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Member

Re: relationships

Hi Dustybin
Really sorry to hear the news wasn't what you were hoping for, bad enough going through this rubbish breast cancer, without being let down by your husband! Hope relate works for you both. we all cope with things in our own way, no excuse for him, but perhaps he was finding it really hard, and she was too ease!
Yes breast cancer does make you think differently, but as long as you know you have to be kind to yourself at this time, after all it is you going through this! Yes we know he is going through pain as well, but you can't walk away from your breast cancer.
Hope you get lots of support from relate! make sure it works for you and your children, because you and your children are the most important people in all this mess!

Wishing you happier days
Hugs
Sandra xxx

Member

Re: relationships

Thanks everyone for your comments.

The letter (sent by her estranged hubby) is real, he didn't deny it.

Still not sure where I am going with this but have spoken to a friend so feel a bit better. We have both agreed to try Relate.

This breast cancer thing changes you doesn't it? Feel quite strong after all I have conquered, this is just another hurdle thrown in my way but bit harder to forgive as this could have been prevented, BC can't. The only people who really understand it are the ones that are experiencing it.

Thanks again everyone.

Member

Re: relationships

Hi Dustybin, I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I can't really add anything to what the other ladies have already said and I agree that you need to confront it, otherwise it will drive you mad and stress and worry are extremely bad for your health. You and your children are the most important people in your life. If he has been cheating on you, you need to know so that you can decide what is best for you to do for the future. Please don't start thinking you are not attractive any more, that's rubbish. I had my initial dx 18 years ago (got secondaries now unfortunately) but I've always felt that I'm as good as I always was and to hell with anybody that might think I'm not!

Jan, well done for coming through such an awful time.

I wish you both the very best of luck for the future. Lots of love, Dianne x x x

Jan
Member

Re: relationships

Hi Dustybin

I do feel for you.

You have to find out if the letter is true. If it isn't then burn it and move on. If it is you need to take control. First of all you need to get some help. Your BCN is probably your first contact or your GP.

My husband decided that he preferred the company of another woman. I found out 10 months after dx (September 07) when it had been going on for a few months.

The whole thing is devastating. I plunged into depression until one day I thought 'What am I doing letting someone who can be so cruel and uncaring get me into this state'

It's been a long hard journey I do hope you have no need to make that journey.

Love and huge hugs to you

Jan xx

Member

Re: relationships

Hi DUSTYBIN

I understand this must be such a difficult time for you and not wanting to involve family and people close to you is completely understandable.

If you feel it would help to talk though, please do consider giving the helpline a ring, they're great listeners and will be able to offer support if you need it.

The number is 0808 800 6000. They are open 9am until 5pm Monday to Friday and 9.00 am until 2.00 pm on Saturday.

Kind regards.

Louise
Facilitator

Member

Re: relationships

Hi Dustybin,
There are some cruel people in this world, whether it was a sick cruel joke, or is in fact true. Had you wondered where he is at times? have you had any doubts about him? You could and would drive yourself mad wondering if this, and if that!
Please don't involve anyone other that you and your husband, if the need be there is plenty of time for family and friends to know. And if it is a sick joke, it can be forgotten quickly.
If you cannot ask your husband about the letter, could you leave the letter out for him to see? and perhaps when you are out, so give you both time to think, rather than an explosive situation.
You must ask your husband about this letter, we all know what worrying does to our mind!!
After what you have been through, you do not need more worries, so please confront the situation, who knows it may be something as simple as he has upset a friend or someone he works with, as l say there are some 'sick' people out there!

And well done for getting through this dreadful breast cancer

Hugs
Sandra xxx

Member

Re: relationships

HI Dustybin

What a horrible position to find your self in. Are you sure this letter is genuine? I got a horrible letter years ago that i eventually found out was from a so called friend playing a joke. I suppose if it is true you will have a feeling or had some clues.

It would be good if you could talk to someone, maybe relate if you don't want to involve people close to you or another counsellor to give you a bit of support.

You will get through this, you have already been through so much. You and your children are your no1, if your hubby has been cheating maybe you can work things out or maybe you won't forgive him. But you and your health are more important than anything else.

Wishing you all the best and hope this works out.

Jxxx

Member

relationships

Here goes - i am 39. dx oct 2007. grade 2 no lymph nodes, 4 epi and 4 cmf chemo. Finished jul 2008 - still waiting on my medal!!!!

I have 2 beautiful boys age 7 and 9, will do anything for them but now in a situation just don't know where to go.

Got an anon letter last week telling me my hubby of 11 years has been having an affair. Up til now thought he had been great. Had immediate reconstruction, its really good. Still thought he found me attractive, says he does.

Feel like crap don't know where to turn too. Don't want to speak to anyone close as they won't forgive him, don't knnow if I can. I have been to hell and back with BC, I am strong, I will survive but I have no one to talk to. On been 6 days now but feel myself slipping back into the depression i battled so hard to leave!