The preventive plan is really the transition from cure to care... basically the oncologist lined up the follow up calls and appointments, examinations, mammograms, medication (possibility to change the brand of the tamoxifen in case), possible symptoms for relapse, but also agreed with me the conditions of my return to work and offered the possibility to attend a one week rehab retreat (with physiotherapy, counselling on food, training and group and individual therapy).
It was a good meeting. I feel that I am not entirely left alone. Still battling with my own thoughts but one day at the time
Last Friday, there was rare northern lights in Stockholm. I jumped in the car at midnight to get away from the light pollution. It was quite a sight although I missed the biggest ones. Now I am dreaming of going up north to see the real ones. My bucket list increases...
Have fun with the camper van revamp😊
@Purpledaze I am so sad to hear that the first line of treatment has not worked on your husband. I send you lot of strengths and healing thoughts to hold on until you get another treatment plan.
You will be running soon again. After surgery I run with double bras for a long time and that was not comfortable either, believe me 😂. Like running in a corset, I was never sure if it was me out of shape or if I was out of breath because of the corset. I too want to run somewhere far away (Svalbard 4 June is on the top of my bucket list - running with the polar bears... but probably not this year).
Michelle 21 ….sorry Michelle it’s just every time this cancer is mentioned it states aggressive and fast grower and one of the most likely to come back , it’s my fault I need to leave it alone now and move on .
purpledaze So sorry for you and your husband , one person is bad enough going this ghastly thing never mind two , I really hope things work out for you both .
I went to see oncology on Fri they are marking me up on Thursday so hopefully should start the next week , I have only got to have 5 sessions , I asked if it was more intense but he said no but will do the same job as 15 sessions which I don’t get at all 🤔
Amy 46 I am not looking forward to the rads after hearing how a few have struggled with them and after reading the consent forms as they are a list of more doom ….. I have come out in a lot of blotches and spots on my face ! Anyone else had that ? And I am post menopause but it has bought hot flushes back but at least I am warm now 😁
regards work I will apply for one more months sick note as he said rads can cause you to be really tired and he also said don’t rush it ….. if it doesn’t work out then I will pack it in but I just like to be independent but will see how it goes .
love running it’s really weird when we have lived with the beast all this time and then they say you are cancer free ! It takes a while to sink in and some times I still can’t believe it .
love to all you ladies xxx
Hello everyone. I’ve been reading your posts and thinking about writing for days now. Not sure what held me back. Partly the idea of trying to organise all my thoughts and feelings into something cohesive for you to read I think.
I finished my chemo just over two weeks ago and after the initial relief and slight high I really crashed down mentally and physically. In my head I had convinced myself that I’d suddenly feel better (crazy, I know) so when I felt totally rubbish I got really low and tearful. I just kept thinking of everything I’ve lost, my hair, my eyelashes, my confidence, my strength, my outlet of running and even walking a decent distance, my trust in my body, the feeling of being a fit healthy person, my identity as a doctor….. the list went on.
Anyway, following my usual pattern as I started to feel less poorly I stopped feeling quite so fed up and miserable. Now I’m not really sure how I feel. Better definitely than I did but still very unsure of the future and how to move on. I had a lovely lunch out yesterday with two of my closest friends. I even had a glass of champagne, my first alcohol since last June. The sun was shining and the food was great but I still felt slightly detached. It’s like breast cancer sits on my shoulder watching everything I do. A constant presence reminding me of what I’ve been through and what I have yet to face. It won’t leave me alone. If I am totally honest though occasionally it’s a positive thing, it reminds me to be grateful for things. Cuddles with my kids, the feel of the winter sun on my face. I just wish I could siphon off this bit and pour the rest away.
I had my port removed a couple of days ago too. I was pleased in many ways to see it go but like with so many things that other people seem to think I should be really happy about the relief never quite outweighs the dark feelings surrounding the whole thing.
I have two more weeks now until I start three weeks of radiotherapy. Not sure how I feel about that to be honest. Just another thing to get through I guess.
I really understand the theme of not really knowing who I am any more. People keep asking me if I miss work and when I’ll go back. I just don’t know. The only known identifiable risk factor for me getting cancer that I can think of is stress. I never really thought of myself as a very stressy person but I guess my job is pretty stressful. One of the things I’m finding most difficult is the idea that there is nothing much I can change to stop it happening again. I got myself completely bogged down in the idea of cancer being a metabolic disease after looking at Jane McClelland’s work on how to starve cancer. I’ve abandoned this now as it was just making me anxious but I am going to see a nutritionist as I want to feel like I’m doing something positive and I was floundering around with my diet - meat? Dairy? Vegan? Low GI? Alcohol? I just don’t know!! My cancer is triple negative so aside from zometa there are no targeted treatments which doesn’t feel great. I just need to feel like I’m doing something different to before.
I don’t want a new me either to be honest. I was more than happy with the old me. I loved my job and although I often had imposter syndrome I think I was quietly good at it. I loved being a mum and a wife and felt grateful and appreciative of my lovely little family. I loved being fit and healthy. I don’t think I really took any of it for granted except maybe the fact that I would be around to enjoy it for a long time. It’s a massive thing to get my head around that I might not.
@Purpledaze I am sorry that the first line treatment for your husband isn’t working well. I’m sure they have a good plan for him, but it’s back to the waiting which is unbelievably hard. Have you been able to access any counselling? I have been seeing a counsellor like Barbara which I’m finding useful.
@Love running and @Michelle21 , I love to hear about you running. I’m so looking forward to being able to start again. Building up my walking first but I think I’ll be ready for a run walk next week. From your posts it sounds like you were able to keep up with it more than me during treatment. Once I hit EC I seemed to crumble. If we are serious about meeting up for a run in may maybe we should pick one?? Something to aim towards. Any advice for me getting back to it?
Michelle I love hearing about your camper van. Send us some pictures when you have finished.
@TicTok, It sounds like we will be doing radiotherapy at around the same time. I have 15 sessions booked. Feels a bit like another mountain at the moment although I’m hoping nowhere near as high as the chemo one. Do you have to go back to work? Is there anyway you could do something else?
Anyway, that’s where I am at. Who knows where I’ll be tomorrow or the next day. I’m not sure I achieved my goal of collecting my thoughts and writing something cohesive but at least I’ve written!
Sending love to you all xxx
@Love running it sounds like you had a good final appt, it’s good to hear you have been offered plenty of support. I am intrigued by your preventative plan, was it the infusions/tamoxifen that you have already mentioned or did anything new come up? I hope your body copes with tamoxifen better this time, maybe last time was just too much at once.
I am sure as the days pass your head will naturally come together, a bit like treatment you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, being you and doing what you feel comfortable with.
10 miles is a great achievement and must feel so good. I love it when I do a good comfortable run it makes me feel so strong. I think my running is on a downward slant but I will keep going as much as I can.
🤞for Sweden in June but if not it would be great to meet you in the South of France and I hope you can make the UK in May. If all goes according to plan I start my last chemo cycle on 5/05. So lots to look forward to in Spring.
Today we are working on the camper van again, doing the final ceiling sanding back to the natural wood look and then tidying and cleaning the dust away. I can’t wait for it to be finished! Have a lovely weekend xx
@Purpledaze @I’m so sorry to here your husbands treatment hadn’t been as successful as was hoped. The uncertainty is so hard. I hope his team come up with a new plan and quickly.
So I’m not the only one writing a million replies on this thread that don’t actually make it out of my head! It must be very hard for you to adjust to what you have been through having been thrown straight back in with your husband. I still haven’t absorbed the fact that my beautiful mum is here no more. It’s all too much for our heads to deal with and so something has to go on the back burner.
A run, walk, lunch, coffee, with everyone here would really be fab. Hopefully we can arrange something for May when @Love running @hopes to visit and I will be coming to the end of chemo.
I hope you are managing to find some brightness from each day xx
I haven't written for ages - in my head I'm writing and sharing and cheering for you all, but then what's in my head never makes it to an actual message. It's been good to hear the steps some of you are taking with more confidence and 'bounce' and for those who are still wrestling with treatment I hope the days move forward steadily and with minimum kick back from side effects.
I had my port-a-cath removed this week. Happy to see it gone as it means the end of treatment, but also find myself more anxious now it's gone...
I really don't have a clue where I am on terms of "new me" but agree that it's a very annoying phrase. I think I haven't had any time to reflect or digest what I've been through because my husband has been so unwell. We found out his first line treatment hasn't worked so are now in uncertain waters while they figure out what next.
I would love to join you in running somewhere (preferably far away from here!) but for now it's more self-isolation with my husband. Hopefully I can start running on my own soon, once I've recovered from the port removal (can't wear a bra over the wound yet and running without a bra is not for me 😂)
So glad you got your camper van @Michelle21 and have fun planning your trips
Am celebrating for you @Love running your last appt with Oncologist. Keep running and I have no doubt you will find answers to your questions!
@TicTok hope radiotherapy goes well and that as Michelle says, you can feel less anxious as the days go by. I guess the worry of relapse will never leave us, but perhaps we can learn to live "around" the worry, with our life and all that we do steadily growing bigger and more persistent that the worry?
I hope today is a good day for you all xx
So here it is. Tuesday I had my final talk with the oncologist. It was a good talk and we made a preventive care plan. She was very strong on not stopping the anti hormone treatment, to keep pushing though the side effects for the next 10 years to minimise even more the risk of relapse. I need to resume taking tamoxifen in two weeks and I really hope my body will tolerate it and cope with it.
But I am officially 'not sick' anymore and I am officially 'cancer free' for the time being. Although I am glad that I am done with it and it is over. It is still hard to grasp it, to trust it and to accept it. I am sort of on my own now. I say sort of because I have been provided with lots of possible after cancer support.
As you describe so well @Michelle21 I miss my old me, the one me that was super strong, handling everything and fixing everything for everyone at work, for the kids, for the family and it feels that my old me was with me until the end of the cancer treatment... During the whole journey, I continued to make sure that everyone had everything they needed and were not affected by my disease.
But now after all of it, I am mentally exhausted (my family drama pushed me over the edge) and I realise that I can't be my old me and I don't want to be. I don't want to fix everything for everyone all the time. I want others to fix things for me... But
Who am I then? who do I want to be? how will I find myself? how do I change? how can I accept the change and have others accepting that I change? As you can see, my mind is all over the place and I feel so lost (and angry). On the positive side, I am seeing someone to help me sort out my thoughts. It will take time but that's OK. I know I will get there
Another positive point is that my running abilities is slowly coming back (my old me I guess) and yesterday i managed the first long run in 2 years. I run 16.55km (10 miles I think). The first 7 km were really hard but then I hit the endorphines kick and I could run to the end of the world. What a feeling! It is also the only time my mind does not go on over drive and I just think about running. I am glad that your new chemo cycle allows you to run some. Remember - no matter the distance or the time, just the sweat and the steps matter. I also join the running group (the forest femmes one) and I have signed up for a half marathon here in Stockholm in April. I am following a training program to make sure that I won't get injured.
Don't worry about the Scandinavian look of your camper van, in Sweden people are very conservative and love and are proud of their Scandinavian style. They won't mock you. Here it is all about minimalism and functional leaving and all shades of white, beige and grey... you should check websites for glamping and you will see😂. I also like it a lot and will do the renovation of our south of France flat in that style.
If you don't make it in Sweden in June this year, may be you can make to south of France in the summer 😉. Let's see what 2022 (and Omicron) brings us. I am still dreaming about coming to the UK this spring (In May?). Let's keep on dreaming.
Lots of love to all of you ladies. Miss you.
Hi @TicTok @I know I now have cancer for the second time but it wasn’t my HER2 that returned. I am an unusual case so please don’t let what has happened to me add to your worry. I’m sure once you have had you rads you will gradually start to move on. Hopefully we all will xx
Good morning ladies …. I am having the same feelings , I don’t know where to go with it now , I think of you Michelle as I had the same cancer that you had the first time which scares me as it is prone to reappear . My birthday treat on fri is to see oncology about radiotherapy either a 5 day intense or a 15 day course ,I don’t think you come out of this being the same person totally I feel part of you is took away . I suppose work is looming very soon , do I want to go to work in a freezing cold shop ? I don’t know what to do ….. I hope there is a new me to find as I can’t carry on being negative…….. everyone is really happy with my results but I find myself saying ….yes but ……. I really need to move on .
love to you all xx
Hi @Love running i was so pleased to see you had posted today as I have been meaning to write but just don’t seem to have been in the frame of mind to do so. Your post has spurred me on.
I totally get where you are coming from, when I went through this the first time everyone seemed obsessed with telling me that I will find the new me. I didn’t want a new me I wanted to be who I was before but I knew that wasn’t possible. I resented people telling me I would find this new me. Having said that I did want to move on and get on with life and when I look back that is exactly what I did. I got back to living and maybe I did some things I hadn’t done before and maybe some things were the same but inside I knew I would never be the same. I talked a lot about what I had been through to friends, not in great detail but it had become part of me so it would be a sentence here and there but as time went on it became less and less part of my life. Unfortunately a bit like treatment you just have to go through it. Maybe don’t search out different but do what feels natural and good for you and slowly you will become ‘the new you!’ There I’ve said it the expression I hated so much! 😂
I hope your final meeting goes well and most of all I hope it is your final meeting with an oncologist ever.
The reason I haven’t been in the frame of mind to write is because I feel like I am in a different place to you all now. I am back having chemo and three weekly blood tests, no time to forget about it. I completely get that everyone here wants to move on and I really want to too. This chemo isn’t as bad as intravenous, so far no SE’s although I am more tired, it’s more the constant reminder that I am still receiving treatment for that hideous disease and that big question of “will I make it through?” goes around in my head several times every single day.
Having said all of that I am living by Fleurs ethos of “today I don’t have cancer so I will enjoy life” and I am having some good times.
The SE of sore hands and feet hasn’t affected me yet so I am going to my running club twice a week. Unfortunately the Welsh Goverment see parkrun as an omicron spreader so they are cancelled in Wales 🤬. I am still aiming to do an 8mile race in Feb and 🤞the cardiff half in March but I am taking it one run at a time. I am also still walking everyday, 3-5 miles (5-8k ish) if I do a hilly walk then I may have a snooze in the afternoon but it is manageable. For a bit of mental stimulation I am carrying on with my Spanish lessons although I’m not sure what I have actually learnt over the last year it is a really good distraction.
Our big project is the camper van and our summer trip away has been a big focus. The van we bought had been fully converted but we have decided to do a bit of interior decor change to give it more of a ‘scandi look’ which I am sure you are familiar with, light wood, white walls & Cupboards etc. Very IKEA which I’m sure is probably mocked in Sweden 😂 I still really hope to get to Sweden in June although as my husband wants to take off 8 weeks in the summer it may have to go on hold, we will see.
So as you can see life is carrying on for me but my head is still very focussed on getting through treatment without sickness, delays or reduction in strength of chemo.
I hope everyone else is doing well, let’s move on but also keep chatting, it really is a lifeline.
Love to all xxx
Good morning everyone,
Happy New Year! I hope you all started well 2022 and are starting properly living again.
Today I have my final talk with my oncologist. This is it, the end of being 'officially sick' - now it will be all about routine and return to 'normal' life and work.
I was so busy with coping with treatments and how my family was coping with the disease that I have not prepared (and I am not prepared) this talk and I don't know how I want to go forward from now on.
My husband is all about let's go back to normal and how it was before...
I can't really explain but I don't want to and I can't go back to how it was before. Deep inside, I want a change.
I guess I am just nervous and insecure about the future and about myself.
Have a wonderful day
Sorry been trying to get on and start properly living again, since just b4 Christmas I have felt well and luckily enjoyed the festive break with friends and some family, lots of walking and eating!! Diet and swimming starts this week.......at some point!!
Glad everyone seems like they are moving forward, think that's the way to go, forward!!
We've all been through so much, but that makes you stronger, let's all have a great 2022 whatever happens we are through the darkness.
Much love to all x
Love running thank you for kind words 💕you guys have been a massive help through this journey and always there when there was no one else you could rant at of which I thank everyone of you for ….. come on 2022 we can do this xxx
@TicTok Congratulations to you too. I am so happy for you - in your face Boris👊🏻!!!!
My first day of 2022 is becoming better and better. Your news is part of making 2022 a better year.
I want to look at 2022 with hope. Right now I feel good (still need to resume the tamoxifen with all its possible side effects). I guess the running helped a lot.
I will try to keep smiling throughout the year, embracing the fact that I am alive and have been fortunate to have received the best care I could. As @amy46 said I will try to wack the mole each time it points its head.
I will also resuming dreaming of:
- meeting you guys somehow
- running more and more
- spending more time in the south of France in our flat
- seeing the northern lights
- going on a new adventure with one of my best friends
- and much much more
hugs and kisses
Amy 46 … congratulations on your last chemo 😁what an achievement that is 👍…. That sounds a lovely gesture from your husband I will think of you next time I eat a carrot 🥕.
love running you look a picture of health , we need to keep strong as I also have good news my results were a total clearance 😁….the doc was an hour late ringing which seamed like a day but all good !! BUT in my head with it being the Hr2 positive if Boris has left any babies around being the nasty little git he was but that’s something we will have to live with and hopefully it will get easier as we move forward 😁see oncology next week about hormone treatment and radiotherapy.
happy new year to you all and sending lots of love xxxx
This collage shows how I spent my last day of 2021… with a smile on my face, 2021 is finally over and I am ready to enjoy 2022. Hope to see in 2022.
Good morning beautiful and strong ladies,
Happy New Year to you all. 2022 will be our year, the year of renaissance, care and healing. We ended 2021 stronger, and alive. Let’s enter 2022 our head ups, proud of ourself and living up the moment.
May 2022 keeps us healthy and brings us together. I agree with @amy46 let’s book that reunion.
@amy46i was happy to read your happy post and I am even happier to say congratulations to achieving the worse part of our journey and crossing this finish line. You made it. I remember your first post to us the May gang when you started the journey. Now you are there too. My colleague too finish 2 days ago. For me, it was even more things to celebrate with the end of 2021.
This last day of 2021 turned out beautiful and warm in Alsace where I am now. The sun was shining and my hubby and I run (the only thing we did while on isolation as the forest was behind the house and a guaranty to not meet a soul). We also finally met the family after re testing everyone and having our LO being finally negative. I decided this last beautiful day would be the first day of the rest of 2022.
2022 will be my year of care - and there you are with your gift. This online conference is precisely what is needed for a year of care. Thank you.
I will try to win the wack the mole game (I laughed at your comparison because it is just so right) and wack those bad thoughts popping in my head. I will try to live the moment, any moment to the fullest. I can’t predict the future so I will live the present. Isolation was good for that actually, we had to just enjoy the moment.
Your husband seems to be a wonderful lovely and caring person. Mine has been my rock too in these time and I feel blessed. I was trying to imagine the size of the carrot diamond when you will be celebrating your 30th, 40th or 50th anniversary, because @amy46 this is the aim. We are here for the long run.
Looking out the window, the sun is shining again. So welcome 2022, let it shine on us all. Love you 💙 ladies.
Hello all you lovely ladies.
A happy post today as I had my last chemo yesterday. I am so relieved to have reached the end. Apparently lots of people are anxious about finishing as the support network of the chemo unit disappears but I can honestly say, amazing and lovely as the team have been, I am delighted to have finished. I was in bed early as white as a sheet last night and I know I’ll feel quite rubbish for the next weeks or so but each day is a step towards feeling better without the thought of more poison to come. I get four weeks rest now before three weeks radiotherapy and i am really hoping I’ll be doing a bit of running by the end of January.
There is an interesting looking online conference end of Jan and beginning of feb called yes to life. It’s all about looking after yourself after cancer with experts from all over the world on exercise nutrition supplements etc
Hope you all managed some happy moments over Christmas? I was so pleased to have my brother’s family with us and it was a happy time but I still feel a bit like there is an invisible barrier between me and everything else. It’s so hard keeping the anxious thoughts and worries under control. I said to my husband it’s like im
playing the game ‘whack a mole’ you might know it? You have a mallet and the little moles pop their heads out of the mole hills and you have to whack them down. It’s xx l Iike i am playing it on repeat with thoughts like ‘how many more Christmas days will I have’ I can control it but it’s quite hard work.
Anyway, I said happy post today so although I can’t get a photo to
upload my last gift on my 16th week of chemo really made me laugh - my husband had got 16 mini carrots and made a diamond out of them (16 carrot diamond) as it was also our 15 year wedding anniversary yesterday! He said I can choose a piece of jewellery but to be honest im more than happy with the carrots and a laugh 😂
Sending you all love and best wishes for a better 2022. Goodness knows we deserve it 🥰
And let’s get that race booked in for a meet up as I need a focus to train towards! Xxx
That all sounds delightful….. what a nice place to spend Xmas I don’t blame you for going for a run I would have done also ….. well a walk 😁…..and the food although I don’t know what it is sounds fantastic , I hope your tests come back negative and that you get back without any issues …… it’s dull fog and drizzle here so the days are even shorter .
hope everyone else is enjoying there Xmas xx
Only less than 2 days left until you get your results. Fingers crossed for you 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻. You too deserve a break and some good news.
It was wise to stay home and have food delivered. I am glad you had a good time too.
I am so happy that I managed to order online everything from Sweden (only local producers for bread, veggies, meat and dairy) before we got into isolation and to have bought the rest in the corner store in the village. @delly the picture was for you, our bûche de Noël.
Strangely enough our isolation is going much better than expected. The girls are enjoying their pj and lazy days. Only 2 more days and we will test us again. So far we are fine. 🤞🏻
I am so grateful we are all fully vaccinated.
As our rental house is at the edge of the forest in a village, my husband and I sneaked out to run. Not meeting anyone 😅. The only thing is that the only way to run in the forest is uphill. So we did between 250-400 m ascending slope… hard training.
Otherwise it has been a lot of relaxing time, naps. I am also cooking a bit, some traditional food (Chapon farci aux châtaigne, navet boule d’or, tartes flambées, escargot, etc). After months without drinking, I allowed myself half a glass of champagne with the aperitif and a sip of red wine… I can’t take more🤪
I hope you are all having a relaxing time and spend quality time with your family.
Stay safe. Lots of ‘virtual kisses on the cheeks, the French way😜’
love running glad you made it to France but sorry you have more hurdles to deal with 😏 at least you have got some nice family time albeit you might be pulling your hair out by the end of it (very silly thing to say as we haven’t got much have we ) .
we got lunch delivered at home as we were going to the pub with three 90 years old’s and me was to much of a risk with the cases going up , but it was very nice 👍
counting the days till the 29th opp results it’s torture in it’s self waiting 27 days 😱
hope everyone else has had a lovely time and fingers crossed we can all move forward in the new year xx
I hope you all had a beautiful and relaxing Christmas 🎄 with your family.
2021 will be the year that will challenge my family until the end. We made it smoothly to France, no delays, no cancelation. Too good to be true. Before the Xmas dinner, we decided to do a self test on our youngest as she is the only one in the family non vaccinated (she is under 12) and found out that she was positive. No symptoms of course. So on the 24th, we all rushed to get PCR (expensive business though 44€ per person), canceled the diner and went into isolation. The pcr confirmed that she was positive and carrying the delta variant (somehow a good news as less transmissible) and the rest of us are negative (for how long is the question?). So far we all feel good.
On the positive side, we have now a quiet and relaxing Xmas - yesterday we played games, watched silly programmes on tv and eat good food. This probably won’t be good for my cholesterol😅.
Of course, my mum was very sad but as I told her, there was 500 000 persons in France is isolation for Xmas. So we are not the only one with another 🤬 Xmas. There were more than 100 000 cases per day yesterday, so somehow I am wondering whether we will escape it even if we espace the delta variant. We have not dared thinking on how we go home on 5th January and if we can go home and how much it will cost us…
Right now we are just relaxing all together and that is what matters. Looking forward to 2022, a fresh start and hopefully aunt uneventful year.
Hello lovely ladies sorry I have been awol for a while I don’t know where the days go this month has flown by
love running I hope you make it to France fingers crossed for you x
Michelle loving the van I am well jealous, bet you can’t wait to get away x
gardengirl … hope you have had a lovely break away and all goes well for you x
sammy73 sorry you had a bad time with the rads I can’t say I am looking forward to mine at all now x
amy46 I hope you are feeling better sorry to here you have had a rough time x
Michelle I have been ok post opp had to go back and get the tennis ball under my arm syringed but healing nicely.went to oncology on Fri to see about my next treatment but my opp results were not back so it was a wasted visit , so waiting till the 29th for my results and the road moving forward .
sorry for anyone I have missed have a lovely Xmas and I hope we all have a better 2022 lord knows we deserve it xxx
@amy46 These cards are amazing. What a great idea!
I love them. They will testify of your journey and how strong of a woman you are. Keep fighting. The last card is so close. 😘
Sorry to hear you have more worries @gardengirl200 I remember having worries after my first op and got it checked, it turned out to be scar tissue so I am hoping the same for you. It sounds like you are having an amazing time in France you must be pleased you went now. How lovely to have a break away.
@amy46 I am glad you are feeling better and don’t have too much more chemo to get through. Omicron has made it all the more worrying again hasn’t it? I am on my tablet chemo and it is going well with no SE’s yet but I do worry about Covid although it is all about risk management. My youngest daughter is home from Uni now and has had her booster so that is a relief. I love the cards that your family made for you. What a beautiful and original idea.
@Love running I hope your trip to France runs smoothly, getting there and your time with family. Will you be home for Christmas Day?
@delly lovely writing about your trips to Scotland. It really is a beautiful country I agree.
@Sammy73 Glad you are now recovering from rads it sounds like you had it pretty bad.
@Purpledaze how are you doing? I hope all is well and that you are looking forward to a relaxing Christmas.
@TicTok how are you doing post op? Do you start rads soon? I hope all is well with you.
Our big news is we have bought a camper van! 🥳🥳
Happy Christmas to all xx
Trying to get ready to travel tomorrow although nothing is sure. My husband got stomach aches from his Crohns disease but he is better now. I guess it is stress related. My sister is reaching out with all the drama that it causes but I am glad she does. Not sure how our Xmas will look like. So far the kids feel fine, no cold. We will try to check in our luggage tonight (curtesy of Lufthansa) but we are still uncertain about having to do antigen test or not due to the fact we fly to Basel/Mulhouse whihc is binational airport. As EU citizen, the French rules should apply to us and we would not need the test only the vaccine pass but Lufthansa does not want to confirm it. So it might very well be that they won't let us on the plane. We will figure this out tonight hopefully, which will throw us or not into finding where to do one of these costly test. Fingers crossed.
So we are still not in holidays spirits. Actually we are more into 'let's hibernate mood' and wake up in the spring.
@gardengirl200 I am glad you made it to France and enjoy every minute of it. You got the perfect weather as well. You so deserve that break. And be assured that french people were probably super grateful that you tried to speak French to them, in contrast to them having to speak English. My husband does not speak French and even my friends have the tendency to speak French to me expecting me to translate everything to him, although they can school english. thanks for saying that french people are not arrogant (because very often I feel that way). I work in an international environment and I get often crossed with French colleagues because of their self confidence and/or arrogance. May be I have been in Sweden too long and became more melo...
@delly I won't make my own 'Buche de Noël' - I will simply order them from one of the best bakery in the area and from a ice cream maker in the area. It is to die for. So good. This year I have ordered all the groceries from local farmers/stores and I am really looking forward to it.
@amy46 I forgot. Yes please let's dream about meeting up some days. I would very much like that. 2022 will be a year of fulfilled dreams for us.
To all of you, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New year. Love you all. You are the strongest most amazing women I met. Take care
It seems that my message to you few days ago did not get posted. I had written a long post to you but I can't find it.
I just wanted to say to hang in there. You are almost at the end. It does get better even there will be still few bumps on the road ahead of us. Although I got a good scare last week, I feel better. I think my family situation also aggravated everything. It is not good every day but it is getting better. I hope that eventually I will get used to the Tamoxifen and its side effects. I am glad I am off for a month and as the doc said, you will have to eat it for 10 years so don't worry about one month. One day at the time.
Regarding the kids, it is so difficult. My youngest one got upset with me and told me in anger that it was not fair that she became invisible because I am sick. It hurt deeply but she is only 9 and she is right, cancer took over our lives.
We took the risk to let them do few things. There has been a constant balance between risk/fear and benefit for their mental health. We tested them often with home tests. We did cut all indoors playdates and sleepovers, which was really hard on them as their friends were allowed to. We however decided to let them participate to their extra curriculum activities (gymnastics, theater, climbing, guitar). In Sweden, schools were never closed and there is no masks at all. Lately cases have surged and they are doing pooled salivary tests.
So far we escaped Covid-19, but all had few colds. I had one cold that also took me really down. I need to believe it will get better and I am working on it.
Hang in there @amy46.
@gardengirl200 Lovely picture, it must really be lifting your spirits to be in the mountains with the sun shining.
I think it’s an excellent idea to make a heated **bleep** boob! I am sure there will be a market for it, albeit a rather niche one!
I know you must be worried about the biopsy, but scar tissue does all
sorts of things before it eventually settles down so in all likelihood it will be nothing. Do you think you have learnt to cope better with waiting for results? I remember that being the worst but at the start and I know I have many years of it to come. I hope that I will be mentally stronger to deal with it.
My daughter made the decision not to go to her party tonight, she understands that the whole family are making sacrifices so that it safe to meet for Christmas. I was proud of her for making the decision herself. Not easy being a thirteen year old girl never mind with covid and a mum with cancer.
I am limping on through, feeling a tiny bit better each day I think. Today I enter single figures - 9 days until last chemo. I feel strange about wishing time away but I just don’t seem to be able to help it. I try to balance it with taking pleasure in particular moments, cuddles with my kids, hearing them laugh with my husband, snuggling up next to my mum on the sofa. This EC just hit me so hard and I wasn’t expecting it as I’d pretty much sailed through the first lot. I know I can do it now though. One more to go then every step will be towards feeling better and stronger again.
I keep meaning to share with you a lovely idea that my husband and kids have been doing for me since I started chemo. I think it has got increasingly difficult to come up with ideas each week, but they had fun doing it and I loved opening my card each time. I haven’t put them all on but you get the idea.
Anyway, sending love to you all and wishing you a peaceful run up to Christmas. Thank you for all your support, it means so much to me xx
PS. It’s been chilly on the slopes out of the sun and, as I have a large prosthetic boob strapped to me, I was thinking how good it would be to have a heated one! 😂 Like the things u heat up in microwaves. It would be useful for us outside types skiing and winter hillwalking. Maybe there is a gap in the market?
@Love running I am completely in love withFrance and have been since a child. So I do not think anything u say about France is arrogant; it is a wonderful country. I just wish I was fluent with the language. I am stumbling my way through this week. I feel I am worse than usual with my chemo brain. But there are fewer British about and the cafes etc are speaking to me in French so I’m doing my best to reply. It has always been a dream to buy a tiny apartment here in Les Gets snd improve my French snd my skiing but Brexit has scuppered that. Thanks Boris🙄.
Sorry I managed to post that sideways! But you get the idea of how lucky we have been with the weather.
I hope you get to France if that is what you decide to do. Xx
@amy46 So sorry you have been having such a tough time. Every day is a day closer to the finish line. It is tricky to know what to let the kids do when you are going through chemo and esp with Covid. I allowed my two to go to school/Uni obs but not cinema or anything unnecessary. When they met up with friends they did LTFs but goodness knows how reliable they are. Perhaps the kids clubs will be on hold anyway over Xmas and that will be one less worry? . That is very good that your immunity test came back high. I drank lots of fresh juices and ate pretty well. I don’t know if it made any difference but I felt better mentally about it.
I seem to lurch from one worry to the next. Snd it seems from this forum thst islts not just me. I found a funny area of my skin near my mastectomy scar a few weeks ago. I did nothing for about 3 weeks but it didn’t go away. I mentioned it to my oncologist and I was called up last week. They have biopsied it and I hope to get the results on 24th. I am just trying not to think about it til then. I am used to the waiting game now for scans but it’s not easy. It’s one reason I decided to come away skiing. It takes my mind off it and also it reminds me that we don’t know how many years we have ( cancer or not) abd if I have the chance to have a holiday with my 2 fabulous teenage kids, I’m taking it! The clinic thought it could be something or it could be nothing. If it is a form of cancer it could just be a local recurrence rather than a mestastis. Sorry I’ve gone a blank on how to spell that.
I just wonder if this is how life is going to be ; lurching from one worry to the next!!?
It is very testing mentally to be sure. But we have no option just to get on with it. 💪💪💪
@delly Thank you re my name! I think my mother was a wannabe hippy in the late 60s!
My birth pre dates the Forsyth Saga TV series so I was not called after that, as I don’t think my parents had read the book. I read it about 40 years ago because so many people were mentioning it. My name sake isn’t the most pleasant character I discovered!
I have enjoyed reading about your trips to Scotland too. As you have probably gathered I am Scottish so anyone who appreciates what a special place it is is on my wavelength. Your trip to Gihga reminded me of my own trip there about 20 years ago with my now ex husband just before we were married. We had a boat snd we sailed round many of the Scottish islands ; it was beautiful.
We visited the Horlicks garden too. The gardener there was an ancient man who had worked for Mr and Mrs Horlicks when he was a boy. He said there had been 12 gardeners in the hey day but by then he was the only one! I think the responsibility of all the work weighed heavily on him!
I’m going to do lots of individual posts as I’m worried about the French WiFi!
Thanks for your very complimentary comments girls, on my travel memories 🤗 You're all very kind. Especially considering I'm something of an infiltrator on this link, not having had to go through the various vagaries of treatments you all are/have. Don't want to be or make a nuisance of myself to you all on here. But I'm just interested to read how all you Amazonian Women are going on and coping though 💝
The Tarbert smoked kippers tickled us, because, as we were walking along, the lady spoke to us in a very loud whisper "Would you like to buy some of my freshly home smoked kipperrrrs?" as though she was secretly selling illicit drugs or something. My partner and I kept jokingly saying it to each other in the same loud, pirate talk like whisper, "Would you like to buy some of my freshly home smoked kipperrrs??" for months afterwards. Became a bit of a Daft standing joke between us.
@Love running - Thank you, I enjoy your writings too. I didn't know if you'd be going to spend the Xmas hols with your family or not? Thought you'd said you weren't somewhere in one of your posts, but perhaps you'd said you'd just had "thoughts" to spend it at home this year. So you are going then?? If so, when will you be travelling, and will you also be flying over, or ferrying??
I had a look at your Strasbourg link, thanks. Looks and sounds fab. Yes I've often heard about the famous lovely French Xmas markets, so I didn't think you the least bit arrogant. Such a shame about the blummin Co-vid effects. I loved and chuckled the photo of the pug dog in a Santa hat, and that they provide a mut sitting service 😊, whilst owners walk around the markets.
Your Xmas meal sounds delicious, but you'll have to explain what the desert "La Buche de Noel" comprises of though?? Or is it a secret recipe!
Yeh, I soo got you on your need to carefully look after and cosset yourself, and for your family to recognise that too and support you with it. X❤️X
@amy46 - I'm sooo glad to hear your "cold"/nasty infection is on the way out now. What a horrible time you've had of it. I'm not surprised it dragged you down, sweetheart. Are not feeling much like, or up to celebrating and also feeling somewhat "paranoid" about catching anything else. Xmas must feel like an added unwanted pressure when you're not feeling very well. If you're not careful, I may have to tell you my list of 6 Xmas cracker jokes - Oy, I heard that "Ohhh Nooo, not Delly's cracker jokes!" Oh okay, I'll spare you the groans and boring the pants off people who've already heard them through the years of being on the Forum. But I know I've whetted your appetite now, haven't I. Like "Why do Giraffes have such long necks?? Because they have such smelly feet" and "What do you call a three legged Donkey??" . . . "Wonkey" of course!!
Ref your note to @Michelle21 about caravans - I keep reading the same for them as campervans, also now being hard to buy, due to the massive Co-vid driven surge in the sales of, with people being restricted in holidaying at home. Mad.
I hope you DO manage to have a good Xmas, Amy, and you don't have any more complications X❤️X
Hope the rest of you lovely ladies on here are all doing okay.
Am sending lots of love to you ALL, and you enjoy your Xmas hols, Delly xX💖❤️💖Xx
@gardengirl200 - Ooooo, listen you, sat emailing before jetting off to Geneva. All sounds very exciting. Fantastic and good for you. Hope you have a wonderful holiday and a long awaited, well deserved break and change.
I love the/your name Fleur. It's so lovely and elegant, as in its meaning. Reminds me a of friend I had at junior school, whom it really suited, her being very dainty and feminine, just like a delicate flower. Also reminds me of The Forsyth Saga on tv years (and years! late 60's/early 70's?) ago, Susan Harris (think that was her prof name??) played a character called Fleur. She was very dainty and feminine too.
Crikey, ask me what I ate yesterday, I couldn't tell you. Sometimes forget what I remembered to do or thinking of 30 secs ago 😆 You take good care X❤️X
@Sammy73 Sorry to hear you had a rubbish time with radiotherapy. It’s not fair when that’s meant to be the easier bit 😞
Glad you are feeling a bit better now. Hopefully by Christmas Day you’ll feel good again xxx
@delly I love this post, thank you. It reminds me that although my life has shrunk considerably at the moment, there is a big wild world of life and experience waiting for me. Sending lots of love to you xx
Hi Everyone, sorry for a few days of radio silence. I was pretty miserable leading up to my penultimate EC yesterday. Because of my cold I didn’t feel
that I’d got anywhere near back to ‘new normal’ and the thought of going in for more made me feel miserable. I was just so tearful for a few days and had no motivation to do anything. I feel a bit better in my head now that I know I only have one more to go. I’m a bit paranoid about catching something else. It’s so hard to make decisions about what to let the kids do. My daughter does karate training three times a week and has an extra session this Saturday with the competition squad. She loves it but I’m nervous about her going. She’s double jabbed and had covid but it was only a cold that put me in hospital last week. On the bright side I got my covid antibodies checked and they were over 2500 which is high.
wish I could feel a bit more festive and fun. It’s a funny thing to be thinking on the one hand I should enjoy this as who knows how many more I’ll have and on the other I just can’t summon the energy to feel cheerful.
sorry, slightly gloomy post. Good job I didn’t post a few days ago when I was really down!
@Michelle21 My parents in law have a camper and they too said how popular they have been since lock down. Would you consider a caravan? Might be easier to get hold of?
@Love running sounds like you had quite a scare with the sudden nausea and resulting scan. Cancer really is the gift that no one wants but keeps on giving. I was very scared when I discovered I have TNBC. It has horrible press and all articles start with something along the lines of ‘extremely aggressive, difficult to treat, high chance of recurring’ but I guess there are some up sides to not taking long term medication. Are there alternatives to tamoxifen for you?
I have been researching various supplements to take but it’s a balance as taking a whole concoction of drugs every day makes it hard to forget and move on.
your Christmas lunch sounds delicious. I wonder if one day we might all
meet up somewhere, maybe for a run or somewhere special for lunch? Or maybe when we are all better we will be too busy living our normal lives again who knows. Ill
always be grateful for this group whatever happens.
Sending love x
@gardengirl200 Have a wonderful time, enjoy the views, the vin chaud and the whole ambience of being in the mountains xxx
I am glad that you remind me of the importance of family even if it is not always an easy party with them. We miss them when they are gone and fight when we are together. Families are complicated.
I love them very very much but right now when I am at the most vulnerable for the first time in my life, I would need them to be strong enough to fight their own battles. Not sure what my sister has, only that she needs professional help.
Thank you for making me dream about travelling and Scotland at 8:18 in the morning. This is exactly what I needed to start my day.
You are a beautiful writer, I can feel the beautiful of the place you describe and I love the details about the the culinary journey too. Thank you.
hopefully I can do the same with my trip to Alsace, where I come from. I love the area at Xmas because it is probably the most xmassy area in France. Almost every house, every village is decorated and cheerful. We have the most beautiful Xmas markets in Europe (excuse my French arrogance but I really believe it). Unfortunately due to Covid most of them have closed earlier this year. If we are lucky we might catch the one in Strasbourg. I studied in the city for 8 years and it is gorgeous with canals and typical alsacian houses and of course old German style buildings (due to the history with Germany). Check it out: https://noel.strasbourg.eu
I am from a tiny wine making village 80 km south of Strasbourg not particularly pretty by surrounded by pretty villages and lost in the vineyards.
and the food… there is a reason the alsaciens are the heaviest in France. We are not into the Nouvelle cuisine… more traditional heavy duty. Might explain my cholesterol….
I am ordering lots online at local producers (if we make it flying next week). It will be the traditional Turkey stuffed with chestnuts/maroons on its veggie canapé and definitely the traditional Xmas dessert ‘La bûche de Noël’. Let’s if it happens.
have a lovely day and please continue to share your travel memories and keep us dreaming. 😘
Enjoy enjoy enjoy. You so deserve it.
Cross my fingers that everything goes smooth. Have a safe trip and ride those French slopes with joy.
À bientôt sur le forum. Bises
I’m currently sitting on plane about to depart for Geneva. Been difficult decision snd will be just about last brits into France before new rules go live tonight.
LR - thank god scan clear.
written in haste. Will write more later. Love to all xx
@Michelle21 - I'm not going to mention those caravans on wheels, so as not to jinx. But just to say I hope you find the right one soon 🤞 You made me pull out my map book and it better sparked my memory off. We crossed to Arran on the car ferry from Ardrossan, and just spent the one week to fully explore Arran with beautiful walks. Then jumped, or sailed, off it from Lochranza, the day after our memorable whiskey distillery dinner. Just a short car ferry ride across to the Kintyre Peninsula, to then tour the length of that, and of course walk the famous "Mull of" at it's tip. Then up the West coast of and ferried over to a tiny island called Gigha for 2 days/nights. Parked up on the very north tip - incredible views across to Islay and Jura with it's "Paps" (an appropriate Scottish word for tits/breasts) i.e. mountains. I'd visited it before, when on a sailing hol up there. Has some beautiful gardens/estate to visit in the South - Achamore - that belong to a large house that was owned by the family responsible for the "Ovaltine" drink. Probably a bit before your time, but we were often given it as kids, as a bedtime drink (bit like Horlicks but more chocolatey). It's full of ginormous rhodedendrons and azaleas, so best caught in May (and before the dreaded "Midgie" time!). Some of the flowers were as big as my fist - stunning to see.
Back across to Kintyre and up to Tarbert, where we were sauntering along the quay, looking at the village and boats, and a lady was selling her "home smoked" kippers from a big cool box in her car boot. Needless to say, we bought a couple, found a quiet spot by the sea (easy up there) to cook and eat them for a very, very tasty lunch. Made our way back via ferries to Lochranza (N. Arran) again, then down to Brodick to cross back to Ardrossan on the mainland, and home. The sea ferry crossings also added extra variety to the enjoyment. It's like Greek island hopping in the Med, except greener and cooler!!
Eeeeee, see what you've done to me @Michelle21. Sorry I've gone on, but I'd much rather be going on about happy hols in W. Scotland, than my depressing family stuff, which of course was Love Running's gentle point taken.
I'll leave you all in peace for a while now. Sending lots of love to you ALL and strength to keep kicking that BC BUTT, Doolally-Delly xX❤️❤️❤️Xx
Hi all you lovely Warrior Girls
@Sammy73 - Glad your rads SE's have settled down and you're feeling better now. Really hope you have got the worst over with now 🤞 for you. So tough for you girls x❤️x
@Love running - Ohhh, sorry you've been so sick with the Tamox. It has a lot of weird possible SE's. After trying it for 2 months after my 2nd mast, I went into such severe depression with it, I decided I preferred a better quality of life over the risks of not taking it. Soo Glad all's okay from your head scan though, and that you're now feeling better. Hope you can get to France for Xmas and ALL your future Kinder eggs contain "nicer" surprises.
Thanks for gently pulling me up on my previous depressing diatribe. I needed it. Wasn't fair to subject you all to it. Sorry to all of you for it. My losses of family makes me sad when I hear of family tensions. I'm afraid it's also made me a humbugger around Xmas the last 12 yrs, not having any family left. I'm always happy for others family's getting together to "hopefully" have an enjoyable time, but tbh, I'm always soo glad when it's all over and tv is no longer full of Xmas ads.
I was particularly interested to hear of your Mums Bi-polar and what a serious effect it had to you and your sister growing up. I have type 2, so not as bad as your Mum. Are you saying your sister also has it then, and that it has been a cause of your difficulties with her?? x❤️x