February 2019 chemo starters

[sandraindurham]

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@MBJ wrote:

Hi Daisydi

I completely understand your worry about recurrence. I think we will all find that nag that seems to only relate to us as individuals. For you it's the number of lymph nodes that's your demon. Mine is stopping the chemotherapy treatment, especially when I read about those that have had big reductions. I worry that these few weeks I have enjoyed when all you girls have been suffering will not last. When I read all of your posts I feel I have not suffered enough to ensure it stays away. All ilogical know but there it is in black and white. 

But enough of that I am off to the party. 

Will catch up with everyone tomorrow. Xx

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MBJ, Veronica asked me to tell you that she is feeling exactly how you are feeling, she says that is really the same!

[MBJ]

Hi Daisydi

I completely understand your worry about recurrence. I think we will all find that nag that seems to only relate to us as individuals. For you it's the number of lymph nodes that's your demon. Mine is stopping the chemotherapy treatment, especially when I read about those that have had big reductions. I worry that these few weeks I have enjoyed when all you girls have been suffering will not last. When I read all of your posts I feel I have not suffered enough to ensure it stays away. All ilogical know but there it is in black and white. 

But enough of that I am off to the party. 

Will catch up with everyone tomorrow. Xx

[Implausible]

You will all be delighted to hear that I have now showered and changed!  My household have taken the pegs off their noses 🙂

Although don't ever let me go to prison as I dropped the soap about 20 times!!!

Sandra.....  is it time for a visit to the GP to get V some medication for her anxiety/depression??  It sounds to me like she could do with a little help there, and it seems that a few of our ladies on the forum have found that little extra medical nudge to be helpful.....

As I kind of touched on earlier, I am lucky really that I tend to be able to keep- if not upbeat - fairly chill most of the time when it comes to mental state/moods.   I occasionally feel a bit fed up when I am under the weather , like today.  But never for long and never too negatively.   My mantra for the bad bits is "come on Sarah, rest up and wait it out".... and that seems to be enough to keep me in fairly good spirits.

The only time I got properly upset was the other week when I thought they would never let me out of the hospital! 

It must be absolutely unbearable to have not only the physical symptoms to deal with but also strong moods/anxieties/ depression.  If it happened to me I'd like to think that I would be asking the GP to throw everything they can at that just as they would a physical symptom. 

Please reassure her at least that she is not alone and we are all rooting for her.  And hopefully the further she gets from her last chemo, the better she will start to feel x

Marlyn.... apparently I don't have to be tattooed for the rads, so the lady on the phone said.  But I have no idea why not.  Surely everyone has to?  I guess I will find out more when I get there!  Am hoping they can fit me in the day after my next T dose before the steroids wear off and the side effects hit me....

Edinbird.... it wasnt actual raw blue cheese, it was dressing from a bottle , so hopefully pasteurized.  And I only had a tiny bit....  will avoid the rest 🙂

My temp is now over the limit but I'm hoping that is from the hot shower.  Trying not to panic and will test it again in 20 mins or so....

[Edinbird]

Hi all 👋🏻 

Today has consisted of variously getting up, cooking, eating, sweating lots then going back to bed... getting restless legs so then getting up and starting the cycle again... pretty dull. Temperature came down overnight, was so worried about it given how much I keep getting so hot. But the discharge letter said watch for feeling unwell, being hot and sweaty isn’t unwell so I stayed calm and did manage to sleep a bit and it was normal this morning. Still blowing my nose a bit but it’s not troubling me too much.

Tried to have a doze this afternoon but the legs are just too achy. Getting bored again now. Waiting for husband to make dinner but he was out at his American Football tournament all day and wants to sit down. Fair enough! I’m not hungry but eating would be a distraction.

Blue cheese is definitely off limits Sarah! It’s full of mould! But then again I’m on penicillin maybe I could try some... better not 😝

I was worried about mayonnaise at first but any stuff you buy in a jar is heat treated so that’s fine. Sainsbury’s has started teasing me about cheese I’ve had vouchers for blue cheese and Brie and I wonder if I can use them if the cheese has long enough dates... my chemo helpline card says you need to monitor things for 6 weeks after last chemo but I don’t know if there’s a safe date for reintroducing the banned foods?

I now have more dates so hoping that things start to slot into place...

Last T 3rd June

Mammogram and ultrasound 6th June

Breast clinic 11th June (wonder if this is surgeon?)

Oncologist 14th June

So the only thing I think I’m missing is CT scan to check the lung node. Unless you guys can tell me of any other appointments I should expect ahead of surgery?

I was first on the T but now I feel really far behind again as lots of talk about radiotherapy. I’ll get there with you all xx

[sandraindurham]

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@Marlyn wrote:

Sandra, I really do understand what V is going through...we all do.....my coping mechanism is a dark humour, I'd be constantly crying otherwise....is V down for the LGFG course? I think it would do her the world of good. When does her rads start? Little by little bit by bit things will get a little easier, after all she isn't long out of chemo, we think we're going to bounce back immediately, it's a shock when we don't! 

How does she react when you read out our posts? I hope she understands we're all in it together, she isn't alone...not for a moment.....give her a cwtch from me? I'd be more than happy to chat to her ....in her own time.....xxxxx

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Marlyn, I try as much as possible to read everything and she knows you all, but she keeps saying that she doesn't want to know more because she cannot stand to know that you (and everyone here) is suffering.

It really hurts her!

It is more than what she has suffered (and still is) from chemo, it is the Damocles' sword because she believes that her lungs have cancer because she has a cough, that it will be back, that life is horrendous, etc.

It doesn't help her situation: she loved to be back on studies, but she cannot continue with her PhD because it wasn't her choice and it is horrendous, she doesn't have a job and she is really tied up.

My fault, really, I should be in a good position to take her somewhere else, to start in a new environment, to freed her from this dark feeling.

She is at home all day with her thoughts, it is not helpful at all.

[sandraindurham]

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@daisydi wrote:

No I have not gone vegan but I think mayo is on the naughty list due to raw eggs and I accidentally had some a while back and it made me feel sick (mind you I felt sick most of the time on FEC).  Im so confused with the cheeses too.  I know blue cheese is bad but I thought other soft cheeses were ok and then I read somewhere else to avoid feta, goat and sheeps cheese so I am completely lost.  Just sticking to cheddar and mozzarella for now.  Yes I am still on for Monday and I am so so wary.  They are extending my wbc injections and all my trouble started when I started doing them but maybe also coincided with stopping the steroids too.  Its funny how we all react so differently to things. 

Daisy, homemade mayo is not safe because we make it from raw eggs, but all the mayo we buy is safe because the process kills all the bacteria.

Soft cheeses and cheese from goat, sheep, etc, are extremely dangerous, not only because of bacteria and fungus spores, but also because they can carry brucelosis (even though we have security measures whilst preparing them, there is still the risk)

[Marlyn]

Sandra, I really do understand what V is going through...we all do.....my coping mechanism is a dark humour, I'd be constantly crying otherwise....is V down for the LGFG course? I think it would do her the world of good. When does her rads start? Little by little bit by bit things will get a little easier, after all she isn't long out of chemo, we think we're going to bounce back immediately, it's a shock when we don't! 

How does she react when you read out our posts? I hope she understands we're all in it together, she isn't alone...not for a moment.....give her a cwtch from me? I'd be more than happy to chat to her ....in her own time.....xxxxx

[sandraindurham]

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@Edinbird wrote:

I’m home! A week of antibiotics although no particular infection found as yet. Just feel tired now.

The weather is lovely that’s the annoying thing but I think I’m better in the cool whilst I’m still worrying about my temperature.

All I want is dates! And news and updates. I wish I knew what was happening to me when. I’m just stuck idling whilst I wait and I’m no good at that. I want a timetable and to be able to plan. Let’s all swap shall we?!

Probably fall asleep for a bit before dinner 😴

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Oh honey, things have been really difficult for you!

I am so sorry!

Please try to rest, it is so important now!

[daisydi]

Good to hear from you Implausible.  I really worry when I dont see any posts. Ridiculous I know but I am a bit of a worrier of late! No I have not gone vegan but I think mayo is on the naughty list due to raw eggs and I accidentally had some a while back and it made me feel sick (mind you I felt sick most of the time on FEC).  Im so confused with the cheeses too.  I know blue cheese is bad but I thought other soft cheeses were ok and then I read somewhere else to avoid feta, goat and sheeps cheese so I am completely lost.  Just sticking to cheddar and mozzarella for now.  Yes I am still on for Monday and I am so so wary.  They are extending my wbc injections and all my trouble started when I started doing them but maybe also coincided with stopping the steroids too.  Its funny how we all react so differently to things.  I didnt get any terrible pain last time only headaches and my legs felt like lead for a couple of days and now I feel better than I ever did on FEC.  I completely forget to take my temp most of the time but when I do it is usally 36. something.  Take care of yourself.  Even when I was neutropenic last time my temp was normal and it only showed up in a blood test.  My radiotherapy starts in July too and finishes mid August.  Im already panicking about how I will keep my neck covered up and how hot I will be and I wont be able to swim in the sea to cool down.  I am also starting to worry about recurrence (I know I shouldnt but I keep reading stuff about having 4 positive nodes and there is such a jump from 3 that it really worries me).  So all in all having a bit of a meltdown at the moment but I blame it on the T!  Having an Indian takeaway tonight, Yummy!! 

[sandraindurham]

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@Rosina wrote:

Hi Daisydi,

dose #5 is Thursday 23rd of May ( assuming blood test is ok on Monday).

Apologies if I bored people to death re. My eating habits but the worry of developing lymphodema in my right arm  ( I am right handed) keeps me on the straight and narrow and again the biggest risk factor seems to be piling on the pounds. I don’t want to ever have to wear a compression sleeve!!!!

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Rosina,you are never boring and we pick up excellent tips for you.

We are really worried about the dreadful lymphodema, V tries to be really careful but it is not easy when she is sleeping.

Her sleep disorders can cause havoc during the night and she can end up sleeping with her left arm (the one from the mastectomy) under her which is a no-no.

I keep waking up and checking on her!

[Marlyn]

Implausible, I thought you might be suffering, it really does suck big time.....I can't imagine how you will cope being measured and tattooed while on your first week of T.....it really is a faff about....I cancelled hospital appointments if they were in my first week of fec, there's no way I could manage anything much in that first week and you sound the same on T .....bear in mind they need you to keep very still during the proceedings, with lots of manhandling.....

now go and shower lol xxxxx

[sandraindurham]

Hi girls, whenever I blink there is so much to read!!

I am trying to keep in check, it looks like a tv series, I keep asking to myself 'who said that?' 'what happened here?'

OK, V is still feeling too low, my major concern is her depression, she is a bit on the low side, keeps wanting to speak about what happened during her surgery, everything that went wrong, everything that can go wrong in the future, chemo or no chemo (no guaranties either way), she is extremely afraid.

I am trying to tell her that she has now to look forward, try to be positive, but she isn't able to do so.

She feels that her life ended (her words) and, as much as I can find the words and the arguments, it never worked with her and it never will.

Although we have several ways of seeking support, like Talking Changes, Disability Support or even this org by phone, she doesn't want to speak with anyone, the only person that she wanted to speak was someone from this forum (I was so surprised) but she disguises quite well, nobody can see her reality.

Hair related: I had a tip for a very good shampoo that many people are using after chemo, especially those who are or will be using Zolatex and Letrozole, because both cause thinning of the hair.

It is Grow Me, I have bought it for Veronica, as he lost all her hair right on the first cycle and we can see something coming out now.

I will keep you posted.

Now, can you help me dealing with her situation?

What do you do to surpass agony and negative thoughts? 

How can I help without being stupid?

[Implausible]

Here is the link for the art therapy course:

https://www.baat.org/Courses-Conferences/338/South-West-Introduction-to-the-Profession-of-Art-Therap...

It does look good but it is a lot of money (£100) for something that I might not be able to progress anyway....

[Implausible]

Hi all

Apologies I've been quiet.  I have been pretty much dead to the world today and yesterday, either in bed or conked out on the sofa.  Must be starting to hum by now as I have been lying around in the same jamas since Thursday!

I've just taken a codeine tablet as everything aches like hell, and will attempt a shower and change of clothes once that kicks in.  Don't want the neighbours complaining 🙂

This part of the T cycle really is the absolute pits.  I can't concentrate on anything for long so can't really enjoy TV or books or podcasts.... just find myself zoning out and realising I have no idea what the character just said etc.

I tried to stack the dishwasher and got totally out of breath in minutes.  It really does suck!

All my pals are living it large at a big annual event in Bristol today that usually I would go to.  So I am torturing myself a bit looking at all their fun photos 😕 which is silly really.

Just need to wait this out.  And hope that I dont end up in hospital again (I'm panicking about that possibility.... temp so far today has been borderline, around 37.4 ....)

Anyway, enough of my whinging!!

Marlyn I didn't realise you had to lie there topless like a reclining page 3 model for rads!  Although I guess it makes sense really, I guess they aren't going to laser through your top....  I hope it wasn't too embarrassing lying there ages all exposed while they faffed about.   Very annoying though that after all that they couldn't go ahead.  Hope they get their act together better next time.

I got a call from the radiotherapy place in Oxford yesterday.  Apparently they want me to go in the first week of June for a "positional not diagnostic" CT scan to get me set up for rads starting in July.
I pointed out that I will most likely be feeling like utter turd that week as once again it will be the first week of my T cycle and she was "oh don't worry we will send a car to collect you". Last thing I want is to have to have a CT scan miles away on a day when I am feeling horrendous, lift or no lift. 

I will wait for the actual date and time to come through and argue the toss if necessary.

Love the t shirt by the way!  And as for "dark humour", I think it is near enough essential to get us through difficult times.  You have to laugh or else you cry, as the old saying goes.  I've definitely been making some fairly insensitive jokes at my own expense since this whole cancer thing reared its head....

Seaside.... I hope you had fun at your choir meet.  And enjoyed the pizza.   Mmmmmmmmmmm piiiiiizzaaaaaa 🙂 

Which reminds me, Rosina, honestly I wasn't being sarcastic when I said that your healthy eating and walking etc is inspirational.  I really meant it!!!  I wish I could stomach decent food at the moment, I really do.  But carbs and cheese seem to be the only things hitting the spot (and, thankfully, fruit still works).  I can't wait until I start to feel a bit more normal and can get back to a much healthier regime and lose some of this blubber....

Edinbird I'm glad you weren't stuck in the hospital for too long.  Hopefully you have had a nice restful recovery day at home....

Trixielady, here's to more good days than rotten ones!

Susie you and I are so different, I desperately want to know *exactly* when everything else is going to happen, dates and times and so on, so I can plan around them..... but my docs are so vague!!!!   I guess we all deal with these things in different ways.   I hope that they can leave you in the dark a little longer as per your preferences.....

I'm also glad that those of you with anxiety about all this (and who wouldn't???  I sometimes worry that I'm not worrying enough!  Given that it clearly is something worth worrying about! Maybe I'm just in denial....) are getting some help with medication to take the edge off the worry. 

Daisydi have you gone vegan and I missed it?  Or is "normal" mayo on our no-no food list?  I had some blue cheese dressing the other day and immediately wondered if I was supposed to be avoiding that...probably am....oops!   Having been a veggie since I was 15 I'm always incredibly blasė about food poisoning and stuff like that, considering it more of a worry for the meat and shellfish eating types.....  I really should pay more attention.  For example I didn't realise until the other day when Edinbird mentioned it that we aren't supposed to eat brie or camembert while undergoing chemo.....

MBJ I hope you have fun at the birthday do tonight 🙂

Rosina.... your art therapy thing.... is that 1 to 1 or more of a group thing?  I think I mentioned before that I am really interested in the field of art therapy and would love to maybe volunteer as some kind of teaching assistant one day a week to help a qualified therapist as I wouldn't be looking to totally change career at this point in my life....  but I would love to find a way to "do my bit" once I'm through treatment.  I have found a one day "intro to art therapy" course in Southampton in September that I might attend....  but it seems more geared to working with troubled children than adults.  And more in a 1 to 1 capacity.   Nobody in Swindon seems to offer it at all so there is no-one for me to offer my volunteer hours to..... 

I will have to keep looking into it....

It actually sounds like the local bird population have been doing some "art therapy" on your car! 😄

Deano I'm glad you got a little reduction in your dose and that all went well yesterday.  Here is hoping you have an easier ride this cycle.

Daisy, hope it goes easier for you too this time.... are you still on for Monday?

Phew that has taken me hours to type!!!! 

Take care everyone xx

[Rosina]

Hello all,

 I am in line for the Tesco car wash and it has started to rain 🤪

the car was covered in bird poop and it was the last chore out of many completed today.

Yes to seeing the silly side of things 👍👍👍👍

Mum is having a mani/pedi ( dropped her off prior to coming here) she has got an umbrella and sandals to walk back in. 

I think we are all certifiable 🤪

The rain is coming down heavy so it’s going to be a double cleanse!!!

[Susie B]

Hi everyone 

Marlyn and sonia28, we both have a fairly dark sense if humour too. Paul's is typical forces humour. My mum would be horrified if she knew about the kind of things that make us laugh, but if you can't see the funny side of certain tragic events or circumstances you'd just crack. 

Deano, glad to hear your last lot of T was at a reduced amount and hope things will be better for you. Have you just got one round left? I'm losing the plot a little bit as to where everyone is with their chemo.

Daisydi, I hope the meds for your next round are ok. I wonder sometimes if the oncs are just as much in the dark as we are sometimes when it comes to dealing with side effects. With so much being thrown at us how can they tell what is doing what to us🤔? 

As for me I'm not doing too badly, but anxiety about up coming surgery is starting to get to me. The mornings are the worst  so I pop a propranol (bete blocker for anxiety) first thing to get me through. I'm sure as time goes by I'll be back up to the 2 a day I was on between diagnosis and 1st day of chemo. At the moment I'm trying to get cross and angry with Gremlim, the same as I was before chemo, because I reached a sense of calm once treatment started and keep hoping the same will happen as I reach the point of surgery and Gremlim and his offspring finally gets his marching orders and barrys off!  

Hope everyone else is ok. It's all very quiet at the moment but I am aware that several of you have been through the mill during the week and are having some well earned rest🛌🏾. This bc lark really is the Barrying pits. Take care xxxxxxxx  

[sonia28]

We have a bit of a dark  sense of humour in our household, I think it shocked a few people when I was first diagnosed, but as you say it’s what gets you through, xxx

[Marlyn]

Sonia, 

its my humour that's got me through all this horrible stuff, but it can be quite dark at times and I have to remember what company I'm in as not everybody feels the same...but I feel safe here as I think we all understand and are on the same wave length.....if anything my humour has got darker since cancer! Hope your doing ok? Xxxx

[sonia28]

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@Marlyn wrote:

Susie,

hubby got it for me ( as a surprise) he said it was from one of the breast cancer adverts that came up on Facebook...always gets smiles when I wear it out! You doing ok? Xxxx

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I love your sense of humour Marilyn, and your t-shirts are the best xx 

[Marlyn]

Susie,

hubby got it for me ( as a surprise) he said it was from one of the breast cancer adverts that came up on Facebook...always gets smiles when I wear it out! You doing ok? Xxxx

[daisydi]

Hi Deano, glad that you are feeling ok so far.   I too am convinced that it was the injections I reacted to last time but my onco team say it was the T.  They are giving me more injections this time so god knows what will happen.  I am dreading it!

Hope everyone else is ok.  Thinking of you all xx

[Deano]

Hi all

glad you enjoyed the poem I got back late yesterday from treatment and had a 90 percent reduction and so far so good at last I’ll keep you all posted as it was the injections that knocked me last time with T. also got vodeone on case joints ache as well so we’ll see. Hope everyone keeps healthy for their treatment- come on the end is near for some of us and in a few weeks we’ll have forgot how bad it was when we have good days especially xxx

[Susie B]

Marlyn, where did you get that tee shirt? It's brilliant☺  

[Rosina]

Hi Daisydi,

dose #5 is Thursday 23rd of May ( assuming blood test is ok on Monday).

Apologies if I bored people to death re. My eating habits but the worry of developing lymphodema in my right arm  ( I am right handed) keeps me on the straight and narrow and again the biggest risk factor seems to be piling on the pounds. I don’t want to ever have to wear a compression sleeve!!!!

Edinbird , glad you are home.

Podcasts are great for distracting yourself especially when tired,  lots to choose from. The ‘Calm App’ also does ‘sleep stories’ , I haven’t listened to any though. I prefer Women’s Hour, The Life Scientific, The Infinite Monkey Cage , The Now Show and The News Quiz.

Marlyn your story is bonkers but funny.

Art therapy was all chat today ( no art) but I feel that I needed to take stock of where I am at.

Mum says one thing and then does the complete opposite. I offered to drive her back into town to go into specsavers (to pay for these glasses she has bought ) and she seems to have legged it.

H1 has escaped to London.

They are both excellent candidates for me to put all my meditation practice into action 🤪 i.e develop awareness of how irritating they can be, then breath and smile 😊 

[Marlyn]

So glad your back home....now behave and rest....eat.....take your meds....sleep.....xxxx

[Edinbird]

I’m home! A week of antibiotics although no particular infection found as yet. Just feel tired now.

The weather is lovely that’s the annoying thing but I think I’m better in the cool whilst I’m still worrying about my temperature.

All I want is dates! And news and updates. I wish I knew what was happening to me when. I’m just stuck idling whilst I wait and I’m no good at that. I want a timetable and to be able to plan. Let’s all swap shall we?!

Probably fall asleep for a bit before dinner 😴

[MBJ]

Hi Girls

Sorry to read some of you are having rough days. Edinbird I hope you are home or will be soon. 

I am sure you must have been really fed up Marlyn it would be bad enough anyway without all that messing about. 

Deano I love your poem, I am having a cwtch under a blanket watching TV I must remember I need to rest as well as rushing about with Rock Choir, slimming world, going out for meals and shopping. Recharge of my batteries needed as we are going to a 70 birthday party tomorrow night. 

Hope you will all have a restful afternoon. Weather here is colder and ☁️.

[Nettienoo]

It’s been a little drizzly here in Stafford, not much sun at all today. 

Sonia I am totally with you on not getting too much info and dates up front when I’m mid treatment. I find it much easier to cope with stuff on a daily basis. I’ve been on Prozac since the middle of January (only the smallest dosage) but I know I would not have coped with any of this if I hadn’t, especially those terrifying first few weeks. I know it won’t be for ever. Sometimes you just got to take what’s on offer to get you through. I hate taking any meds unless I’m in dire need usually but chemo is a different kettle of fish. 

Edinbird, I hope you get home soon and continue to improve. Keep an eye on things though eh? We all have poop days when we have nothing positive to report and they are just as important as the good days to hear about. That’s what we are about isn’t it, here for each other through everything.

Marlyn, how’s you temp? You might have said and I missed it. 

Love you all. Everyone of you in my thoughts. Deano let us know how you got on if you are up to it please. Xx

[daisydi]

Afternoon all,there is never a dull moment on this thread is there?  Hope you are feeling better Marlyn and Seaside.  Sonia and Sarah hope your bad days are not too bad. Edinbird hope they have now let you out. Have a rest and look after yourself for a change.  Susie its very miserable and dull in Norfolk too. Drizzling and depressing! Have been to hospital for bloods so will wait and see if its all go for Monday.  Really really not looking forward to it.  Trixielady hope your day isnt too bad and Deano hope all goes well today.  Rosina when is your number 5?  Got to take these pesky dogs out now in the drizzle and cold.  I actually went to a supermarket today for the first time in ages.  Usually do it online. Quite enjoyed browsing and I got some vegan mayonnaise which I am really pleased about as I miss a bit of wet stuff on my salads.  Speak to you all later.  xxxx

[Susie B]

Hi everyone 

Oh dear what a terrible time some of you are having at the moment☹.

Edinbird I hope you escape soon and get a chance to rest and recover over the weekend. Don't feel bad about talking about your rubbish day, that's what we're here for, to listen. By the way how come you've got the sunshine☀️, we could do with some of it down here in a rather cool and cloudy Somerset🌫🌫. Oh I see Devon have got the sunshine too, come on girls share it around a bit more, please.

Marlyn sorry you had such a 💩 day yesterday and yet you still manage to let your wicked sense of humour shine through🤣. It's funny, until a few years ago I would happily go topless on the beach, not in the UK though, it's too cold, but in your situation I'd be mortified. Here's me thinking rads were just a case of lay there and think of England then pick up your dignity on the way out.

On the helpful/unhelpful sons and friends perhaps we should swap. I often get reports on how kind and helpful Chris is from his friends' mothers. 

As for me I had a call from the hospital regarding my upcoming surgery and final pre-op chat. When she told me she had a date for me I had to stop her in her tracks and explain I didn't want to know the date just yet. She probably thinks I'm mad or crazy. Anyway I'm having all the pre- op talk next Friday so I'm going to have to be brave and find out the date then. I simply don't want to know just yet as otherwise I'll simply dwell on it. Stupid or what!? I'm trying not to stress about it, but I started to take my anxiety meds the other day, all be it, just one not two tablets a day, just so that I can keep my nerves under some kind of control. Eeeeeeeek!😭. 

Anyway hope all of you that have had a 💩 time of it recently soon get sorted and feel better. Take care all of you. Love you to bits❤❤❤❤❤❤  

[Marlyn]

Apologies if I have already posted this? And how do I get it to post the right way round???? Arrrrggg!!!!

[Marlyn]

[Trixielady]

Hi Hun sorry your having it bad at the moment Edinbird, can't believe you're in hospital fingers crossed they hurry up and get you sorted, I seem to have on ok day and one bloody rotten one, aches and pains all over today trying to relax but can't get comfy xxx big hug, I was lucky i went through the menopause in my mid thirties but have had a couple of hot flushes due to the chemo xx

Thinking about you all and hoping once treatment is over we can look forward xx

[Marlyn]

Edinbird...everything crossed you will soon be home, jimjams and your own bed with proper meds in place is just the prescription you need.....let us know when your home? Xxx

[Edinbird]

Waiting on the black hole that is the pharmacy to get some antibiotics. Everything is back clear right now but they’ll grow the cultures over the weekend (some people have fun jobs eh?) and make sure I’m on the right treatment. So I can go home soon. A bit concerned about still being so sweaty and hot on and off, maybe it’s the weather and maybe the menopause is trying to kick my ass. Right now I just want food I’m starving and there’s no sign whatsoever.

I hope everyone else is managing to rest or get outdoors. Sat here looking at lovely weather and blue skies... makes things more bearable.

I feel bad just coming on and saying how rubbish my day has been. Thank you for caring so much 🤗😊🌸💕

[Seaside Sar]

Morning all you lovely ladies,

I probably slept for about 6 hours between 8pm and 8am. So lots of wakefulness inbetween but at least hubby did the decent thing and camped out in the spare room. I'm going to my first choir gig this afternoon and then treating myself to a take away pizza so I'm in for a better day than yesterday already.

So sorry to hear many of you are suffering right now.

Edinbird I hope you're not in there for too long and that they treat you well while you're there. Have they worked out what's wrong?

Deano good luck for today and thank you for sharing the lovely poem. Very wise words.

Sarah I hope you get through this rubbish part OK. Rest lots and get those boys to bring you some drinks & food when they finally surface.

Sonia it sounds like you're all organised to get through this weekend. Take it easy.

Marlyn I'm so sorry you had such a rough day yesterday. Who would have thought rads could turn out to be such a barrying pain? Your pornstar analogy did make me laugh though! I hope it all gets sorted next time for you. 

To all the rest of you beautiful ladies, thank you for all the kind words. It means a lot and keeps me going.

Hope today is kind to everyone.

Big hugs

Sar xxx

[sonia28]

Implausible, I know what you mean about teenagers 😂 helpful for a drink or two or maybe a sandwich when I ask, but that’s about it. I recommend getting a girl 😂😂much more Thoughtful. 

Mum like you though better left on my own when I’m feeling 💩 crap*y 

take care xx 

[Marlyn]

Edinbird, what a pickle, you have every right to feel lazy, hope you manage some good quality kip, did you say you're in a room on your own? Keep us updated love...you know how we worry xx

implausable, sorry your facing your rough days, I do hope you can also be lazy and drape yourself on the furniture for a while. My rads fiasco yesterday! Honestly, you couldn't make it up. There I was, naked from the waist up, all laid out like some porn star waiting for the action cue....it was freezing cold, I had 5 people in the room moving me around, but the machine said no...my elbows were far too close to the bit that twirls around (why this couldn't have been double checked last Thursday I don't know) anyway...long story short I've to go in on Monday....apparently they have re-written my position, just hope to God it works as yesterday was just horrible....I hadn't realised what an exact science rads is.. xx

seaside, how you doing Hun! Seem like we both want to forget yesterday! Xx

sonia, oh I do hope your "drop" tomorrow isn't too yukky, isn't awful waiting for something crappy to happen? You home alone this weekend? Xx

To every single one of you, I love you, to infinity and way beyond the stars....I simply couldn't do any of this without you xxx

[Rosina]

Morning Everyone,

lovely poem Deano - Thank you 🙏 

Hugging Everyone.

Rest, look after yourselves.

Self-care and self love is needed so that you can then give to others, this is  not selfish it’s common sense.

🌸🌺🌼

[Implausible]

I am "being looked after" about as well as you would expect by 2 virtually nocturnal teenage boys.  They dont usually get up till about 2pm onwards and are pretty useless when they do 😄

But to be honest when I feel rubbish I'd rather just be left alone.

I only see my other half at the weekend but I expect he will be helpful when he turns up tomorrow at some point.  I have enough food to last me till then so everything is ticketyboo  🙂

Sounds like your lot are abandoning you too but at least that means they aren't there to make a mess 🙂

[sonia28]

Implausible, your a day ahead of me,so I’m expecting my drop tomorrow, hope your being looked after xx 

the weekend is all

planned kids have lifts everywhere and food in the fridge, as hubby is off to Dublin in a stag weekend, and eldest had gone back to uni for exams , great timing.

The oral thrush is back already, but they gave me stuff to take on Wednesday as they thought it would re appear, okay so far apart from that. 

Edinbird glad your being looked after xx

hope Marilyn and Sar are feeling better today xx 

the good news the sun is shining here 🌞 

take care lovely ladies xx

[Implausible]

Just read your update.  Going back to sleep isn't lazy!  It will do you the world of good.  Have a try....

[Implausible]

Ah no Edinbird!!!  Not good news 😞 😞 😞

At least if you had to choose between you failing your MOT and the car, this is the one that doesn't result in a huge garage bill!  God bless the NHS!

Hope you managed to get some sleep and that you will soon be on your way home x

Please keep us all updated as we will worry...

Deano good to hear from you, and with wise words.  Best of luck with #5.  I also asked nicely for a reduction in dose this time around but my onco said no.  Hopefully yours is kinder!

Seaside and Marlyn I hope you both have much better days today than yesterday!

And love to the rest of you from Swindonia where I am starting to feel proper rough.  Right on time.  Ugh.

Sarah x

[Edinbird]

Morning all xx

So I have my own room, bloods are fine, throat swab fine, paracetamol seems to have taken temperature down. Possibly something in my urine. Only needed one IV they gave me v early on so I’ve not been hooked up to anything. Chest X-ray this morning.

Just tired having not come up to the room until about 3am. Just had to fend off a nurse who wanted to give me my injection that I have in the evening...! Not going to even mention my heart pills they can wait until I get home. Feel less snotty but chest is a little raspy.

Who is getting treatment today? I really feel like I’ve lost the plot. Just sat here not wanting to look like a lazy so and so by going back to sleep... oh well at least I get a rest and I’m not being pumped full of things

[Susie B]

Hi Edinbird 

Sorry to hear you may have failed your MOT☹🤒. At least the hospital seem to be looking after you. Hope you feel better soon. Take care ❤❤❤ 

[sonia28]

Deano, lovely words. Good luck today 🍀then only 1 more to go 🎉🎉

Edinbird, I Hope your okay, and your bloods were okay and you managed to get some sleep.

Susie, I think many of us are looking forward to the break.

Hope everyone has a good day today 😘 

[Nettienoo]

Edinbird, I hope the blood test results help get you sorted rapidly sweetheart, even if it’s just to be able to moved somewhere to sleep for now. Time goes so slowly when you are being assessed early hours. Big hugs. 

Deano best of luck for later today love. Reduction of FEC made a big difference to how things went for me last time. What are you on at the moment, T? 

Xx

[Edinbird]

So I’m on the assessment ward again! Maybe I didn’t pass my MOT...

High temperature and cold symptoms need checking out so hooked up to a drip right now. They were v quick in getting me assessed on the phone and in the ward, blood was shooting out of me! Doctor was nice and just got on with it. Hope they tell me my bloods stuff soon and get me moved somewhere or not so I know whether to sleep or not. As my last admission I don’t feel that bad! Just feel like I have a cold 🤧 

[Susie B]

Hi Deano

Lovely to hear from you. The words are brilliant and sum up our new lives exactly. All the best for tomorrow. Only one more session after that, then like me, you can have a little break. You will feel normal for a while, it's great☺. Take care, Susie xx   

[Deano]

Hi All

I saw this and thought I would share I’ve got my 5 th treatment tomorrow and fingers crossed asked for a reduction given how bad I was last time - speak later everyone and take care xxx