I first found an indentation on my right breast back in September and immediately got seen at the GP practice and was referred to the breast clinic.
I finally have my appointment in for next Wednesday. I thought getting this through would make me feel better but it's just made me worried all over again. During the waiting time for this appointment I found out I was pregnant and unfortunately had a miscarriage. I don't think I can go through anymore heartache right now. I'm hoping and praying that it isn't anything but have a bad feeling that it is.
That is wonderful news, I’m so happy for you and thank you for coming back on to share the news. Doctors are ultra cautious so they wouldn’t have given you that reassurance if they weren’t sure, so it sounds like the next appointment is just belt and braces. I hope you have a fun time with your son on his birthday and you will enjoy Christmas all the more this year. Very best wishes Evie xx
A little update - good news! I was seen very quickly by the consultant who had a feel and said she couldn't feel anything but would be best to do an ultrasound to make sure. Was seen quickly at the ultrasound deportment too by a lovely radiographer who couldn't see anything other than fibrocystic changes, nothing abnormal at all seen. Back round to see the consultant who said she isn't worried at all but would like me to go back in 6 weeks to ensure there are no other changes. I'm so relieved I feel I can relax and enjoy my sons birthday and Christmas now! I'm very grateful for all the support on here and wish everyone the best of luck in their journeys. I will update back once I've had my repeat appointment.
Thank you Evie for listening to my ramblings over the last week. The day is finally here and I have a whole mix of emotions! I did actually manage a sleep though, lack of some yesterday definitely took its toll on me. My appointment isn't until 10 to 2 this afternoon so I still have a number of hours to wait. I will update later when I'm back home from the hospital xx
Hi Diamond2728 - you made perfect sense in your message, even on very little sleep. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and hope you get some good news. Hugs, Evie xx
Thank you both for the advice. I did end up going back to bed but only as I was so tired 🙈 I only dozed for about 15 minutes and then got up! I have read up on BC and the treatments and how treatable it can, I'm not dismissing that but it is still a scary thought. I work alongside some incredibly brave women who have been been through breast cancer, one who has defied doctors thoughts and is still here 7 years later when they said she wouldn't be alive after 3. I wish I didn't feel so anxious, I have anxiety but this has heightened it so much more! I think it's more the fear of the unknown which is making me anxious, the incredibly long wait hasn't helped it's been almost 9 weeks since I found it and the referral was sent through as urgent. This time tomorrow I will know either way though I am aware if they need to do a biopsy I won't find out for another couple of weeks but at least I will have kind of an idea of the cause of it. I'm waffling again. Thanks for the support, it's definitely helped me focus.
Diamond2728 - you have received a great message from TUL24. I totally agree, especially the bit about going back to bed after you have dropped your son and taking care of yourself. Evie xx
I know you are worried and scared, but what I would say to you is that breast cancer is curable. Survival rates run at about 95%, so the numbers are on our side. The cancer itself doesn't make you ill, the treatment does, but even then, its temporary and you come out the other side of it, cancer free. There is a support package in place for all cancer patients to receive after-care, so even if you are diagnosed, you are in good hands. Be kind to yourself, go back to bed after the school run if you feel you need to, because you need to look after yourself, no matter the outcome.
I eventually managed to fall asleep this morning about 4am but had to get up at 7 for my son for school. I think I might climb back in bed once I've dropped him off! I've woke up feeling so sick (though could also be lack of sleep) and the anxiety has kicked in tenfold! I keep telling myself tomorrow afternoon I will know what is happening but it's not helping right now.
I would credit Shi (one of the other community champions) for the quote about not having cancer until someone tells you that you do. It’s wise advice. You need something to hang onto during this waiting time.
I totally understand the prodding - even though we know we shouldn’t, I remember feeling my lump and I’d almost convinced myself it had gone by the time of my appointment! What we are trying to do by prodding and googling is trying to get reassurance, that’s perfectly normal, so don’t beat yourself up for doing either - even if neither is a good idea.
Night is hard, especially when you wake up. Maybe try some breathing exercises. One I use is to concentrate on your breathing, in and out, and count on each in breath up to 20. Then do the same but count on the out breath. It helps calm your breathing and also makes you concentrate, especially if you introduce the rule that you have to go back to the start if you mess up. I often fall asleep before I have got to 20 if I really focus. Just a thought, everyone has their own ways.
Here is my favourite Winnie the Pooh quote “Remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you feel and smarter than you think”. Do come back on and talk anytime you need. Hugs, Evie xx
Thank for taking the time to check in, that's very kind of you. I'm okay during the day as have things to keep me busy but last night I found it very difficult to sleep and to stay asleep when I eventually did. I keep going back to something I've read on here that I don't have cancer until someone tells me I do, it's helped me keep a bit sane in the run up to the appointment. I'm trying very hard not to look at the indentation but have been looking at it more over the last few days. Honestly thank you so much for taking the time to check up on me, it made me quite tearful xx
Hi Diamond2728 - I am just checking on you as you wait for your appointment on Wednesday, and want to reassure you that your last post wasn’t rambling or waffling. This really is a safe place to say what you like or need. No need to reply but I just wanted to remind you that we will all be with you on Wednesday. Do come back and update us, if or when you feel like it. Hugs, Evie xx
Thank you to those who have replied. I feel slightly better today but still anxious. My partner has been amazing as always and swiftly booked the day off work to come with me however, they are trying to discourage anyone else coming to appointments but have said they would contact him if required to. I just wish it was over and done with, after waiting 8 weeks/almost 9 by the time of the appointment I am fed up of feeling so anxious and the dreaded feeling of not knowing. I do work but I am currently off just now after the miscarriage as it happened whilst at work, I'm resuming tomorrow but on annual leave next week. I'm waffling and rambling sorry. Thank you again for the support, I'm very grateful for this safe space to share my fears as hate burdening those close to me wifh them.
Dear Diamond 2728,
I am so very sorry that you are facing such a difficult time in your life. As so many others have said waiting for the appointment is really tough. In the days before my appointment I spoke to two lovely breast care nurses linked to this site, they were brilliant. My husband (call on speaker) also felt so much better listening to their advice.
I was so glad to have found this forum, there is much kindness and support to be found here until next Wed. Sending you a heartfelt hug and my very best wishes.
Dear @Diamond2728, just reaching out to send you our warmest wishes at this challenging time. I hope your appointment goes well on Wednesday, and that it provides peace of mind and reassurance.
Please remember we are here if you ever need to chat things through - whatever is on your mind.
Sending you our love
Hi Diamond2728 - first of I’m sending you a big hug. I’m so sorry to read about your miscarriage and your appointment with the breast clinic.
I imagine that receiving the appointment from the clinic makes it all seem very real. Try to remember that GPs are always cautious and if they find a change of any sort to the breast they will almost always refer you to the clinic. There are many different reasons for changes and lumps, most are not suspicious. If you look on this forum you will find many very similar stories to yours where the writer comes back on to say that the lump/change was benign and nothing to worry about. However, I know from experience that it isn’t easy to believe these statistics.
The waiting time really is the hardest. It’s impossible to stop your mind going into overdrive, and fearing the worst. But it’s important to try to remember that fears are not facts (something I read in a book while I was having treatment), and also do try to stay away from Dr Google.
I don’t know if you work or not, but now is the time to be very kind and gentle with yourself and keep yourself occupied with your favourite things - whether chatting to friends/family, watching box sets or getting outside. The anxiety you are feeling is very very normal, so don’t beat yourself up about feeling that way. We are all here to chat/listen and hold your hand every step of the way, sometimes it is easier to offload on here than to family or friends, so send a message anytime.
My very best wishes to you, Evie xx