sometimes a good howl can be therapeutic. I’ve had a few. The waiting is so hard isn’t it? 9 days to go for my 1st one and anxiety levels rising. Glad we all have each other. Good luck to everyone starting this week. You have so many people on this thread who are thinking of you and care deeply. You are never alone. Jeanette x
Good luck and everything crossed for you starting this week.🤞💝
My daughter came from Uni this weekend and just came back from seeing GP with her as she’s lost her voice no cold or anything. Doc asked her if she was stressed and she said well my mum has breast cancer and started crying. God I feel so sad and guilty. She’s not one to display emotions unless it’s bad unlike her emotional mum, so it made it worse. Poor girl has got time off to come and look after me post chemo sessions as my husband has a busy job with travel. She’s not used to seeing her mum not jolly not sure if she’ll cope with me vomiting either!
I had a total meltdown yesterday and have a lovely ‘she shed’ in my garden, I adore it ..such a calming yoga place! I haven’t been in it since diagnosis and yesterday decided to Hoover and put the fire on in there. I went in collapsed in a heap and howled for ages. I associate it with such happy times. I feel sick and ill today already 🤦♀️ Oh and MBJ my mum died in Feb two ago and my late dad’s birthday in feb and my husband’s ...and my sister died late Jan twenty yrs ago...and other stuff so it’s a weird time of year too!.
Portacath on Wednesday under local ... dreading this. Will it stop me doing stuff?
Tried to meditate and my mantra changed from shanti to chemo.😳 almost funny. So hoping once first one is done it’s on the way...moving forward.
wishing you all a good week and sorry for misery - want to be uplifting for everyone !! But glad it’s a place to come where we ‘get it’.🥰
Hi Seaside sar,
I've got pink nail polish at the moment but have a sparkling black one to put back on for Monday .
My son appeared to take it off the cuff but later showed more interest and care cuddles and I love you have been heard and felt at various unexpected times
I'm gonna pass an hour today by going to tidy up his home that's proving I still have the energy after walking Trixie around the green luckily for me it's right in front of our home, as last week I had the same plans but they just didn't happen ended up a heep on the floor xx wish me luck
Yes, my next one is Tuesday. Sorry to hear your hair is going but good that you've had success with the wig. I am ready to leap into action with that, especially these next few days. I washed my hair very carefully this morning, half expecting to pull out some tufts, but nothing happened. It is constantly on my mind though. Might paint my nails as a distraction 😁
Hi Implausible, I have a 19 year old son who is also being quite laid back in his comments. Things like, "You'll be alright." I think it's just his way of dealing with it. He doesn't like it when my husband gets upset and anxious so it is quite difficult to get the balance right in my house these days. Oh what fun!
My eldest sons (27 and 28) seem to have shrugged it off, they aren't in any more regular contact than usual, the gits and their initial reaction to me telling them the diagnosis was "ah don't worry they fix it easy nowadays, you'll be fine".
To be honest I'd rather they act like it's no big deal than get all upset.
My 16 year old who is still at home is a little more worried. It's just me and him, so I get that. (I have a fella but he doesn't live with us). My son is definitely hugging me a lot more recently. But he seems ok. When I was in overnight on Thursday to have the portacath thing put in he thought I was starting the actual chemo and he was super worried. But once I was home he chilled out again. He will be glad once I'm through the first cycle I think because he knows I'm a bit apprehensive about it, and he isn't really used to seeing me be apprehensive about anything!
Hi Seaside sar, pleased to hear your doing well for now..When's your next one ? Is it Tuesday ? Its so funny the cravings I had similar xx I've been out nd about but only rsik a few hours as I find my energy levels drop.I still have my hair but think it's on the move on holiday without me haha starting to feel sore uncomfortable and more in the hair brush, I gave my wig an outing on Friday night,, I've left a photo on here, I loved it was scary at first incase it fell off xx
Good morning lovely ladies,
Best of luck to those of you starting this week. Try not to worry too much - easier said than done, I know. I can honestly say I only felt grotty for a few days after chemo and then got through it with various meds, etc. Right now I'm feeling fine and very hungry after a bit of a small appetite week. I'm finding the cravings hilarious! Poor hubby doesn't know whether he's coming or going, what with krispy creme doughnuts one day to salted peanuts the next. Yesterday, I really wanted parsnips but it was far too late as my roast dinner was nearly ready 😂
Oh, and my hair is still there 👩
Going to make the most of this week by having lunch out with friends and doing some normal things.
Next week it starts all over again.
Hi Ally2019, how old is your daughter? It's never easy my son is 28 but we can never be sure about the impact our diagnosis have whatever their ages, I spent a lot of time worrying about my parents having to cope with their baby at 50 having to go through this my parents seemed to have aged over night our family believes in honest feeling telling letting it all out but once you get a diagnosis it feels really different because families hate pain and looking more than one day at a time hurts because of the unknown but staying positive getting to know about your diagnosis treatment and expected outcome don't be worried about asking your oncologist question xx
Hello my lovely beauties,
just want to say good luck to all starting chemo this week ( and of course other weeks) the actual chemo day was fine, I even left on a high ( think it was steroids) I'm not sure but I have a feeling my meal when I got back was too much ( large soup and a wholemeal roll) I ate almost straight away ....with meds...then promptly threw it all back up and continued doing so all night...however..let's fast forward to today...feeling loads better, eating drinking....but not pooping...hoping senna will sort that one out! Still got the ninger nose, all smells are in technicolor and tastes are odd too...but cheesy mash wins every time...
one down five to go ....come on lasses...together we are strong....xxxxx
Good morning Trixielady,
Thank you for your positive words.
How are you today?
I am feeling nervous, but I’m ok. I understand that this is a process to be ridden free of the awful tumour, so I’m looking at the outcome opposed to the here and now. I agree re reading stories, so I know what to expect either way 😁
I am more worried for my family though, but my daughter is in good spirits at the moment. So that definitely helps.
I will keep everyone updated. Edinbird, please do so as well xxxx
you are not too old for you tube.
I use it ,when I need to double check stuff and usually there are many versions of the same item.
Depends if you like pictures or reading.
I had never heard this story before, it came up one morning during a Calm meditation (narrated by the lovely Tamara Levitt).
For example here is Alan Watts telling the same story:
Morning Ally2019, hope you're OK ? Its so difficult at the moment for everyone but being on here seems to help a lot, as you'll read some have it really easy some middleish and some really hard but the support of the nurses really helps and if you find yourself struggling your oncologist can play about to make your next session easier xx Good luck
Good morning Edinbird,
Thank you xx
Good luck too, I’m nervous but ok. I’m staying positive, as so many lovely ladies have shared their stories and some are very positive xx
I am sending you a huge hug 🤗
Hi implausible haha think that's probably what we all said Good luck for tomorrow once your first chemo is behind you hopefully you'll feel more in control again xx
My 2nd one is a week today xx
Rosina, thanks for the story
You really do have to take the rough with the smooth. Maybe
Youtube things like this do drive me mad, though. They tell the story so slowly! I coukd have read it in under a minute my kids love YouTube. I think I'm too old for it
Hmmm I didn't get any of those things at my pre assessment, Trixie. Just leaflets. I feel like I've missed out on a goodie bag!!
MBJ best of luck with yours. When does your actual chemo start? Mine is tomorrow and I'm getting increasingly nervous!
Edinbird huge good luck vibes for today. Hope everything goes smoothly. Imagine we are all there in the corner of the room with pompoms cheering you on 🏋️♀️ (I couldn't find a cheerleader emoji so here's a weightlifter instead)
It's funny when my BC nurse first suggested me looking at and joining in in this forum I was all "that's not really for me, I've already got a good support network, I don't need it"..... and now I feel so darned invested in everyone here.... we really are all in this together. And in a way that nobody else in our lives can fully comprehend.
Wishing you all a good start to your week:
A story that I like ‘ Maybe’ , hope you enjoy it :
Morning MBJ, you'll feel much happier hopefully once you've had it, and then it's surprisinly weird how strangely we just can't wait for it to start,, hopefully they run you through the cold cap, take weight, temp BM, bloods, give you steroids anti sickness mouth wash cream for dry skin and show you around the unit,, oh you might even get a voucher for a wig and leaflets about the makeup session feel good session xx big hug they say nurses make the worst patients haha xx
Good luck to everyone starting today - I’ve felt sick and stressed and crampy stomach since yesterday so not sure if it will just continue like this! Just need to get on and hope I don’t feel too awful when I’ve got to drag myself to another scan some time soon.
Jencat, I can understand your fears sadly this seems to happen far to often, sometimes the quicker people get out of hospital the better , It's possible he could have a care package put in place to help him remain at home enabling him to remain independent and encouraging his recovery if he doesn't already it's worth looking into xx
Thank you Trixielady x Although dad is 91, until Christmas he was still driving down to me once a week for Sunday tea! Myself and two daughters are so close to him and it's hard seeing him becoming more frail. I worry that the longer Dad's in hospital, the more instutionlised he seems to be coming and that we won't be able to get him home. Yesterday he seemed very drugged up-my cousin is an ex-nurse and another cousin works at the hospital, so I'm going to ask them to look at his notes xx
Hi Jencat, thought I hadn't seen any posts from you, so sorry to hear about your Dad hope he's comfortable after his fall and so sorry to hear about his diagnosis xx big hug
Dear ladies, just wanted to let you know that I'm still thinking of you and hoping you're all ok. I haven't been able to come on to the forum recently as my elderly dad had a fall 12days ago and was admitted to hospital and we were told he's got cancer on Wednesday. As you can imagine, we're devastated.
Hi Sandraindurham, I’m from June!! I found FEC pretty predictable. I felt a bit rough for a few days but could guarantee that I would be fine for the second two weeks so could make plans. I expected it to be the same on Docetaxol Although I didn’t feel sick it did leave me feeling rough and was cumulative. Kxx
Eee baked potato with cheese & beans was my thing too, I kept asking my sister if Trixie smelt or if the house did. I've never stopped washing my hair tho, mouth has been delicate , sometimes dry sometimes I've been really thirsty, also fancied cheese & onion pasty,, pineapple, mints ice lollies really helped, ginger and lemon tea xx
Eyes slight dry, head starting to feel sore and colder xx Dreading 25th but needs must xx Big hugs to all you brave ladies and the supporters out there xx
Second was painful due to vein issues then neutropenic so multiple hospital admissions around cycle three. My cancer centre is all nurse led so if it's not on the protocol it doesn't happen which is not always helpful. After I managed to see an oncologist dosage was tweaked, Hickman line inserted and four to six were comparitively easy. I also relaxed my self imposed rules about exercising through chemo, obsessively watching diet etc and had the occasional glass of wine! Three months post chemo I still can't stand the smell of coffee or fried food. I have developed a taste for silver skin pickled onions which I could still taste when the taste buds died. I was lucky to have no nausea but I would reiterate keep your bowels moving. Chemo and the steroids have unfortunate effects. My centre presrcipef Laxido as a matter of course. Tastes horrible even without taste buds but does work.
Oh Implausible you could have done with more. Help and support. Too much for one person to deal with. But I know that it's not always easy to get the help you need for various reasons. Take care x
Well I love cheese and potato pie and baked beans but whether I will at the end of the week is another matter.
Just washed the locks for the last time 😥 got a head full of heated rollers in now. They will then be relegated to the bottom drawer. Having it all chopped off on Tuesday. Early start tomorrow have to be THERE for pre assessment at 9am, which is really early for a retired person. Oh it's all so scary. I am 65 but feel 5 and would like to hold my mother's hand, if only.
Hi All, just checking, what was the worst cycle (1st, 2nd, .....)?
How did you feel after each one and afterwards, in each week of interval?
And as for smells...I couldn't even cuddle my cat last weekend as her smell was enough to tip me over the edge. I have stopped wearing perfume and my nailpolish was truly turning my stomach the other day. This is worse than being pregnant!
Oh Trixielady, I know what you mean about the personal hairs disappearing already...Still, think of all the time saved on waxing, etc.
Hi Marlyn, glad you're feeling better today. Cheesy potatoes was all I wanted in that first week too. In fact, anything with cheese was good. The bowels were an issue for me too. I will be asking the oncologist on Wednesday but I suspect she'll recommend Senna. I'll let you know.
Hi MBJ and Implausible, thank you for your kind words, and I am so sorry, you both had it really nasty on Feb.
There are trying months, really. Me and my husband had our birthdays in August and he died in August.
I try to ignore the entire month!
Keep strong, ladies, this week... arrghhhhh!
yes!! The poisonous tuna sandwich!!! Well I have to say I am feeling a lot better Tonight, eaten cheesy mash and peas and ice cream. It's really odd how your taste changes, I love quorn but it tastes nasty 😷.....oh and toast! Bloody vile.....however I can highly recommend arrowroot biccies...
good luck for wed....now to get me bowels in action!!! Xxx
There still isn't anywhere to visit my dad.
I sorted out the will, all the probate, and spent months clearing and selling the house. My sister was supppsed to sort the headstone and burial of ashes.
Ashes are still in an urn on her shelf!
Yes these few days in February are very significant for us as a family for both sad and happy memories. Yes I am sure your dad knows how much is. Going on in your life at the moment. I can't even go to visit their grave at the moment it's just too much for me to bare.
Oh and PS. Not desperately high priority as things go, but I'm happy to repeat that the wig stayed on all day at the seaside despite strong breezes and I had a really fab day. Nice to have one last day of freedom and enjoyment before the big day on Tuesday.
And Marlyn - I'm glad you are on the mend. What a horrid start for you really hope they can tweak things for you next time so it's all less rotten!
Oh gosh my dad died on Feb 17th too! (2 years ago) and it's only seeing you writing that down that has made me realise it's today! I feel a bit guilty for not spotting the date sooner, but I reckon my dad would realise I have a lot on my mind right now and I have no idea what day of the week it is at the moment, let alone the date on the calendar :/
I never forget when my mum died as it was on my 40th birthday. She always did like to grab the limelight
Sandra you and your poor daughter are really due some better hands of cards I'm so sorry that you both have all this nonsense to deal with on top of everything else. We will all be with both of you every step of the way x
Yes I really got a great deal from going to church this morning. Also it's lovely to see people I usually catch up with on a regular basis. Missing out on lots of things at the moment like everyone else here. Voluntary work with the church, ladies that lunch group etc etc. But I will be strong and get through this so I can get back to my lovely life. Your daughter has had a lot of issues to deal with in her life, she is lucky to have you and be so close to you. I was very close to my mother who lived next door all my married life. It will be the anniversary of her death on Tuesday 4 Years she was 87. It's the anniversary of my dad's death today he died young too been gone now 44 years. So these few days in February seem to recur for us as a family. My son and my father's birthday on 19th Feb and mum died, my Dad died on 17Feb and it's also my brother's daughter's birthday today, and my chemo starts Wednesday. Going to stay in bed all of February next year!!
So please you are feeling better. None of us know how it will affect us. Goodness knows how I will be after my first one on Wednesday. Three years ago I ate two sandwiches in a party and had an Anaphylaxis!! But at least I have got two EpiPen's 😀.
Thank you for the good wishes. I will be glad now to get this first one done so I know what I am dealing with. My Sister lives in Hampshire but I live near Swansea so it's a fair distance. I think she was most upset because they are off the Kuala Lumpur on holiday on Wednesday. We are really close she is 11years younger than me so I think I mothered her a bit when we were younger. But she is a very practical dependable woman again she is a nurse too (obviously runs in our family genetics). Have been cleaning the house with hubby's help. I think I have got more cleaning stuff and germ Ridders than anyone else in Swansea. Let's hope your temp settles, gosh worry if it's up and now if it's down too.