MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

[TicTok]

Sammy 73 Thanks for that I will get some 👍x

Michelle 21 I am the same we always say yes we are ok , no one could ever know what we have been and still going through with this , they say you look well I’m thinking you should see me in the morning no eye brows no lashes no nothing it’s not just the impact on our bodies but the mental mind games , will it come back , how long before it comes back as you are well aware of …. I think I better stay in today till my MRI coz I am not in the mood to tell people what they want to here and they might not like what I say 😞

love to all you ladies xx

[Sammy73]

Hi @TicTok 

You can get ibropuphen with codine over the counter! It helped me alot xx

[Michelle21]

Sorry @TicTok @I can’t give any advice on your aches, can you contact your team? Thanks all went well today but now it is my turn to be up all night on steroids! 

[Michelle21]

Good evening all,

I am often asked how am I? My stock answer is “oh you know getting on with it”. This is actually how I feel but never say…

My feet are numb causing me to frequently stumble and they feel very cold at night. Several nails are now discoloured, hopefully they don’t fall off. For 3-4 days a week I get a uncomfortable feeling in the centre of my abdomen, it feels like there is an alien growing inside and the skin is stretching across it. It’s hard to go on walks when it’s at its worst. Luckily it doesn’t last long.

I haven’t lost my appetite which is probably good, but the opposite is true and I have put on at least half a stone, which I won’t worry about now. Quite often I am eating to try and get rid of the horrible taste in my mouth, or just because I want to taste something but my tastebuds aren’t what they were in April when I started this horrible process. 

I don’t look like me to me. The cold cap has worked well I have kept about 60% of my hair but I am used to having very thick hair but now I am sweeping it in certain directions to avoid my scalp from showing. Of course my eyebrows are not protected by the Cold cap so I am drawing them in, not something I usually do! My usual stubby eyelashes are thinner than usual, I try not to put much make up on my eyes as they have become quite dry at times. 

It’s not just my toes that have neuropathy it’s my fingers too, particularly my right hand and it is painful to do certain things. 

I have a tube that goes in through my arm to attach to a main vein. It has made chemo, blood transfusions and taking blood much easier but I am constantly worrying is it infected or causing a clot. It often makes me think of the dystopian book/film Never Let Me Go,  If you haven’t read it I thought it was very good. 

The tiredness has drawn big bags under my eyes, another way I don’t look like me. When my red bloods dip I can’t even lift my head from the pillow. 

These are the physical side effects, I have been lucky I haven’t been in much pain, more discomfort, but all of these little things make me feel rubbish. And I haven’t even mentioned the mental affects of being diagnosed with cancer… … twice. 

However if you ask me today how am I? I will say “I’m good thanks, because I have finished 21 weeks of chemotherapy and my PICC line has at last been removed”.

It has been gruelling at times but like all of you incredible ladies here we have just put our head down and got on with it. What other choice do we have? We have drawn inner strength that we didn’t know we had and best of all we have supported each other through our ups and downs. I may have finished chemo but I will still be here to cheer you all over the finish line. 

I hope that those of you who still have a few more cycles that they run smoothly. No more low white blood counts, no more AWOL chemo drugs, and that Se’s are minimal or can be treated.  

We are strong and will get through xx

[TicTok]

Michelle 21 I hope your last one went all to plan and you are ok and wish you well with your surgery 

0mg what has this t stuff done to me 😳never ached so bloody much , this is the worst I have been ! Don’t know how I am going to stay still for a 45 min MRI tomorrow 🥲 ….. anyone have any tips to deal with it . 
love to you all xx

[Michelle21]

Hi @Coastal my last one is tomorrow and like you I feel excited with the thought of a bit of normality one minute and vulnerable the next. I have surgery to come but don’t have a date yet. Annoyingly the team at my cancer hospital didn’t refer to the surgical team so I am trying to chase it up and find out what’s happening. A hassle I could do without. 
The best of luck to you for Monday let’s hope by this time next week we will both be experiencing the last of our chemo SE’s and looking forward to moving to the next stage with a few treats in between. Xx

[Coastal]

Hi all

@Michelle21 I have one more to go on Monday cross fingers.  I've not been well with a bad throat from last week so really hope it goes ahead.  Sorry to hear that you have a little lymphedema, it's really good to know that it's only slight and manageable - I agree I'm also keen to look healthy to others and non vulnerable.  I've had all my nodes out on one arm so know I could get this.  I'm keen to get back into exercise but will be careful and keep an eye on it.  I'm sorry I don't keep an eye on on posts much but are you having your last one today?  If so, really good luck!!!  

@Poacher65 Well done on finishing this bit of the treatment! and hoping that the MRI and surgery goes smoothly for you!  It is a massive thing to have done - you should be really proud (I know I will be after my last one).  I'm too looking forward to the PIC line going and having a proper soak - with book, bath oils and maybe small glass of bubby.  I hope your first one is lovely!  I had my surgery before (including full node removal) - I did feel really looked after and the surgeons explained to me that they do it so many times, they become expert at the procedure and are very careful.  Looking forward to hearing how it goes, take care of yourself 

@Sammy73 it sounds stressful (and a bit unfair) to have to make the decision yourself, really good luck with whatever you decide.  I'm sorry not to be more helpful - I had all my nodes removed and have radiotherapy in October which doesn't include my under arm. So far they haven't given me any choices about anything, just said what needs to be done.     

@Love running It's always so lovely to read your thoughts - I'm glad that the kids are back at school for you and you have some time to yourself!  My son goes back to Uni this weekend - I'll really miss him but not the amount of cooking I do - it's an opportunity to try and get healthy meals into him as on his own he tends to survive on chips and pizza, but he does eat vast amounts.  Daughter goes back to school in September, in a way not looking forward to it as she's already stressing about the work but I will enjoy time on my own.  

@TicTok what a stress!  I've had to wait for my chemo to arrive once - was very stressful thinking it might not come!  Hope that your scan goes well and shows a well subdued Boris! 

I hope everyone else is okay and managing - It feels so weird to be nearly at the end of this part of the hideousness - I veer from feeling anxious about the lack of protection I feel the chemo has given me, and feeling buoyant at being able to get back to some kind of normality.  I've started planning a few days away in Sept and Oct - one night camping in September and 5 day in Norfolk to see our son at Uni in October.  Keep remembering that obviously I have radiotherapy and hormone treatment and who knows how I'll fare with that but I'm going to assume it's okay.  Lots of love to you all xxx  

[Sammy73]

@Purpledaze  yes I've talked it through with my main man and meeting my sister tomorrow so will get a better picture in the next couple of days. Thank you everyone xx

[Purpledaze]

Hi @Sammy73 like @Michelle21 said, I find it hard when the oncologist says it's my choice, although I also know that I definitely want a say in my treatment, too. I don't any experience with lymphodema or radiotherapy to the arm area, but I did have a similar situation with my treatment options and those pesky percentages. Like you, I didn't hit the "for definite" %, but I was at the upper end of the next level down, if that makes sense. When my oncologist said it was up to me what treatment protocol to go for, I replied (fairly politely 😂) that as he was the expert, in order to make my decision I needed to know which one he would advise me to take and why. He was then a lot clearer to me about what he thought was the best option. I took that info home, mulled it over with my family and then made my decision. I hope you are able to reach your decision confidently. Xx

[Michelle21]

Yes you are right Poppy, exercise is a good thing.  I’ve just read back what I put and I didn’t mean to make it sound like exercise causes lymphoedema. I had my nodes out in 2018 and didn’t develop lymphoedema until 2020 and as I say it’s only slightly. There are also arm exercise you can do to prevent restricted movement. Sorry if I caused confusion x

[Guest user]

I was told exercise helps to keep lymphodema under control - swimming being especially good, the secret is little and often - also drinking plenty of water helps.

I had 14 nodes removed in March (so far fingers crossed) I am doing ok on the lymphodema front, I can tell when my arm has had enough so I stop and rest.

Poppy xx

[Michelle21]

Ok I get what you mean @Sammy73  but I think it I very unfair to put the decision on to you. Both of my cancers have been the more aggressive types, HER2 & TN so I don’t think there has been any choice on whether to do a complete node clearance. 
Lymphoedema comes on when you exercise, I suppose your body is working harder, so my arm swells a little bit. It’s fine but like @Love running says the standard compression sleeves are pretty ugly and look medical (NHS are soon coloured) for next summer I will buy a plain black one which looks more sporty and compression garments are quite ‘in’ in sports. It doesn’t bother me as long as I don’t look or feel like ‘a patient’ or cancer ‘victim’ 

Any other questions ask away x

[TicTok]

Love running like you I got off sleep ok then awake from 2.30 -5 then fast off when alarm wakes me for my next visit for my hart scan , just got here and it’s looking good for a quick in and out 😁….. I said  to my husband on the way home last night …. How much more can they Chuck at me ! What have I done but it’s like you said it’s not just us we are in it together …. You have a good day xx

[Sammy73]

Thank you @Love running 

They will radiate the neck lymps breast plate and mammory area. I would hope with the chemo and this would be enough!! Anyway I have a bit of time to mull it over. Xx

[Love running]

@TicTok 

How was your night? I hope you got some rest.
After such a long day one might think we would sleep like a log. But nope then the steroids kick in and the hot flushes and the frequent bathroom night visits… I feel pregnant or like breastfeeding again. 

The worst for me are the hot flushes and sweating. It is just a nightmare. 

When you finally fall asleep around 5 am, and enter deep sleep, you have someone jumping on you yelling ‘maman debout il est l’heure de se lever’… You just want to scream back ‘leave me alone I want to sleep’ like a teen. 

Anyway now they are all gone to school or work and I sit on the balcony with a cup of tea in the fall sun enjoying a quiet moment. Might just lay down again for 20 min before starting again my day. 

It was nice talking to you too - although not wishing to anyone, I was glad that i was not alone and it did not just happen to me. Sometimes I think how much bad luck can one have at once. But then this reminded me that I am not alone. So thanks partner in misery.

wish you a terrific day smashing Boris senseless💪🏼👊🏻

[Sammy73]

@TicTok thank you. 

Just more unwanted desicions to make!

I'm worried about feeling burnt alive anyway! 

🙄 have a good day xx

[Sammy73]

Thank you @Michelle21 

If 85% of my nodes were cancerous I wouldn't have a choice! Because I'm 66% + he's letting me choose because of the side effects.  Great!! Not!

What happens with your arm when you walk?? 

Thanks xx

[Love running]

@Sammy73 

Unfortunately I don’t have an answer either for you. I am interested though in what you find out as it might be relevant for me too later on.
I got 2 nodes removed of which the first one (SN) had micrometastasis (hence the chemotherapy). After chemo, I will need radiotherapy too. The question might come to me too whether to radiate only the breast or the armpit.

@Michelle21 I understand your point on the lymphedema. A colleague of mine has it and although it does not hurt her or prevent her from doing anything (sport, work,..), she is bothered but all the questions asked about why she wears a compression arm sleeve and she has trouble finding shirts fitting. Seems trivial after cancer but it is a constant reminder of it. One does not want to be reminded when the only thing one want is to forget and resume a normal life. 

@Sammy73 I hope you find the answers that will help you decide which path to take. 
wish you a good day

[TicTok]

Sammy73 I wish I could advice you on that but i’m sorry I have no idea , I got asked last week to join a trial of only taking cancerous nodes out of which I have 3 or 4 instead of clearing the whole armpit which can lead to arm problems like you say ! I don’t know if I should go for that or not , I did say to my surgeon I would be advised by her as she sees this every day….. it’s hard for us to decide 🤔

[TicTok]

Love running …. I got back at 6 tonight 😱long long day !! I have 3 more to go they are my half way checks  which are late ! I am hoping Boris has crashed and burned 😆I don’t sleep at all on steroids so it will be a long night also ….nice talking to you made my day more enjoyable 👍

[Michelle21]

Hi @Sammy73 I don’t understand the 85% 66% part of your message but this is my own experience. I had all of my lymph nodes removed last time and 20 sessions of radiotherapy to my breast area. I don’t think it covered my underarm. When the nodes were removed they showed a complete response. I think chemo and radiotherapy even not to the under arm increase your risk of lymphoedema, you may end up with it even without under arm rads. I have developed lymphoedema but I have to say it is only very slight. In normal circumstances I wear a compression sleeve when I run or walk and that tends to keep it under control. No one has ever noticed I have lymphoedema, which as vain as it sounds is a big thing for me. I want to look fit, active and healthy. (Not like an ex cancer patient!) 

I hope this is of some help. X

[Love running]

@TicTok 

I hope all went fine at the end and this last treatment has blasted the last of Boris. Crazy day for us but you seem to have a crazy week with all the checks. I hope they go smoother and that the checks show that Boris has really got his A kicked. 
 
Have a quiet evening and night. I am exhausted and hopefully with steroids I will sleep all nights (if the hot flushes don’t wake me up)

[Sammy73]

Oh wow, what a mad couple of days you have all had!!!

I saw my oncologist face to face today after bloods and picc line flush dressing change!

He has confused and worried me!!! 

My radiotherapy has been booked for 20th October with scan b4 and phone consultations but hes put the ball on my court about 1 part of the treatment!

So my lymph nodes on left side were removed 12 in total 8 were showing cancerous cells. Now however he's telling me microscopical cells are visible slightly away from this area. So do I want my armpit radiotherapy!! Lymphadimea is on the cards!!! 

The norm is 85% go fir it im 66% + microscopical cells. What is a girl to do!?? 

I just want it all over but I want to have my arm 😩

Sorry just would be interested in any thoughts. 

Love to all. Happy ish Monday xx

[TicTok]

Michelle21 thank you , just got wired up 👍x

[Michelle21]

@TicTok good luck for a Friday, I hope they can’t see anything on the scan! I hate weeks like that where you seem to spend more time in hospitals than home, and most of it waiting around. Hope all appointments go well. X

[TicTok]

Love running … that sounds perfect if and when I get hooked up today I am going to message and book a pedicure for end of November as she gets booked up fast , give me something to look forward to ….. glad you are sorted now 👍what a day 

[Love running]

@TicTok 

I am hooked now… just another 1h30 to go. 

You said pedicure, omg yes, I would too love that.  My feet and toe nail look hideous. 

After radiotherapy, I will spent all the money I saved on hairdresser and hair products, and on drinks and spent it on a super duper dos weekend. There is this Japanese spa in Stockholm with outdoors hot sources and dry and wet sauna. I will get all the possible massages from head to toe.  I am so going to treat myself. 

for now I will nap dreaming of it but not before I went yet again to the loo

[Love running]

@Michelle21 

You are right, the French protests for everything and nothing. Too warm, not warm enough, too mild, too cold…

This is the latest type of protests by the same people from March 2020 to now 

- We want face masks 😷 - out with the gouvernement 

- We don’t want to get covid, close the schools, the borders, the restaurants…and let us work from home - out with the gouvernement 

- We don’t want to stay home, we want to go out, open the restaurants -out with the gouvernement

- We want to meet our colleagues - open the office again- out with the gouvernement 

- We want to travel, open the borders - out with the gouvernement 

- We are no teachers, open the schools - out with the gouvernement 

- We don’t want to wear face masks anymore- out with the gouvernement 

- We don’t want to get vaccinated, the vaccine is a hoax for pharmaceutical to make money - out with the gouvernement 

- We want to go to the restaurant without face masks and without vaccination - out with the gouvernement 

Liberté liberté - out with the gouvernement 

It is insane!!!! My countrymen are sometimes a bit over of top (I weight my words🙄)

[TicTok]

Thanks Michelle no sign of mine yet either 🤷‍♂️…Unlike love running my egg and Mayo sandwich was rank couldn’t taste anything …. Earliest I will be out is 5 😱….hey oh if it’s target blasting for Boris I hope my MRI I have on fri shows it getting the hell out !! Heart scan tomorrow ,3 different hospitals in Leicester this is such a fun week 😂

[TicTok]

Love running you hang on there 😁 …. I am the same with the bathroom visits drinking water ! I Am hoping I have a nap and dream of a spa massage and getting my feet done 😂

[Love running]

@Michelle21 

I know, I thought the same. Is there some smuggling out of the country going on? So crazy! It is almost 13 o’clock here and I am still waiting.

Update: They found the driver and the pac, he left them at another hospital across town. Now they need to fix a new delivery 🚚 and that can take few hours. I almost offered to go and fetch it myself by tube (would take me 40 min back and forth). If I had my training gears, I would have gone for a jog to fetch it. Faster and safer I am sure. I am almost dreading that the new delivery will pick one of two other hospitals in town, that would be hilarious if not happening to me😂

The positive side, I went out to get some food and I had a super nice Indian take away:vegetarian sweet potato stew. I ate on a bench in the sun. 

@tiktok, I hope you got yours by now. 

[Michelle21]

I can’t believe you are both having to wait for your treatments, is there a conspiracy? Or a black market for chemo drugs?!  Definiste ly world the a protest @Love running I’m sure the French have protested over much less! 
You have to laugh or else you’d cry but jokes aside I really hope you both get your taxel’s soon. I’ve had to wait around before for it and it’s no fun, you really don’t want to be there any longer than you have to. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you both xx

[Love running]

@TicTok 

No way, what are the odds? This is crazy!  🤪

Still here and still no driver (4h35 min, 200 ml saline, 5 bathroom visits later). I am not leaving until I get my treatment (I am French, I will protest😂)

If only I was at the spa… waiting for a full body massage. 

[TicTok]

Love running ….I am having the same problem my meds weren’t made on time got to go back at 11 ! The nurse told me last time I would only be here an hour , now they are saying till 4 wasn’t expecting that at all ….. I hope they manage to track yours down also 🙄

[Love running]

@TicTok 

I know the feeling of being awake due to the steroids. I am like the Duracell rabbit on them… 🐇 🐇 going around and around in the flat.

Today is my first day without steroids (was looking forward to it) but might be also without paclitaxel (if they can’t localise the driver that goes around the city or the country with my drug). 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hope you are getting your treatment on time and that you will tolerate it. Good luck 

[Love running]

Good morning,

I need to share this.

I came to the hospital at 7:30 to have my blood test before my scheduled treatment at 9. Thankfully my blood values, despite being still on the lower side, allow me to get my 7th paclitaxel.

But the pharmacy has not delivered it yet… so I wait and meanwhile I get saline through the PICC line. 

Finally the pharmacy calls to say it is on its way.

But the driver delivered it elsewhere… What are the odds?

It is now 10:31 and I am still on saline…

And they can’t localise the driver…

Anyway, I hope the driver has not left the country with my drug 😬😬😬😬

I will get so much fluid in me today that I probably will run to the bathroom every 10 min.

Happy Monday to you all 

[TicTok]

You amazing ladies …..I am sorry I seem to have lost the thread lately and you all appear to be having different things to me which I don’t know anything about 😕…..poacher65 congratulations for getting through your last chemo and send you very best wishes for your future x

sammy73 it’s good to rant I hope you are feeling better and you are strong…Michelle 21 yes that bugs me 2 when they say I hope it goes well ! They certainly have no idea and you do get to know who your true friends are also . … love running you should be a writer to could write an amazing book about your journey . , glad you are feeling much better I hope you got your 7th . …for anyone I have missed I am sorry it’s my first day of 8 steroids 🤨hence it being 3.30 am heading for my first docetaxel at 9 .15 ! Can’t wait for that 😱.

take care everyone xxx

[Love running]

Good evening,

I wanted to write every day last week but just got caught up with school start for the girls. Both have now started and after 10 weeks holidays we had forgotten the routines (which is good as it means we had a good break). They are happy to be back at school. My oldest one (who turned 13 the day of school start - bad luck😥) has changed school and was nervous. She has to travel by metro on her own to the city centre. She also does not know anyone yet at school. I know she will be fine, she is strong. Her school is organising a outdoors event for students and parents to meet. I asked her if she wanted me to wear my wig (not done it yet) for this event, to not making it awkward for her in front of her new school mates.  She answered that she prefers me to go with my cap and my 'bald' head because she thinks I am cool that way. She does not care what others think. This brought me to tears. She is an amazing open minded teen.

I am a bit nervous about COVID-19, as all ages from 5 to 19 years old are fully back at school. No more distance learning and vaccination is only offered to teens from 16 year of age. There is a surge of cases in the younger population in the Stockholm region😨. 

Last week I finally got my 6th paclitaxel (although still below the threshold for my white blood cell count) if I combined it with 2 injections of filgrastim. Thankfully, I tolerated the injections well and very little bone pain. I have however started to have the tingling in the hands and feet (neuropathy). At the moment, it comes and goes, mostly during the night. It does wake me up. I also get very cold fingers, due to a quite low blood pressure. My nurse said that as long as it is not permanent, I am fine. 

I mentally felt so much better to be back on track and I was a nicer wife and mum this week 😎. I am hoping that my white blood cell count has been boosted with the injections and I can get my 7th paclitaxel tomorrow morning. Fingers crossed! 

Today I have officially reached my half way milestone. Only 6 more... To celebrate this, I start again dreaming about going to France in October and about a get away week-end with a friend at the end of September.

I see that you are nearly all doing to same, planning break aways. Nice to feel like a 'normal' person.

Good night - lots of hugs.

[Michelle21]

I have had my penultimate chemo, hooray! Just the final one next Thursday so I am keeping my fingers crossed it will go ahead as planned. 

@Poacher65 Although Chemo is almost done for us we both have a little way to go with our treatments but we will get there. Like you I want to put this behind me, again, move on with life and be around for years to come. 
@Sammy73 I am glad you have been able to rant here and get it all off your chest. I can’t think that many of us haven’t felt exactly the same at some point in the last few months. It’s good you are feeling stronger. We are also thinking of a break away in October by which time I will hopefully have had surgery. After my previous chemo & op we went to San Sebastián, it was so amazing to be away after all I had been through. 
@Love running your posts are so poignant. You are very good at phrasing how you feel and how lots of us feel. Each knock does make us more vulnerable but what choice do we have to be ‘strong’ this thing is growing in us and it is our life that will stay or go. This may affect others around us but ultimately it is our life and we have to do all we can to keep our selves fit and strong to give us the best chance of a good outcome. May your second half of chemo run smoothly for you. 

I hope everyone is doing ok and that any final hurdles aren’t too high xx

[Sammy73]

@Love running its amazing really, unless you have been there and done it, no one really understands. 

I was delayed twice, once for low blood cells and once for isolation and my whole world changed!!

Anyway I'm feeling stronger this week not looking forward to the next round next Thursday but I only have 1 more after that and then radiotherapy for 3 weeks, but planned a break,we have moved about 6 times,for October so will ask if we can have our break then start the radiotherapy. 

We are all nearly getting there ladies and yes it's been a long trip so far for some, my op was 13th april!! But also we all have a long journey ahead. Let's try and look at the nice things if we can. We've all come this far 💕

[Love running]

@Sammy73 

We all need a good rant. I had a shitty week last week and I was plainly horrible to all around me (my husband, my kids and my friends). 

I got delayed one week in my paclitaxel cycle due to low blood count and got from everyone, it is just one week. One week is nothing! Look at you, you are strong, you can do it. You have made it so far and you continue to train... 

Yes one week is nothing when you have ordered a package and the post office is late, not when you have been in this S.... for 108 days since the first surgery and you know that you still have 7 weeks (in no more delays) of chemo, 5 weeks of radiotherapy, 10 years of tamoxifen...

Yes I am strong, because do I have the choice? No. I am strong because I am the only one that battle this thing inside me.

I was furious and angry with all of them... 

This week is better but I am more vulnerable than I was two weeks ago. 

[Love running]

@Poacher65 Congratulations for going through your final chemo and good luck for the rest of the journey. I cross my fingers for your MRI and wish that the chemo has blasted the tumour to its smallest size.

This week, I also celebrated my friend Lin who I met at the oncology department, she also got her last paclitaxel. It is nice to see your fellow warriors and sisters making it to the next step or to the finish line. 

I have myself reached the 50% milestone and can almost see the light of the end of the tunnel...

Thank you for being part of my journey too.

Take care

[Poacher65]

@Michelle21 @Coastal 

Thanks for the good wishes, they do mean a lot and I would love to stay in touch.

My original plan is that I'm having a therapeutic mamomplasty, so no mastectomy and I  know I am having some nodes removed just not how many. Have no clue what to expect post op wise, pain levels, recovery time, will I have drains? ....so many questions! I know I'm having 15 sessions of radiotherapy over 3 weeks after my op then tamoxifen for 10 years.....haven't had much info on those elements yet though and trying not to read too much as it's not worth the additional worry....ill wait for the team looking after me to explain the facts not the horror stories. 

Chemo hopefully being over is a huge relief...its not easy, I want to enjoy my food again, not be so tired, go in our hot tub with my husband and kids and I can't wait to get my PIC line out on Wednesdayand just enjoy a simple bath!!......but I still have other hurdles to jump so I plan to celebrate when I'm at the finish line with my precious husband,  kids and family and friends who have stuck by me throughout this.

I know none of us can never say never, and getting into remission is not a lifetime guarantee but I want to beat this and be around for years to come and I'll bloody well fight so hard to make it. 

Take care amazing ladies.....xxx

[Sammy73]

Wow @Poacher65 

Congratulations for this bit and full support ahead for the next bit!! 

Any questions about surgery I have had a mastectomy and lymph removal so ask away, if you wish. 

Love of love xx

I 

[Sammy73]

Thank you @Coastal and everyone really. I needed a rant this morning!!

Feeling very emotional too!!

My poor man!! Hes great but looks to the good future to make things easier and better!

I'm in the now today can't shake out of it. 

Does this mean your last!! Wow. Well done you. Im sure it feels weird as it's still a hefty road ahead. Sending love xx

[Michelle21]

@Poacher65 even though you didn’t ring any bells I’m sure the thought of  no more chemo was a relief. Positive thoughts for your MRI, I hope you get good results.  
I think my surgery might be about a week after you but I don’t have a date yet so it would be nice to stay in touch for the next step. 
I totally agree, don’t sweat the small stuff, appreciate our loved ones and live in the moment. Xx

[Poacher65]

Hello all you lovely ladies.

@Michelle21 @noodledoodle @Coastal @Sammy73 @love running

I am Day 4 after my final planned dose of chemo...so in theory now completed this section of the book. I feel rotten as I have after all my Doecetaxal but I know it will pass so just plodding on.

It feels very strange..I didn't want to celebrate or ring the bell as it still feels like I have such a long way to go before I can start to think that I have beaten anything..

I have my MRI booked for next Tuesday 23rd August and have yet to see the oncologist and surgeon again to finalise my surgery which is planned for 16th September. 

I'm praying the last 3 chemo's have also done the job and shrunk the tumor even more as the first 3 did ...and done a good enough job on the lymph nodes so I don't have to have a total clearance...but I accept whatever I need and trust the team to make the right decisions for me.

I really want to thank all of you for allowing me the privilege of being part of your journey as well as helping me through this part of mine....and I wish you all the love, success, happiness and good health for your futures....we are all going to be on this journey for the rest of our lives and I have learnt more than anything to not sweat the small stuff, love those who are precious to you just a little bit more and live for today. 

I will continue to follow you all..

Lots of love xx

[Michelle21]

Is that your final chemo @Coastal or do you have one more? Xx

[Coastal]

@Sammy73 💐💐💐 yes it's a real bastard isn't it!  I'm so sorry that it's been harsh for you.  I couldn't believe how awful the first one was, but second one was definitely not so bad for me.  I'm at the chemo centre now waiting for the third one.  I also find it draining having to be positive to everyone, they all want good news rather than how terrible it can be.  I just seem to cope by ticking the sessions and appointments off my list.

Thank you everyone for your support and lovely comments, I'm sorry I don't respond as much, I do read everything though.  I don't seem to have to good days and then spend these working or with the kids.

Love to everyone XXX ❤️😘

[Michelle21]

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to shout about whatbwe are going through @Sammy73, It bugs me when I get sent a ‘hope it all goes well today’ for chemo when actually the treatment day itself usually runs smoothly it’s the SE’s over the next week that you have to deal with and just when you are feeling a bit more yourself it starts all over again! I guess no one has any idea what it is like to be going through this unless they have experienced it themselves, I don’t want my friends or family to have to do but it’s hard when no one really understands what we are dealing with.  
I hope your SE’s are less for the next 2 but you are right you just need to focus on the here and now and get through each cycle.

I’ve just had my final carboplatin and it has decided to give me a real pasting, the worst I’ve felt so far, just keeping my fingers crossed my white bloods are okay for the final two paclitaxel. Although even that is physically harder as the neuropathy has started on my fingers now as well as my feet! 

@Poacher65  how are things with you? Good luck with you final chemo. 
@noodledoodle Hope carboplatins are still going okay for you. 
@Love running hope you had an enjoyable and relaxing weekend. 
@TicTok glad you enjoyed at least some of your break away, worry about the extra lbs later! 
@Coastal im sure like me you are counting down the days! 

Happy Monday ladies xx