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MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Good night to all of you,

This will be a short message (I will write more tomorrow). 

Tomorrow is (hopefully, I don't dare to fully believe it) my last chemo 16 out 16 (4xEC and 12 paclitaxel). I can't believe this moment is finally happening.

When I started on 3rd of May, 20th of September changed to 27th of September felt so far. Unreachable.

The journey has been long and hard, but without you beautiful ladies, it would have been a harder road. You have been there when I doubted, when I was sad, when I was disappointed, when I fell, you were there comforting me, praising me, inspiring me, encouraging me, listening to me and above all making me smile and laugh at time when I needed it. For that I will be for ever grateful. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Tonight I will sleep dreaming of meeting you in real one day. Good night.

Coastal
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 Ha ha!  I hope I find my next glass of wine delicious - I'm going to try again tonight and hope it tastes better.  My taste buds have been gradually getting back to normal - coffee and tea actually taste nice now yay! so I've gone back to my caffeine habit this week.  Amazing how happy it makes me!  

Re work I don't think you're being a light weight at all!!! I can only go back to work because my job is in no way as pressurised or needing of brain power as yours.  I give social care advice to people but haven't had any client work since my diagnosis so I'm just helping out with administration.  I am concerned about going back to client work though as the chemo really made me muddle headed and yes my short term memory has been shocking!  This does seem to be getting better though - its been nearly 4 weeks since chemo and I feel much more on the ball.  I seem to be able to concentrate more now but my short term memory is definitely not as good as it was.  I can't hold information in my head so readily so I'm tending to write down anything that's important in case I forget it.  The Oncologist said that it just takes time to get better and that the chemotherapy drugs are still working in your body a month after your last one.  So I'm crossing my fingers I'll gradually go back to normal.   

I've agreed with work that I'll try to get back to normal hours/work after radiotherapy.  I'm so glad that your partners haven't put you under pressure to go back and great that you are still getting paid.  I got 6 weeks full pay and then 6 weeks half - not great!  I think it's really important that we focus on ourselves, physically and mentally as much as we can.  Luckily my colleagues have been really helpful and concerned about me so I don't feel the pressure to perform at the moment.    

How your radiotherapy going? I hope ok!  I understand about your concerns about your throat, all aches and pains are a real worry.  As your breast care nurse says it's bound to be fine.  I have worries about my stomach and ribs and have asked my Oncologist for a scan.  They've told me the stomach issue isn't a concern as bc doesn't go into the stomach area, but apparently it can go into the bone, so I may be offered a bone scan.  I'm going to try and not worry too much about it.  

@Michelle21 I'm so glad that all is okay for you post operation.  You will be rocking that model look!  I'm hoping that you are recuperating well and sending you lots of love and positive vibes.  I does make me feel more confident going out for a run (well walk and gentle jog really) and I'm definitely feeling more confident about my new look.  I think we should be really proud of ourselves for going through all of this and still managing to cope and get out there.  I'm amazed that I'm still standing and not in a heap somewhere to be honest.  

@Love running thank you! It always makes me feel stronger and more able to cope reading yours and the groups posts.   I think a really good idea that you use your experience to help others go through chemo/the strains of cancer through training/running - I'd definitely join your groups and wish there was one in my area!  I hope you enjoy your weekend away with your friend and the non alcoholic drinks taste like the finest champagne!  

Hi @delly @TicTok @amy46 @Purpledaze @@and anyone else I might have missed (sorry) - I hope your week has gone well, treatments are not too bad and you have relaxing weekends as much as is possible.   

Lots of love to you all

Nicki xxx

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 

Im so glad your op went well. I found getting one boob removed easier and less sore than expected but of course two is double everything, including exercises, and there is the mental side too. So I didnt want to assume how you would find it. I now have almost full mobility on my op side, and I am so glad I did my exercises religiously. I actually find stretching/yoga even more satisfying now.  Hopefully your recovery will go well. 

I asked ( but was refused) a double mastectomy ( and I understand the reasoning) but I do wish I could have had that. Apart from the medical reasons, as you say, clothes hang so much better on the flatter side.  I didn't bother mentioning that to my monosylabic surgeon  though 😉. Can I ask you, did you discover you had the breast cancer gene, or was it because it was a second primary on the other side that you had a double mastectomy?  There is alot in the media just now about checking ones boobs ( which is great) but lobular ( which I had) does not form a lump in the same way as ductal and is very difficult to feel. I wish there was more awareness of lobular breast cancer in the media and amongst women, especially as lobular does not show up well in a mamogram - my NHS screening mamogram came back clear. I worry I might not detect any lobular on my remaining boob until I get to 5cm again. 

 

I'm having on going issues/worries with my throat. The thrush tablets made no difference, nor have reflux pills and a test for bowel infection come back clear. I was referred for endoscopy and amazingly got an almost immediate NHS appointment but then discovered I needed to self isolate so the long and short of it is I need to wait til after my radio is finished ( another fortnight) as I cant self isolate when that is going on. Im just hoping the throat issue is something innocent - perhaps even stress. I am reassured that my breast care nurse says BC just doesnt spread to the oesophagus. But, as we all know, in this game we worry.

Once I've finished my rads, and hopefully resolved the throat issue, I will definitely get my trainers out. I would love to join you guys anywhere in the UK and even Sweden  for a run. Keep strong everyone. @Love running Hope your last chemo goes well. That will be a big day!! I had 6 sessions ( bad enough) and so I have SOooooo much respect for those of you who have had as many as 16. 💪

💪💪

 

Love to all, Fleur 

 

delly
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hellooo again, all you lovely and brave women,

@Purpledaze I agree with @Michelle21 , about your BRILLIANT motto 

"Boobs Do Not Maketh the Woman". Blummin fantastic. Think it'd be a great idea to have T-shirts printed up with it, to sell on the BCN on-line shop and the Flat Women site.

Michelle - Your's being: "You will soon be looking in the mirror at parts of you RETURNING, not at what is MISSING", has to be equally applauded!! I so hope you're doing well after such a massive and major op.

@Love running - Hope you enjoy you're girlie weekend. Forgive me distracting you all  away from boobs, if I may, and back to our skiing knee injuries. Mine was because my ski binding didn't release when I took a stumble, so my knee took a severe sideways hit. I was in a lesson group, who were all down at the bottom of a slope, impatiently shouting "Come on Adele, stop messing about", whilst I was lying groaning in pain!! 😒 Finally, the instructor, a very handsome, Magnum like moustached Austrian hunk, came bounding up sideways on his skis. I couldn't stand up, knee kept giving way, and in AGONEEEEY! So, finally taking me seriously, unclipped my skis, hooked my arms round his neck, hoisted me up across his chest, and skied me down to the ski-lift. Despite being in so much pain, I couldn't stop smiling!! 😆 as I'm "nuzzling" this hunk's neck and going at an alarming speed! All very "thrilling"!!! At the ski lift, he phoned ahead to the emergency services, to meet me down at the bottom of the next ski lift. I then had him, and another hunk, so now one under each buttock! (again I'm giggling at all this 😆), lift me up and load me onto the lift. I'm then rushed off to the hospital, where I was seen by yet another handsome Orthopedic - is there something about Austrian men?? Badly torn cruciate, hanging by a thread. Put in a full leg plaster and obviously out of action for the last few days of the weeks holiday. But, my boyfriend and I WERE flown back FIRST class, and given the works - champagne, lovely meal, etc. He jokingly said: "Did you do it on purpose for all this attention"!! YEH, if only, ha ha.

Ironically, a couple of years ago, after shopping at a local small supermarket, I loaded my bags into the boot of the car, shut the boot, and then couldn't find my car keys. After retracing my steps through the shop, thought  "Uh Ohhh"!! I'd not only dropped them and locked them in the boot, I hadn't UNlocked the car doors either!! PLUS, My house keys were sitting on the front seat, so I couldn't go home for my spare car key! ARRRGH. Another negative plus - the shop was just closing up for the night too! Had to ask to use their phone to call out the AA. One of the shop attendent guys, soo kindly stayed behind until the AA man arrived, who fed a stiff wire through the door crack, to press the electronic window opening button. Managed to only "half" open a rear window. I'm skinny, so guess who was to climb through? And guess what helped - Yeh - I had a man under each "buttock" again!! Only this time trying to force feed me through the window opening. Set me off in giggles. I couldn't stop laughing, which then just made me "limp", became infectious, and even more the funnier, as they were trying to "shove" or "feed" the hopelessly limp me through the window!

We did it in the end, for me to fall onto the back seat (still giggling), pull it down, and retrieve my keys. YAHOO!!! I hugged and kissed 'em both. Could NOT thank them enough.

What lengths I have to go to, just to have my buttocks "fondled", hey!!! Just wanted to share a few limp giggles with you - in the hope it makes you chuckle.

Lots of love to you ALL, and a big hug, from a definitely DoolallyDelly xX❤️Xx

 

           

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Thanks @Purpledaze 

BOOBS DO NOT MAKETH THE WOMAN

has become my new mantra, it makes me smile each time I think of it! 

@amy46 I have no experience of neutrophils being low but I did have carboplatin and it is harsh stuff. I have been left with numb feet and finger tips, I hope they will be back to normal in a couple of months. It’s not the best but doesn’t stop me doing anything. I assume you are also TN so the main thing is we rid ourselves of that and the rest will sort itself out. 

@Love running  I have seen the ‘chase the sun’ events before but never signed up for them. Let me know which ones you sign up for and I may be there with you. I already have half marathons in March & April and hopefully walking (part of) the Great Wall of China in May. It was postponed due to COVID and is a fundraiser for my cancer hospital. Little did I know when I signed up that I would just be getting over cancer AGAIN!! Life is strange. Your run on 3rd October will be monumental, a real celebration of how far you have come. You will soon be looking in the mirror at parts of you returning not at what is missing. 
Have a great weekend with your friend and get ready for Monday your final chemo 🥳

I love that Fleur, Nicki and Barbara have introduced themselves too, although hard for my little Chemo wrecked brain to remember all of these new names!! 

Have a relaxing, fun, enjoyable, SE free weekend everyone xx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok 

I hope we will both get back our energy level up soon. May be it is the fall coming and the shorter and colder days (and for me the darker days - soon it will be very very dark here). Or it is the length of this treatment that keeps us in the guts. 
But we are almost there. We can make it. We will make it.

I find it harder and harder to watch myself in the mirror because what I see is what I am missing and not what I am getting back. Missing the eyelashes, the eyebrows, the glow, the ‘insouciance’ instead I see tiredness, bags under my eyes, pain and the fear my eyes, anger too.


I, we should see the marks of a warrior that has gone through battle, and came back alive. 

I have been longing for this week-end with my girlfriend for weeks. We had it planned to celebrate the end of chemo but I got delayed, so we are celebrating the almost end of chemo. I know it will give back my mojo for the last stretch.

I wish I could share with you some of my heat by giving you a warm hug to warm you up. 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Love running …… I also gave struggled with energy this week 😞…. I look in the mirror and think how worse can this get ! and where you are hot I feel the chill and sometimes can not get warm at all …. You have a great weekend with your friends and I hope all goes well on Monday xx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 I am sure you rock your look and for that I take my bra off... or both my bras since I still run with two bras 😉

I am glad you had few sprints on the treadmill before the surgery to boost your energy and I am sure your fitness. Every step counts, big or small. 

I saw few events in London for next year, we start dreaming 😍:

London Landmarks Half Marathon in April 

Chase the Sun Battersea 10K - in May 

Cardif is still on the bucket list.

I have got my number and my pink T-shirt for the 'Rosa bandet lidingöloppet' on 3 October (https://www.lidingoloppet.se/sv/site/tcs-lidingoloppshelgen/lopp/rosa_bandet-loppet/). I will run with two of my girlfriends to celebrate hopefully the end of my chemo.

Wish you a speedy recover to put your trainers back on. 

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46 

About neuropathy, it is only now at paclitaxel 11 that I really feel it. I have had tingling in my lips and hands, cold feet and hands when the temperature dropped but nothing permanent. 

This week after paclitaxel 11, I have two toes that are almost constantly numb. I told my medical team but I guess since I am at the end I will my last one anyway.

I had a difficult run yesterday, the hardest one so far. I guess coming to the end is taking a toll on me both physically and mentally. I give myself a break the rest of the week and actually will go on a 2 day week-end with a girlfriend. We will chill in a cabin by the sea, getting ready for Monday.

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @amy46 

I had the same as you, my white blood count dropped after paclitaxel 5 (1.0 neutrophils) and I had to postpone my treatment with one week. 

Since I was given two daily injections of filgrastim to boost the production of white blood cells but I am still borderline each week (1.5-1.6). I still get the treatment now 

Like you, I always felt pretty fine. I have been running and training.

On the positive side, I got paclitaxel 6,7,8,9,10 and 11 without delays. Monday will be last one 😊

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Michelle 21 so pleased all went well for you …. I am sure you will rock your new look, go for it you are confident lady 👍.

amy 46 …sorry can’t help with the cell count dropping . I also like the shower & wig routine 😁wash and go is good 

love to you all xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hello, does anyone here have experience of white count dropping please? my neutrophils were 1.5 today so only just got my Paclitaxol. They said it was probably because I had the Carboplatin added last week but it was a bit of a surprise as I feel pretty much fine. I have the three daily injections of filgrastim so I was hoping o wouldn’t see them so low. Has anyone else had this? Did it pick up again? Thanks x

Purpledaze
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 so glad to hear your op went well. Without a doubt you are as beautiful and strong as we all are - boobs do not maketh the woman 😉

Xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21  Your post really made me smile. You are so right, a good sports bra is expensive 😂 and like you say if you fancy big boobs for a particular occasion you can put them on for the evening instead of having to lug them round all the time! 
I am loving my new super quick shower routine, quick rub of my head with a towel and pop my wig on I’m ready to go! 😊

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Love running  Yes negative pcr so hopefully I’ll get the chemo tomorrow! My children are 13 and 11 you remembered correctly. It’s tough but we have plenty of space so that is lucky. At least now she has had it, just my little boy to go. 
Tomorrow is number 5 for me of 16. I think I have been super lucky with side effects so far. I had a lovely run this morning with the sun shining. My main symptom so far is just feeling ever so slightly fluey sometimes. I actually find doing something helps rather than makes me feel worse. I am worried about the neuropathy later but I will just have to deal with that as and when. Have a good day everyone xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Good morning all! 
In the spirit of the chat at the moment I too am going to be brave and embrace my new look. I am in charge of my thoughts so in my head I am going for the super model look. I am tall, slim-ish (on a good day 😂)  and now have my new flat chest. Not my two old ones which let’s face it the last useful thing they did was feed my two girls, so they are gone! No more bouncing around when I run or paying a fortune for a decent sports bra, who knows I may even get faster times! 🏃🏽‍♀️😂 When I go out and fancy a different shape I will boost up my bra to the size I want and take them off at the end of the evening, what could be simpler!  I shall wear it with confidence! 

Its so nice to hear people on here being inspired to get their trainers out. It find it really helps how I feel about myself. I did a couple of sprints (fast for me) on the treadmill when isolating pre surgery. In reality it was probably too close to surgery to make much difference to my fitness but it made me feel so strong. Soon I will be back running outdoors and I can’t wait. 

Have a good day everyone xx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46 

That really sucks. Did you get your PCR results?

I cross my fingers that you are testing negative to COVID and that your daughter experiences no symptoms and recovers quickly. It must be so hard to isolate under the same roof. It would be almost impossible in our 4 room flat. All restrictions will be ditched by the end of the month here in Sweden. So having my kids getting Covid is my worst nightmare, as they are not vaccinated and they are going to school where social distance is specially hard. It feels like a ticking bomb and it is just a matter of time. 

If I remember well, your kids are 11 and 13. Although they are big enough to understand, they still need hugs and cuddles. My girls are 9 and 13 and they do. Send you lot of courage and strength to go through this other hard time (as if Cancer was not hard enough).

You will also come to the end of it. I started on 3rd of May and now I have only one paclitaxel left next Monday (if all goes fine, fingers crossed). I can't believe that nearly 5 months has passed and I had 15 chemo. It is now that it is the hardest and the longest... I am so longing for this last one and for taking the PICC line off that time is not going fast enough.

Lots of hugs and cuddles, Barbara

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 

My memory is like a macaroni and cheese at the moment. Full of small holes super thick and cheessy. 

I triple book things, forget things and mix things. I even forget names of people I know when I have them in front of me and talk to. So embarrassing. 

On the top of it, I have the attention span of a gold fish. I can't listen to trivial conversations, my brain just switches off and turns around and around in my skull... 

On the job front, I have not worked either through chemo and won't return before the radiotherapy is over. My boss is super supportive. I am in the public sector but not in the UK so my conditions are different and not useful I suppose. But I have not pressure to return until I feel ready. 

I too consider using my experience around running and training through chemo to help other women. I have started at a small scale with one colleague and a friend of a friend. I will reach out to some charity and some running clubs for some voluntary work at some point. 

Hugs, Barbara

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Coastal 

I am glad that you found deep inside you the confidence and the strength to owe your hairdo and not care about what other thinks. The confidence you might have missed in the past, is definitively building up now. Proud of you 😍.

Glad you have started the couch to 5K, it is a good motivator. It is the first step out of the house that is the hardest, then it is only one step at the time... and suddenly you have nailed 10 000 steps. 

I hope I can go for a run tomorrow morning - Wednesdays are usually my good days for running but after my last treatment on Monday (only one left now) I am so tired. We will see, no expectation put on myself. I will go with the flow.

I have planned a 2 day retreat with a friend this week-end. We have rented a cabin by the sea. We are gourmets and we like food and wine but since I am not drinking yet, I made a selection of non-alcoholic wine, bubbly and beer. We will have a pseudo tasting and rate them. I want to be optimistic and believe that at least one wine taste OKish. Non-alcoholic beer is actually not too bad (says the woman coming from a non beer drinking country). I am longing for a nice expensive glass of red wine and a glass of champagne as soon as my taste returns. Like you I am a bit afraid that it won't taste good, so I will wait until after radiotherapy (basically until Xmas 😫). 

Hugs, Barbara

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 

I hope you could go home and that you can rest now.

As Sherk says: 'better out than in' and I am sure that the nurse was glad you missed her😉

Wish you a good night of sleep

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Love running 

I totally understand why you didn’t tell your mum. It’s an interesting thing but at the beginning of diagnosis so many people said to me ‘it’s all about you now, you must concentrate on yourself, don’t worry what others think etc’ but I quickly learnt this isn’t not really true. So much of it is about managing other people’s worries and fears and about how they cope. My dad has some mental health issues and I did consider not telling him as I find my worry for him has escalated now. I think we all

just do what we do for the best reasons at the time. 
The midsummer celebration sounds amazing. I love the longer days. 
I am anxiously awaiting covid pcr to see if I can have my chemo on Thursday. My daughter tested positive on Saturday and is now isolating in her room away from me which I’m finding really hard. I don’t feel quite so great physically this week after the added Carboplatin last Thursday. Not awful just a bit fluey. Did anyone else have that?

I am so happy for people here that you are coming to the end of your treatments. It gives me hope for getting through. Each day feels quite long at the moment especially now I can’t have cuddles with my family. 
I hope you all find something to make you smile today xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi Ladies thanks for all of your positive vibes all went well with the op. I did manage a bit of projectile vomit narrowly missing the nurse, oops! But felt much better after it. 
looking forward to breakfast and to going home. Xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Love running 

I totally understand why you didn’t tell your mum. It’s an interesting thing but at the beginning of diagnosis so many people said to me ‘it’s all about you now, you must concentrate on yourself, don’t worry what others think etc’ but I quickly learnt this isn’t not really true. So much of it is about managing other people’s worries and fears and about how they cope. My dad has some mental health issues and I did consider not telling him as I find my worry for him has escalated now. I think we all

just do what we do for the best reasons at the time. 
The midsummer celebration sounds amazing. I love the longer days. 
I am anxiously awaiting covid pcr to see if I can have my chemo on Thursday. My daughter tested positive on Saturday and is now isolating in her room away from me which I’m finding really hard. I don’t feel quite so great physically this week after the added Carboplatin last Thursday. Not awful just a bit fluey. Did anyone else have that?

I am so happy for people here that you are coming to the end of your treatments. It gives me hope for getting through. Each day feels quite long at the moment especially now I can’t have cuddles with my family. 
I hope you all find something to make you smile today 😊♥️

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

good morning @ michelle21

I hope your op went fine yesterday and that you are recovering well. 

lots of gentle hugs for a speedy recovery ❤️‍🩹 . Take care

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Good morning @delly 

How could I miss Alicia Vikander, she is Swedish!!!! And I like her as an actress too.

I wish I would look like her or one of the others instead of a hybrid between yoda and a teletubbie. 😂😂😂
My hair has started to grow but mostly  like a crown around my head like a man going bald. My daughters had a good laugh last night about it. I love how they are cool about it and not ashamed at all of their mum’s look. My youngest had a friend dropping by on Friday and I forgot to wear my cap. Jeanne did not mind at all and her friend neither. I love kids, they don’t care.

Regarding my ACL, I ruptured it skiing too, February 2020, a little low speed fall on an ice patch. I did not feel much pain at the time and believe or not I tried to first ski down and then walk down the slope before realizing that my knee did not hold my weight any longer… fell three times before accepting to have the rescue get me with the snow scooter. Stubbornness is one of my qualities, I guess. It is only once at the doctors’ office that the pain kicked in. 😱😩😩😩😩

Unfortunately and fortunately, covid kicked in too and all surgeries were postponed. I did not get mine until end of October 2020. I say fortunately because I went through rehab and it was the best thing I did. My physiotherapist is a rock star. She was supporting me and pushing me exactly how I needed. I managed to come back in good shape (could even run by the summer) before the surgery. This meant that after the surgery, my rehab went super fast and started slowly running again beginning of February 2021. Then I got BC, but that’s another story. The surgeon was great too, I got a full ACL replacement, she even showed me the video of the procedure. So cool (I’m a scientist so I like this kid of things) when she pulled through the knee the new ligament and when she cut the remaining old one. As soon as I am done with radiotherapy I will go back to my rehab to finish it. I have tried to continue my rehab exercises myself through chemo so I hope I have not lost too much.
I just booked a skiing holidays in February  2022 with my family. I am not sure if I will ski downhill or not.  I will give it a try at least. Otherwise I will return to snowboarding or to cross-country skiing. I love skiing so I hope I can overcome the fear. 
It is nice to hear that after 25 years your knee is still strong. I hope it will be the same for me and that I can keep on running. I do feel my knee is different but it does not prevent me to do anything. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻


Have a good day

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 
Good luck today. Send you lots of strengths, positive energy and vibes. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

Purpledaze
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 all the very best for your op tomorrow - will be sending strength, energy and healing vibes through the air waves! xx

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Coastal I opened a bottle of red this week too - I confess I found it absolutely delicious! The problem with living alone ( or in my case with a 16 year old) is that the responsibility of finishing it is all on me! I'm treating myself to a single glass each night but will hopefully leave enough to make a stew to take through to my son at Uni. Opening a bottle will not be a weekly occurence (unfortunately) ! But one has to take pleasure in the small things 😊

Well done you for getting back to work. I wonder if I'm being a bit of a light weight waiting until after my radiotherapy. I'm a partner in a law firm and my partners have not put me under any pressure timewise. In fact (typical Scottish men?) they have not even raised the topic with me - I just keep on getting paid. Does anyone know what you would generally get in the public sector?? Is it 6 months full pay, then half pay? I plan to get back soon after radiotherapy with a phased return so that I am totally up and running by Christmas. But this is the first time off Ive had (other than babies) in 30 years. God, I needed it. In fact one of my first thoughts after I was diagnosed was, great, now I can have some time off work. 😂 Ridiculously revealing on my career. The thing is I can do that job, and I dont think I could do anything else. I would like to turn my experience of getting though a sudden/unexpected divorce and cancer to help others facing similar challenges but that would usually be unpaid work/volunteering and the reality is as a single mother ( funding two kids through uni on my own) I need to be paid. I do sometimes worry that my chemo brain might let me down once I get back to work. Have you had any issues with memory etc? 

 

I also worry about facing colleagues although generally I think cancer/chemo has made me braver. I lack confidence too in some areas of my life but now I just think f*** it. If I can face cancer, I can face anything. 

@Michelle21 - All the very best for tomorrow . 

 Fleur xx 

Coastal
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hope everyone is having a good weekend, it's nearly 3 weeks since my last chemo and I'm feeling so much better.  I've been motivated by you all to try running and have started the couch to 5K, which feels really positive - it's been really good to get me out of the house as well as I've become a bit of a hermit (not a good thing).  It's made a real difference reading your positive posts - thank you! 

@Love running yes, that's exactly how I felt when my colleague was tearful with me - the shock they felt seeing me and the confirmation that I look different.   It did really shake my confidence (and I do struggle with confidence generally).  However, I've now got over the first couple of team meetings on zoom - I've tried to be resolutely positive and they've now started to treat me normally which is a relief.  It's actually made me feel a bit more bullish about my lack of hair and I've started to leave my hair coverings off.  I've got a v thin covering of grey hair with shiny bald patches on my crown, and if people don't like it I don't really care!  So... I'm embracing my new look with a bit more bravery now.  

@Michelle21 really good luck tomorrow with your op, I will be thinking of you and hope it all goes smoothly. 

@gardengirl200 Yes!  I found it really upsetting - reading it after the last chemo was v stressful - she has a manic tone which really brought me down as well, and like you I need to believe in my Oncologists and conventional medicine.  I've got the Complete Guide to Breast Cancer and have re-read that - much more balanced and objective.  I've done the same as you, foodwise although have been enjoying tea and coffee again after not being able to stand it during chemo.  Also had a glass of red wine for the first time in months last night - actually didn't taste nice which was a disappointment!   I start radiotherapy on the 27th - good luck for you tomorrow!  I'm started letrozole also this week.  

@Sammy73  thank you for your kind words, I'm so sorry to hear about your shingles, I hope you're okay!  Awful to have to postpone any treatment, I know how emotional that is.  It did feel so amazing to do my last one and get the hideous pic line out - hoping this last week wizzes by for you! 

Thank you again everyone! for all of your bravery and your wise words, I hope everything is going as well as it can be for you all.  

Lots of love Nicki xxx  

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 

All the best for tomorrow. I think I was so chilled from isolating for 4 days b4 I was ready and felt so glad after it had happened. Be your strong self and you will be fine xx

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok so glad to hear, I felt so much better being in control and ready. So so pleased, 1 more to go for me!!! Cant wait for a planned break b4 radiotherapy xxx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Thanks @TicTok  I am looking forward by to getting it done. Good to hear you had a better time on docetaxol. X

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Sammy 73 …..just to say thank you for the tips of dealing with Docetaxal 👍 had a much easier time ….. thanks ever so much 😁.

hope all you ladies have a good weekend xx

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Michelle 21 I wish you all the very best for mon , hope all goes well for you xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @delly 

😂 no problem, its easily done!

Thank you, I am having a nice weekend, although i wish I’d got some face masks and feet masks in. I could of made it a real pampering weekend as we are stuck at home! 

Thanks again for sharing and supporting 

Michelle xx

delly
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi again @Michelle21

Just a quickie to say, sorry, I got you mixed up with love running, ref your friends friend who lost her daughter at 16.

I sooo hope all goes well with your op on Monday. I'm sure you're being so healthy will stand you in good stead for your healing and recovery. Hope you have a restful weekend. Cosset yourself, flower.

I'll be thinking of you 🤗 ❤️

Lots of love to you all, DoolallyDelly xX❤️Xx

 

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @Love running well Done on your 10.7k, it is true running with friends does make a run easier, chatting is a good distraction.  Good luck with the Forest femmes I hope they are able to help you set up a group.

I would be more than happy to travel to London for our meet up next year, I’m looking forward to it already! Mind you my diary is pretty empty at the moment! I’m happy to help organise it as well. 

delly
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi again, brave ladies

@Love Running - Thanks for your thanks, darlin. But really, I'm only giving praise where it's DESERVEDLY DUE ❤️ But of course it's leaves you/us with a huge empathy for any other women having to go through this gawd awful Ffffflippin disease (exchange that F word for a less polite one!)  as you all are on here. I've certainly found I'm faaar more sympathetic and compassionate towards ANY one going through major struggles, be they physical ones, or, since my own major probs with Bipolar - mental ones. I don't have kids, but it must be one of the worst things to lose a child at a any age, whether from a fatal disease or tragic accident. But to lose an otherwise physically healthy daughter at 16 to suicide. Jeeeez - your poor friends friend. My brother hung himself 2012 and he was 56, so at 16?!! My god. What a horribly dreadful thing to be left with, have to deal and cope with. Leaves you with a load of "If Onlys" - if only I'd known how bad he/she was, if only he/she had said something, talked about how bad they'd been feeling.

Don't forget to add Alicia Vikander in Ex Machina to your list of stars without any or little hair. She looked stunning 😊 Even though it was "deliberate", as opposed to a side effect of treatments that many of you are going through. Uh-Oh, Delly's bra's coming off again to you all again! lol 😘

Incidentally, love running, have you had your torn knee "cruciate ligament" fixed?? I had an ACLR op (Anterior Cruciate Ligament Replacement) in 1995. It was fantastic. The surgeon who did the op (am in S. Manchester area) helped "pioneer" the procedure, so I felt myself extremely fortunate and honoured. Even more, when he told me as I was lying on the op "table", that I was his first "woman" - to give the operation to that was!! 😃 Often a male footballer injury, mine was from a skiing accident, and needless to say, I never wanted to go skiing AGAIN!! The operated knee is actually stronger than the other one 😍 Been absolutely brill.   

@Michelle21 and @Cumbrian Lady - Michelle, I'm sooo pleased your appointment went so well, with a different surgeon. And Cumbrian Lady, that you had a much better experience, with a sudden and fortunate change of surgeon from your original one, who didn't evoke much confidence. As if it isn't bad enough, hey. Despite my not having a much wanted immediate recon with my 1st, he was a lovely guy, and did a great job. Many doctors and medics have often remarked "What neat scars" when I've HAD to take my "top", and "bra" off (for, not TO as you all) for various checks 😆

Much love to you all, Dellywelly  x X ❤️ Xx      

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @amy46 I have also said amongst friends that I am the fittest of the lot and thought doing all of the right things seems to have got me nowhere. Like you I have myself a talking to!  It is easy to look at other people and wonder why I have cancer and they don’t and I was having that exact thought when I was walking with a friend in the park not long after my second diagnosis and two women similar age to me jogged passed chatting. I was so envious of them with their perfect lives (in my head). Once they had passed my friend told me that last year the daughter of one of the women committed suicide, she was only 16. That has to be the worst thing in the world. It made me realise I don’t really know what’s going on with other people and I just have to try and be grateful for what I do have. It’s not always easy though especially when I hear friends moaning about trivial things! 😠

I changed to vegan when I was diagnosed in March. I agree with you I don’t think it changes prognosis , I didn’t eat a lot of meat before but like you say it made me feel in control of something when everything else seemed so out of control. 
Im back to eating fish now but we haven’t gone back to milk. 
On paper we sound quite similar don’t smoke or drink, healthy eaters and runners both with TN BC. I strongly believe that being healthy helped me through chemo in 2018 and recently, and I’m sure running or walking if you can’t do a run will help you.

I have been through the carboplatin regime so if you have any questions I’m happy to answer them if I can. 

Michelle xx

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46 ps - also shaved my head after 2nd chemo to no 2. It fell out fairly soon after that but not completely, even though I didn’t cold cap. I left little dark hairs wherever I went over a few week period. But I have a black lab so I was never sure whose hair was whose! 

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46my kids are 18 and 16 so a bit older  than yours. I thought long and hard about how to tell them.  I am a single parent, my husband having left very unexpectedly ( for me and the kids anyway ) 3 years ago. I decided to wait until I had all the results from the BC clinic ( my BC is lobular so I needed an MRI scan at the outset) so that I didn’t worry them until I had all the info and I was as able as possible to answer questions they had. I told them 2 or 3 days before my mastectomy and I have always been very positive on the info I have given them. I knew nothing about BC before diagnosis  and it is a steep learning curve. I realise in some ways I am lucky as I had my mastectomy at the outset and was able to tell my kids ( echoing what the BC nurse told me) following the mastectomy that I am ‘now cancer free’ and the follow on chemo and rads being belt and braces. Of course I know it’s not that simple; I was stage 3 with 2 lumps, the largest being 50mm and positive lymph node. I think ( one can never be sure) that the kids  aren’t  worrying too much. As teenagers they are fairly self absorbed. So I am doing all the worrying for them. I did tell my daughter’s school. My son was at Uni. I am glad your kids are coping well. I suspect they take the tone you set.

Have you been following Rosamund Dean’s articles in the Sunday Times? I’m fairly sure she had triple neg BC snd her articles in Style follow her journey. I found her really inspirational and I now follow her on Instagram. She was diagnosed last December. First article in Jan I think.  I like surrounding myself with positive women!  ( hence being in here!) . Xx 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Good morning @delly 

What a tough journey you had. Despite all the downs you have gone through and the brown c... coming your way, you are there cheering for us and sharing your journey, knowledge and wisdom. Thank you.

I am looking forward to be like you a xxxx year survivor telling other women how awesome they are and to keep on fighting. Thank you.

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @delly thanks so much for your reply. It’s good to hear from someone else with two primaries, especially someone who is still here so many years on. 
It sounds like you have had a really difficult time getting a recon. I completely understand about life getting in the way, I lost my mum in June whilst I was having chemo. I spent so much time crying I didn’t know if I was crying for me, for her or for both of us. 
I don’t have the option of  implants as the surgeon said they never really get good results when out in post rads. I have a lot of rad damage on my right side. Here they don’t do immediate DIEP and the waiting list is 3 years but actually I am fine about waiting because I want to spend those years travelling and living life! 
It’s good to hear you don’t have any problems with having both arms full ANC. I have just visited the lymphoedema clinic this morning and she said there is only 1% difference in my arms so nothing visible. I am already very protective of that arm and will continue to with the left side too. 
Thanks again for your reply it’s always good to hear the story of a ‘survivor’ especially as like me you have been unlucky enough to have it twice.
Michelle xx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Good morning,

All the encouragements from your side about the running club for BC patients are making their way into my brain. I will dig into it. Most of the physical activities are post cancer and on the rehab side. From my reading, I found other women that run through chemo, but it seems like a lonely activity. I did the same, I run alone until now.

This morning I went out with my old running buddy. I had not run with her because I am so slow nowadays.  We used to talk all the time while running (2 French girls running and talking about their Swedish husbands 🙄) and I thought I would not be able to talk and run and it would ruin it for me. You know the feeling of the life before which is gone... But this morning I reached out  to her and we run slowly as before talking all the way. I was quite breathless at times and asked her to do the talking and I answered by mumbling, we also walked up all the hills. At the end, I run 10.7 km with her. I am so proud of myself. It comforted me that in teams or group, it is easier. So, it is worth looking into creating running club for us.

There is a female only running group in Stockholm, called 'forest femmes'. It is free to join and they run in the forest every Wednesday evening together in group depending on your abilities (from beginners to advanced runners). The group started because when it gets dark in Sweden in the fall and winter (and it gets really dark, believe me), women did not feel running alone in the forest. I will reach out to them and see whether I could branch out a group.

And if we are serious about running together next year as a 'May starters' group in one of the BC event, where would it be most convenient? You are all spread across the country (Wales, Scotland...) and it would mean some travelling. Would London be the easiest to reach from across the country? and from Sweden 😀

Anyway thank you all for your support and encouragements. I got so much energy from you. I cannot thank you enough.

Love to you all

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @amy46 

Same here for me - my 13 (then 12) year old shaved my head when the time came. At the moment, I was quite emotional. Like @TicTok and you I left the stubble (cut it to 3 mm). According to my kids, I look cool with my cow pattern, bald patches and hairy patches. It took may another 2, 3 weeks to get it more even. But I never went all bald and I never shave it fully either.

I became a cap fan... and embrace the hiphop, skater look 😂 at 48 year old - my kids love it, so I try to owe the look.

My hair has started growing back lately - now at paclitaxel 10, it starts to look almost like a hair cut again. Still missing the thickness (my hair are still social distancing - one hair every 2 m). But I see a change every week. So I have decided that as soon as one don't see the scalp any more (and my huge scars from a sledge accident when I was 10) I will go capless and try to embrace the 'Sigourney Weaver in Alien, Nathalie Portman in Vendetta or Charlize Theron in Mad Max'... Just to say that I am short and curvy so the similarity with these women stops with the hair cut 😎

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi Amy yes my husband shaved mine just after my 2nd chemo , as like you left the stubble but I didn’t actually go totally bald as the stubble stayed there I also use oil on my scalp , just starting to grow now after my 6th chemo x

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

I have one more question for you lovely ladies. I shaved my hair to a grade 2 at the weekend as loads was coming out. How long will it take until I’m completely bald?? I was advised not to shave to the skin as you can get problems around the follicles - red and bumpy apparently. But I’ve got this lovely scalp oil to use and I’m wondering how long it will take for the rest to come out. Did any of you do a total shave? Any problems? Thank you x 

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @Love running 

Thank you. I am hopeful it will do the job for me too. So far no real side effects from the injections so who knows maybe the running does help! 
I had a great run in the rain yesterday. Increased my distance just a little bit. Xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 

Your post really struck a cord with me when you said you answer the health question with ‘I’m totally fit and healthy apart from the fact I keep getting cancer’

Apart from my triathlon loving husband I am probably one of the fittest people I know!! It’s so bloody unfair!! I eat well, no red meat, plenty of fruit and veg, exercise regularly, pretty much hit 20,000 steps every day, don’t smoke, not much alcohol. Living a healthy lifestyle was a big focus for me and then wham. BC hit me like a tonne of bricks. It really made me question why I bothered. I kept walking past people smoking thinking why me then? Even getting a pedicure I had to tick a box saying I was having treatment for cancer which really upset me. It felt like I had to completely reassess who I was. My image of myself as fit and healthy had gone. But eventually I had a word with myself and decided to try and be a fit healthy person having treatment for cancer. So I looked to improve again my diet, cut out alcohol and have tried to keep up with my exercise inspired by some of you ladies on here that it was possible. If I’m honest I don’t think becoming vegan or completely cutting out alcohol has any impact on prognosis as long as you are eating a well balanced diet. For me it is more about regaining some control when I felt totally at sea. Anyway I’m rambling on - been up for ages as once i am awake that’s it, the old brain goes into overdrive! Have a good day xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 

Morning. All of this is scary but I find things easier to deal with when I’m well informed and I find all you ladies here inspire me with your strength. It gives me lots of hope to see you coming to the end of your chemo journeys. I’m ok with the injections. I’m a doctor myself so lots of the medical things probably bother me less. I have been lucky so far and had few side effects although tomorrow I get the double whammy with Paclitaxol and Carboplatin for treatment number 4 (I’m having 12 weeks Paclitaxol with the Carboplatin every three weeks then 4 cycles of EC not sure why it’s this way round as from

what I can see most people get the EC first)  my cancer is TNBC which really scares me for the same reason one of the other ladies mentioned - it could come back elsewhere and I won’t know until I get symptoms. I didn’t have lymph node involvement but even so it’s bloody scary. I’ve had to put this in a box to deal with later as I need all my focus for the chemo at the moment. I have a lot of things in boxes at the moment!

How old are your children? Mine are 11 and 13. I have been in awe of how well

they are coping so far. It helps I think that I haven’t looked or felt poorly yet. Xxx