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I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

36 REPLIES 36
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Brilliant news Suzie! Just what I expected to hear and I hope you can put this behind you and get back to enjoying your life and not let your anxiety get the better of you, super happy for you 😊 Xx 

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Just wanted to come back and let you know everything is fine. Looks to be fatty tissue from my last breast surgery xx
Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Anxiety levels are very high this morning, I have app at breast clinic at hospital at 11:15
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Thank You and your very welcome 😊 We just try to pass on our experiences here and hope that they help Xx 

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I definitely will, I think it's important people come back and let people know in this forum either way. Thank you for all your support you keep me grounded xxx
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

If you go expecting a biopsy then anything less is a bonus, please do come back and let us know 😊

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I hope so, I guess I will have to wait till Monday then probably another week or so after that for biopsy results. I will be sure to update everyone on here x
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I don't know either love as mine couldn't be felt but I have learned though the years here they come in all shapes and sizes and some don't form a lump at all, it's just impossible to second guess but with your history I'd say the odds are it's likely to be another Fibrodenema. Xx 

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Yes fingers crossed, it does feel the same but then I don't know what a cancer lump feels like, it's prob the same.
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Everything points towards it being another one, I had one removed when I had my BC taken out , did even know I had it until my ultrasound, it was deep in the centre of my breast and the size of a pea apparently. 

Xx

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I just have to try and think positive and hope that what I can feel is another fibroadema. I can feel one the size of my last lump and another close the size of a pea. I am trying to think that it's another one of them, apparently they are common after you have had one. X
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

That's very sad but it won't happen like that with breast cancer unless you've ignored a lump for years and it's inevitably spread to your organs, my own mum didn't get help soon enough and her tumour had broken through her breast by the time she did but even then at that point it hadn't spread beyond her lymph nodes. She died 5 years later when it returned but spent most of those years clear inspite but of how advanced her primary was. 

 

Sadly some symptoms are just too similar to more more minor ailments and don't always ring alarm bells with GP's , It's good to hear you have a friend to talk to, sometimes our family's are just to close to be able to help us properly Xx 

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

My Dad had primary lung cancer which had spread to his bones and liver. He was diagnosed and died 3 weeks later and the only symptom he had was 2 weeks prior to diagnosis he was short of breath. He went to the GP, they said he had a chest infection and sent him on his way. This is why I have worry over GPs. I have a close friend who I talk to who is brilliant, my husband or family don't understand as they don't understand anxiety x
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

My sister suffers with anxiety and is on long term medication but she's the same as you and it escalates quickly when she's under extra pressure. Do you mind me asking what type of cancer your dad had? 

Breast cancer isn't going to kill you within weeks no matter how bad a diagnosis you get.

Do you have anyone to talk to in your family or a close friend? I found being able to go over and over how I was feeling really helped in the early days Xx 

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Yes I am on tablets for it since the last time I had this scare. When I have a breast lump tho my anxiety goes sky high, like ridiculous and tablets do nothing apart from diazepam which tend to make me sleep. I've had counselling. I have always been a worrier but since my second child in 2012 my anxiety has hit a whole new level, I always look at the worst possible outcomes and I know what I'm doing is ridiculous but when I'm in this state it's so difficult to get out of it, I think the fact my dad died 3 weeks after diagnosis when he wasn't even poorly or had signs has scared the living daylights out of me too xx
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I totally understand how your feeling but you have to try not to let it rule you , do you get any help for your anxiety in general? Xx
Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I know I'm a nitemare.....I'm aware if this. I can't help but think the worst as my anxiety takes over and consumes me 😞
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

 I don't have all the answers love , I really wish I did! lumps do just appear seemingly out of nowhere, my original one did and although it turned out to just be fat it came up over night, cancer often grows for years before we notice a lump and as you had a clear ultrasound less then 2 years ago I would be encouraged by that, I can't guarantee you that this won't be a tumour but mine was just 4mm and it was spotted on US. 

 

Dont spend another weekend stressed out , it won't change anything , whatever it is then it is, you can't do anything about that but you can stop it completely taking over your life, plan something fun to do this weekend as a family and forget all about bloody cancer for a few days!! Xx Jo 

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Ok thank you, I'm so scared I'm having a bad day I've convinced myself this is cancer. I can't understand why I would have another lump this soon otherwise?
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

You can always ask but I'm not sure they will do one if they don't find anything of concern but as you have a palpable lump unless they can dismiss is as something other than cancer with 100% Certainty then they are likely to do a biopsy anyway Xx 

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Hospital just called, they have a cancellation on Monday so I'm going then now. Can I insist on a biopsy to be done at this appointment? I had one last time because they were concerned by the lump on the ultrasound just wondered if they say nothing concerning can I ask for biopsy?
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Exactly! Always better to try and do something because one things for certain laying in bed no matter how tempting won't achieve a thing! Xx 

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Mornings and evenings are definitely the worst! At least I'll have a pretty rose garden whatever happens
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Morning are the worst, just keep doing what your doing, that's another day well underway and look what you have achieved! XX
Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I woke up with that feeling of dread again this morning that it's another day of extreme anxiety and depression. I've stayed off of google today and forced myself outside in the garden and I've planted 16 roses. Now I've done that I'm running a bath and anxiety is starting to set in about the fear of the unknown. So upset I'm back in this waiting situation again less than 2 years on
Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I know I have to stay off google. I keep feeling the lump and now thinking I can feel more. You ladies are so strong x
ann-m
Community Champion

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Oh Suzie, sorry to hear about your dad & of course, you are still grieving for him as well.
As Jo & Helena have said, really, do step away from google, it’s only making you feel worse for no good reason & won’t find the answer there. If you feel you need to google, if nothing else for distraction, then do it for things you like & enjoy.
It’s good you recognise where you’re coming from & as Jo says, we do understand.
ann x
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Just remember we do understand, we know how the anxiety makes you feel and how hard it is to keep a grip on reality but we also know having been diagnosed with breast cancer that it really isn't the end of the world, it's not something any of us want but it's the hand we've been dealt and we have had to deal with it and if you have to then you will do to. 

 

The worst is what you are facing now and that's the unknown , our brains really struggle to cope when we don't have all the facts. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad , I was 34 when my mum died of breast cancer.

 

Stay away from google, it's full of horror stories that have no relation to anything you may or may not have. 

 

Whatever happens you will be ok Xx Jo 

ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Suzie

 

Please please keep away from Dr google, there is a lot of out of date and total misinformation out there that will, as you have found out, scare the living daylights out of you and that will not help your anxiety at all my dear

 

Helena xx

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I know I'm going over the top and being ridiculous as this happened last time. I am very anxious about returning to the clinic. My husband shouts at me because he doesn't understand it's just a vicious circle. My dad died of lung cancer 4 weeks from diagnosis 9 months ago and I've found this hard too as I'm only 34. I keep reading awful things on google and I've now convinced myself I had stage 4 breast cancer it's just ridiculous
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

I'm glad to hear you got out and about, I found being in the house hard as it's a reminder of what's happening, outside your anonymous , your doing great and that's another day almost out of the way 😊 Xx 

 

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Thank you for calming me down.....I managed to get out today but when I come back indoors I cry. Yes I read that about slow growing which is why I'm thinking that something would have shown on the scan. Roll on Tuesday, I am going to make sure they scan and biopsy me
Jobey68
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Suzie, come on an chat anytime when it's all getting too much , there will be someone around to listen, we know how hard this is and I can really relate to the not wanting to get out of bed scenario, I would physically shake with anxiety and under the duvet was the safest place to me but it did me no good and my husband would make me get up and out of the door! 

 

You know this is likely to be another Fibrodenema and yes the fact that nothing else showed less than two years ago is a good sign so hang on to that thought, most breast cancers are slow growers and can have been there years before we feel a lump , just do this an hour at a time and the days will pass but try and keep your mind and body as occupied as possible. 

 

No amount of stressing will change the outcome, this is a lesson I've learned over the past few years and it just makes a miserable time worse than it needs to be.

 

Take some deep breaths and get out the door with your little ones when it's over whelming you, life has to go on Xx Jo 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Suzie

 

No problem, the biggest problem is when the anxiety monster takes over rational thoughts and getting the balance back is sometimes difficult but you will get there xxx

Suzie22
Member

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Thank you. I'm just going to keep telling myself I had a full ultra sound of my breast 1.5 years ago, nothing untoward was found apart from
This fibroadema I had removed, and if anything else was starting this would have shown up on the scan. It does feel like another fibroadema and it has come from nowhere like the last one I had
ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

Suzie

 

And my breath my dear.  With everything you went through last time and tiven your anxiety issues it is difficult and not surprising you are feeling the way you are.

 

Please dont google as that is only adding to your anxieties.

 

That is one of the brilliant things about this forum, you can come on here and say exactly how you are feeling without upsetting or worrying those around you as the ladies on here totally understand exactly what you are going through.

 

It will not be long before Tuesday, just keep coming on here and we will help you through the next few days

 

Sending you hugs

 

Helena xx

Suzie22
Member

I'm finding things very difficult waiting......

My app at hospital is Tuesday and I'm finding each day like the hardest thing to even get up and do anything. I know the chances are that I have a fibroadema again, but I cannot stop the anxiety setting in. I've read awful things on the internet. My breast was scanned 1 year and 9 months ago, they didn't see anything apart from the lump they removed, I keep thinking how fast does a cancer lump grow? My mind is going crazy and it's not fair on my husband or kids but I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it to Tuesday? I think because I've been through this before and there was talk of cancer from the person who scanned me it has been so anxious about going back. I'm sorry to go on I just need someone to talk to 😞