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just been given the awful news x

11 REPLIES 11
alimbutt
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

Hi Simone
I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. I am 51 and was diagnosed on 9th November so am very new to this. Got my treatment plan on 16th and it really does help when you get this. My head is still a shed but just keep plodding onwards and upwards..We all have wobbles, I usually use the thread Head Spinning and there are some really funny stories on there...Yes it is ok to laugh!..Take Care and Love to you all...My first op 1st December...Love Alison x

hoylie
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

Hi Simone,
I was in a similar situation to you just over a year ago and it rocked my world, just as much as it has obviously rocked yours. I just wanted you to know that I have seen my Mum go through surgery and a rigorous chemo regime and despite being very ill, she has come through it all.

We may feel at times that our bodies "let us down", however I (like most women on this site) have witnessed first hand how strong our bodies really are, even when we think we have no more to give, cannot take any more treatment, or are reduced to the size of a whisper - that little bit of love, care and support gets us through. My Mum refuses to believe she was brave and I doubt she can really remember much of the harder times but she really "came back from the brink" so your Mum should not write herself off yet, we have far greater powers within us, driving us forward than we will ever fully comprehend.

It is very rare we are proven right when we feel our lives are over.

x

stellam
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

Hi Simone, that will be great, I'll be only to delighted to be able help you Simone.

Take good care

Stella X

lizcat
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

Hi,

My mum was diagnosed with bc in June 2002 and that had spread to her lymph glands. She had chemo first followed by a mastectomy and removal of the lymph glands and then radiotherapy. It was hard to see her go through that but I'm happy to say she's still here and fine.

In July 2007, I was diagnosed with advanced bc - it had spread to my lymph glands too and also to my bones. I had very similar treatment to Mum and as mine had spread I am on continuous treatment to keep it stable. Yes it's incurable but I am living with it and plan to do so for many years.

The waiting is the worst and once you have the treatment plan in place and know what you are fighting, it is easier. Having seen it from both sides, I found it harder seeing Mum have the treatment than I did going through it myself! Accept all offers of help and take things as they come. Ring the helpline here if you need someone to talk to yourself. Or if there is some help available locally, try that. We have a charity round here that provide counselling and activities for patients and relatives and friends of those affected. It's all confidential. Perhaps there is something like that near you?

If it helps, I am now retired from work, have adjusted to a new way of life and am loving it!! Mum and I both kept a positive attitude as far as possible and accepted there would be bad days as well as good ones.

There is plenty of hope even though it may not seem like it at the moment. Mum and I are off to Rome on Monday for 5 days - our first trip abroad since we were both ill. We are looking forward to it sooo much!!! Then in January, we are going to Paris for 3 days to sightsee and see a Monet exhibition.....can't keep us down !!!

Keep your chins up and good luck.

Liz

saffronseed
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

Simone

I know exactly how you are feeling and I know that the news sounds really bad. However I like your mum had a big tumour 9cm which had spread to lymph nodes too. I thought the worse and was convinced myself that was it and even planning my funeral! that was January this year.

However I have had treatment, surgery, chemo and Radiotheropy and I am now on the other side of things. Its not nice to go through but heh I am still here, and I am feeling well and whilst I know I will never be given the 'all clear' I am looking forward to a long and happy life. You will hear of lots of ladies on here, some with bigger lumps and even more nodes infected and they too have been going for years - so please don't despair, the treatments they have now are magnificent!

Your mum will be told what her treatment plan is and then she can concentrate on looking forward and focus on getting rid of the nasty nasty disease. x

mymummyhascanc
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

thankyou all so much for taking the time to reply x im in tears at the support from you all xxx will definately be posting again and keeping in touch x stella, thankyou for your message, i will ring tomorrow if thats ok x

stellam
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

Hi Simone
I have sent you a private message.
Stella X

Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

Hi Simone and welcome to the BCC forums

In addition to the valuable support you have here please feel free to call our helpline for further support and information on 0808 800 6000, the line is open 9-5 weekdays and Sat 9-2. Here you can talk things through with someone in confidence and other members of your family are welcome to call if they feel it would help.

Take care
Lucy

happyshopper
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

Dear Simone,

I am so terribly sorry to hear your news and how sad you are feeling.
I absolutely agree with everything in Sophie's reply and hope that you find some comfort from her words.

I have been in your situation - I was 30 years old when my mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and felt exactly as you are describing now, in your post.

9 years later, and I found myself on the other side of things when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

The most important thing that your mum has now in this difficult time in her life, is a kind, supportive family, which you clearly sound you all are. This is the best thing she can have right now and in the times ahead once her treatment gets underway.
It is important that you do not shoulder all this yourself. Is anyone else able to come to the appointment with you and your mum? Don't worry about being strong enough Simone - I used to think exactly the same when I went to these appts with my mum (and then for my own) and it's just amazing where the strength comes from when you need it.
As Simone rightly says, once you have the full diagnosis, the plan of action will unfold and you can then all move along together.

I am thinking of you all, you sound like a wonderful caring daughter and this site is full of the most amazing people who will help you through this difficult time.
Big hugs ((( ))) and keep in touch XXXXX

mymummyhascanc
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

sophie,

thanks so so much for taking the time to reply to me it means so much right now x its so nice to know we as a family are not on our own. i said that to mum last night, how many other people got told on fri they have cancer? thousands no doubt x

i really want friday to come so i know what i have to deal with and thn i can decide how best to support mum,dad and my younger sisters and brother x
what makes it harder for me is that 2 yrs agao i lost our baby girl mia as she was stillborn so this heartache is dredging up all the grief all over again xxx

triphazard99
Member

Re: just been given the awful news x

Simone, I'm so dreadfully sorry that your family has to go through this.

The initial waiting for results/news is the absolute worst time of all, for everyone concerned. Some of us automatically assume that we will be fine, others assume that we will die - yet others try not to think about it at all.. there is no right or wrong in how we react. However, breast cancer is not an automatic death sentence anymore, even once it is in the lymph nodes, and it is highly treatable.

Even if it has spread, and there are secondaries, it may not be curable, but it is treatable - you must be optimistic, and try to help your mum understand that there are very often treatments that can massively prolong/improve life expectancy.

The most comfort I can give you is to tell you that once you know the actual diagnosis, you will at least feel that you can begin to fight back - at the moment, none of you know what you are up against, and that is what makes it all so difficult.

Huge hugs to you and your family - please keep posting, there are so many women on here to support you through this as best we can.

Sophie xx

mymummyhascanc
Member

just been given the awful news x

my name is simone and i am 34 yrs old, my mum and dad broke the news to us on friday that my mum has breast cancer which has already spread to her lymph nodes and the doctor's have told her the tumour is very deep and that her situation is very serious.she has had the tumour they think for upto a yr but because it was so deep it has only just been able to be felt by my mum.

She had 7 samples taken on friday for biopsy and we are now in the dreadful and frightening position of waiting until this friday for the doctor's to confirm what type of breast cancer it is and if it has spread to a secondary location.
the waiting is already destroying everyone. i have 2 sisters and a brother and my mum has 10 grandchildren.i am the eldest child.

mum is so very scared and keeps talking about dying a lot. i am trying to keep her positive and telling her that we can't worry about that until we have the results as to whether it has indeed spread, but im finding it very hard to stop my thoughts from drifting to the 'what if's '.

any advice from anyone will be much appreciated. i am going into the appointment with my mum on fri morning so will be with her when she finds out, my dad is away until sunday and im so scared i wont be strong enough to support her if the news is the worst possible case.

thanks for reading xxx love to everyone going through this.