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MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Purpledaze
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi everyone, I haven't written for a while as one-handed typing is not my forte 😂 I had surgery on my wrist last week, now a bit more "bionic" LOL but still several weeks of plaster cast & being a one armed bandit!

It has been an excellent distraction from all things BC - not that I'm recommending breaking a wrist, @amy46!! I hear you about the brain not switching off. Like Michelle I try and stay in the moment and when I wake up at night worrying I promise myself I will allow myself 20 minutes of dedicated worry the next day, and then I try and remember all the names of characters in a TV series / film / book, to try and get my mind yo switch tracks. Easier said than done. Aromatherapy also works well for me to help distract my thoughts or calm my mind. I don't follow any specific 'recipes', just any aromas I like. And being physically active & tired really helps me too. But even then the worries creep up, so then I try to give them dedicated but "contained" time, 15 - 30 minutes. If that makes sense.

In the meantime, waiting for my end of treatment appt with my oncologist - not for another 2 weeks...

My hubby's treatment has been rough, so it's felt like I've been reliving chemo mayhem all over again. But I'm using every ounce of my knowledge and experience of it all to support him thru.

Hope today is a good day for you all. Sending strength and peace of mind to you all xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@delly  Thank you. This makes a lot of sense but as Michelle says doesn’t take away the fear. It does help though to see a lot of my anxieties written down and addresses as valid and important. I am thinking about sending a copy of this to some of my friends and family when I finish my treatment, I think it might help them to understand what I’m facing moving forward. Thank you x

delly
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 - Hi Michelle darlin.

Yeh, I get what you mean. Mine only having been a year later, so was less "settled". I would think it much worse for YOU after 3 yrs, and probably feeling that much more lulled? (Mmm??) back into "some" sense of security/normality again. So That much MORE of kick in the teeth, when you've started picking yourself up again - well kick's putting it mildly hey.

I'm really glad you've healed well after such a massive op, Michelle ❤️ Hope all goes well and successfully with the rest of your treatments, without you suffering too many side effects.🤞

Same goes to all the rest of you. I still pop in to have a read/catch up on all of you, see how you're doing.

Loads of love to everyone,  Delly   x ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

  

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi Delly

Nice to hear from you and thanks for the link. I have read this before and indeed recommend it. I found it helpful but unfortunately it doesn’t take away the fear. I think like you say the only thing that really helps is time. I was 3 years on from my first diagnosis and was feeling really positive about the future but I think this time it will take me longer. 
What I try to think is that I am here today and feel healthy so enjoy it. As each day goes by I will feel better and when I hopefully get to the magic 5 years will perhaps start to think about a future again. X

delly
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi Warrior Ladies

Please forgive me butting in again.

I know many of you have still yet to finish your treatments, but with regards to worries of it coming back or "how to move on afterwards", you may find this link helpful tp read.

Much of really is down to time. Took me to my 5th annual check-up and being signed off, to stop worrying. Gradually got pushed to the back of my mind, rather than my waking thought, or a frequent thought.

I'm often promoting the link below, that one of our Forum champions, Jaybro/Jan introduced me to a no. of years ago now. She was recommended to it by a nurse, and we've just been saying on another thread, that it should be given out to everybody having to go through BC/any cancer, to help.

Have a read, it really helps to put things in perspective, how it leaves you feeling and how to cope better. Hope it helps.  

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-wha...

Keep on running and kicking. Lots of love to you all,  Delly  xXx 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Amy 46….. glad you had a nice Birthday with your family …. I am the same as you I can’t get by the how long before it comes back etc etc I hope when I start to feel better I can move forward and look to better times ahead 

 

michelle 21 last cycle has been much better than the last one thank goodness, still struggling to eat but no sickness so far ….I haven’t found out yet as I don’t speak to my surgeon till the 15th so hopefully all will be revealed then .

love to all you ladies ….. hang on in there we will get through this xxx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @amy46 @just a quick note as I have Spanish lesson today. If I think the night is going to be a problem I take a Piriton tablet before I go to sleep. It seems to keep me asleep all night or if I do wake for the toilet I go straight back. 
Generally if my head starts to wonder I try really hard to focus on what I am doing right that second and try to change the subject in my head. It’s not easy but I seem to be doing ok at the moment. Although as you know some times are better than others. 
yes I take 75mg of asprin. 
Obviously I’m not suggesting you or anyone else take any of these tablets I ‘m just saying what I am doing. 
Glad the run helped xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21  You are so right about trying to live in the moment, im just finding it really hard to do. Any tips on how to stop my brain starting to whir with unpleasant thoughts when I wake at night? this is a real problem for me at the moment. 
The run was good, I’m so slow and I only did 4km but the sun was shining and it was beautiful out in the fields. 
I’ll let you know if I find any more info on the statins. Are you taking 75mg aspirin? Xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @gardengirl200 shame about the chocolate fondant especially having to eat all of those ‘failed’ attempts 😂 

How is work going? I’m in awe of you going back already although it must be a good distraction for the mind. You mention denial but I think it is more about distracting your mind, I am doing similar. 

My toe nails are a bit dark in colour but all still in situ at the moment. My right side that has had rads before is also darker and red from 2018. I had a lumpectomy then and the rads made it firmer and more pert than the other side! Of course they have both gone now so I will have to see how it affects my mastectomy. 
I hope work goes well and more importantly that the fondant is perfected soon! 

@Sammy73 I hope you are feeling better from your rads. I definitely underestimated the affect last time, my skin broke quite badly and was sore for a few weeks afterwards. You can’t have long to go now. Is that treatment finished for you then?

@Purpledaze how are you and your husband doing? Sending you hugs.

@TicTok how’s your last cycle? Did you find out if it is a year of herceptin? 

@Love running how is it back in Sweden? Cold? Winter has arrived here today it’s much colder but lovely blue sky.  I joined a running club last night, having spent years just running with my dog. I thought it will do me good to mix it up a bit and I have to say I enjoyed it and will be going again on Wednesday. I hope all is good with you.

I hope everyone else is doing well as we are all getting nearer to the end of our treatments and trying to wean ourselves back into living. Xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @amy46  im sorry to hear you are feeling low. I know how hard it can be when you feel like that. Things I do to try and pick myself up are to remind myself that more people survive this than don’t and something I am trying really really hard to do at the moment is to live in the present. Sometimes this means just thinking about the very second that I am in and not thinking ahead at all. It can take all of my concentration and focus but if my mind starts to wonder I bring it back to the here and now. Life is so tough for us at the moment but worrying about what could happen makes it that much harder and life is certainly easier if you feel happier. 
It sounds like your second onc wasn’t any more open to the statins than the first. I haven’t seen mine to mention it to but I have been reading about it and have asked a friend who is a pharmacist to look into it. something I have done is  start taking low dose asprin, I know it’s not proven to work as yet but there are lots of trials and it doesn’t do any harm so I’m thinking that why wouldn’t I do all that I can? I guess in defence of the oncologists they are scientists who deal in proven facts and can’t prescribe anything that hasn’t gone through trials for that purpose however I feel that they should listen to us and not be dismissive. I will let you know of the reaction I get from my onc when I see her. 
I hope the run has helped to lift your spirits x

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 
thank you. It was ok I guess. I am finding the oncologists very reluctant to discuss anything other than standard conventional treatment. I am interested in looking at some other drugs which maybe be useful in reducing breast cancer recurrence but are not currently used in breast cancer. I would just like to have a conversation without them rolling their eyes at me!

She showed me the breast cancer predict thing for the first time which kind of freaked me out too seeing my prognosis as those little icons. I also found out I’ll need three weeks rather than 1-2 radiotherapy as I’d been told so by the time I went upstairs for my double dose chemo I was in a bit of a state.  Have felt the usual rubbish after the Carboplatin too but I think i am coming out of it now and on the bright side that was my last carbo. 2 more Paclitaxol then onto the EC. 

It was my birthday on Saturday too. What a strange one. My family were wonderful, my son made me the most beautiful card and my daughter made me an amazing cake. So lovely, but hard not to have the thoughts of how many more I will be here for. Im struggling with the fear of recurrence at the moment. Does it get any better as you come towards the end of treatment I wonder? My oncologist says I’ve got a good prognosis although they don’t like grade three TN tumours. I just can’t get out of my head that it’s going to come back. 

Sorry that wasn’t the most cheerful post. I’d love to see some pics of your fondants as you make them!
The sun is shining here, I’m planning to try a short slow run this morning to see if I can lift my spirits . Love to all

you ladies xx

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46  ps, hope the chemo and oncologist meeting went well. 

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Sammy73 Thank you for sharing. Hope you had ok week of rads overall. I think what you say about the effects of rads being more significant than can sometimes be first apparent is correct.  I have noticed my skin has darkened in the entire area treated and this only happened after the active treatment ended. Also, I had regained almost full mobility in my arm/ shoulder after my mastectomy but following rads it’s really tightened up again. I must try to start back on the arm exercises. 

Also, a delayed effect of the chemo I think, not the rads, but my big toe nail fell off on Wednesday in its entirety. It wasn’t even that sore, it must have been coming away for weeks. Anyone else had this? 

@amy46 thank you for your kind and supportive words. I start back at work on Monday but spent last week cramming some CPD training and dealing with logistics and IT so I kind of feel I’m already back. As I logged on and the 600 emails I had missed downloaded I really did question whether I feel up to it!  I don’t mind everyone knowing why I’ve been off ( although I don’t want anyone’s pity, sympathy yes, pity, no) but people knowing might make it easier for me to delegate more and say no to stuff. I also worry that I might not be as switched on as before/ make mistakes. We will just have to see. 

Chocolate fondant update. Another batch. Still not perfected. I will get there, I may just have to be carried out the house on a crane. 

xx 

 

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 @amy46 @Michelle21 @Love running and anyone else 

Morning  just thought I would share......

I had a chat with BC nurse that is based in the Radiotherapy centre as I was worried about the queasyness and I'm very swollen around my implant and armpit, not really sure how I'm supposed to feel. It's all quite normal apparently. She was saying it's quite normal for everyone having Rads after chemo to think they can go back to the norm!! But this is really a time to still be kind to ourselves, are bodies are still going through something huge especially with all the hormone treatment too. 

Lots of rest and fluids. 

Everyone is different and will feel different around the treated area depends on the surgery they have had. 

Be kind to ourselves ladies!!

Eat that cake if you want it. 

Love to all xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200  now this post really made me smile - I love how you talk about your friends and your kids and how they make life so very special for you. If you decide you want a new relationship later I think any man would be lucky to have you, regardless of how many boobs you have. 
It sounds to me like baking and sweet treats are an important part of your life. Maybe now is not the time to be denying yourself the things that bring you pleasure? 

How are you feeling about going back to work? It fills me with dread at the moment mostly because I will have to see literally hundreds of people who will all know I’ve been off and why. 
To finish on a good note, I actually had a good time in devon, I tried to enjoy the time with my family rather than let fear and anxiety ruin the good times. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t but for the most part it did over the last few days. Just got a bit down heading home today as double whammy chemo tomorrow and also seeing a new oncologist as I have been struggling to ‘bond’ with mine. Bit nervous about it to be honest although I’m not sure why! 
Love to you all xx

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 

@amy46 

 Sugar is definitely my weakness too. It was my birthday last week snd was inundated with baking / cake and chocolate so I decided this week would be a new start. Had arranged a walk with friends and they unexpectedly produced a birthday cake so the new start did not start well. Today I have had a long arranged baking day with a friend who had promised to teach me how to make the perfect chocolate fondant. We made 3 different recipes/ batches - 12 chocolate fondants in total - and none of them worked! They either collapsed or turned to cake but we managed to eat 6 of them! I feel totally sick with chocolate and it’s yet another set back on the ‘less sugar’ plan!!!  I am a hopeless case. 

It is annoying if sugar does make a difference because in every other respect I’ve been so healthy. Ive been thinking about it and just remembered today that as well as diet/ fitness, I have never been on the pill, and I breast fed 2 kids for over a year each. Was that not supposed to give protection? However, I have been reading abit about insulin and instinctively, regardless of cancer, I feel  it’s not good to have these sugar spikes. So will definitely reduce. There is certainly scope! 

@Sammy73 Sorry u felt a bit sick after radio. But nearly half way!

@amy46 sorry u feeling a bit down again. It is bloody tough mentally. I think I live most of the time slightly in denial that this is happening to me. As I think I have bored u all with already, until 3 years ago, I thought I had the fairly perfect life; good career, great friends, wonderful kids, and a happy marriage ( or so I thought) until a fortnight before my 50th birthday my husband left completely out of the blue. He had been having an affair and I had not suspected anything. It was such a shock and felt incredibly brutal at the time. And imho a man less likely to do that you could not meet. And then 2 years later I get breast cancer. And stage 3. I sometimes feel very sorry for myself. I hate the fact I still have dreams where we are still together and yet he is now married to someone else! I hate the fact that meeting someone new will be very tricky post cancer especially with only one boob! But I have also had revealed to me how wonderful life is even without my husband and how grateful I am for my amazing friends. I sometimes just have to not think about the cancer. And just focus on my kids snd the fun bits of my life. I don’t know whether denial is a good plan but I think one can only cope with so much and one thing life has taught me, there’s no point worrying cos generally it’s the things you are NOT worried about that bite you! 
And although I’ve been thinking about diet etc; it’s possible/ even probable  the stress of my divorce was a factor. So I’m trying to reduce stress too. I’m  due back at work on Monday but am determined not to be sucked into that over the top workload. And if it doesn’t work, I will sell up, down size and become the oldest chalet girl in the alps making bad chocolate fondants. And I genuinely would if only I could get myself an EU passport! 
Have a good week all xx 

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 thank you, it was the tonic we both needed. 3 nights of indulgence!! 

Day 6 of radiation today, felt very sick yesterday!! Apparently its because they are zapping my mammary gland which can effect the stomach!! Joyous!! 

Only 9 more sessions to go. 

Have a good rest of the week. Xx

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Michell 21 ….thanks for the info xx

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi @TicTok  I used to go to a Tenovus lorry that parked in a local cinema carpark. I think every area probably has there own procedure. It didn’t take long 15 minutes tops. I’m sure you will get in a routine with it. X

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Amy46…..thank you for your good wishes and yes I do feel the need for some TLC , I had my feet booked booked for the 30th nov but had to cancel as got to isolate for my opp 🤔….typical 

so sorry you have been down this last week , it’s a mind blowing journey and my god there is only so much we can cope with , I personally did not ring the bell yesterday as I lost 2 friends after they had done that and they are not here now so I said I would prefer to go back in 5 years if I am still here as it’s always on my mind .

 

michelle21 did you have to go hospital to have all of your injections or did the nurse come later on ? …..glad you have had a nice break away xx

 

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46 Sorry to hear you have been in a dark place again. It is tough and like you say it is not a situation of our choice or our doing. All I can say is those feelings will come and go and over time will get easier to manage. Enjoy Devon, a run along the beach sounds fab. I’ve just got back from visiting my dad in Bournemouth and we had a lovely walk by the sea. Almost forgot to say yes I am awaiting the results of a menopause test pre biophosphates (can’t remember how to spell it!) I think it is only for post menopausal. My periods stopped in 2018 when I had chemo the first time and haven’t restarted. 
@Love running Your trip away sounds like it has been very rejuvenating for you. Have a safe trip back to Sweden. I hope radiotherapy goes ok for you, I start on 11th Nov, 15 sessions. 
@TicTok I hope the next 3 weeks are kind to you. When I was HER2+ I had a year of herceptin injections every 3 weeks. It sounds like a hassle but I actually found it reassuring. 
@Sammy73 I hope all is good with you and that you enjoyed your break in the New Forest. 
@Purpledaze  Sorry to hear about your wrist I hope it is mending well and that you and your husband are both doing well. 
I hope everyone else is doing well, sending love to all 
Michelle xx

 

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200  I have also spent a lot of time wondering if my diet that can decide whether I get BC again. Like you all before BC I didn’t eat much meat, run regularly,  didn’t drink or smoke and try to get my 5 a day. One admission I will make is that I have a sweet tooth. It’s not unknown for me to eat a giant bar of dairy milk to myself in an evening😳. After treatment first time around I went into overdrive on the chocolate, I think to treat myself after the awful ordeal I had been through! When diagnosed this time our whole household turned vegan, my girls wanted to try it anyway, my husband is fussy with meat and like @amy46  it gave me an element of control when everything else in my life was/is out of my control. Going vegan made me cut right down on my sweet treats too. I have reintroduced some foods ie fish and cheese, particularly if we eat out as the vegan menu can be limited to one option which is pretty boring. I tend to cook plant based meals at home 90% of the time. I have noticed that as I have become less vegan I am eating more sugar. I haven’t read about the links between sugar and cancer but I intend to try and keep my sugar level lower than before. I feel it’s all I can really do. 

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200  Just replying to your post on healthy eating. I would say I had a pretty healthy normal diet previously- hardly any red meat, some chicken and fish, usual dairy plenty of fruit and vegetables. I’m slim I run I don’t smoke and I didn’t drink huge amounts of alcohol although I dye like a small glass of wine mist evenings. 
Since diagnosis I have changed some things but mostly to regain a sense of control. I eat a lot more plant based food and have switched to non dairy milk  although I still have eggs at least once a week and occasionally chicken. I still eat salmon once a week too. I cut out alcohol completely but mostly because I couldn’t stand the thought of it initially. I also stopped eating chocolate cakes sweets etc. although now if it’s something I particularly want I have it and don’t feel guilty. I am quite interested in the relationship between sugar and cancer. I think cancer cells have more insulin receptors so

it makes sense there is a relationship I just don’t know how important it is. I think if im

totally honest it probably doesn’t matter as long as the diet is mainly healthy but for me it’s all about control in a situation where things are happening to me that I have no say in really at all. 
xxx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok  I miss so happy for you that you have finished your chemo. Sounds like you need some rest abd lots of self care to rejuvenate your body. Maybe you could book a massage or a lovely facial? You do deserve some nice treats now.

I have been down another black hole this week but gave emerged again now thank goodness. I totally ran out of positive vibes at this half way point in my chemo. I had to fill in lots of forms for income protection and stuff to do with work plus we were coming to devon for a few days but I had to arrange a blood test here as Carboplatin coming this Thursday. Everything seemed so difficult and I just didn’t want to do it. All the questions just rammed home where I am - a place entirely not of my choosing. The icing on the cake was the question about what my aspirations are for the future - I nearly write WTF - ask anyone on chemo what they’re aspirations are and they will tell you get through this horrendous treatment and still be here with my family and friends in five years time. I ended up leaving it blank…

But not I’m in devon and I realised however hard it seems I need to try and enjoy these special times with my family. I keep trying to come back to the idea of primary and secondary suffering- the primary is that I have cancer and I’m having treatment for it but the secondary is all the anguish I feel relating to what might happen in the future. My mindfulness coach says ‘thoughts are not facts and 80% of our thoughts are not really based on anything factual at all’ I find this helpful to remind myself.

@Love running  I am thinking of you in the sunshine. Yesterday I was running down here in north devon a run I often do looking out to woolacombe beach with my husband. It’s quite hilly and it felt hard, I was slow but I did it. I says to my husband I need a t shirt saying my ten weeks into chemo but he says why not just take your hat off so I did! Not for long though as it was too chilly but felt quite liberating!

 

Can I ask if any of you ladies had an injection to ensure you were menopausal before getting zometa? The bisphosphonate bone strengthener? 

love to you all xxx

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Love running ….. good morning yes last chemo done 😁I can’t quite believe it yet but omg what a journey that was …… glad you are having a lovely time and got rid of those sweats ! Bet you feel like a new woman ….I have a meeting with my surgeon on the 24th so I guess she will go through it with me then , time for a rest for me and try and get my body back ,lost about 6 1b over the last 2 weeks could do with a week in a spa 😁…..enjoy your last couple of days it was so dark here this morning quite depressing .

love to all you ladies xxx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok 

Just checking in! 
You must have now reached your last chemo yesterday. I hope your last one will treat gentler than the one before. But you did it! You are at the end.

Regarding the second part of the treatment, I will get that too: 

- 23 radiotherapy sessions,

- anti hormonal treatment monthly (then every 3 months) for 5 years

- anti osteoporosis (bone enhancer) every 6 months for 5 years

- tamoxifen daily for 10 years 

not specially looking forward to it… as now in my break between treatment, I have had two weeks without night sweatings. My god it is so nice… I managed to have full night sleep and I finally feel almost rested. I am fully enjoying it while it lasts.

Another two days in the south of France before going back to the permafrost. Would love to stay here longer but starting radiotherapy on 1 November😩😩😩😩

send you sunshine for your last post chemo week

 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Sammy73 Hi no letter she said it would be discussed when I meet my surgeon, I will ask today when having chemo…..got to be something to do with hormones I guess , it just surprised me as it had not been mentioned other than radiotherapy.

hope you ladies have a good Monday xx

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok 

Oh ok not a clue, unless you are just having hormone injection?? That's every 4 weeks for me now and a bone enhance injection every 6 months. 

So maybe you are doing something completely different?? Have you had a formal letter from oncologist?? This normally highlights what the treatment is as a whole. 

Good luck xx

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok Good luck tomorrow. Last chemo. Big day. 
I don’t know what the ongoing treatment is. Might it just be more ongoing herceptin injections 🤔 Xx 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Sammy 73 thank you feeling a lot better managed to eat some porridge after my steroids, there is always one gets stuck in my throat 😳… my husband got me some compote drinks with all the vitamins in so managed to get something in . 
when I spoke to the oncology on fri she said something I did not understand , she said after your opp you will start the 2nd part of my treatment which includes going to the chemo department every 3 weeks to have something put in , she said it’s not chemo and won’t make you feel ill 🤷‍♂️ Has anyone heard of this I said I didn’t know anything about that and she said it would be explained at my pre opp meeting , I thought I would be finished going there .

have a lovely Sunday ladies xx

Sammy73
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok  sorry that your not able to eat much, try and keep strong!! Have you tried smoothies? Milkshakes? Just a thought. Glad bloods are good for tomorrow.

 

I often look at other people around me, over weight maybe, smokers, junk food eaters daily and go huh??? Why me!! I think life is what it is!! We are put on this earth and we do what we do and deal with what what we need to.

Started radiotherapy last Wednesday and it's OK if I don't really think about it, as soon as I do I get this horrid overwhelming feeling that I have to push away!!  Again I go with it, deal with it daily, work around it. Coz that's what we do ladies.  Hope your weekend is good all. Xx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok 

You are stronger than you think. You can do it. Keep your eyes on the price, the end of all this. You are so close now.  I know you will find the strength. In this group, we are all unbelievably strong. We have our doubts but we are going forward. 

Great that your blood values are good. I cross my fingers that the weekend and the new meds help you to get some food in you until Monday. 

Send lots of hugs and cheers for this last stretch.

 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Gardengirl200 I often wonder about that myself as I went through a very stressful time caused by my daughter and at that time I know I was drinking far to much and stress and drinking are two on the list of maybe causes , but I know lots of people who get through a bottle of wine most evenings and smoke etc etc , but I am sure there are people out there who don’t drink and eat healthy but still get this horrid disease 😢.

Spoke to oncology on fri she said my bloods are good for my last chemo mon , don’t know where I am going to get my strength from as I haven’t eaten anything, told her I had been sick since Monday and she prescribed anti acids as she said steroids can cause irritation in the stomach , luckely they have kicked in but I still can’t eat much so the thought of taking 8 tomorrow fills me with dread ….. lost about 5lbs and my skin on hands looks like a 90 year old 😱.

hope all you strong ladies have a good weekend xx

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 

I am so happy and impressed to read that you feel empowered by your operation and you embraced your new flat chest. This is a sign of incredible strength and it is so inspiring. I will think about you when I will try to embrace my naked head. I have been bathing with my cap on but dream about diving under water, feeling the sea on my head. I will give it a try not caring about anyone around. Thank you for giving the courage.

I hope I can give back to you some of this strength when you are feeling vulnerable. 

 

My trip here is definitely giving me time to take care of myself physically and mentally. I am so glad I did it. I feel energized and less scared about life. 

I also met lot of incredibly nice people here (not my nasty neighbor but he is not talking to Kev anymore after I yelled at him. Thanks god for that. I am glad I let myself free). People that have shown discretion regarding my look but also compassion and warmth when I opened to them. 

Now it is time for me to have a nice walk on the beach and find a spot to drop my towel for another day on my path to recovery. 

love,

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 

I am not an unhealthy eater but not a super healthy one either. I love food and I can’t cut any particular type of food from my diet. I love sugar, dairy, meat… Right now I am in France and I can’t imagine my breakfast without fresh baguette, butter and jam or a pain au chocolat. I finish my meals with cheese. I just try to have a varied diet with greens at each meal and drink lots of water (lucky me, I don’t like fizzy drinks, never had 😅).
I too have cut my alcohol I take for now but will have my occasional glass of wine and champagne (and long drinks) when all is over. 

After everything I went through, I can’t put one more pressure on myself.  Can’t be on a strict diet for the rest of my life. Life is more than austerity. 
I need to enjoy life and I find pleasure in eating nice food. Don’t be too hard on yourself for a pack of biscuits or the occasional sugar or dairy intake. 

I believe everything is about moderation and exercise. This is how I will move forward. 

Although I run and exercise, I am short and on the rounder side. Never been skinny, I wished I would. But I gave up… because I will never be. My family is short and sturdy. 

have a wonderful day (mine started with sunshine - I feel blessed)

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Hi all, 

I’m really struggling to eat healthily and lose weight. Even though I know I should. It’s sugar. I just can’t help it. I’ve consumed at least half a packet of biscuits today! Does anyone think there is a connection between eating sugar and BC, or ( barring smoking and excess alcohol)is BC just pretty much bad luck. How is everyone else tackling their diet? Is it just the usual everything in moderation approach??  Since diagnosis, I’ve managed to significantly reduce (have not totally cut out) alcohol, caffeine, red meat, cow’s milk ( my cancer is ER pos, although I still have dairy yogurt and cheese). And I’m not a big eater of ready meals/ processed food so I think I’m ok on that front. But I do like a bar of chocolate. Pretty much every day. Is this foolish? Thoughts please! 

Michelle21
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

I am pleased you made it back from IKEA  @Love running  and I hope you have given yourself a tasty reward for lunch! All that talk of food earlier had me drooling! 
I feel like you in a juxtaposition. I am now so much more vulnerable than ever before and yet also stronger. I do not see myself as a vulnerable person so it is strange to feel like this and doesn’t sit well with me as I don’t feel like me. I do remember a feeling of vulnerability last time and thankfully I did shake it and become me again, only to be struck with this again. However I think I can get back to being me again. Today I had a glimmer of that when I was trying my winter wardrobe on and admiring how much better some of my clothes look with a flat chest. I feel empowered by my surgery, an operation I chose to have. I will wear my new look with confidence. 
You are someone who knows how to look after yourself not just physically but mentally too. Taking this trip away on your own is testament to that. You know there will be hard times and your confidence has had a massive dent but you also realise that to build yourself back you have to do those things. You are  claiming back your identity again after cancer has tried to take it. 
Your swim in the sea sounds magical. I may have said this before but after last time we had a trip to San Sebastián and I will never forget swimming in the sea there.  It was September, although the sun was out the sea was freezing and I have never felt so alive. Xx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 

I survived the trip to IKEA and the roundabouts (more than in my recollection- French seems to love them and they love them big).

But I never died of a heart attack every 5 min and broke a sweat. But I did it!!!!

I rewarded myself with a nice lunch on a terrace and Now I will go for a nice walk. Enough action for one day. 

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@amy46 

You took the words out of my mouth… this is exactly what I say and feel too. 

I say something along the lines of  ‘yes, pretty good, been really lucky with the side effects so far, even been able to keep up with the running’ all of which is kind of true but i miss out the bits where I wake up at night in a blind terror that I might not be around to see my kids grow up, or that I still find it a shock sometimes when I see my bald head in the mirror etc’ 

i don’t know if I protect myself or them - I really don’t want the moments of  awkwardness. My relation to others has changed, my self confidence too. I am more self conscious.

on Instagram I am under course_pour_la_vie. I have not posted much yet and have not told my full story yet. I just timidly post some of my running. 

At the moment, I try to go with the flow and see where it takes me. 

 

 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Love running …. You do brighten my day 😁….sounds beautiful where you live . I will dream of tasting that lovely food in a few weeks hopefully…… enjoy your time away xx

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 

I know exactly what you mean with being afraid to be alone. I guess this is why I did my trip. I needed to find out if I can be on my own, without doctors, treatment, my family, my friends and be alright. 

I need to find back my strengths to face the world, going back to work. I also need to decide how I will do it and how I want it.


I guess BC although made me stronger it also broke something in me. It is somehow contradictory but I was quite self confident before and now I am more anxious and doubting. On the same time, I feel that after I went through chemo, I am bad a… and strong. 

You should have seen me at the car rental, a nervous wreck. I asked the guy to come with me to the car to check it with me before I left. But then I left with my fiat 500 and drove the 150 km from Nice to our flat with a newly recovered strengths. But today I need to go to ikea to buy things for the flat and I need to date the south of France nuts traffic… could not sleep last night, had nightmares about the gigantic roundabout i know i need to take. All the small French cars with the angry drivers and me in my little fiat 500. Will let you know if I managed or if I just froze in the middle and created a gigantic jam and a concert of klaxons😰

On a positive note, yesterday I run to get my fresh baguette and then I bathed in the Mediterranean Sea. After bathing I met an older lady (85) who chatted with me, she saw my bald head and she came to tell me that she knew because she had gone through the same 30 years ago and she thought I had such beautiful eyes. It was so spontaneous from her. It made my day… it was good because I met my nasty misogynistic neighbor on my first day. Guess what ? I actually told him off, I think I yelled at him a bit. No filters anymore. 

Have a lovely day - time to go for my morning bath before breakfast

 

 

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200 

I can picture you (or me) binging on the Brie and it makes me smile. Cheeses are a gift of gods. They are also the reason I have bad cholesterol 😬🙄
When it comes to food, I am like a child in a toy store at the moment… I want to eat everything and I have to remind myself that it is not possible all at once. I had missed tasting food so much the last couple of months. First with EC I could not eat because everything tasted metallic and then with paclitaxel I ate whatever to get rid of the bad taste in my mouth. But now my taste buds are regenerated and naive and they are giving such pleasure.

You should see me between my mirabelle pie, plum pie (both Alsatian specialities) and chocolate, coffee flavor éclairs or torche aux marrons (chestnut creamy dessert)… why choose😋… I will need to increase my running otherwise I will roll rather than run😂

I have been so fortunate because so far both my trips to Alsace and now in La Londe (close to Hyère and Toulon and not too far from St Tropez) are blessed with sunshine and mild temperature. I even bathed yesterday… life can not be better for the present moment.

send you some sunshine and I will think of you later today when I am eating my ‘têtes de moines’ - if you have not tried, do it. It is a Swiss cheese though but it is so fun to cut it… 

 

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@gardengirl200  @Michelle21 

I even heard that there is some British bubbly worth trying. When I come to the Uk next year, I will make a point to try some British wines and bubbly.

Sweden too has vineyard - climate change has something to do with it. They are not yet world standard but it might come with experience. There is also a bubbly made out of Birch trees - very special taste but innovative. 

No more missed opportunity in my life. Life is too short to not dare and try out new flavors and new experiences (even for a French🤪)

 

Love running
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok 

I am so sorry to hear that the last stretch of chemo is getting down on you so hard. Like @amy46 said be kind to yourself, to collect all your strength to face this last one. You are stronger than you think and keep the eyes to the price: ‘The end of this part of the journey.’ Remember we are here to cheer you on the finish line.

It is getting better after that. At least it slowly does to me. Now 3 weeks after my last one, I still feel the backlog of fatigue hitting me in waves. But overall I feel my body reconstructing itself. Now I have to reconstruct the mind.

lots of love, healing vibes and positive energy (cross my fingers that your blood values are good and there are no delays)

 

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Amy 46 …. You are right it doesn’t work, just lying on the bed after my 3 mouthfuls of dinner feeling sick again 😞….. bloods tomorrow , I really don’t want to get delayed with treatment , I suppose it could of been much worse if I had been like it all the way 😳xx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok  No point in trying to kick yourself up the back side. I have tried this and it just doesn’t work. Be kind to yourself, the reason you feel fed up and miserable is because you’re having a horrible time. Hang tight, things will get better, this time will pass and the sun will shine for you again xxxx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@TicTok I’m so sorry you are having such a tough time. It really is a pile of shit to Wade through that’s for sure. I’m trying to think of practical things that might help - have you tried acupuncture at all? Very good for nausea. It’s possibly like pissing in the wind after all the drugs you are probably taking but it might help

you never know. 
Keep going - only one more to go, you can do it xxx

amy46
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Love running  I was so happy to read your post and hear that things had gone as well as you could hope back in France with your sister and mum. It was interesting what you said about ‘packaging it up’ as I think we maybe all do that to some degree. I know myself when people ask how I’m doing I say I say something along the lines of  ‘yes, pretty good, been really lucky with the side effects so far, even been able to keep up with the running’ all of which is kind of true but i miss out the bits where I wake up at night in a blind terror that I might not be around to see my kids grow up, or that I still find it a shock sometimes when I see my bald head in the mirror etc

The runs in your home town sound beautiful. I have never done the great north run and actually only ever done one half marathon. I’m more of a tootle round 5km girl but maybe I should give it a shot.

Will we be able to follow you on Instagram?? Xxx

TicTok
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

Gardengirl200…mine was Hr2 positive plus nodes I had 4 chemo and my last 4 are target drugs docetaxel and 2 others I have my opp on the 2nd of dec but there has been no mention yet of anything after that 🤷‍♂️….. thanks for your encouragement I have tried kicking myself up the backside 😄x

gardengirl200
Member

Re: MAY 2021 CHEMOTHERAPY STARTERS

@Michelle21 I’m sure you must be making this up about the vineyards! 🤣🤣🤔