Hi
I thought I’d write this post and leave it here for anyone who comes to the forum in need of support.
I never thought I’d find myself joining a forum like this. I’m in social media groups relating to kids, diets, hobbies etc, everyday stuff really.
On 30th May my Dad passed away. Not from cancer but a chest infection! His funeral was 15th June. In the 2 weeks before that I had been running around putting the arrangements into place, informing everyone, sorting out his affairs etc, looking after my Mum & Brother plus my own family and still going to work. The morning of the funeral I was getting dressed and noticed a large lump in my right breast. I’d had lumpy breasts at my time of the month but this was big. There was no pain physically but it hit me emotionally. I called my GP surgery and they offered an appointment within 20 minutes! Of course I couldn’t make it due to the funeral but they arranged it for late in the day. I had to leave Dad’s wake early to attend. It was so hard putting on a brave face and being the strong one when I was suddenly faced with the unknown. My GP was great and made an immediate referral under the 2 weeks referral timescale. This is where the emotional rollercoaster started. I suddenly felt scared but most of all angry. I was angry as I felt this shouldn’t be happening to me. I was far too busy looking after everyone else. I had to take Mum home the next day, 250 miles away. I had to be down at Mum’s to help her so how would I know when my appointment was etc. I was the main wage earner as my husband is self employed. We were looking at houses to buy and that suddenly was ripped from me. My life went on hold completely. I was snappy with everyone. I didn’t sleep properly and everyday when I undressed or dressed I was reminded of the large lump.
My appointment date came through and I panicked. I didn’t want anyone to come with me. I didn’t want to be told I had cancer whilst my loved ones were there as I didn’t want them to hold on to that memory. I was determined I’d just go alone.
I done the worst thing possible and googled away. The stress of the lump made me physically ill. My legs were in constant cramp, I felt run down and my joints felt like they were being hit with a hammer. I was tired and drained. Armed with my whole load of information from google I had already diagnosed myself as Stage 4 which had spread to my joints!
The one bit of hope I had was a dream my eldest daughter had. She saw my Dad and he told her I was going to be ok. She didn’t know that I had asked him for help with my lump when I found his photo on my bed that night. I woke that night at 2:38am, she didn’t know that as she lives 250 miles away but she woke from the vivid dream at 2:38am!
That little bit of hope kept me going but I had still 99% written myself off.
So fast forward to today. 12 days after I found the lump and the day of my appointment. I was ready and expected to be told I had cancer. I was prepared to just accept it, face it and ask what the plan is.
That didn’t happen! Instead I saw the most lovely Dr who after I feel of the lump said to me, it’s a cyst. You could see this lump too just poking out of my skin. He sent me for a mammogram and told me that I would be happy when I come back to see him.
Now on to the mammogram…I’d heard so many horror stories about how painful it was. Well it wasn’t. The nurse and I had a giggle as she moved my boobs into the machine and it was nowhere near as bad as I had been led to believe.
I then went off to the waiting room and was called for an ultrasound. A different Dr met me in there and for down to scanning the lump. Straightaway she said to me you have a ginormous cyst. It was over 4cm big and she offered to drain it there and then, of course I accepted. They inserted a fine needle in and aspirated it. There was no pain and I didn’t bleed. They said it looked like a snow globe on the screen and even played the video back for me to watch the cyst disappear. I didn’t even need a plaster after.
After this I went back to see the first Dr and he confirmed apart from the very large cyst everything was fine. That was it! They said it could have been the stress that caused the cyst or menopause (I’m 45). I still have another biopsy coming up for my womb due to period problems but I honestly think that is more menopausal then anything else.
I’ve written this for others to see so you know it’s quite normal to be scared and angry. Only once I had been to the appointment did my logical thinking return. I couldn’t see the real facts, the fact that 9 out of 10 referrals will not be a cancer diagnosis. That means that almost 1/2 a million women each year will be given the all clear, that’s working on the basis that 50,000 women are diagnosed.
Unless you are in the same situation then most people don’t understand the emotional rollercoaster. I hated hearing people say I would be okay as how did they know that? The only people who could tell me that were the health care professionals.
So I wanted to say it’s natural to feel the emotions and be angry, sad, scared etc. There’s a lot of support from some lovely, strong ladies in the forum who do understand. There’s also a lot of ladies who will sadly be diagnosed with cancer but the survival rates are so much better then they were 30 or 40 years ago. I have signed up to donate to Breast Cancer Care as a thank you to the forum but I will also stay as a member on here to give my support.
Thank you to those who supported me during this time xxx