful thoughts are not a sign of falling apart, they are normal reactions so never feel you aren’t coping.
Wishing you all the best, Jan x