Oh Lulu, sending you some virtual hugs.
Please don't silence your fears and your pain and no way are you being self indulgent by posting on here, so never think that.
You are in a very lonely and difficult place to be and i get the sense that you just need the merry go round of life to slow down, so you can concentrate on your dear friend?
Do give the BCC helpline a call Lulu or have you thought of contacting Macmillan at all? A nurse may be able to come to your home to talk things through with you and help you to sort out your feelings and emotions surrounding your friends illness? Maybe some counselling might help, could you speak to your GP to see what is on offer for you?
Don't bottle things up, your feelings matter Lulu.
Take good care
Welcome to the BCC Forum. I'm sorry to read about your friend. You might find it helpful to talk over how you're feeling with one of our helpline staff. They are there for friends and relatives of people affected by breast cancer as well as the person with the diagnosis. The opening times are 9-5 on weekdays and 10-2 on Saturdays. The number is 0808 800 6000.
Here's a link for more information:
Very best wishes
I am Lulu and I am need some help please. I am doing my very best to silence my internal voice telling me that I am being self-indulgent to post here. So writing this is part of that.
My very close friend is dying if secondary breast cancer which is in her liver, hip bone and lungs. She has been having treatment for the last four years however now she cannot have any further treatment.
We are talking often and I was able to visit her earlier this month. However all of a sudden it seems that death is everywhere. And I can't stop thinking about the actual moments of her death. She lives in Cornwall which is a very long way away from me and I feel very territorial about her even though she lives in a community which she loves and in a location she loves and has no bucket list.
I find I am either obsessing about cancer, reading about it as if to try to control it or shuddering with sobbing which I am too tired to cry. Really I would just like in some ways to put my life on hold.and.stay with her until.she does because she is more like a sister than a friend or as well as a friend.
My boyfriend finds talking to me about death extremely difficult although he is getting better at listening. Apart from I am finding it very challenging to find people to share my grief with and I know I need to,because of don't want every phone call I have with my friend to,end up with me on tears. She says she doesn't want me to,hide my feelings about her dying from her and that it feel a easier if people.do that rather than hide.them.